Just a Kiss

by Denise Hunter

“She’s the only family I have, and she doesn’t even want me!”

  “That’s not true. We’re your family. God’s your Father. There are lots of people who love you, Paige.”

  “It’s not the same.”

  He tightened his arms around her. He’d never felt so useless. He hadn’t protected her from Darleen, either physically or emotionally. He should’ve insisted on taking the day off, regardless of Paige’s assurances. If he would’ve, this never would’ve happened. He wouldn’t have let things escalate like that. He wanted to pound a wall.

  What kind of man was he?

  He was afraid he knew the answer to that question. He’d pushed it away since he’d been with Paige, let the joy of having her hold back the dark waters. But the truth had been slowly creeping back into his heart lately. And now it was as if the floodgates had opened.

  He held Paige until her tears dried up. Dinner got cold on the kitchen counter while they talked, and they heated it up a while later. After supper they watched a chick flick, and when her eyes got tired, he tucked her in.

  “Sweet dreams,” he whispered as he pulled the covers to her chin. He planted a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll lock up behind me.”

  “ ’Night,” she said. But her eyes were already closed when he turned out the light.

  He quietly tidied up the kitchen and locked the door as he left. The dark cloud gathered over him on the quiet drive home, seeming to enclose him. He tried to push his way out, but it was relentless. By the time he reached his room at the farmhouse, he had an ache in his gut the size of Anvil Boulder.

  When Paige had needed him most, he’d been at work—at a job that now, in the dark of night, seemed pretty pathetic. He shuffled papers and lined up numbers. It was a job a high school student could do, and the pay wasn’t much better than minimum wage.

  Maybe he could make ends meet now, but how could he ever support a family with a job like that? He had no college degree. He was trained for only one thing. Had depended on that skill to get him through life, and now that was gone.

  Feeling the heavy weight pressing his shoulders, he doffed his prosthesis and set it beside the nightstand. He hobbled to the bathroom with his crutch to wash his stump and sock. When he returned to his room he pulled off his belt and emptied his pockets.

  His phone showed a voicemail from Noah, and he touched the arrow to play it.

  “Hey there. Haven’t heard from you, so I’m just checking in to make sure you’re still coming next Saturday. I lined up some help to get you moved in. Plan on having dinner at my folks’. Give me a call and let me know what time you’ll be getting in. Looking forward to having you here, buddy.”

  Riley stared at the screen until it went dark, his thoughts spinning, the darkness pressing on him like a lead cape. He finished readying for bed, turned off the lights, and settled under the covers. But sleep was a long time coming.

  Chapter 34

  Something was wrong with Riley. Paige noticed it the next morning at church when he greeted her with a strained smile. At first she thought he was only troubled about what had happened the night before. But during the service he didn’t reach for her hand once.

  She needed to get him alone, but she’d walked to church so they rode with the family to the farmhouse after the service. Her worry flared through the meal. There was enough going on at the table to divert attention from Riley’s withdrawn mood, but Paige could focus on little else. She couldn’t wait for the end of dinner to get him alone on the ride home and press harder.

  A terrible dread snaked its way up her spine as they walked to Beau’s truck. There was no hand at the small of her back, no sideways smile.

  The weather had chilled as September had eased in. The air was still fresh with the smell of pine, but soon the deciduous leaves would turn, and the smell of earth and decaying leaves would suffuse the air.

  Riley opened her truck door and walked around to the other side. The corners of his eyes were tight, his lips in a straight line. His broad shoulders seemed tense, and there was a slight hitch to his gait.

  Paige’s stomach twisted. Her hands trembled as she buckled her seat belt.

  He got in and started the truck, then pulled around the loop and headed down the long drive. The silence was overwhelming. She could almost hear her heart thudding in her chest.

  They had all afternoon to talk. They’d spent their recent Sundays cuddled up on the couch watching preseason football. But Paige couldn’t foresee any cuddling today. Not when he could hardly look at her.

