Twist of Fate

by Jaime Whitley

  “I wasn’t there because I had to take Kristin to the hospital.” Tears start to fill my eyes and I choke on the words that need to come out of my mouth next. “We lost our baby.” The words feel dirty as they leave my mouth and I wait for a response. There is nothing but silence on the phone, so I pull it away to make sure the call is still connected. When I see that it is, I put it back to my ear.

  “Lucas? Are you there?”

  “Yeah, man. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be an asshole.” I can honestly tell in the tone of his voice he’s being sincere.

  “Thanks, I appreciate that.”

  “Is there anything we can do for you?”

  “Well, the hospital has a no cell phone rule. Apparently I’m the only one who didn’t know they don’t follow that one, so I’m just now getting to make calls.”

  “Did you call Lilly yet?”

  “Not yet, I know they are going to be sleeping. I ruined their day and I don’t want to ruin their night. I have to ask, how pissed is she?”

  “Put it this way, if you two lived together you would wish you had an actual dog house to sleep in. But I mean, what do you expect? This was pretty huge, man. I know the decision had to be impossible choosing between two children and deciding which one you needed to be there for at the time, but I’m not going to lie, it’s bad.”

  “Alright well, I’m going to hop off here and try to get some sleep. I have to call Lilly in the morning and I want to be well rested, so I can take the ass chewing she’s going to give me.”

  “That’s right. Take it like a man and start thinking of a way to make it up to them.”

  “I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know how she’s doing.” I hang up.

  I walk back over to the chair that is next to Kristin’s bed and pull it out into a couch. She is still passed out and the only noise in the room is the beeping from the machine monitoring her vitals. I fold my arms, suddenly feeling cold and empty in this sterile room. Lucas confirmed what I already knew. I’m in deep shit. I feel like no matter what I do lately, nothing is right and I keep fucking it up. I could call Lilly tonight, but I think she needs time to cool down. Growing tired, I try to shut my brain off so I can get some rest. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I can feel my body giving into the exhaustion of the day and am out before I know it.

  Chapter 29

  Lilly

  It’s mid-morning and I still haven’t heard from Silas. Kim had called me and filled me in on what’s going on. I feel awful about him losing his baby, but at the same time, I’m enraged with him for not even calling us. Obviously he had time to make a phone call, he just chose to call the wrong person.

  Ezra woke up this morning asking for his dad and once again, I had to explain why Daddy wasn’t here. We had a big sleep over planned for them where they were going to camp out in the back yard. Just another thing he didn’t show up for. Megan wanted to take Ezra out for a little while to help keep his mind off his dad. She has always been a huge part of his life and I’m lucky she loves him just as much as I do. Trying to focus my anger elsewhere, I decide my house can use a good scrub down. I’m vacuuming the living room when the doorbell rings. I turn it off and walk over to the door. I open the door and immediately start to slam it shut when I see Silas on the other end of it. He manages to snake his foot in it, causing it to not shut all the way. I stare daggers at him and notice he looks like shit. I start to feel bad, but then I remember the little three-year-old and his eyes filled with tears as he cried himself to sleep last night. I try to kick his foot out and close the door, but he manages to get the door open all the way.

  “Really, Lilly? You’re going to slam the door in my face? You know what happened, I know you do. Lucas told me Kim called you.” He’s standing his ground, making it impossible for me to close the door.

  “Yes, I am. And it would be a lot easier if you moved out of my way.” I’m hoping he will take the hint, but he still doesn’t budge. Instead, he takes a couple steps in the house and closes the door behind him. He lifts his arm, reaching out to grab my hand and I take a step back. “You want to talk? Fine. But don’t think that I’m going to let you touch and tease your way into forgiveness. What you did was fucked up.” I walk to the living room and take a seat on the couch. Silas follows me in, taking a seat in the chair across from me. Smart man. I’m so angry with him. I really just want to punch him in the face for hurting us.

