Beautifully Broken

by Christa Simpson

She lets out a scream and leaps into his lap. He leans forward, holding her arm, and finds a harmless praying mantis sitting on the seat next to her.

  “Get it out!” she screams.

  He places her in the seat he was in and relies on his cane to cross the cab.

  “Everything okay in there?” the driver asks.

  “Just give me a second here.” He shoos the little green thing away and it takes flight directly toward Felicia.

  “Ahhhhhh!” she screeches, as it takes a turn and flies out the open window next to her.

  She’s crouched into a ball with her eyes closed. “Get it out!” she cries.

  Matt’s laughing now. It’s too funny not to. “It’s gone, Felicia. It flew out the window.”

  “Are you sure?” She’s squinting at the window, as if the little green monster might come back and eat her.

  “Come here.” He takes a seat and pats the spot next to him. He groans, feeling like a weatherman. Rain must be on its way. He can feel it in his bones. He’s been pieced back together with metal bars, and they don’t lie.

  Felicia slides up close to him, like he’s going to protect her. She rests a hand on his thigh. “Are you okay?” she asks, recognizing the agony in his expression.

  With that slight touch, every muscle in his body tightens. She notices the heat in his eyes, because it’s reflected in hers, but her hand remains carefully placed a little too high for it to be a mistake. She steals her hand away.

  “Everyone seated?” the coachman shouts from his post.

  “You got it,” Matt shouts back.

  The gentleman swiftly adjusts the deep red curtain separating them. “Please remain seated for the duration of our ride. If you need anything, give me a holler.”

  Within a matter of seconds the coach hitches forward. It startles Felicia when it takes off with a jolt. Her hand squeezes firmly on Matt’s thigh but it’s not enough to stop her from toppling over him.

  His voice is soft but firm. “You certainly didn’t waste any time.”

  She tries to get up but he’s already pinned her precariously to the seat beneath him.

  “I didn’t say I want it.” Her feminine voice gives away her arousal.

  “You didn’t have to.” He can see the desire flickering in her eyes. He drops his lips down until they meet hers, with a soft caress that causes every muscle in his body to stiffen, including a particularly large one below his belt.

  “No, Matty,” she pleads. “I’m too sore.”

  He knows he fucked her raw this morning. He couldn’t help it. When she asked for more in the early morning hours, he gave it to her. When she begged for it harder, he’d slammed into her until she was crying out from the sensual mix of pleasure and pain.

  Even now her voice defies her. He knows she is saying one thing when she clearly wants another.

  “You don’t want me to touch you?” His fingers skim under her shirt and slide softly down the curve of her waist.

  He hears her breath hitch in her throat before she whispers to him. “I never said that.”

  Those four words have him wound up like an action figure. She wants him, but he needs to be gentle. His own body still aches from a long night of lovemaking.

  “Maybe we should talk first,” he suggests. He has no idea where that crazy idea has come from.

  Can I take it back?

  His lips cover every inch of exposed skin on her body, ending with the place behind her ear that makes her twitch with excitement. He breathes against her neck.

  “There’s a dilemma I’m struggling with and I was hoping you could help me out. I want to talk to you, but I need to have you.”

  His lips close around her throat. She tilts her head upwards and moans. He hears the coachman clicking at the horses. He’ll surely get his fair share of entertainment very shortly.

  “What should I do?” he asks.

  He holds her face in both his hands and stares into the watery pools that are her eyes. He hates to see her cry. She’s so emotional. Tears will spill whether he speaks or not. He makes a decision, knowing it’ll be best this way. He goes in for a kiss. What starts out slow and sweet turns into a frantic exchange of lips and tongue. Passion explodes from every orifice of his body when she reciprocates in kind.

  “Tell me I can have you, Felicia. Just say yes,” he begs, caught up in their passionate embrace.

  “Yes!” she voices softly.