  She steeled herself for the conversation and turned toward him as he pulled onto the main road. She had to get this over with.

  “Riley . . . ? What’s wrong? You’ve been quiet all morning.”

  His knuckles whitened on the steering wheel, erasing any hope that she’d been fretting needlessly. Something was coming, and by the strain on his face, she wasn’t going to like it.

  “Did I do something?” she asked. “Say something?”

  His eyes squeezed in a wince. “No . . . no. You’re—you didn’t do anything wrong, Paige.”

  “Then what? Is it about last night? Are you upset about the ring? Because I’m okay. I was upset, but I’m over it. Darleen’s gone, and I’m sure I won’t be seeing her again.”

  “It’s not that. It’s just—”

  Her eyes searched his face for a clue to what he was thinking. What he was feeling. She wanted him to say it already, whatever it was, but he was having trouble finding the words. She forced her tongue to lie still even as her stomach rolled with tension.

  His fingers tightened on the steering wheel. “I don’t think this is going to work.”

  His words opened a hollow spot in her chest, giving her heart plenty of room to implode. “What—what do you mean?”

  His Adam’s apple took a long, slow dip. “I think we should go back to being friends.”

  “Friends.” The word grated past her dry throat. How could he even say that?

  “You know I care about you,” he said. “The last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt you, but—”

  “Well you are. You are hurting me.”

  His jaw knotted. “I’m sorry.”

  She trembled from the inside out like his words had set off some earthquake. “What happened? What happened between yesterday and today, because I thought everything was fine between us.”

  He gave a long blink. “It’s not you, it’s—”

  “Me. Yeah, I’m familiar with that one.”

  Beau had said the exact same words. But at least he’d looked her in the eye. Held her hands. Or tried. Riley hadn’t taken his eyes off the road since he’d turned over the key.

  “Look at me,” she said.

  His eyes flickered over to hers. She saw regret and plenty of steely resolve in those shadowed eyes. It was the resolve that worried her.

  He looked back at the road in time to slow for a stop sign.

  She let her thoughts spin for a moment. This didn’t make sense. He wasn’t telling her everything.

  “What happened? What happened last night? After you left?”

  “Nothing happened.”

  “You were fine. You tucked me in, kissed me good night. Something had to happen. Did someone say something?” A thought occurred to her. “Did you call the sheriff?” Her voice rose on the end.

  “No. I said I wouldn’t.”

  She was at a loss. She shook her head. “What then?”

  He slowed down for a turn in the road, accelerated. He was quiet so long she thought he was never going to answer. And he owed her an explanation, daggonit.

  “Come on, Riley.”

  He exhaled. “I don’t know what to say, Paige. Maybe it’s the timing. I have a lot going on right now. I’m dealing with a lot and—”

  “I can help you with that if you’d just let me. I thought that’s what I was doing.”

  “You were. You are. I just—” He gave another hard sigh. “Last night put some things into perspecti
ve for me, made me think, and then I got home, and there was a voicemail from Noah asking when I was coming, and I couldn’t—”

  “Wait.” The word left with all the breath remaining in her body. “You never told him you weren’t coming?”

  “I meant to. I just . . . never got around to it, I guess.”

  “Never got around to it.”

  Riley had supposedly committed to her. Committed to an apartment, a job. Only he hadn’t. He’d held on to Copper Creek as a backup plan. While she’d entered this relationship feet first, all in. Obviously that made only one of them.

  She turned and looked out at the blur of passing homes. None of this made sense. Riley had said he’d cared about her for years. Had enlisted in the marines because of it. Those feelings couldn’t have gone away overnight.

  She turned and studied him. The corners of his eyes were tight, his jawline sharp with tension. She was missing something. And she wasn’t going to let this go until he came clean.

  “Tell me the truth,” she said.

  He stared forward, his jaw muscle ticking. He blinked three times in quick succession. “I don’t know what else to say, Paige.”

