Destructive Choices

by L. U. Ann

  "I can't stay here doing nothing. I really need to go now. I've already wasted too much time."

  "No, I've already got it all figured out." Taking out his watch, he says, "I got off the phone with my dad about thirty minutes ago. I came to snuggle with you, trying to give you some sort of comfort, Baby. We leave in two hours. Dad's jet is on the West Coast and couldn't be here until tonight. I begged him to take the other one out of the hanger since the repairs have been made."

  “Devon, I hate to ask your father for all of that. Just get me a plane ticket and I'll fly like everyone else. I’m sorry, but I can't wait for your dad’s plane.” I wipe the tears raining down my cheeks. "Should I call Caine? I wish I knew what to do."

  “Are you done?”

  “Um. Yeah?” I’m not sure why he’s asking me this.

  “Good because I’m doing this, not only for you and because he's your son, but he's mine too, Lacey. Caine took my son away, too. My dad has another plane and is more than happy to help. He's pissed off at the situation, as well, and nervous about telling Mom. She thinks of him as her own grandson, Lacey. You aren't alone in this fight. We will all be behind you and do everything we can to return Evan to where he belongs, with both of us. We aren't calling him. We are going to do a surprise visit."

  The comfort of his words help me as I stand ready to shower, pack, and get out of here to rescue my son from pure evil.

  "Lacey, we're here."

  Devon wakes me from the quick nap I fell into after crying myself into exhaustion. Otherwise, I would never sleep.

  Stepping toward the opening of the plane, I try to steady the pounding in my chest. My blood pressure, I know, has shot a few numbers higher. Apparently, blood pressure numbers are an evil reality for me, just like the ones I hide from on the scale. I bend slightly to rub my sweaty palms on the legs of my jeans, feeling the hint of a chill in the late afternoon air. I take a deep breath and step off the plane. Shit, my chest hurts from all the crying. The touch of someone’s hand on the small of my back reminds me to stay focused. As much as I would love to get lost in Lacey-Land, I am here to do something. Something extremely important. I turn slightly and smile.

  “Thank you, Devon, for everything. I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you.”

  “It’s my pleasure, Lacey. I’m here for you. Remember our vows. 'I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and treasure you for all the days of our lives'. I know we haven't taken those vows in front of a priest, but I did make a promise to you and God that day, and I have no intentions on going back on my word. I'm here and will do anything for you and Evan. You two are my life, my future.” He rubs his hand up and down my back, comforting my worries.

  With that, I climb down the steep stairs of the airplane.

  “Careful, Lacey.”

  Yeah, that would be my graceful self, rolling onto the tarmac to make my grand entrance to The Pine Tree State, or as most know it, Maine. “Come on, Sugar Pants, the car is waiting. We need to get on the road,” Devon says, leading me down the stairs.

  Reaching the ground, I’m overwhelmed with emotion just thinking that I am one step closer to Evan. It also gives birth to a growing knot in the pit of my stomach based on the fear of facing Caine. He doesn’t know I’m here and that makes me even more nervous, but it's to prevent him from hiding my baby boy.

  I’m so grateful for Devon and his little pep talk on the flight up here. Well actually, there was nothing little about that pep talk. His way of helping me to focus on the end goal was uniquely long-winded. I was ready to vomit last year’s contents from the excessive thoughts of ‘what could go wrong’, ‘what if Evan isn’t here’, ‘what if his mom, Julie, is here’, and ‘what if Evan doesn’t want to come home with me’. My nerves are a freaking wrecking ball wreaking havoc. I just don’t know how all of this is going to play out. Devon told me not to think like that. I will keep trying.

  "Thank you, Devon," I whisper.

  “Lacey, you don’t get it. That’s what husbands do, and last time I checked, I was still your husband. My dad has the money. Hell, he has more money than he knows what to do with. So, let’s stop wasting time and get on the road. It’s a twenty-twenty five minute drive to the base.” Holding my hand, he gives me the strength I need to put one foot in front of the other to reach the car where Frank is already standing, waiting.