  He lifts her shirt and brushes his fingers across the pale skin around her waist. When he slows his pace, he can hear how rapid her breaths have become. They’ve done a lot of talking already. She’s obviously not up for a chat. He’s sure it can wait.

  Chapter 22: A Fit of Passion

  Felicia can’t believe what’s happening. Her eyes fill with tears and her heart stumbles in her chest. Matt can be so passionate when he wants to be. He’s sweet without ever saying a word. He needs her again, even though he’s had her so many times last night. That has to mean something.

  Swept up in the moment, her body ramps toward a quick release and Matt does his best to prolong her pleasure. She has gotten there with nothing but his lips passing across her skin, but needing something more substantial, she reaches for his pants.

  He doesn’t disappoint, already plenty hard when her hand twists around him. He fumbles with her jeans and yanks down her panties. When he enters her, she moans, consumed in a fit of passion.

  “Matty!” she cries.

  He turns stiff as a board and white as a ghost. It’s as if he’s no longer present and is lost in a flashback, taken back to the time of the accident, with all that pain and uncertainty.

  Even with his response, her body swirls with pleasure. She tries to hold it back but her orgasm takes her with a definitive spasm. As her breathing regulates, his breaths continue rapidly, like he’s on the verge of a panic attack.

  She's heard it too. She shouted at him just like she had when she’d found him pinned between the two vehicles. The only other time she could be so intense and uninhibited is when they’re being intimate. But now, it feels like her heart has been ripped out through her throat.

  She knows what has happened, but she asks anyway. "What is it?" Her voice comes out like a whisper.

  He blinks free from his horrific memory and pulls from her body. “This is too much.”

  He closes his eyes to stop the pain from seeping through his expression. "I'm sorry." He turns away, refastens his pants and escapes the steamy cab with a quick and quiet order to the driver. “Stop the cab.”

  "It's okay," Felicia insists. “We don’t have to do this. But don’t go. You wanted to talk. Let’s talk.”

  The pain and rage shows in Matt’s eyes. “Unfortunately, Felicia, I’m broken, and there’s an ugly part of me that isn’t able to be fixed. No amount of talking will ever fix that.” He turns and moves away from the curb before she can give him a reason to stay.

  “This is your answer?” she screeches. She feels naked, exposed and used. “You can’t fix yourself by breaking someone else!”

  He raises his brows, but doesn’t meet her eyes. “Driver, take her back to the castle.”

  “Sir, how are you going to get back?”

  It’s no wonder he asks. Matt is limping awkwardly already and he’s barely made it ten steps from the curb.

  He twists to see her, just to sear her with an emotion-filled glance. “I’ll find another way.”

  Felicia wraps herself in her clothes and hugs her arms close to her body as the carriage leaves the curbside. Matt looks so alone, but it’s what he wants. He doesn’t want her and all the tragic reminders that come with her. She is his trigger. She is the one that makes him writhe in a pain locked deep within the confines of his mind. To want that is unhealthy. Why would he want that?

  She feels dirty, having climaxed while he was suffering. She’s the one that makes him relive all this pain. It’s all her fault, and there is nothing she can do to help him get past it. He has to be willing to beat t
he horrific memories if he wants to enjoy a painless future. He has to be the one to reach out to her. He was trying, days earlier, but she had sealed her heart shut. He’d managed to jimmy his way in, but he seems to have given up now.

  The very thought of him never coming around to finish their conversation drives a stake into her heart. She gasps for a breath, but it doesn’t slow the downpour now rushing past her cheeks. She suffocates on a breath and releases a strangled cry. “Why?”

  Why couldn’t she just talk when he wanted to talk? Why didn’t she just tell him how she feels, how she’s felt from the start? Why didn’t she explain why she wanted to run, why she ran?

  Why? Why? Why?

  She continues to cry, riding a spiral of emotions that only make her tears larger and her hurt stronger. There’s one question left that weighs heaviest on her heart.

  What if this spells the end for us?

