AJ Mirag - Clippings

by Clippings (lit)

  “You and Mephisto seem to be getting along quite well,”

  commented the Professor one afternoon.

  Daniel felt himself blushing and tried to conceal his embarrassment. “Well, yes, we are.”

  “He's very closed off. If you two became friends, it would be good for him.”

  Daniel had a sudden inspiration. “When are you going to show me his entry in your Encyclopaedia Infernalis?”

  “Oh... Why not now?” The Professor typed a few letters on his laptop keyboard, and then turned the screen to face Daniel.

  On the screen, there was the illustration of an armored fish, as thin as an eel but with sharp teeth and powerful jaws, the Mephistosphinx abyssalis. The entry said: “Lives in the abyssal depths and feeds on copepods and small shrimps. When chasing prey, his appearance is calm and harmless, but the prey invariably ends up falling in his ingenious traps. He lives alone and rarely mates, but when he does, he fiercely protects his family.”

  Daniel was a bit disappointed. “I don't agree with you. He's not like that. He's not treacherous.”

  The Professor arched up an eyebrow. “Be careful. Haven't you just read that his appearance is calm and harmless when he's chasing prey?”

  Daniel remembered, once again, Josiah's warning about Mephisto. “So you think I'm prey for him?”

  The Professor shrugged. “How can I know? He's a sphinx, as his name says: Mephistosphinx.”

  “That's true. He's a mystery. If you're right and he considers me prey, how can I protect myself?”

  “Oh, don't worry too much. Mephisto has his mysterious ways and ends up getting what he wants, but he's not going to hurt you.

  On the contrary, he protects you fiercely. When I say you may be prey, I don't mean that he's going to eat you. Well, not literally...”

  added the Professor mischievously.

  Daniel felt his face burning. The Professor was clearly mocking him, and he was falling in his traps like a fool. He decided to change the subject. “What about my entry? Have you finished it?”

  “Hmm, not yet. You are going through a metamorphosis. We have to wait until your transformation is complete.”

  Daniel wanted to punch the Professor. Sometimes he was really annoying.

  _________

  Daniel noticed that some afternoons Mephisto would come back to the shack with his hair wet and smelling of different soap. It wasn't Daniel's business, but he was puzzled. One day he found a small box full of condoms on one of the lower shelves. He pondered the subject and had an idea: he counted the condoms and wrote the number in a notebook his mother had given him to write his “Prison Diary.” His suspicions were confirmed: every time Mephisto came back with his hair wet, a condom had disappeared from the box.

  Daniel mentioned to Julinho his suspicions that Mephisto had

  “another guy” in the Detention House. Julinho advised Daniel to pretend that he didn't know anything, because “that's how men are:

  they go in ravage mode when they see a nice ass.” Daniel suppressed his laughter at Julinho's ideas, but the possibility that Mephisto might be behaving in such a vulgar manner left him disappointed.

  Daniel started watching Mephisto every day after lunch, instead of going to the Professor's shack. One day he saw Mephisto fumbling around with the shelves and discreetly pulling the small box out to grab a condom, which he put into the pocket of his trousers.

  “I have some business to attend to. I won't be long,” said Mephisto, as always.

  As soon as Mephisto stepped out, Daniel opened the door and saw Mephisto walking along the left side of the corridor and turning around the corner. Daniel ran to the corner and stopped to see Mephisto passing through the barred door before the staircase. He waited a few seconds and ran to the staircase, and then down the stairs. On the fourth floor, he didn't see Mephisto, and concluded he had continued descending the stairs, for he couldn't have disappeared so fast. Daniel went quickly down to the third floor and saw Mephisto walking along the gallery and entering a shack.

  His heart leaping in his chest, Daniel passed through the barred door and ran to the door where Mephisto had just entered, and which was being locked at that very moment. Daniel peeked through the hatch before anyone inside the shack could pull the Fuck-in- Peace closed. To his surprise, however, the door was opened, and he found himself face-to-face with a young man of about his age, with long, lush black hair, porcelain skin and a half-open silk robe.

  “Hello. What can I do for you?” asked the young man.

