On a Snowy Christmas Night

by Debbi Rawlins

She managed to get the liquid down, which did help lessen the burning in her throat. “I did, and look how well that turned out.”

  “In my defense, you weren’t supposed to gulp it.”

  “It’s still your fault,” she was able to utter without coughing.

  “How?”

  “By standing there—” she took another cautious sip, eyes downcast, and waved a hand in his general direction

  “—like that.”

  “Ah.” He noisily cleared his throat. “Perfectly normal healthy male reaction. It’s not like I planned it.” He turned to head toward the cot. “I’ll put my Levi’s back on.”

  “Are they dry?”

  He hesitated. “No.”

  “Well, then that’s silly.” Moving closer to the stove, she put her hands out to warm them, and longingly eyed the blanket. It had made a huge difference. “Use that instead. It’s your turn, anyway.”

  “I’m sorry, Shea. I am. We’ll be here awhile and I don’t want it to be awkward.”

  Had he already forgotten about the kiss? “No problem.” She couldn’t look at him but concentrated on rubbing her hands together. “Really, I understand. I know it’s not personal—” She gasped when she felt something touch her shoulders.

  It was Jesse, trying to drape the blanket around her.

  “No,” she said, attempting to evade him, except she was trapped between him and the stove. “I’m not cold, really, just my hands.”

  “You’re shivering.” He ran his palms down her arms, then stepped back.

  Clutching the blanket to her breasts, she turned to face him. “This solves only one problem,” she said, hoping she didn’t have to elaborate. “We’d both benefit from you covering up.”

  “Ah.” His lips twitched. “Problem is, that goes both ways.”

  This wasn’t good, him standing so close...her facing him. She could feel the heat spreading from her pelvis in all directions, not embarrassment exactly, but a sexual response that wasn’t listening at all to the voice in her head that insisted she settle down. How could she process what he was saying when she couldn’t think straight?

  She glanced down at her weak knees—at least they only felt wobbly. When she lifted her gaze she saw that he was a bit too interested in her legs.

  “Oh.” His words were starting to make sense. She blinked, and instinctively glanced at his fly. “You said it wasn’t personal.”

  “No, you said that.” He rubbed the back of his head, his cheeks puffing out as he exhaled. “Do us both a favor,” he said gruffly. “Keep the blanket.”

  “Jesse...” She started to touch his arm, then reconsidered.

  “What?” He wouldn’t look at her.

  “Thank you...for everything.”

  “Sure. No problem.” He went around the stove to the cot and picked up his jeans.

  “Wait.”

  “I’m going outside to get more snow.”

  “Please, don’t.”

  “We have to maintain a water supply.”

  She didn’t want him to be angry with her. Or for him to misunderstand her reaction to him. If she let him leave he’d probably stay outside for as long as he could, all because of her and her awkward response. She’d never known what to say or do at the right time. “That’s not what I meant.”

  He shook out the jeans, and sat on the cot. Holding up the trousers, he leaned back and started to cram a leg in when she heard a rip. Jesse froze. Their eyes met for a split second, and then another loud tear. He jerked upright but not before the cot gave.

  “Goddammit.” He threw up an arm as he fell backward, and Shea caught his hand. He had a good eighty or ninety pounds on her and almost pulled her down with him. She held on tight, leaning back to use her own weight as leverage until he was able to stand.

  The look on his face was priceless. Pressing her lips together, she backed away and tried not to laugh.

  “You think that was funny?” He didn’t seem amused. “I was going to be a gentleman and give you the cot tonight.”

  “Thank you for testing it for me.” She managed to keep a straight face but when he caught her wrist and pulled her toward him, she let out a yelp.

  Momentarily panicked, she started to fight him. His expression stopped her. This was Jesse...but it wasn’t. The heat that had just started to calm flared again, licked up her spine and filled her chest. She couldn’t seem to speak. Her dry mouth felt as if it was filled with cotton. She couldn’t look away, either.