  “You have every right to be mad. I would be pissed too, but--” I cut him off and hold up my hands for him to stop.

  “No. No buts, Silas. Not when it comes to a three-year-old boy. Look I get--” and this time he cuts me off.

  “Don’t you dare say you get it! Or you know what I’m going through, because you don’t,” he snaps at me, causing me to flinch at his harsh words. “You never had to deal with losing a child and the pain that comes with it. The only one who knows what I’m going through is Kristin.” His voice is now raised as he yells at me. This only pisses me off, if anyone should have the right to yell here it is definitely not him.

  “That wasn’t what I was going to say. I was going to tell you that I get that things happen that we can’t control, but a phone call would have been nice. Fuck, I’d even settle for a text! Even if you had the nurse call me, that still would have been something. Instead, I get silence from you and a devastated son who is punching people at his birthday party because kids are telling him his daddy couldn’t care enough to be there.”

  “Ezra hit someone?” I just stare at him because that’s not what’s important right now. “Okay, so I could have had someone call. Then what? Were you really going to drag Ezra away from his birthday party and bring him to the hospital?” He shifts in the seat.

  “No, I would have told Ezra what was going on and let him make the decision. If he didn’t want to leave, I would have left early and let Megan take him home. I would’ve come to the hospital to be by your side.” I throw my hands out, getting frustrated more and more by the minute with him.

  “Why would you leave his birthday party to be with me and Kristin? You have to secretly be happy this happened, because now she isn’t a thorn in your side.” I know it’s the grief talking and his words sting, but I refuse to let him make me the bad guy.

  “Because Silas, I love you and we’re supposed to be a family. We may not be married, but we share a son and that will always make us one. I don’t know about you, but in my book, families support each other no matter what the circumstances are. And as for Kristin, I never considered her a thorn in my side. I have been the one pushing you to be supportive of her and behind you one hundred percent on this whole pregnancy. Had she not miscarried, she would be part of this crazy family of ours. So that’s why I would be there for the both of you. But you didn’t give me the chance. You didn’t even have the decency to let me know what was happening. You called Lucas first; not me. I think I’ve heard enough and I think it’s time for you to go.” I stand up now as the anger grows in me; there is no reasoning with him right now. I walk to the kitchen and grab myself a glass of water and hear the sound of the front door slamming shut, causing me to jump. It isn’t until then that I allow the hot tears that I’ve been holding back to fall down my face. I’m so angry with Silas and hurt by his words, and more importantly, the lack of apology. The sound of the front door opening startles me and I wipe the tears from my face and walk toward the door. I’ll be damned if Silas will see me crying over this.

  “Hey, Mommy,” Ezra’s voice calls out. He’s back early, making me concerned that he and Megan had a problem while they were out.

  “Hey, Bud, you’re back early. What a nice surprise.” I eye Megan as she walks up behind him.

  “I saw Daddy outside and he said he’s sorry for missing my birthday. He said we’re going to have our own private party!” He’s excited, but I’m left wondering if it’s just going to be another let down. Well, at least he apologized to someone.

  “Why don’t you go grab your crayons an
d we can color some pictures.” He wastes no time running off. “Well, at least he apologized to his son.” I walk past Megan, grabbing a beer from the fridge.

  “Oh, don’t you worry. After Ezra came in, I let him have it and told him if his son wasn’t here I would make good on my promise right now.” She takes my beer from me. “What was he doing here?” I give her an ‘are you serious’ look. “Right, that one’s obvious. I don’t know why I bothered asking. You didn’t let him off the hook did you?”

  “No, I didn’t. But let’s talk about this later once Ezra goes to bed,” I tell her just as he comes in with his crayons and paper.