  Daniel couldn't find the words. He had to find an excuse quickly.

  But when he was going to open his mouth, Mephisto was already at the door, looking at him bewilderedly.

  “Daniel!” Before Daniel could speak, Mephisto turned to the young man, “Adonis, excuse me, I'll talk to you later.” Mephisto held Daniel by the arm, firmly but not enough to hurt him. “Let's go back to our shack.”

  Mephisto didn't let go of Daniel's arm as they went upstairs and through the fifth floor gallery. Daniel was feeling devastated and ridiculous at the same time. When they entered their shack and Mephisto locked the door, Daniel leaned on the set of bunk beds and waited. He didn't know what to say.

  Mephisto's eyebrows knit together in puzzlement. “Why did you go there?”

  To gain courage, Daniel gathered the anger and disappointment he was feeling. “I wanted to know who was the faggot you were fucking.”

  Mephisto glared daggers at him, and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “And are you satisfied, now?”

  “No. He isn't vulgar enough,” replied Daniel. “You deserve worse than that.”

  For a moment, Daniel thought Mephisto was going to slap him, and braced himself for it, but the slap never came. Mephisto clenched both fists, clearly struggling to control his anger. Then he took a deep breath before saying, in his most menacing tone, “You're entitled to your opinions, but you don't have the right to interfere in my personal life. If you are a homophobe and...”

  “I'm not a homophobe!” protested Daniel. “I have many gay friends. I have no problem with gays. But my friends don't rape guys twenty years younger than they are.”

  “Now listen here.” Mephisto was breathing hard. “Back off. I don't want to hurt you, and I’m starting to think about it.”

  “Yeah, sure,” said Daniel sardonically. “You're the greatest protector of the afflicted.”

  “Don't play with fire, brat. Think of what you’re saying and don’t be a coward. Look straight into my eyes. Get one thing into your head: I've never raped anyone. Never, you understand? Never.

  Adonis is a whore. He's very well paid to do what he does. More than that: he enjoys what he does.”

  “But he's about twenty years younger than you.”

  “He's of age, or he wouldn't be here,” said Mephisto.

  Daniel sat on his bed, lacking arguments. He felt twice defeated.

  Mephisto was still staring at him, as if trying to decipher him.

  “What's your problem? Is it the age difference? Does that shock you?”

  “I don't know.”

  “If that's the problem, I'm sorry, but things are different here.

  Age is not as important as in your bourgeois world.”

  “It's not that. It's just that...I thought you were different.”

  Mephisto crossed his arms again. “Different? What do you mean, different? You thought I was asexual? A celibate? A saint? Well, I'm not. I like sex. When I can't find anyone to have sex with me for the mere pleasure of it, I don't mind paying for it.”

  Daniel shook his head. “Forget it.”

  Mephisto sat on the other end of the bed and kept looking at Daniel, frowning. Suddenly, Daniel saw a light sparking in the depths of the black eyes.

  “You're jealous,” said Mephisto.

  “No!” shouted Daniel, standing up so that he wouldn't have to face Mephisto. “It's nothing of that sort. I was just thinking of all this shit that happens here. What
men like Shadow and Alfeu do. I thought you were different, but now I see you're not as different as I had thought. But let it be. Like you said, your life is not my business.

  Go back to your Adonis, if that's what you want.”

  Mephisto stood up. “I'm going to take a walk to clear my mind,”

  he said, stomping out of the shack.

  _________

  Mephisto returned a few minutes before the Cleaners arrived bringing dinner. From then on he didn't talk to Daniel unless absolutely necessary. Daniel tried to go on as if nothing had happened, but failed miserably.

  The next day the Professor noticed there was something wrong.

  “What happened between you and Mephisto?”

  “It's nothing serious. We had a disagreement.”

  The Professor shook his head. “Daniel, Daniel... Don't mistreat my friend like that.”

  “Me? What have I done? What did he tell you?”

  “Nothing. You know how he is: closed as a clam.”

  “Then why do you think the fault is mine?”

  The Professor smiled. “Because you look guilty.”

