Destructive Choices

by L. U. Ann

  Okay, that's a little uncomfortable.

  Conversation is easy with his mom. She asks me all about Evan and invites me over for tea as long as I bring Evan. It is her way of saying how excited she is to have a baby around.

  I think.

  His father is stern and quiet unless asked a question. The atmosphere between us is tense. I wonder if he thinks I'm taking advantage of his son.

  I honestly don't know.

  Devon holds my hand under the table and sends comforting squeezes at the most needed times. Apparently, my nervousness is written all over my face.

  "So, Lacey," Mr. Holmes begins. "Devon tells us you are married."

  My heart stops.

  "Dad!" Devon stops his father. "Please, let's enjoy our dinner."

  "I agree with Devon, Honey," Mrs. Holmes settles.

  Mr. Holmes owns a number of hotels and resorts throughout the continental US, and two more overseas. He is very well known throughout the elitist world. I'm feeling more and more out of my element here. There is no way I measure up to any expectation of his.

  Relieved when the waiter arrived, he greets the Holmes family again, and asks if they would like their usual.

  Crap, what's the usual?

  "Mr. Holmes, I see you have a beautiful new guest. Do you mind if I show her the menu?"

  Lifting his hand, Mr. Holmes grants permission.

  Shit, I'm way out of my freaking league here! Devon leans over a few times, whispering recommendations in my ear. His breath is doing some very naughty things to my insides and I'm doing everything I can to contain my lustful thoughts.

  A bottle of some fancy wine is offered. I decline and stick with my water.

  Mr. Holmes rattles, "We'll begin with Caprese, Vegetable Terrine, and Calamari Alla Griglia," to the waiter.

  What the hell is that?

  Holy cow, when these folks order a meal, they go all out. I’m not used to eating foods like these, but I fall in love with the delicious dish with tomatoes and mozzarella cheese. Lord knows, I won’t be able to remember what it’s called for the life of me. My stomach turns when the waiter places a plate of grilled squid closest to me. Thankfully, Devon notices the shiver it sends through me. With a wink, he nonchalantly rearranges the plates so that it isn't under my nose. When my eyes nearly pop out of their sockets as I read wild boar on the menu, he learns that I am not fond of certain delicacies that richer palates are more accustomed to.

  I’m crossing my fingers the meal I’ve ordered won’t have any unrecognizable or strange stuff in it. Otherwise, I’m going need a large napkin to sneak forkfuls away. Technically, Mr. Holmes informs me, I’ve ordered pasta and not a main course. Holy cow, how much do these people eat? I’m going to be as big as a house if I keep eating the number of courses the authentic Italian restaurants are dishing out.

  The waiter places my entrée in front of me, and I thank Heaven above he gives me something edible. It is Agnolotti alla Crema e Noce Moscata, so Devon reminds me. Mmm, smells delicious. I can almost stomach the plate with neck clams next to me. I think I need to become a vegetarian.

  I’m only able to ingest a third of the yummy spinach pasta when the waiter arrives to deliver our main course. I feel like I already need a bigger sized sundress. The stitching is screaming, I’m sure. I’ve played it safe by ordering a shrimp scampi item. As the waiter finishes placing the plates around, I wonder if I can sneak out for the remainder of the meal. My shrimp scampi is nothing compared to the veal and duck on two of the four plates. Thankfully, my man likes seafood and sticks with salmon.

  Can someone get me a grilled cheese?

  I come out of my inner turmoil regarding the food chain, and there's a hand on my upper thigh. Heat immediately sears my skin through the fabric from his touch. My eyes travel, finding a pair sparkling with laughter. Devon’s biting his lip to keep the gorgeous smirk off his face. He’s losing the war.

  Finishing dessert, I feel a sense of relief that my evening of scrutiny under intense eyes is almost over. Something isn't right with Devon's dad. I don't know if he's doesn't like the fact that I'm technically still married, or if it's something else. His mom is the complete opposite, gushing over every word about Evan from her son's lips. I am mesmerized by the pride in his voice.