  Chapter 30

  Silas

  Leaving Lilly’s house that day, I was furious with myself. I wanted to take back so many things I said to her, only I couldn’t. I’m letting the grief of the loss of my child come between Lilly and me. I tried to call her a couple times later that night, but her phone was off. I almost stopped by her house, but I knew she wouldn’t even open the door. If I wasn’t feeling like enough of an asshole already, Kristin had called me asking for Lilly’s number. When I asked her why she needed it, she said she wanted to thank Lilly and Ezra for the flowers they sent to the hospital. Talk about feeling like the douche of the year. Kristin said she felt horrible and part responsible for the situation I’m in and thought it would be best if we didn’t talk anymore. I didn’t argue with her, knowing it will make things easier to let my grief go and move on.

  I’m meeting Lucas today for some miniature golf with the kids. I got to Lilly’s a little early in hopes that I could talk to her when I picked up Ezra, but she wasn’t there. She’s been avoiding me for a week now. Megan was there to see him off, and she wasn’t happy to see me at all. In fact, I kept my hands folded in front of me, guarding my goods, just in case she was feeling feisty. I get here before Lucas, and so I take this time to talk with Ezra as we wait outside the building.

  “So, have you given any thought on what you want to do for your birthday?”

  “Yup, I want to go to Disney World.” His cheeks are spread from ear to ear, lighting up the biggest smile I have ever seen on his face.

  “I wasn’t expecting that. Don’t you want to do something more … local?” I suggest.

  He shakes his head, “Nope. You said wherever I want.”

  “I did, didn’t I? I’ll have to talk to your mom about that, but I’ll see what I can do.”

  “And Ava and Owen’s mommy,” he throws out, confusing me.

  “Why do I need to talk to their mommy?”

  “Because. You said anyone can come.” He’s right, I did say that.

  “Where are my kids going?” Lucas questions as he walks up to the building.

  “Uncle Lucas! We’re all going to Disney World for my birthday! Daddy’s taking all of us.” He’s so excited, so I don’t correct him. I fucked up big, so I’ll do anything to make it right.

  “Oh, I always wanted to go to Disney for free. Count us in.” Lucas is laughing, knowing I promised Ezra anything he wanted.

  “Are you sure you’re only three, buddy?” I mess up his hair with my hand.

  “Kids are brilliant. Never underestimate them no matter what age they are.” Lucas pats me on the back. “Come on, let’s go kick some kid’s butt at miniature golf.”

  We hit the course first and it’s a mad house. It’s so packed, it’s taking forever just to finish our first game. We were going to play two rounds, but if the kids still want to ride the bumper cars, we will have to go straight there after this. The kids keep picking up the balls as someone hits it, making us have to start over on each hole. They think it’s hysterical, and Lucas and I just keep apologizing to the young couple behind us for slowing them down. We’re finally at the last hole and Ezra is the last one to go. He hits his ball and as I’m watching it travel down and get closer to the hole, I see it’s going to go straight in, and of course Ezra isn’t even paying attention. I yell his name to grab his attention and point to the hole. His eyes light up as the ball sinks in and he starts jumping up and down with excitement. I tell him great job on the hole-in-one and he is now chanting hole-in-one. This is one of those moments I wish I could relive over and over. I take a picture on my phone and send it to Lilly.

  Me: Ezra got a hole-in-one! It was amazing!

  Lilly: I’m sad I missed it. That’s his first hole-in-one ever. Thank you for getting a picture.

  Me: You’re welcome. There will be more. He’s a pro. I’ll see you later. I love you.

  No response. She seems to be good at not responding lately. “Still getting the cold shoulder?” Lucas is looking over my shoulder, catching me off guard.

  “Yeah, man. I don’t know how many times I can apologize in a text or in a voicemail. I feel like the same thing is being said and typed, and she doesn’t care.”

  “Maybe you need to do more,” he suggests, returning the clubs to the rack.

  “She won’t talk to me. What more is there for me to do?”

  “You can always arrest her. She can’t run away in a jail cell,” Lucas suggests to me for the second time in regards to Lilly.

  “That seems to be your answer to everything.”