  Unfortunately for Daniel, it was true: he felt guilty, and very confused.

  The following days, Mephisto kept his distance. He didn't come back with his hair wet anymore, and the condoms remained untouched in the small box, but he tried to stay as far from Daniel as possible for as long as he could.

  On the fifth night after their fight, Daniel went to bed but couldn't get to sleep. Mephisto had turned off the shack lights, climbed up to his bunk and turned on the small lamp he used to read in bed.

  Daniel was tired of that situation. The accusations he had thrown at Mephisto were ridiculous, he acknowledged that now. Mephisto hadn't done anything wrong. It was obvious that Mephisto wasn't a rapist. Josiah must have made that up, to scare Daniel. Or, supposing that Mephisto had been a short-eyes once, he had surely changed, for Daniel had been sleeping in the same room as him for a month and a half, and Mephisto had never touched him in a sexual way.

  Although Daniel was eaten up with jealousy, he acknowledged that Mephisto had the right to have sex with whomever he wished.

  He was tired of feeling guilty and missed his conversations with Mephisto.

  Daniel stood up and was surprised to see that, in spite of having a book in his hands, Mephisto wasn't either reading or sleeping. He was just lying there in silence looking at the wall.

  Seeing Daniel on his feet, Mephisto raised his head, propping himself up on his elbows. “What is it?”

  Daniel came closer to him. “I'm sorry, Vlado. You’re right. I apologize.”

  Mephisto's eyes clouded up as he held Daniel's hand with his own and squeezed it softly before taking it to his lips and pressing a tender kiss on it. “Good night, Daniel.”

  Daniel came back to his bed with his heart racing fast. Mephisto turned off the small lamp, but Daniel thought he would never be able to sleep again. Mephisto's kiss replayed in his mind over and over, and a tingling heat spread through his body.

  Daniel wondered what was happening with himself. Was he turning gay? It was probably from being in prison for too long. There was too much emotional pressure, too much tension, too much loneliness.

  _________

  Sunday was a melancholy day for the prisoners who didn't receive intimate visits. Perhaps for that reason, on the next Sunday Mephisto invited Daniel to the pastelaria9 that a convict called Garapa10 had opened on the third floor. Garapa was selling caipirinha made with Crazy Mary, the cachaça distilled in Block Five, and insisted they try it. They ended up agreeing, and Garapa poured a glass for each of them. The caipirinha was excellent, and Daniel ordered another glass, under Mephisto's scandalized look.

  They sat at a small wooden table facing each other. At the table beside theirs, a transvestite was sitting on a convict's lap. At another table, Umbelino, a local leader who belonged to a criminal organization, a secession from the Radical Vanguard of Crime, was talking to three other prisoners in a low voice.

  “How can they distill cachaça inside the prison?” drawled Daniel, his head starting to feel light and wooly.

  “It's made from popcorn,” said Mephisto. “You just have to mix some popcorn kernels with sugar and fruit peels in a pot, close it tight and let it brew for a week. After that, you pour the mixture into a can with a hole on top, and insert a small hose connected to a copper serpentine. Then you put the tin on the stove to boil, and keep refreshing the hose with cool water. The contact of the vapor with the copper serpentine causes the liquid to condense. The convicts put a bottle at the end of the serpentine to collect the cachaça. It's a very strong cachaça, so stop drinking it now. I don't want to have to carry you back to the shack.”

  The image of Mephisto carrying him in his arms didn't displease Daniel at all. “Hmmm... I want you to carry me back.”

  “Don't talk nonsense. Stand up. Let's go back to the shack now.

  Walking.”

  Daniel pouted. “Killjoy.”

  On their way back to the shack, Daniel couldn't walk straight and kept purposefully stumbling against Mephisto, who glared at him, but held him firmly.

  When they arrived in the shack, Mephisto forced him to drink a glass of water, then a mug of tea. Daniel watched Mephisto preparing tea on the makeshift stove on the table and wondered how he could have found Mephisto ugly. It was as if, for the first time, Daniel was seeing Mephisto like he really was. And he was very attractive, with his lean body, deft hands, deep black eyes...