  He turned into her drive. Gravel popped under the tires, then silence followed as the truck came to a halt. He turned off the ignition, avoiding her gaze.

  “You love me.” Her heart beat up into her throat at the bold proclamation. “I know you do.”

  His eyes shot to hers, locking in. She saw so much in those green depths. Pain. Longing. Truth. It gave her the courage to continue.

  She grabbed his hand. His beautiful hand. “And I love you too, Riley. Whatever this is, we’ll work through it. But you have to stay. You have to fight for it.”

  Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.

  He pulled away, his hand slipping from hers. He stared out the front windshield. She saw the struggle on his face. In his pinched lips, his rapidly blinking eyes. She wanted to touch him. Wanted to pull him close and never let him go. But instead she waited, the silence almost unbearable.

  His hands twisted on the steering wheel. “You don’t understand.” His voice was strained with emotion.

  “Then tell me.”

  “There’s nothing that can change this, Paige.”

  “Change what?”

  He looked her way, his eyes snapping with fire. “Me! There’s nothing that can change what I am. What I’ve become. I’m half a man, Paige! I can’t even protect you. I’m flipping helpless.”

  Her heart squeezed tight. “That’s not true,” she whispered.

  “Oh yeah? What about yesterday? I couldn’t even protect you from Darleen. A woman. I fell flat on my face while she ripped that ring off your neck and ran for the hills.”

  “It was just a ring.”

  His eyes pierced hers. “What if it had been more? What if it had been a thief, or what if the house was on fire?”

  “I can take care of myself.”

  “You shouldn’t have to. You deserve more. You deserve better.”

  “I want you. I love you. I don’t want anyone else!”

  “Well you should.”

  Gah! She scrubbed her hand over her face. How could she rationalize with someone who was completely irrational? How could she convince him he was perfect for her just the way he was?

  She couldn’t. He had to realize that for himself.

  Paige’s eyes found her lap. “You know what, Riley? The real problem here isn’t down there.” She gestured toward his leg, then waited an extra beat until his eyes met hers. Then she placed a finger to her temple. “It’s up here.”

  He looked away. Peeled his fingers off the steering wheel and flattened them against his thighs. The air seemed to have been sucked from the cab, leaving a vacuum of tension.

  Finally he placed his hand over hers. It was warm and gentle, the merest touch, but it gave birth to hope.

  “I’m still your friend, Paige.”

  His friend. The word drove a spike into her heart.

  Yeah, she was enough to fill that spot. She’d given him her heart, and he was handing it back on a platter. A dark space expanded inside, heavy and aching. Rejection.

  The old doubts came flooding back, never mind that he was being completely ridiculous. She didn’t belong. Didn’t belong anywhere. He was leaving her. Again. It was what people did. And the fact that it was happening all over made her want to throw something.

  She pulled her hand away. “Don’t do me any favors.” She felt the heat of his gaze, but she didn’t look his way.

  “Paige, don’t.”

  She reached for the handle, noting, as if from afar, the tremble in her hand. But just before she opened the door, she turned back and drilled him with a look.

  “Don’t what, Riley? You’ve made yourself clear. You want to be friends, but you’re moving fifteen hundred miles away? That sends a message loud and clear, don’t you think?”

  She opened the door. Needed to get inside. She could feel the panic bubbling up inside, about to spill over.

  He caught her arm. “I care about you. I don’t want to lose you.” She swallowed hard. Couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze. His eyes would be warm and worried. She’d fall right into them and break apart, right here, in front of him.

  She swallowed hard. Sucked in a deep breath. Forced out the words he needed to hear. “I know. It’s fine, Riley. I’ll be fine. I hope you will be too.”

  And with that she slipped out of the car and into her empty house.

  Chapter 35

  Riley made his way through the maze of tables at the Roadhouse, heading toward the corner booth. He’d been dreading this all day. Bad enough he’d had to quit the co-op after only a week. Now he had to face his brothers. And they weren’t going to go easy on him.