  After saying our goodbyes to his parents, Devon and I walk along the narrow streets of historic Annapolis towards The Chesapeake Bay. The gentle, warm breeze blowing off the water wraps Devon and I in a magical swirl full of love, hope, and inspiration as we approach the dock. Couples of all ages walk hand in hand wrapped up in their own bubbles. A few teens ride by on their bicycles, unaware of those around them, but not disrespectful in any way. I am so happy in his arms. I close my eyes, allowing the breeze to take me to a faraway land with Evan and Devon, leaving stormy skies for airy, clear ones with only a fluffy cloud here and there.

  My feelings for Devon are so strong it almost hurts, in the deepest way possible. I don't want to ever let him go. I hadn’t planned on bringing anyone into my life. I have Evan and that's all I need. I don't need or want the grouchy sperm donor complicating my life. I didn't want any man, until my gallant Devon walked back into my life. Devon oozes chivalry, loyalty, nobleness, compassion, courtesy, and I could go on and on. And lest we forget, sex appeal? I guess the easiest way to describe him is as my knight in shining armor.

  While watching the boats around us, Devon produces a white box wrapped in a beautiful blue bow, almost the same hue as his eyes.

  I jerk my head up, witnessing his sexy ass grin.

  "What's this?"

  "Open it," he says against my ear, igniting those heady contemplations.

  Lifting the lid to the box, I say, "Devon, you didn't need to do this. I love you no matter–"

  My words are cut off by the humility of his passion, visible in his gift. Tears tickle the corner of my eyes just before they spill free.

  "Devon."

  Upon a closer look, there is something engraved on the inside of the band. Oh my God. When did he do this?

  He watches as I pluck the ring out of the box. The script reads, 'I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I will love you forever’. I throw my other hand over my mouth and look up, absolutely in awe. My hands begin to shake, overwhelmed by the raw emotions I've been holding in.

  "Oh, my gosh, Devon?"

  "Here, let me help you put it on. It's a promise, Lacey. A promise that I will love you forever, that I will love Evan forever, and I want to spend each and every day with both of you." He slides the silver ring on my thumb, and I'm overcome with even more sentiment.

  I throw my arms around his neck, pushing up on my tiptoes. "I love you so much, Devon." When I pull back, my hands slide down his arms, pulling our bodies close. I hold on, scared this feeling is too good to be true. I can feel the warmth radiating from his love. "You make me so happy. I promise to love you forever, too, Devon."

  I'm blinded by my tears. I can't see anything but the bright blue eyes glistening in front of me. A gleam from the lampposts and decorative lighting surround the boatyard.

  "I love you, too. Come on, let's get out of here."

  Anything you say, my knight in shining armor. Mom's watching Evan tonight after Devon explained he was taking me to meet his parents and we'd probably be out too late, so we would be staying at his place. Yeah, I' m sure Mom knows exactly what he meant by that.

  The smirk Devon is wearing as we enter his apartment is the confirmation that I need to brace myself for something.

  "Mmm, Sugar Pants," he says, pulling me into a kiss. This playful kiss quickly transitions into something more. "Hang on, Baby."

  I laugh, and do as he says as he picks me up. I let out a squeal from his playfulness.

  "I'm taking you to bed."

  "Oh," is all I can say in anticipation. I wrap my arms around his neck and snuggle my head into the crook of his neck. Home. It brings a strong sense of home.

  Carefully, he makes it up the stairs without
banging my head or feet, thoroughly impressing me. I thought for sure I was going to finish up with a bruise or two from the narrow stairwell. Slowly lowering me onto the bed, he stands to remove my shoes.

  "Have I told you how much I love laying with you, Lacey?"

  "Please." I pant, hungry for his kisses. He pulls his shirt off and I snicker. I cannot wait to touch those fine muscles. Holy shit, he has that thing. What the hell is it? Oh my God, that muscle thing shaped like a 'V'. How did I miss it that day he gave me a shower? Of all that is holy, I'm drooling.

  He reaches behind me for the zipper to my dress, sliding it down painfully slow. Fingers slide the straps off my shoulders as he turns down my dress. I lift my rear for him to withdraw the remaining material. I'm fully exposed in my lacy bra and panties. Straddling my hips, he leans down and starts kissing me. His tongue runs along the line, asking for entrance. Once our tongues meet, I moan from the abrupt thickness of our emotions.