  “But I can’t have you with me when I confront Caine. If he wants me to divorce you, I need to do this on my own.”

  “I know you feel you do, and I will try my best to give you all the space you need, but I can't promise that. I love both of you too much. You've been through too much between your mom, and now Evan. I can't watch my wife tear herself apart trying to fix this when it's my problem, too."

  "Please don't worry about me," I say in a hushed voice, looking down at the ground. I don't deserve his love and his kindness. It pains me to know I failed my mom and now Evan, too. I'm sure I'll fail Devon too someday. No one understands how or why I feel this way. Feeling the tears threaten, I look up. "You need to focus on your job, and you just got the opportunity to be an assistant lacrosse coach, Devon. Soon you'll be in graduate school. I can't have you wrapped up in all this. There is too much for you to risk."

  "Stop it, Lacey! I see those gears turning, and I am not going to allow you to doubt your worthiness while our little boy is waiting for his mom to rescue him from a monster. A monster I wish I had saved you from." He moves his hands from my shoulders, threading them in my hair and studying me with his gaze full of anger. Oh no, he's mad at me.

  "Devon?" The anxiety in my voice is recognized.

  "What is it?" he asks.

  "How do I get him? I mean, how do I take him from Caine?" I nervously ask.

  "Let's just take each moment as it comes. We'll see if we can just go and talk to him and knock some sense into him. Maybe if he sees how much Evan misses you, he'll show some compassion. Otherwise, we are going to need to call the police. We have the note as proof he took him and you have sole custody," he says, hopefully.

  "Please, don't involve the police, Devon. It will make him angrier and he will never give up custody of Evan. He'll never let you adopt him. Please don't call the police," I beg, pulling away to search his eyes.

  "Sweetheart, I can't promise anything. Let's just wait and see if there is an opportunity to work things out with Caine, maybe sneak Evan out one day, or have the authorities get involved. I promise I'll get our son back," Devon says, rubbing my back.

  "All right, I think I need to remove Caine from our lives, myself. Otherwise, I don't think I'll ever be strong for us. I think if he sees you, he'll be more irrational.”

  "Lacey, I don't know,” he says, shaking his head. “That man scares the hell out of me. Look what he's done to you. He took our son out of malice, not because he wanted him. He controls you and is vicious in the way he does it. He is volatile right now. I know he will try and hurt you."

  I close my eyes because I know he's right. I forgot all he's seen Caine do. I rest my head against him and watch the trees go by as the car twists and turns on the narrow two-lane road. It's dark, but you can make out a hint of trees from the head and taillights illuminating the road. Devon's arms wrap my body, keeping me safe while I try not to think about the battle that lies ahead.

  The car slams on its brakes, causing Devon's arms to tighten.

  "I've got you, Babe." He gently moves me off his lap and buckles my seatbelt, placing the shoulder strap behind me to protect my ribs. Buckling his own seatbelt, he asks, "Frank, is everything okay?"

  "Yes, Sir. It appears a moose ran in front of the car. I apologize for slamming on the brakes. Are you okay, Mr. Holmes, Ms. Lacey?"

  I smile at his personable professionalism. I wish he would just call me Lacey, though. I look out the window and see the silhouette of a large animal lying on the ground in the other lane. I thought the moose ran out in front of the car. I didn't expect t
o see it lying there. Is it dead? Studying the body to determine if there is any movement, I say a prayer for it not to suffer. I can't stand to watch anything suffer. People are standing around and glancing at the vehicle stopped going the opposite direction. I see it's damaged. They must have hit the hapless animal.

  "We're fine, Frank." Devon looks over at me and grabs hold of my hand again.

  Minutes tick by and we're still stopped.

  "Mr. Holmes, we are about ten miles from your destination, and it appears we might be sitting here for a while until this clears out. Would you like to turn around and head to the resort, Sir?"

  Resort?

  "Lacey, what would you like to do? It's," he glances at his watch, "seven fifty-five. Do you want to sit here and wait for the road to open or would you like to try in the morning? I'll do whatever you want."