  “Well, she’s always running,” he shrugs his shoulders.

  Our relationship is so new and intense, I can understand wanting to run sometimes. I need to find a way to make her listen to me. Arresting her and throwing her in a cell sounds a lot easier.

  We ride the bumper cars and grab some snow cones before we part ways and head home. Ezra falls asleep on the ride home and I make sure not to wake him. If he’s sleeping when we still get there, I will have to carry him into the house and Lilly will have no choice but to let me in.

  I pull up to the house and say a silent thank you to my son for being sound asleep. I know I’m fighting dirty, and I could easily wake him and he would go back to bed, but I’m desperate. This is the only way I’ll be able to get in the house long enough to talk to her. I shut my door quietly and walk around the car, grabbing Ezra and walking up to the front door. I ring the bell and wait for Lilly to answer the door. It swings open and I can see a look of uncertainty cross her face.

  “You’re not going to make us stand out here all night, are you?

  “No, come on in.” She moves aside so I can get through. I put Ezra to bed and walk over to the living room where Lilly is reading on her Kindle.

  “What are you reading, anything good?” I’m trying to make conversation.

  “I just finished The One Left Behind by Lena Nicole,” she answers to me, but her tone makes it seem like I’m bothering her.

  “I’m surprised you’re not writing.” I chance sitting next to her hoping she doesn’t try to kick me out.

  “I finished it up earlier. I’ve been tackling my TBR list.”

  “TBR?” I question, not sure of what that means.

  “To be read. I’m so behind on books I want to read since I’ve been writing, so I’m trying to knock a few off.”

  “So what else is on the list?”

  “I Won’t Give Up by F.L. Jacob, Ignite by Tessa Teevan and Throttle Me by Chelle Bliss.”

  “That last one sounds hot. Like it would totally benefit me hot.” She sighs and places her Kindle on the table. Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for.

  “We need to talk Silas. And before you say anything, just hear me out.” I guess our small talk is over and it’s time to get straight to the point. At least she hasn’t kicked me out, and that’s a good sign.

  Chapter 31

  Lilly

  I wanted to ask Silas to leave as soon as he put Ezra to bed, but I can’t keep avoiding him. I need to talk to him and tell him how I feel in order for us to move forward with our lives. I’m tired of making up excuses as to why I’m not going to be home when he picks Ezra up. It’s time to stop ignoring the inevitable. He’s sitting here staring at me, waiting for me to start. I have so much I want to say that I don’t know where to begin. He clears his th
roat and I just jump into it before he starts to talk.

  “I need to get a few things out, and once I’m done, you can say whatever you want.” I pause and he nods acknowledging my request. “It’s obvious that I’ve been avoiding you. I needed some time away from you to think about things.” I keep my body still so it looks like I’m calm on the outside. But on the inside, I’m freaking out. “I know what happened with Kristin was out of your control, and we can sit here and talk about it again, but at this point I don’t want to keep dragging up the past -- I want to move forward. I need you to know though, that your words stung and really hurt me. When you said Kristin was a thorn in my side, it made me sit here and think to myself, ‘Wow, what kind of person do you think I am?’ I would never be happy over someone losing their child.”

  “I know that and--”

  Holding up my finger, “You said you would let me talk, so please just let me finish.” I fold my hands and crack my knuckles and neck. It’s something I automatically do when I’m nervous and right now I don’t know if I have what it takes to say what I want to say. Then I look over my shoulder and see the picture of Ezra on the day he was born, and it gives me all the courage I need. “When I saw you at the signing, I couldn’t believe it was you standing there. I mean, what were the odds? We met under unique circumstances and I’m grateful that we did, because it gave me our son. But the bottom line is, we were never supposed to see each other again, that's what we agreed on. Then fate twisted and we did, and it was like all those feelings from that night of us being together came rushing back to the surface. Honestly, I think they never left, they were just buried deep down inside waiting to be brought to the surface.