  Planted kisses along my jaw up to my ear elicits another moan, and my body calms beyond its usual state of relaxation. His hands tighten the hair they’re holding, and he finds my lips again. My hands are learning the muscles of his back. He smells and tastes so good. His lips find my neck and begin to trail down my shoulder, fingers pushing the strap off, and cupping my breast. The flame he lights is burning bright. He takes my breast in his mouth and sucks lightly, nibbling on the tip. Removing the other strap, he does the same for the other. I believe I've died and gone to Heaven. His love for me is pouring out in the way he kisses, touches, and looks at me. Hopeless in this race to entangle our remaining emotions, we move towards a new beginning.

  I want to cry from its beauty.

  My eyes close, capturing sensations I've never felt before. He's leaving nothing out as he takes me on this blissful ride. Slowly sliding my bra and panties down, he rakes his eyes tenderly over my torso. The combination of intimate feelings and lack of clothing intensifies the moment.

  "Lacey, you are so fucking beautiful."

  He kisses my leg, up to my stomach, and gently over each side, lingering over my scar as if he’s thanking his lucky stars and cursing himself at the same time. His lips continue to my breasts, before they come back to mine. I need to feel his mouth, his tongue. The overflow of unspoken words is too heavy to manage without his mouth. I need it more than my next breath. It's apparent that Devon feels the same way. No matter what happens, this is the truth of our love. I believe in this. This is my future, my only one.

  “Devon?” I say, wanting more but scared to ask.

  He must understand because he lowers himself just enough to push his excitement into my ache, fully clothed. It feels too good to stop and I hope he doesn’t. He makes me feel cherished and alive. Worshipping my mouth, he begins to trail a path of kisses along my jaw to that 'oh my' spot behind my ear, causing my hips to buck into his. He slowly sucks on my earlobe, sending chills throughout my body.

  Oh my God, I can’t take it.

  “Please, Devon.” I manage.

  “What, Lacey, what do you want?” he asks in a low, gravelly voice, eliciting more chills and want throughout my body.

  “You. Please, Devon. Please.” I almost beg.

  He pulls back to search my face and study whether we are making the right choice.

  “I don’t want to hurt you, Babe.”

  My heart swells at his sincere thoughtfulness while he searches for something in his nightstand drawer.

  “I’m not going to break. Let’s just go slow. I want you to make love to me, please.” My voice is muffled by the storm of emotions exploding inside my head.

  Devon didn’t need me to ask again. He lifts himself, slowly removing his pants. His eyes go down to my chest, and his lips follow suit. With very able fingers, he squeezes my breasts and sucks each nipple hard and slowly until it falls from his lips. His mouth finds mine and he resettles between my legs.

  "Lacey, you are my one. I love you. You are so beautiful and I still can't believe you are finally mine," he says, and I hear the familiar crinkling of a condom wrapper. He slides in slowly, causing me to get lost in everything. I have no idea which direction is up anymore, and I don't care. I'm where I want to be, and where I want to remain forever.

  Our movements flow like the waves of the ocean. I am the water; he is the moon. His gravitational pull is strong as it sends a strong current ripping through me after every departure.

  Our mind, bodies, and souls become one as we move, relishing in the pleasure. Our tongues dance, and the throb that has hit its breaking point is close to finding its release. He makes me feel so good. I groan and pant against his mouth, knowing I'm about to check out and plead with him to push me off the edge. With his forehead on mine, we breathe each other in. Suddenly, fireworks explode, and I moan his name as the magnificent warmth spreads throughout my body. Each and every thrust prolongs the tirade of overloaded senses. He picks up speed, still being mindful of my body, and finds his release as he grabs fistfuls of hair, moans my name, and closes his eyes. It's a beautiful sight. Covered in a sheen of sweat, he keeps his mouth inches from mine, still moving his hips. We have found our ecstasy.

  "I love you," he declares, opening his eyes.

  I rub my fingers down his spine enjoying the warm muscles just under their tips. Devon rolls off, careful not to put his weight on me. He pulls me with him and we kiss more.

  "Thank you."

  I scrunch my eyebrows at him.

  "What are you thanking me for?"

  "For loving me."

  What? I try to cut in, but he shushes me with a finger.