  His hooded brown eyes seemed darker, more intense, and his nostrils flared slightly. “I want to kiss you,” he said quietly. “I’m going to kiss you,” he amended. “You have to tell me no.”

  His arm came around her waist, and she melted against him. If she’d wanted to move it would’ve been impossible.

  Oddly, she wanted to stay right where she was, letting him trace her lips with his forefinger. The awareness coursing through her was both terrifying and exciting, nothing she’d ever experienced before. Even though sex with Brian had never been good, intellectually she thought she knew how she was supposed to feel. This wasn’t like anything she’d imagined.

  She swallowed around the lump in her throat. How long had it been since she’d been kissed? A year, two years? Long before Brian had moved out, their physical relationship had died. They might as well have been brother and sister or platonic roommates. The way she felt with her breasts pressed against Jesse’s chest was anything but sisterly.

  He dipped his head and brushed his lips across hers. “Last chance.”

  She took a shuddering breath, not understanding her sudden frustration. Outrage or reticence or even fear would be far more appropriate responses. But frustration?

  His other arm came around her so that both his hands rested on the curve of her backside. She fisted the blanket so tightly that her nails dug into her palms. Her whole body shifted, yet he hadn’t moved her...so what...?

  To her utter astonishment, she’d pushed up onto the tips of her toes. He touched his tongue to the corner of her mouth, and her lips seemed to part without her permission. Still he didn’t rush, just tasted and teased, chasing away her confusion until she softened her mouth and opened wide enough to invite him inside.

  Groaning, he pulled her closer to his lean, hard body. The thickness and heat of his erection was startling, but she didn’t want him to stop. She just stood there and let him kiss her, slowly, thoroughly, as she’d never been kissed before. The dark stubble on his chin and jaw lightly grazed her skin, and how could she possibly find that arousing? Nothing made sense.

  When he drew his head back, her vision was so bleary she could barely see his face.

  “I’m pretty sure you don’t mind me kissing you,” he said, then gently brushed his lips across hers. “But you’re not kissing me back.”

  “You’re going to be disappointed,” she whispered, her voice shaky.

  He stilled and gave her a long puzzled look. “Disappointed?”

  Blinking away the remnants of her hazy vision, she nodded and looked him directly in the eyes, hoping he’d understand.

  “You won’t disappoint me.” His expression softened. “I can promise you that.”

  “I wasn’t referring only to myself.” Her gaze didn’t waver. “I’ll be disappointed, too.”

  His brows shot up, his hands at her back slackened and he choked out a laugh.

  “The kissing was nice,” she admitted, mildly startled that she wished he was still kissing her. “But going further will just mess everything up. We both know sex never lives up to expectations.”

  “Uh...” He studied her face. “No, somehow that one got by me.”

  Shea sighed. Yes, she was often clueless. She knew that, but the male ego was one thing she did understand. Good grief, she hoped he didn’t mistake her edict for a challenge. She’d stated a simple fact, that’s all.

  Her gaze snagged on his damp mouth. He truly had great lips, perfectly shaped and just the right amount of fullness. Darn it
. Maybe she should’ve let him kiss her a bit longer before she brought up the harsh truth.

  “Well, I’m glad we cleared that up,” she said, moving back until he released her.

  “Yeah, clear as mud.” He gave her a crooked smile. “I don’t know who you’ve—” Stopping himself, he passed a hand over his face then exhaled slowly. “Think I’ll go get that snow.”

  He grabbed the bucket and was out the door before she could remind him he’d forgotten to put on his jeans.

  * * *

  THE SKY WAS STILL dark gray, but not black like it had been earlier. Jesse squinted up at the falling snow and then to the pine trees flanking the shack, their branches hanging heavy with ice. He hated sleet. Give him the good ol’ powdery variety any day.

  And a woman he could understand.

  Not that he could figure out most of them. With Shea, though, he was way out of his depth. No matter. If he didn’t go back inside, his pecker was liable to freeze off.

  Shit. How could a man forget to put on his Levi’s?

