Silas hangs around for about an hour after talking with Kristin. He wanted to spend the night, but I told him another time. I said I was tired from the signing and just wanted to sleep it off. He kept asking if I was okay with all this, and I think I finally convinced him I am. I have no choice but to support him if I don’t want to lose him. I just hope I’ve made the right decision and this doesn’t turn around to bite me in the ass, or even worse, put Ezra at risk of getting hurt.
Chapter 22
Silas
After what felt like the longest three days of my life, Wednesday is finally here. My emotions are all over the place and I’m having a hard time focusing on work. On one hand, I know this whole situation is going to shake things up with Lilly. But on the other hand, I’m going to see my baby for the first time on an ultrasound today. Looking at the clock, I see I still have another thirty minutes till Kristin’s scheduled appointment. I didn’t notice until now how early I am, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a nervous wreck. After seeing my dad and talking with him yesterday he helped calm my nerves a little. He called me asking if I could come over and help him clear some stuff out and I figured it was a good time to tell him about Kristin.
“Hey Dad,” I call out as I walk into his house.
“Hey son, out back,” his voice sounds like it’s coming from the backyard. I stop in the kitchen and grab two beers and head outside.
“Why the sudden urge to clean house?” Looking around at all the junk spread across the lawn makes me laugh. Leave it to my dad to choose to clean the place out on the day I come over. I have a feeling he’s going to be putting me to work.
“Really?” He’s wiping a drop of sweat off his forehead with his arm as he looks around. “Years of you and your mother telling me I’m a hoarder and unable to throw shit out, and when I do you question it? Your mother must be rolling in her grave right now,” he laughs taking the beer from me.
“Believe me Dad, if she’s rolling it isn’t because of my question but your actions. If she wasn’t gone already, I bet she would have dropped at the sight of this.” I immediately want to put my foot in my mouth after those words come out. I don’t want my father to think I’m insensitive. Lord knows I miss my mother more than anything and would give anything to have her here to see this. Before I can stew on it any longer, my dad is laughing and handing me a garbage bag.
“Look what I found earlier. Call me a hoarder all you want, but half of this shit is yours.” He hands me my guitar. I sent this back when I was coming home from deployment and forgot he had it. I open it and strum the strings a couple times before setting it back in its case.
“You seem distracted today, what’s bothering you?” He brings the cold glass to his lips and takes a refreshing pull of his beer.
“What makes you think something is bothering me? Can’t I just have an ‘off’ day?”
“You? No. Out of your twenty-nine years, I have never seen you have an off day. So tell me, what is the problem?” He takes a seat in the lawn chair.
I sit next to him and begin to tell him about Kristin. “I ran into Kristin the other day. I haven’t seen her since she broke up with me.” I pause and take a deep breath and just give it to my dad straight. “She’s pregnant, Dad.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, my dad spits out the beer he was drinking. I get up and grab a paper towel on the patio table and hand it to my dad.
“Thanks,” he says as he wipes off the remaining beer. “You are just providing me with grandkids left and right these days.”
“Now is not the time for jokes, Dad. I’m freaking out and I have no clue what the fuck to do.”
“Is she keeping it?” I’m about to drink my beer when he asks and my hand freezes with the bottle by my mouth. I can’t even believe the words left his mouth.
“Yes, she’s keeping it. What kind of question is that? Kristin loves kids, she’s a school teacher, for crying out loud.” I drink my beer and push my hair back with my free hand.
“So why are you freaking out? If she is keeping the baby, that’s something to be over the moon about.”
“I know. God, I know, Dad, but I just found out I have a son. Not to mention, I missed two years of his life already.” Getting up, I start walking around, looking at all the junk spread out across the lawn. “I’m just learning how to be a father to him, and now I find out I’m about to be a dad again. I don’t even know the first thing about babies. Lilly raised Ezra, and as much as I would love to take credit for the amazing kid he is, I can’t. That was all Lilly. What if I mess it up?” I look to my dad who has an amused look on his face. “What is so funny?”
