by L. U. Ann
Evan squeals at the facial expressions Devon is making to entertain him. It cracks both of them up. Devon is so easy with him, almost acting like a kid himself. If it continues, I will start to wonder whom he is coming to visit, Evan or me. Even Mom gets caught up in the fun.
Devon and I are friends. That much I know. He is an affectionate type of person, and so it's not out of character for him to give me a quick goodbye kiss on the cheek. He’s even hugged my mom the past couple of days when she comes and goes.
Watching as they babble a conversation back and forth, I wonder if I've made another colossal mistake by introducing Evan to Devon. Is that fair to Evan? I'm almost positive we will continue to be friends once I'm released.
He doesn't do rounds on this side of the hospital, so I know he goes out of his way to see me, but will he make an effort once I'm home? I guess I can only hope. Devon seems interested in a friendship, and if I'm honest with myself, I will miss him if we don't see each other. There is an undeniable pull I feel when I'm with him. As much as I try to ignore it, I know when his eyes are on me, I know when he is close, and I can feel his presence before I see him. It's as if we are two separate poles being pulled closer by a strong magnetic force.
"Eeeeevvvvvvaaaaaaannnnnnn." Devon uses his super hero voice, causing Evan to laugh harder. The giggles are intoxicating to that happy place in my heart. I love Evan so, so much. He jams his fist inside his mouth as far as it can go while trying to blab something to Devon. My heart swells with joy and passion, thinking about my future, and no, no, no. Not going there. I can't think about things like that right now. Life is Evan and me. That is all I need. I am all he needs. Getting better is my focus so I can care for him morning, noon, and night.
Today, I have a set back and I'm trying hard not to show how much pain I'm in because I'm scared it will change my discharge date in two days. I can't wait to get out of here. My nerves are shot. “Here’s your medicine, Honey,” the nurse says. The doctors think I’m depressed and want me to take a magical pill to make me all better. Really? If a pill can make me happy, wouldn't I have signed up for that years ago? I also know Mom won't be bringing Evan by today.
"Hello!" Mom cheerfully enters the room, and Becca gives her a strange look. "Are you feeling okay?" she asks. "Oh no, did you have another dream?"
I roll my eyes. "It’s fine, Mom." I can't tell her what's really going on, not the fact that I've denied my pain and that these stupid Smurfs keep pushing me so hard. Do they realize I have a son? I want to go home? I don't want any more of this shit.
Mom leans in to kiss my cheek, takes a deep breath, and looks over at Becca for help.
What on earth?
"Love, you are going to be out of here in a couple of days. You've gotten this far, and you need to stay strong for Evan. Unless you want him calling me Mama. I can make it happen in no time, you know."
I narrow my eyes at Becca. My current state of frustration has no room for sarcasm.
Shaking her head, she says, "Fine, you know I'm teasing." Becca walks over to the table next to the doorway where people like to dump their stuff when they enter my room. She grabs my lunch that someone must have placed there.
Setting the tray in front of me, she quips, "Let's see what we have today, Love. Yum, a grilled cheese, curly fries, and apple slices. Looks like an All-American kid’s meal." Becca turns her nose up. "How on God's green earth do they call this healthy?"
I reach to grab my savory sandwich and salty fries before she holds them hostage. "Becca, give me a break. The least you can do is allow me to be excited about my lunch, even though it's hardly a meal. You're not the one who has been cooped up in a hospital."
"I'm not even going to justify that statement with a response. I cannot believe you."
Uh oh.
Becca pushes herself up. "You know, Lacey, that is so not fair. I know you want to be home with Evan, but I come here at every opportunity, thinking I can help you get out of here earlier to get you to your little man. I'm tired of the ‘feeling sorry for yourself’ act. Bad things happen to good people and it's time for you to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You’re my best friend and I will do anything for you, but you need to remember that I'm your best friend, too. I love you, but enough is enough. Pick up your chin, kick some butt in physical therapy, and get out of here and home to your son. You'll live happily ever after, I promise."
I stare into space, not sure exactly how I'm supposed to feel from that verbal bitch slap.
She immediately apologizes, realizing she may have overstepped. I shake my head no. She shouldn't be apologizing. She’s right. How ungrateful have I been?