  Chapter 23: Heal Me

  Matthew Knight is a lot of things, but a pussy is not one of them. The second he learns that Felicia has been living in the same town as him since the weekend, he grows a pair and makes now the time to hook up with the girl and set things straight. He might have made a mistake, and he’s now ready to admit it.

  Matt reaches for Destiny’s phone and pulls up the number he’d stolen from her contacts one long week ago, but never had the balls to press send. He’s been steadily suffering the consequences. Day after day he second-guesses his decision to send Felicia off, but her lack of response since then leaves him wondering whether she even cares.

  Now, between the worsening dreams and with Sarkis and his daily dose of name-calling, Matt decides finally to do something about it. One way or the other, he’s going to find out where he went wrong and, more importantly, whether there’s any way to back-step and have at it again.

  His thumb takes the plunge.

  Ring. Ring.

  Felicia answers her phone promptly, likely because he’s called from Destiny’s phone. “Hello?”

  “Hi, it’s Matt.”

  She pauses, probably to double check her call display. “What do you want?”

  “Whoa, okay. I see how it is. I guess I deserve that.”

  Felicia whispers into the phone like she has company. “You can’t keep doing this to me, Matt. First the accident, then at the wedding shower you blame me for your handicap. We can’t even have sex without every other second reminding you of a painful past neither of us wants to be reminded of.”

  “I’m sorry that’s how you feel.”

  “Can you please just get to the point? Because honestly, I ’m done waiting on you to come around.”

  He knows he has to accept a good portion of the blame, but she’s not entirely blameless in this. Still, he fumbles with his words. If he chooses the wrong ones, though, this might truly be over. The tone of her voice tells him that it’s not all fun and games. The girl is not bluffing.

  “I know we’ve had some minor setbacks,” he starts.

  “Minor?” Her voice rises, letting on that she disagrees with him slightly. She instantly turns her voice down, again hiding it from someone at her place. “You were nearly killed. You can’t even walk.”

  “Actually, I can. Not very fast, mind you, but I’m working on that; and if you’d quit pointing it out every damn time we talk, it might work wonders for my self-esteem.”

  Felicia scoffs across the phone. “You can drop the act. We both know you do not have identity issues. You’re more sure of yourself than any man I know.”

  “How unfortunate for you to be surrounded by such losers. I may be confident, but you act like I’m a complete rogue.”

  “Aren’t you?”

  The way she eggs him on has his heart aching for more, but his voice turns low to warn her of the truth of the matter. “I hate to burst the little bubble you’re trying to hide in, but I’ve little strength left to explain to you the depths of my mental impairment. I’m not the same man I was a year ago, Felicia. I’m sorry if that shocks your gentle soul.” His dark attitude doesn’t stump her in the slightest.

  “You look and sound the same to me. The only difference is a few physical scars.”

  “I’ve changed,” he states through gritted teeth. “You can’t see most of the scars I struggle with every day.”

  “Is this why you’ve called? Am I part of your healing? Oh, God,” she moans. “You have to set me free before you can move on? I’m happy to have been of service, but I’m busy. So, if that’s all—”

  She promptly hangs up on him.

  Yeah, not going to happen on my watch!

  Ring. Ring.

  “What?” she snaps.

  “I’m not ready for you to hang up on me.”

  Felicia sighs. “You did all your talking a week ago. You made that pretty clear, I’d say. You’ve had your chance to voice your opinion.”

  “I need another.”

  “I don’t know, Matt. I don’t know that this is a good idea, and I don’t know what it is that you want from me. I’m not looking for a messy relationship right now. I’m trying to simplify my life. That’s why I’ve moved here in the first place.”

  Well, damn. That kind of puts a kink in his plans. Nothing between them has ever been simple and she’s thrown that out so fast, neither of them knows what to say next.

  He clears his throat, to buy himself time. “I know where we went wrong.”

  “Is that so?” Amusement is apparent in her tone.