“You. You’re so worried about messing it up that you can’t even see what’s right in front of your face.” I stare at my father, not understanding what he is trying to say exactly. He gets up and walks over to the pile of junk I’m standing in front of. “God, Son, I love you and you’re a bright detective, but you’re as dumb as a doorknob right now,” he says as he flicks me on my forehead. “You’re not going to mess it up, because you’re already doing right by your child. The worry and panic you’re feeling shows the love you already have for him or her.” He hands me a garbage back and sits back down in his chair. He has a smile on his face as I realize what he’s saying is right. “Now, help your old man out and throw out some of that stuff for me, would ya?”
“Silas?” Kristin’s voice breaks me from my thoughts. “They are calling us back. You still want to come back, right?”
“Yes, of course. “
As we are walking back to the room, my heart is beating so fast and I can feel sweat dripping down the sides of my face. I look over at Kristin, who looks calm as a whistle on the outside. I know her well enough to know she is freaking out on the inside. Once we enter the room, the nurse tells Kristin to change into the gown on the table and leaves the room. She grabs the gown and I notice her hands shaking.
“Hey,” grabbing her hand in mine, “I know this isn’t the most ideal situation, but I will be here for you and our baby,” I tell her, placing my other hand on her belly. Her eyes start to tear up and she lets go of my hand to wipe her tears away.
“Sorry, stupid pregnancy hormones. I cry all the time now.”
After she’s done getting changed, there is a knock on the door and the nurse is followed in the room by the doctor. He asks us both a bunch of questions and does a quick check up.
“Now, for the fun part. Let’s take a look at your baby.” The nurse turns off the light as the machine illuminates the room. I stare at the screen, not really sure what it is I am looking at. He points to the screen and says, “That right there, that’s your baby. This flicker here is the baby’s heart. Let’s take a listen, shall we?” Excitement builds in me as the anticipation of hearing the heartbeat. I’ve read that sometimes they won’t be able to find one and the past couple days I’ve been having nightmares where we come and the doctor tells us there’s no heartbeat.
The room starts to come alive with a swooshing sound, relieving me of that fear and in that moment I now see what my father is talking about. I would give my life to protect this little baby growing inside of Kristin. The joy I’m feeling is quickly replaced with guilt. The guilt that I missed out on this with Lilly, and guilt that I haven’t been there for Ezra. I hear a sniffle and look over at Kristin who once again, is crying.
“You really weren’t kidding about the water works, huh,” I joke handing her a tissue.
“Shut up,” she’s laughing through her tears, and it’s nice to see a smile on her face again. “Thank you, Silas. You didn’t have to be here today.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I want to be here and I will be here for every visit after this. I’m not going to let our baby grow up without his father.” Kristin squeezes my hand that is clasped in hers and I don’t even know when I grabbed a hold of it. That one simple squeeze lets me know I am already doing right by my child.
Chapter 23
Lilly
A week has passed since Silas and Kristin had their doctor’s appointment. I’ve seen Silas since then, but he has not mentioned anything about his visit. Every day I’ve seen him, it feels like there’s a big elephant in the room waiting to be addressed. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to ask him about it and he would just open up to me, but he hasn’t. I’ve been second-guessing us since he hasn’t brought it up and I hate that it’s making me doubt us. I feel disappointed in him for not talking to me about it and myself for not having more faith in us. We are meeting tonight after he gets off work to discuss plans for Ezra’s birthday party. I have to keep reining Silas in with the planning. You would think our son is getting married with all the crazy ideas Silas is suggesting. I keep reminding him that he is only three.
“Hey, sugar.” Declan waves, walking into our break room at the office, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Hey, Declan. Got any big plans for this weekend?”
“Well, since you asked, I’m thinking of taking Lane down to the beach house.” He takes his usual seat next to me.
“Who’s Lane? And what happened to Chris?”