"I'm so sorry, Becca."
She shakes her head and bolts out of the room. I'm not sure if she's upset over what she just said, or how I've acted like a selfish brat. I turn towards Mom to ask her to run after her but she's already on her feet walking through the door without a word.
I have to quit feeling sorry for myself. There is a little boy waiting for me to get out of here. Sliding my feet to the side of the bed, I push myself to stand on my own with no one’s help. I can do this, even though it hurts like hell. Taking deep breaths, I will the pain away and begin to move my feet.
My sole focus is to push myself to walk without any assistance, including the cane that my physical therapist wants me to use. I don't even hear when he walks in.
"Lacey?"
He fucking scares the shit out of me. I whip my head around, knocking myself off balance. Oh yes, it's a beautiful moment just like in the movies. Girl goes down, guy runs to her aid just in time to rescue her. They fall in love, have two and a half children, and grow old together. Yeah, that's just not going to happen. Hell to the no! Not in this lifetime, buddy.
"Caine, I don't need your help. Why are you even here?" I gaze with anger into the big brown eyes that I once loved.
"Lacey, I'm leaving in the morning."
I gasp, not expecting him to say that. Evan will be without two parents.
"I know I have a few more days, but I've been thinking. You made it clear you're not coming with me. I was only sticking around, waiting for you to get out of here. I figured I would save us both the heartache and take the extra time to get settled. I only stopped in to say good-bye."
"Oh?" Fuck, I can't speak. Think, Lacey, dammit, think. What in the hell is wrong with me? I don't want him in my life, so why am I suddenly feeling lost? "Um..." Really Lacey, that's all you've got?
"Don't worry, Lacey. You don't have to say anything. I wish the best for you, and hopefully you'll be out soon."
He dutifully helps me into Mom’s comfy chair. I'm staring at him, unable to say anything intelligent.
"Take care of yourself." He kisses my cheek. "I really do love you, Lacey. I think I will always love you. I'm sorry for everything." With tears building in his eyes, he turns and walks out.
I don't realize I'm still staring at the doorway until Mom walks in. Fuck, I have tears. Why the hell do I have fucking tears? Why does he keep doing this to me? Ok, I can't take it any longer. This is the best thing that could ever happen. I need to release him so that I can live in peace with Evan. Evan. Did he say goodbye to Evan?
"Mom?"
“Yes, Sweetie,” she answers.
Doesn't she realize I don't like that word?
"Has Caine seen Evan today?"
Mom looks down at her flawless nails for a brief moment. If I hadn’t been intently studying her, I would have missed that something is bothering her.
"He... ah... he's on his way to see him now."
Huh, it feels like something is way off but Mom isn't giving me any clues.
"Shouldn't you be there?" I pause. "Wait, did you catch up to Becca?"
"Yes, I caught her talking to one of your doctors outside. I know she is truly upset about how she spoke to you, but I think there is some truth to that. Don't you, Lacey?"
I shut my eyes and nod, feeling defeated.
"Becca is on her way
to see Evan right now. Lane and Blake have him, and Becca wanted to be there for Evan in case he gets upset." Mom's eyes tear up.
"Is something going on?" I cautiously ask.
"No, Sweetie, I just didn't want to be there after everything Caine has done to you and Evan."
"I know. I feel bad that Evan is going to be without both parents. I need to get out of here."
Mom shoots up off the bed. "Honey, I'll be right back. I have something in my eye."
Okay. What the hell is going on? Why doesn't Mom use my private bathroom instead of running out of the room? I don't understand why she is behaving like this. She can't stand Caine now that I’ve enlightened her as to why I'm not taking him back. Weird.
The wakeup call from Becca is something I needed. So why did she run out of the room upset? And then Caine pulls his fucking whiplash of emotions on me again. I can't be sad over Caine leaving. I unfortunately lost myself under his vehement control. I need to stop thinking about everything.
Nothing is going to change by me sitting here at war with my inner feelings. I need to get up and move around anyway. Standing, woo-hoo, I'm standing! I think Caine's sudden change of plan is playing with my mind. How can I love someone and hate him at the same time? I need to gather myself before I take my frustration out on the next person walking through the doorway.