  Before he started shivering like a damn fool, he carried the bucket of snow inside. He was immediately greeted by Shea holding open the blanket. “Keep that on,” he said, walking past her to place the bucket close to the heat.

  “Don’t be stubborn.”

  “I’m being sensible.” He picked up his jeans. “You not getting your way doesn’t make me stubborn.”

  She yanked the Levi’s out of his hands. “They aren’t dry. Not even close. How rational does that make you?”

  Surprised, he noticed the slight lift of her chin. “Good. Something lit a fire under your butt. We could use all the heat we can get.” He’d had a better way of warming up but that obviously wasn’t going to work. “Give me back my jeans.”

  “No.” She tossed them on the cot, then blocked his avenue to retrieve them and held up the blanket again.

  He thought for a moment. “Okay, have it your way.” He turned around, smiling when she couldn’t see his face, waiting for her to drape the blanket on his shoulders.

  She did, her hands tentative and hovering. “Have you got it?”

  Before she could move away, he caught the edge of the material and shifted positions to face her. “So, how do you see this playing out?”

  “This?” Moistening her lips, she took a step back.

  “One blanket, limited supply of wood. The wind has subsided, the snow has let up some, but not enough...” He kept his gaze level with hers, resisting the urge to look down at her bare legs. “Most likely we’ll be here all night.”

  “Yes, but this isn’t new information. We’ve already considered the possibility.”

  “True, but we haven’t discussed how to rationally make our night as comfortable as possible.”

  “We have to behave like adults.”

  “I figured that was a given.” He smiled when her gaze sharpened into a slight glare. He couldn’t help it then, and glanced down at her legs, to that sweet spot, that narrow strip of space where her thighs didn’t touch. It was a turn-on for him, had been since he’d been old enough to appreciate the opposite sex.

  Shea took a deep shuddering breath that snapped him back to the conversation. “That wasn’t a challenge,” she said softly, “what I told you earlier.”

  “What?” He had no business playing dumb. Gawking at her like he had, he deserved to be called out. “I didn’t interpret it as a challenge.” He wished she’d take the damn blanket. Not just to cover up, but he wanted her warm. “Naturally it crossed my mind that you haven’t been with the right guys—”

  She rolled her eyes.

  “Hey, like I said, it was a natural reaction. Sex is great. Usually. Sometimes not so much. I’m speaking in general terms....”

  With a resigned expression, she shook her head. “We’re conditioned to assume that it’s this spectacular event that we should— What’s that look for? You think I’m a virgin.”

  “Nope. I’m not thinking anything.” He tapped a forefinger at his temple. “Totally empty in here.”

  “I’ve had sex before. I even lived with someone for almost two years.”

  He frowned, taking a second to mull over a disturbing thought. “A guy?”

  “Yes,” she said through gritted teeth. “A guy. Maybe that was the problem. I joined the wrong team.”

  “I reckon that’s a possibility.” Jesse grinned when she rolled her eyes, but he didn’t miss the goose bumps on her legs. The shack was still chilly. “Hey, I’ll talk this thing to death if you want, but only if you take the blanket.”

  “I don’t want to discuss it anymore. My sex life, or lack thereof, is no one’s business. I just wanted to clarify the situation.”

  “Right.” He swung the blanket off his shoulders and onto hers before she could object. “Here’s the thing,” he said, carefully tucking the material under her chin. “You might not think about sex or be easily turned on, but I’m not immune like you. Having to look at your bare legs is sheer torture.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Really?”

  He could’ve pointed out that she’d already seen the proof but thought better of it. “You’re very attractive, and I’m cold, not dead.” He watched her expression slide into skepticism. “Is that so hard to believe?”

  “Frankly, yes.”

  Man, he’d love a minute alone with the guy responsible for her self-doubt. “Look, you owe me one for landing the Cessna and bringing you here. Can we agree on that?”

  “We can,” she said cautiously.

  “I’m calling in the favor. You keep that blanket around you until it’s time to bed down.”