“Lane is a trainer at my gym.” He’s grinning from ear to ear. Since when does he work out?
“You don’t belong to a gym.”
“I do now,” he wiggles his eyebrows at me, so I smack his arm and we both let out a laugh.
“But seriously, what happened to Chris? I thought you said you can see yourself settling down with him?” I grab half of his chocolate chip muffin, earning me a smack on my hand.
“Seeing and doing are two different things. That boy is so insecure I can’t even take a leak without him watching me over his shoulder. I seriously think he’s going to ask if he can hold it for me sometimes,” he jokes.
“Be serious, Declan. I like Chris I think he is good for you. Are you sure you’re not just being dramatic?” Questioning him earns me an offended look.
“I am far from dramatic. Look, do I see a future with him? Yeah, sure. But I can’t build a future with someone who is constantly smothering me. He’s worse than my mother.” He rolls his eyes. “Just because his ex cheated on him doesn’t mean I will.”
“Look, I met Chris and I like him. I don’t know who this Lane guy is but I think you need to talk to Chris and let him know he’s ‘smothering’ you. He can’t fix it if he doesn’t know he’s doing it. Just saying,” I get up and return to my desk, hoping Declan takes my advice.
“You’re one to talk,” he mumbles stopping me in my tracks. I turn around and stare at him, waiting for him to elaborate. “How was Silas’s appointment? Do we know what the happy couple is having? Or, have you still not asked him about it?”
“Point taken.” I stick my tongue out at him like a child because I know he’s right. I walk back to my desk to finish my work for the day.
***
Pulling up to The Bounce House, I park my car and hurry in. I got held up at the office and was there later than I wanted to be. I see Megan right away and give her a wave as I head in her direction.
“Hey. Sorry I’m late,” I lean in to give her a hug. “This month is busier than normal and it couldn’t have happened at a worse time. I signed up for more signings than I normally do and I have Ezra’s party to plan. I don’t know how I’m going to get it all done.”
“That’s what you have me for. I am the world’s best assistant after all.”
“And babysitter, speaking of. Why are you still here and where is Silas?” I look around not able to see him anywhere.
“No clue, I haven’t heard from him. I got your text saying you were going to be late and I figured I would just leave when he got here.” I take out my phone and check to see if I missed any calls from him. Nothing. Silas has never been late to anything before, so I’m a little shocked seeing I haven’t heard from him.
“He probably just got held up on a case or something. Let me go grab Ezra so he can say bye and you can head out if you want.”
“I’ll go get him. Why don’t you call Silas and see how long he’s going to be. I can stick around and hang out with you till he gets here.” She walks off to go find Ezra to giving me an extra minute.
I take out my phone and dial Silas’s number. It rings a couple times before going to voicemail, so I leave a message. “Hey, it’s me. I’m here at The Bounce House and I was just wondering if you were on your way. I don’t know if I should wait till you get here to talk to the people about Ezra’s party or wait for you. Call me back if you can. Love you.” Hanging up, I turn around and see Ezra running toward me.
“Mommy! I missed you!” He comes crashing into me, giving me a hug. I bend down and wrap my arms around him.
“Hey, buddy, I missed you, too. Did you have fun with Megan today?” I take his hand and walk over to the tables to sit.
“Yeah, she let me eat ice cream for lunch,” I look over at Megan who just shrugs her shoulders and goes back to texting on her phone. “Is Daddy here yet?” Megan’s head snaps up and she looks at me with an eyebrow raised and I turn my attention back to him.
“No, baby, he’s not here yet.”
“Why not?” For the first time I hear disappointment in my son’s voice and it kills me. The worst part is, I don’t know why he isn’t here and the last thing I want to do is lie to my son, so I answer the best I can.
“I’m sure he just got held up at work, sweetie.”
“Is he still going to come to my birthday party?” He’s looking down at the table with a frown on his face.