  “Don't look at me like that, brat,” murmured Mephisto, his voice hoarse. “If I didn't know you were four sheets to the wind, I'd pounce on you right now...”

  As Mephisto would not come to Daniel, Daniel went to Mephisto and clutched him tightly. Mephisto embraced him back, but with restraint. Daniel listened to his companion's heart hammering against his own. Mephisto buried his nose on the curve of Daniel's neck and his lips touched the sensitive skin just for a brief moment. Daniel was overcome with lust, but Mephisto slowly pushed him away.

  “If that's what you really want,” said Mephisto, “you'll have to come to me when you're sober, you understand? Now drink your tea and go to bed.”

  _________

  The next day, Daniel was sober, but still tortured by a burning lust. His mother had included a shampoo in the latest jumbo, and Daniel had told Mephisto he could use it too. In the evening, when Mephisto stepped out of the shower naked and smelling of the subtle fragrance of that shampoo, Daniel couldn't take his eyes off him.

  Mephisto didn't even seem to notice; he combed his hair in front of the bathroom mirror, then dressed himself and started preparing tea.

  At sleeping time, Mephisto took off his t-shirt and his trousers and went up to his bed just with his briefs on, as he did every night.

  As Mephisto read on the upper bed, Daniel tossed and turned on the lower bed, unable to sleep.

  To hell with everything, he thought. After all, if Mephisto was a dark angel and lived in hell, that was where Daniel wanted to be, too.

  He stood up and climbed the ladder to the upper bed. Mephisto put down his book and just waited... Daniel started taking off his pajama shirt, under the older man's intense look. When he was in his briefs, he lay beside Mephisto, under the two Mexican-style bedspreads Mephisto had been using now that Daniel had his own blankets.

  Daniel wrapped an arm around his waist and felt Mephisto dragging in a ragged breath before embracing him back.

  “Daniel... If you knew how many times I dreamed of this...”

  “I don't know what to do,” said Daniel shyly. “I've never done anything...with a man.”

  Mephisto kissed his forehead, his eyelids, but didn't touch Daniel's lips. “Let me take care of you,” he murmured, his lips barely brushing Daniel's. “I won't do anything you don't want me to.”

  “Vlado... Kiss me, please.”

  For a moment, Daniel thought Mephisto was never going to kiss him, but suddenly thei
r lips touched again, and this time it was for real. Mephisto tilted his head so that his nose didn't get in the way.

  Daniel knew how to kiss. He had dated three girls, and had even had a steady girlfriend with whom he had had sex occasionally. But when Mephisto captured his lips and their bodies pressed against each other, Daniel realized there was no possible comparison between what he had experienced with the girls and what Mephisto was doing to him. Mephisto was pure desire, and a desire so intense that it spread like a fire through Daniel's body.

  It shouldn't be so good, thought Daniel. It shouldn't feel like the fulfilling of a long-held dream. Daniel was surprised to hear a moan escaping his own throat.

  Mephisto tore his lips from Daniel's and stared at him. “I hadn't realized before that there's a violet gleam in your eyes.”

  A violet gleam? Daniel had never noticed it himself. His mother had lilac eyes, so it wouldn't be surprising. Daniel brushed aside a strand of black hair (smooth, he noticed — the new shampoo was really good) that had fallen across Mephisto's face. “Yours are jet- black, but sometimes it looks like there's fire in them,” said Daniel, fearing he had said a cliché that would trigger more clichés until he was drowned in a sea of sugary clichés. He was glad when Mephisto didn't answer with words, but by kissing him again, more passionately than before.

  Daniel surrendered to the lust and possessiveness that emanated from the older man, expecting to feel at any moment some kind of disgust for what he was doing, exchanging caresses with another man. But all that he felt was Mephisto — Mephisto's body molding to his, his tongue claiming acceptance, his hands awakening every part of Daniel's body, setting him on fire. Everything was Mephisto, and everything was right — it couldn't be more right.

  His lips never leaving Daniel's, Mephisto ran his hand down Daniel's back and rested it on his buttocks. Daniel had neither fear nor shame, just desire.