"Knock, knock." Easy Mindy surprises me. "Sugar, I come to visit my old patient, and what do I see? You're getting up without anyone helping you? I'm gonna sit on you like a sack of potatoes next time I find you pulling this little stunt. Are we clear?"
I mutter, "Clear as mud,” which causes Smurfette to raise an eyebrow.
I roll my eyes at her forwardness.
Easy Mindy has grown on me since the day I met her. Her gentle demeanor and lack of concern for what spills from her lips draw me to confess the hidden feelings I sadly have for Caine. I did say she has no problem calling a spade a spade, right? Yeah, that part sucked. I feel like I'm getting a harsh dose of reality today. First, it was Becca, then Caine, and now Mindy, whom I like to call Dirty Mindy when she pisses me off. Last week, she woke me up for physical therapy. I’d had a bad night and was feeling down because I couldn't be home with Evan. She came in the room, turning on every freaking bright light she could, threw the covers off me, and pulled me up herself. Mindy's a wee little thing. I never thought she would be successful, even though I'm pretty light…
"Hot damn, Lacey! You are beginning to grow a bubble butt from all this laying around. It's time to start working it. But we don't have time for that now. How about we get your stench ass in the shower? You are starting to attract flies." She swats my rear as I turn towards the bathroom.
I bring up my arm to smell, inhale, and nearly pass out. I was going to argue, but nope. I can't stand myself right now. No wonder Caine wanted to leave the state. I would, too.
Being freshly showered and shaved is just the little pick me up I needed. Looking at the image reflecting back to me in the bathroom mirror, it looks as if I've added twenty or more pounds. What the hell are they feeding me? I need to up the physical therapy and walk my ass down each and every hallway a hundred times to work off this weight.
I feel like a refreshed young person walking out of the bathroom, and find myself in the presence of a woman I haven’t seen in like forever, sitting in Mom's chair. It’s not the same chair I had back in the infirmary, but Becca made sure it was just as comfy as comfy can be in regards to a hospital chair. This lady is young at heart and keenly outspoken. “Well hello, Sweet Child.”
She gets up and walks over, engulfing me in a hug. I cringe on the inside from the pain in my ribs.
“I’m so happy to see you.” She pulls back, looking me in the eye and reminding me how I love this woman.
“When did you get in? No one told me you were coming.” I pause. “Wait, have you seen Evan? Did you know Caine's leaving for Maine tomorrow?” I quickly question, working to keep my tears in check.
She smiles a simple smile, holding all the wisdom one could only hope for. “Yes, sweet girl. I saw that gorgeous little boy of yours. And might I say, he looks an awful lot like his dear great-grandmother.” She winks and lets go of my shoulder.
“Oh, Grandma Pain, I’ve missed him so much while I have been here. I can’t wait to get out.”
“Don’t worry, child. You’ve come such a long way from what I hear. I’m certain it will all work out fine once we get you healed and out of here." She smiles.
Grandma Pain and I catch up, talking about how Evan is growing like a weed, as well as Caine. I quickly steer the conversation by asking questions about her. She fills me in on a hot new hunk she's been eyeballing at bingo, which causes me to laugh. A soft knock has me looking at the door where I see Devon. He's smiling, holding balloons in one hand and a teddy bear in the next.
"Hi," I say.
"Hi, Lacey. I don't mean to interrupt your conversation. Is this beautiful woman your sister?" he asks.
"Oh, Honey, aren't you a charming young man. I wish I were that young again. Oh, how I loved the days I tore up the town. Hmm, mmm, hmm." Grandma Pain is shaking her head while Devon and I laugh.
"Devon, this is the infamous Grandma Pain, Caine's grandmother; Grandma Pain, this is Devon. He's a junior here at Johns Hopkins."
Grandma Pain smirks and all I can do is pray that she behaves and doesn't say anything naughty. Who am I kidding?
"Oh my goodness gracious, why hello Devon. It's so nice to meet you." Grandma Pain bats her eyelashes. For the love of all that is holy! "How do you and Lacey know one another?"
I look nervously at Devon who clearly doesn't know what to say either.