  “Then?”

  “We share it.”

  She studied him as though she guessed he was up to something. “The two-people, one-blanket version?”

  “Shouldn’t be a problem, right? You’re not interested in sex.” He shrugged and turned to check if the fire was ready for more wood. “Or me.”

  “I don’t believe I put it quite that way.”

  “But that’s the bottom line.” He chose one of the larger logs. Once they were both under the blanket he could afford to let the temperature drop some. “Right?”

  “I suppose.” She moved to look inside the stove, keeping her gaze on the fire and away from him. “No, that’s not accurate.” She took a deep shuddering breath. “If I were interested, someone like you would appeal to me.”

  “Ah, I feel better already.”

  “Come on. I’m just trying to be truthful.”

  He slid her a sideways glance and smiled. “So what happened with the guy you were living with?”

  “Brian? He moved out,” she said in a matter-of-fact tone. “I don’t blame him in the least. He had the good sense to do what I was too lethargic to do myself.”

  “How enlightened.”

  A faint smile tugged at her lips. “My realization hardly happened overnight.”

  He wondered how long it had been since the breakup. Could be why she was here instead of spending the holidays at home. “How did you meet? In college?”

  She shook her head. “At work.”

  “You both still at the same company?”

  “Yes, but our paths don’t cross much. Anyway, he has a new girlfriend who works in accounting.” Shea seemed genuinely indifferent, and then she squinted at something behind him. “What’s that in the corner behind the crate?”

  He thought she might be trying to change the subject until she clutched his arm when he turned to look.

  “Be careful. It might be an animal. It wasn’t there before,” she said, her fingers digging into his biceps.

  If it was an animal, they’d have known it before now. He grabbed the flashlight and shined the beam at the dark lump. That’s right, he remembered the crack in the wall and how he’d blocked it with a bedroll. Could be useful, but he had no idea what kind of shape it was in by now.

  He hesitated telling her what it was. She’d move away as soon as he did. “It’s a sleeping bag.”


  “How do you know?”

  “I put it there last time I was here.”

  “Oh.” She stayed where she was, her hand still wrapped around his arm. “I could’ve sworn it wasn’t there before.”

  He turned his head to look at her face. “It’s in shadow, easy to miss.”

  Her tongue slipped out, and she ran it across her upper lip. “I’m not volunteering to inspect it.”

  “Chicken,” he murmured.

  “I am,” she whispered back, although he had the feeling she wasn’t talking about the sleeping bag anymore. Not with that look in her eyes, and the way she was staring at his mouth as she swayed toward him. “But I don’t want to be.”

  He caught her shoulders, pretty sure he knew what she wanted. Dammit, he’d sworn he wouldn’t do this. If he’d misread her, he’d regret it for a very long time. “Shea...”

  “Please.”

  The yearning in her eyes stirred something primal inside him. He lowered his head and kissed her.

  11

  WHAT WAS WRONG with her? Shea knew better. She’d been lucky the first time. Their earlier kiss had been about the moment. Something easy to explain and dismiss. But now? The night would inevitably end in yet more disillusionment, then the rest of her stay would be awkward. Every time she saw Jesse again she’d regret this momentary weakness. She’d die a little whenever he averted his gaze, unable to look at her without remembering the most frustrating night of his life.

  So she simply stood there, trying so hard to just let this part be perfect, a memory to take with her before things changed. Angry that her body wanted so much more. Her chest tightened and she struggled against the urge to squeeze her thighs together. She was getting damp there, more than damp.

  “We shouldn’t do this,” she whispered against his mouth.

  He took his time, nibbling lightly at her lips, barely touching her yet exciting her as no one had ever done before. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

  “Yes. No.” She struggled for air. “I don’t know,” she said brokenly, alarmed at the burning ache in the pit of her

  stomach.

  His arms came around her, pulling her against his body, one hand stroking her back, the other tangling in her hair. She let out a gasp at the feel of his thick erection pressed against her belly.