  "There's no fucking way anyone could deny what just happened was anything but love. Thank you for knocking down your walls for me. Seriously, Lacey, I love you and never want to go without you again. Please, tell me you will be mine."

  "I am yours, Devon. No words can describe what just happened. You have all of me, I promise you. All of me."

  He lightly plays with a strand of my hair while he searches my face. We lay in a comfortable silence, just enjoying our connection, when I couldn't hold it in any longer.

  "Can I ask you something?” I wait a moment to see his reaction. “What does your tattoo mean?"

  He leans back and takes a deep breath.

  "I'm kind of nervous telling you."

  I'm not exactly sure what that means. Should I ask for him to elaborate?

  "Stop thinking, Lacey. It's nothing like whatever the hell is going through that gorgeous head of yours."

  My smile broadens. How can he read my thoughts?

  "Will you please wait to ask questions until I finish explaining everything?"

  I nod, nervous to say any words.

  "Okay, well, remember I told you I went back to the club that night and you never showed up?"

  I nod.

  "I was so pissed at myself for not getting your number the first night. I had fallen under your spell, Lacey, in that short period of time. You have a radiance that illuminates and draws me like a magnet. That Thursday night, I watched the doors of the club, waiting for you to walk through them. I knew I would feel you because I felt it the last time. I drank myself into oblivion when I realized you weren't coming. I'm surprised they didn't throw my ass out. I was pissed for letting you walk away and spent the next week so drunk, I barely felt anything. After having my teammates all but kick my ass, I finally got a hold of myself. I returned each week looking for you. After a while, I would drive and just sit in my car outside of the Orpheus, waiting to see if you returned. I had no interest in going inside because I let the one walk away."

  I'm so overwhelmed by his admission to how he felt last year. I can't help but cry for the man I left behind. "I'm so sorry, Devon. I'm so sorry."

  He places a finger on my lips, and I close my eyes.

  "Let me finish, Sweetheart. Two months went by where I exited life. I didn't come up here or go anywhere. I stayed on campus. I needed to find you but you vanished. To help myself remember to never
take anything, or any moment for granted, I began looking into tattoos. The skull symbolizes the way I let my forever walk away, haunting me for the rest of my life. The dragon is the protector and shield for my heart, keeping myself together with its power. The compass is my guidance and direction in finding my forever. And finally, the roses are the love I want to give my forever when I find her again. Because it was love at first sight for me."

  I'm speechless. All of that after meeting me once. One time only. I begin to cry with grief over the time I took from us.

  "Devon, I love you so much. I'm sorry. I wanted you so bad, too. I was stupid and I will regret not going back every day of my life. I'm so sorry I hurt you."

  He covers my mouth with his and we show each other how much we mean to each other as we make slow, gentle love once again before falling asleep in each other's arms.

  The sun shines through the window, waking me from my peaceful sleep. I can't be happier than I am now.

  For us, it's been a massive change. I love Devon so much. Even though it hurts to realize how much time was wasted over the last year, and remembering everything Caine put me through, if it led us to where we are right now, I think I would do it all over again. No, I definitely would do it again. He feels so right. I have never felt this deeply in love before. Even asking me to look deep within and be honest with myself, I can say without a doubt this feeling is new. Something I've never experienced before.

  I run my fingers along the rippling muscles beneath me. Feeling safe, I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep. But that doesn't happen. Devon's hand grabs my wrist, flipping me lightly on my back. He’s smiling down in amusement. The man is beyond incredible.

  His mouth runs along my jaw to my ear where he says in a whispered voice, "Good morning, my love."

  My body wakes, wanting more of him. Clothes weren't important last night and I enjoyed the warmth of his body against mine. He plants kisses down my neck and we begin to show our love for one another.

  My insides are dancing while I lay here with his soft, slow kisses pushing me closer. Lust and love blow away any coherence of the past. I'm ready, and finished hiding and I give up the remaining piece of my heart as we escape into one another. The world can end around us and we won't know. Our hands are all over each other, searching for that last missing particle to push us over. The tsunami of warmth floods my senses, crushing and drowning everything in its path. Immediately following, as if my escape is a chain holding in his release, the thunderous storm is unhinged. We continue to kiss, neither one ready to separate, too thirsty to let go, and too hungry to detach.