"Um..." Devon tries to form the right words. I want to laugh at this insecure side of him. He always carries himself so well.
I smile. "Devon and I met at the same club where I met Caine."
Devon looks so nervous.
"Oh, I see," says Grandma Pain, eyeing Devon. "Tell me something, Devon. How come you’ve not moved in on my Lacey here and swept her off her feet?"
"Grandma Pain!" I gasp.
"What? That grandson of mine is an asshat for all he's done. Just like his mama."
"It's okay, Lacey." Devon assures me. "Do I call you Grandma Pain or would you like me to call you something else?"
"I'd like to call you my great-grandson's daddy, but no, go ahead and call me Grandma Pain."
I'm going to shrivel up and die right here. Holy cow, the woman is bold and can bring anyone to his knees with humiliation.
Devon chuckles, which only furthers my embarrassment. "Grandma Pain, I'm flattered you would like to see that in the future, and as much as I would love that too, I think it's up to Lacey."
I jump up to stare at Devon. What did he just say? I'm shaking my head. There is no way he just said what I think he said. Did he really? My heart is beating a mile a minute and will be surfacing soon, breaking the ribs I’ve spent so long healing.
"Lacey, don't go getting shy on us." Devon teases, winking.
"I'm not shy. I'm embarrassed. You two seem to be the only people amused." I try keeping a straight face because Grandma Pain is funny as hell.
"Come on, Sugar Pants," Devon says, making me laugh while he tries to hug me without causing me any pain.
"Sugar Pants? Why Sugar Pants?" I ask.
"Because Easy Mindy likes to call you Sugar." He shrugs. "It kind of popped in my head and I like it." He moves his eyebrows up and down in his enjoyment while I simply shake my head at the two.
"Oh, Devon, it's nice to see you again." Mom says, walking back into the room. "Grandma Pain, I'm so happy you made it. Becca and Lane are at the house with Patrick if you'd like me to take you back now."
What?
"Wait, I don't understand. When did you meet Becca, Lane, and my father?" I ask Grandma Pain.
"Sweetheart, I made a trip up here while you were unconscious. I was on the first flight out when I finally got the information out of that grand
son of mine." She shakes her head as if disgusted.
Hmm...
"While I was here, I was able to get to know your family very well. And how do you suppose I got here today? Your mom is the daughter I always wanted." She snickers, giving Mom a glance, and I smile.
I know this is great for Mom. She always loved entertaining wise women.
"I just got in last night."
"Oh, I see."
"Lacey, we’re going to go home now and spend some time with Evan before the day is over, okay, Sweetie?"
I nod but hesitate. She knows what’s going through my head.
Mom comes over, smiles at me, and places a kiss on my cheek. “Evan has been with Lane and Blake all day, Sweetie. I promise he won’t be left alone.”
I give her a barely-there smile.
"Ok, thank you for dropping by. I love you. Oh, Grandma Pain, are you going to be here for a few days?" I ask.
"Yes, and I'll be back to see you if these old bones will allow it."
"I'd like that, but I think they are letting me out of here the day after tomorrow."
"All right, Sugar Pants." She giggles, looking at Devon. Really people? "I love you." She kisses my cheek.
"I love you, too, and thank you for coming. I'm so happy you are here."
I watch Mom gather up her purse. She must have knocked it over when running out to Becca earlier. We say our goodbyes and then it's just Devon and me.
I clear my throat to try to dispel the nervous energy in the air. "Would you like to watch something on television?" I ask, watching Devon’s eyes remain on the door.
He shakes his head slowly.
"Um, okay. Do you have someplace to go?"
He shakes his head once more.
"Devon?"
He turns towards me and confesses, "Lacey, I'm worried about something."
"What?" My heartbeat accelerates, anticipating what he has to say.
"I'm concerned you think I'm only stopping by to visit you because I'm doing rounds here. I don't want to stop seeing you because you are discharged. I want to keep seeing you, but I'm worried you aren't ready for that and it kills me because I really like you. Evan is a cute little man and I've enjoyed getting to know him. I don't know how to say this, but I can't be friends with you." He finishes, unable to look me in the eyes, and my heart sinks into the pit of my stomach.