  Well, that was tough. They couldn’t know what it was like to go through what he’d been through. When he reached the empty corner booth, he slid into the seat. He hadn’t heard from Paige since they’d parted the day before. Not that he’d expected to.

  His mind kept flashing back to the hurt in her blue eyes, to the tremble in her voice. Just the memory of it made the walls of his chest close in. He felt the pinch of guilt along with the ache of loss, all of it overwhelming.

  You’re doing the right thing.

  He had to think of her. Had to think of what was best in the long run. Maybe she was hurting now, but she’d be okay. She could do so much better. Deserved so much better. More than the emotional and physical wreck he’d become. He’d let himself forget for a while.

  But losing her . . . it was worse than losing an appendage, and he could state that with complete certainty. Now he had the memory of her kiss, the memory of holding her in his arms. He wasn’t sure if the memories were a blessing or a curse.

  He’d called Noah and moved up his plans by a few days. He had to get out of here before he slipped and begged Paige to give him another chance. Noah had seemed distracted and withdrawn during the conversation. Only after Riley twisted his arm did his friend come clean: His marriage was on the rocks. A divorce was likely forthcoming.

  Riley tried to back out of coming. He didn’t want to be in the way. But Noah insisted his help was needed more than ever. Maybe he could be a shoulder for Noah to lean on.

  He didn’t see Beau until he slid into the booth opposite him. Riley’s strained smile died on his lips at the scowl on Beau’s face.

  “You broke up with her? And you’re moving to Podunk, Georgia?”

  He sighed. “Can’t a guy break his own news around here?”

  “What are you thinking?”

  Zac approached, untying an apron stained with something brown. “Man, what a crazy day. No bread truck, an oven malfunction, and a prep guy with fresh stitches. Some days I should just stay in bed.” He slid into the booth beside Beau, his gaze toggling between them. “What’s going on?”

  “Our brother’s moving to Georgia.”

  Riley shot Beau a look. “Thanks.”
<
br />   Frown lines formed between Zac’s brows. “What? What about Paige?”

  “He broke up with her.”

  Riley glared at Beau.

  “What the heck, Riley,” Zac said.

  Riley sat back in the booth, crossing his arms. Maybe he should just let Beau handle all this, since he was so quick with the answers.

  “You just got an apartment, a job . . . ,” Zac said.

  “And why’d you go and break up with her anyway?” Beau asked.

  “Oh, do I get to talk now?”

  Beau planted his elbows on the table. “Stop being such a tool and tell us what’s going on.”

  “Yeah, you make it so easy.”

  Zac leaned forward. “Guys, come on. What happened, Riley? Why are you moving?”

  “Nothing happened. I just—I need some space. I need to get away, and I’ve got that great offer from Noah. I can’t pass it up.”

  “And what about Paige?” Beau asked. “You’re going to just drop her like that?”

  “You mean like you did?” Riley asked.

  Beau’s jaw ticked. “She’s in love with you.”

  Heat pooled in the vicinity of his heart. Sweat broke out at the back of his neck. She’d said the words last night. The ones he’d longed to hear for years. Too bad he didn’t deserve to hear them. But the look on her face . . . Guilt twisted inside, a feeling that was becoming more familiar than he liked.

  “We’re still friends.”

  Beau leaned back in his seat, huffing.

  “You said you need space,” Zac said. “Space from what, exactly?”

  “He doesn’t need space, he needs therapy.”

  Riley gave him a flinty look. “Shut up, Beau.”

  “Well, you do. I know you haven’t been going. Maybe if you did you wouldn’t be making such stupid decisions.”

  “All right, guys, come on.”

  “I don’t need you to tell me how to live my life.”

  “Could’ve fooled me.”

  “Think what you want. This is going to happen, and there’s nothing you can say to stop me.”

  “Just like when you enlisted, huh? You’re going to take off with no warning.”

  Riley rolled his eyes. “And . . . we’re back to that.”