  “We take turns seducing each other and try to build a relationship around the sex.”

  “And now you can’t even stand to please me.” She spits out her disgust like she’s trying to finish his sentence.

  “That’s not true. I love every second of it.”

  “Except for when I’m screaming your name. Face it, Matty. We can’t erase our past. The accident will be burned into our memories for the rest of our lives and I will always remind you of the worst day of yours.”

  “No.”

  “I will always be the reason your life has been put on hold.”

  “No.”

  “I will always carry the burden of changing your life for the worse.”

  “Stop,” he shouts, with a voice so sharp it could cut glass.

  She must be holding her breath, because he starts to wonder if she’s hung up again. He wouldn’t blame her if she has. He’s treated her like dirt. He’s planted these negative feelings in her heart and he’s the only one who can extract them.

  “Felicia, if you’re still there, please listen to me. That’s all I ask. If you say no, or if you hang up, that’s your prerogative. But I’m only going to say this once, so listen up.”

  She doesn’t answer him, but he can hear her breathing on the other end of the line, so that’s got to be worth something.

  His confidence wavers, although his voice sounds strong and determined. “I know you said you don’t want a relationship with me, but you have to admit the sex is good. At least for me it is.”

  Her voice shivers across the phone. He’s not even sure she realizes she’s made a sound, so he keeps talking.

  “The sex is really good, and you’re the only one I’ve trusted my body with since the accident. You see? I have changed.”

  Felicia starts to answer with a harsh voice, but even that is restrained. “Yeah, but—”

  “I will never forget the shrill voice calling my name, or the limp of the beautiful angel who ordered me to live, but I also don’t want to forget how good it feels to be with a woman like you, Felicia; even if you don’t want me in any other way.”

  “Matty.”

  “It’s okay. I’ve come to terms with it. Maybe you believe you don’t want to be with me. I’ve got too much baggage. I’ve no one to blame but myself for that. I’ve been a jerk to you. I understand why you might say no to a meaningful relationship right now, but I hope that doesn’t mean that you won’t give me another chance to make things right this weekend. I’ve got the cottage to myself. If any
thing, you should agree to one thing. Meaningless. Mind-blowing. Sex.”

  Chapter 24: A Test

  Does Matt actually believe the bullshit he’s feeding her? Meaningless. Mind-blowing. Sex?

  Baloney.

  He must understand that it’s only mind-blowing because of everything else they share. The intimate connection they have—all that chemistry—isn’t something you come across every day. In fact, she hasn’t found anything like it prior to Matt. What makes him think she’s ready to throw that away completely?

  “You still there?” Matt asks, giving her the first glimpse at his uncertainty.

  The worry in his voice makes her entire body quiver. “I’m thinking.”

  “I didn’t realize it’d be that hard of a decision to make. If you’re seeing someone and you’re trying to find a nice way to let me down softly, just say so. I don’t need your excuses.”

  “I know we haven’t known each other super long, but we’ve been through a lot together. What do you expect from me?”

  She can hear the smile in his voice when he realizes she’s considering it. “I don’t think we need an elaborate plan. I’m not hiring you to do anything in exchange for money.”

  “I sure as hell hope not!”

  He chuckles softly before explaining it to her. “I just want it to be two people who are very attracted to each other, sharing their heart’s desires and giving each other their bodies.”

  “Oh, that’s all?”

  “Do I sense a hint of sarcasm?”

  “Maybe.” She’s being sarcastic, but he’s got her smiling.

  “Would you rather I plan it out? Because I can. I just think it’d be more exciting to play it by ear, surprise each other.”

  “Fine.”

  “Fine, you’ll do it, or fine I should plan it?”

  “I’ll do it.” She can tell he wants to tease her more, but he knows how quickly she could change her mind. She has no intentions of doing so.

  “Good to hear. I also hear you moved into town, so that makes things easier.”

  She sighs with exhaustion. “Who told you that?”