Putting my finger under his chin I lift his head up. “Ezra, he is your father and he loves you. He wouldn’t miss it for anything in the world.”
We wait twenty more minutes with no word from Silas. I sent him a couple messages that went unanswered. Worry sets in but I can’t stay here all day. Megan and I decided to just go ahead and book his party and I would fill Silas in on the details later. I’m not sure why I haven’t heard from him, but knowing his job and what it entails, I just pray he is safe and not in any harm. Once I get Ezra home and bathed, I read him a story and put him to bed.
“So, do you want to talk about it?” Megan questions as I bring out a bottle of wine and two glasses.
“What’s there to talk about? He got held up, I’m sure he has a good reason.” I keep my tone chipper, hoping it doesn’t show the worry and agitation I’m really feeling inside. I pour us some wine, taking a seat at the table in the kitchen.
“Do you really expect me to believe that you’re okay with what happened today? That when Ezra was disappointed that his dad didn’t show up today, that it didn’t tear at your heart?” Swirling the wine in her glass she brings it to her mouth and takes a sip.
I put my wine glass down and throw my hands out, “Of course it tore at my heart, Megan. What am I supposed to do? I tried to call and he didn’t answer. I sent him several texts and those went unanswered too. What do you want me to do? File a missing persons report?”
“No, but when he calls, and he will call, just don’t let him off that easy.”
Megan only has one glass of wine with me before she heads home. The rest of the night I keep my phone close to my side in case Silas calls. I try to watch television. but I’m too distracted to pay attention to whatever’s on. I even called the station to see if he was still at work. I felt like I was stalking him, but if something happened I needed to know since not only would it affect me, but Ezra as well. That only pissed me off more since they wouldn’t give me any information, since I’m not immediate family. I’m so tired and my eyelids keep closing on me. No longer being able to keep myself awake, I head to bed with no call from Silas. I send him one more text before turning off my phone for the night.
Me: Hey. Not sure what happened today, but I hope you’re okay. Ezra asked where you were today and I wasn’t really sure how to answer so I said you got held up at work. Call me when you get this. Love you …
Chapter 24
Silas
I wake to someone nud
ging my shoulder and it takes me a minute to sit up. I rub my eyes and take in my surroundings and see I’m on Kristin’s couch. I stand up to stretch and let out a yawn. I don’t know how long I have been asleep, but I must have been exhausted if I don’t remember falling asleep.
“Morning.” She hands me a cup of coffee.
I smell the aroma leaving the cup as I lift it to my mouth. “Mmm, smells great,” I take a sip as the hot liquid warms the back of my throat. “How are you feeling?”
“Much better, thank you.” As the coffee starts to wake me up more, it dawns on me that she said good morning. Shit.
I look at my watch and see that it’s 9:45. Jumping up, I look around for my phone only, to find it in between the couch cushions, dead. This is so not good. Lilly is going to be wondering where I have been all night and wonder why I didn’t call. “Listen, I hate to run out on you, but today is my only day off and I have some things I need to take care of. Are you going to be okay here by yourself?” I don’t want to leave her if she truly needs me.
“Silas, I’m pregnant, not terminally ill, although last night it felt like it,” she laughs.
“If you need anything just call and I’ll do my best to get here as fast as I can,” I lean in kissing her cheek.
“Seriously, go, don’t worry about me. Go spend time with your family.” She’s moving her hands in a shooing motion as she practically pushes me out the door.
I hurry home and take a quick shower before hoping back into my car. My phone powers up and I don’t have a full charge yet, but I see a bunch of missed calls and text messages from Lilly. I scroll through the texts and listen to the voicemails, but there’s one in particular that stands out above the rest.
Hey Silas. Not sure why you aren’t answering but I hope you’re okay. Ezra keeps asking for you and I’m not really sure what to tell him. I had a hard time getting him down for bed and he asked if you forgot about him. I didn’t know what to tell him, so I promised him I would wake him when you get here. So when you get these, please call me.
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