  I can hear the conflicting feelings in his voice. He tries to hide it, chewing on his lip. I wish he didn't feel as if he has to hide his emotions to keep me strong. Or, is it a sense of confidence because he has a plan that he isn't sharing?

  "Um, would you mind waiting a couple more minutes? I know it's getting late and Evan is probably ready for bed. Just a couple minutes?" I ask. I pray he's safely tucked under the covers and not scared that we aren't coming to rescue him. I don't think Caine will hurt him. Me, yes. But Evan, no. I need to give this up to God for the night. Please, let him be safe.

  "Anything, Lacey, anything for you."

  God, I love this man! Sirens sound from a distance and I know they will be blocking our path shortly.

  "Devon, I don't want to get blocked in. Maybe we should just go to the hotel."

  He brings our knitted hands to his mouth and tells Frank to turn around.

  After fifteen minutes, we pull down a long driveway. Where the heck are we? This is not a traditional hotel. Oh my, it's a resort. Seriously? I was sure my husband was joking. Holy crap, if my son was safely here in my arms, I would be happy, dancing all around. It's on the freaking coast. Frank pulls up to a small house. "Um, Devon?" He turns to answer, but I’m too busy taking this place in. It is absolutely breathtaking and picturesque in the dark with the outdoor lighting.

  “Come on, Sugar Pants, I’ll take you on a tour. It will help distract you since we can't get to Evan tonight.”

  “What? You’ve been here before?” I ask, watching him chuckle to himself as he reaches for my hand because I’m too stunned to occupy his outstretched offering. How come I'm just now finding out about it?

  “Come here,” he says, shaking his head. “There are some pretty cool things I want to show you.” Standing, he takes my hand, never letting go. “This is the Seaview Cottage. It’s the only cottage on the property. There are over a hundred rooms, an indoor swimming pool, hot tub, and fitness room in the main building. There are around 40 secluded rooms in the smaller building, and a heated outdoor pool installed in 2011 sits about 100 yards from the ocean.”

  I’m looking at him in awe. Clearly, he has been here before. He had to, but wow, he remembers a ton of stuff.

  “Let me show you the cottage. Careful, watch your step. I’m sorry we aren’t in the main building where you could experience all of the amenities, but I thought you would be more comfortable here, away from the tourists."

  “Devon, have you vacationed here in the past?” I ask, as we climb the stairs to the front door.

  “Um, you could say that,” he smiles.

  As soon as we hit the top of the stairs, I look at him, confused. He leans in for a kiss before continuing.

  “Come on, there’s more.”

  “More?”

  “Yeah, there is.”

  He opens the door to reveal a cute, fully equipped kitchen, opening to a wall of windows framed with light, airy curtains that overlook the ocean. Between us sits a large sofa in a natural blue that reminds me of the ocean. Hardwood floors spread throughout the living area. Devon leads me down a small hallway, where I’m met with more stairs.

  “Here is one of the bedrooms, and the other is...,” he exaggerates, pulling me back slightly to a doorway across this hall, “here.”

  Wow, everything is stunning. The first bedroom holds a king size bed dressed with white linens. The nightstands seated on each side of the bed are kept in their natural color, with a table lamp on both. The hardwood floors extend into the room with strategically placed plush rugs. A large cargo trunk rests at the foot of the bed, enticing visitors to rest their belongings on its worn exterior. I turn and walk over to the second bedroom, where I find two twin beds dressed in white and light blue linens, very fitting for this coastal cottage.

  “So, do you like it?” He asks.

  “It’s absolutely beautiful, Devon. You’ve been here before, haven’t you?” I ask, as he walks closer towards me.

  “Yes, I’ve been here before Lacey, and I hope to be here again with you someday. I didn't want to bring you up here while Caine is stationed so close.”

  I blink quickly unsure of what to say.

  “I spent my summers here growing up, while my dad held retreats and conferences in the first building we passed on the way in.”

  I draw my eyebrows together.

  "This is one of the resorts my dad owns."

  Oh, okay, it makes sense now why he knows every nook and cranny in this place.

  “Lacey, how about you stay here, and I'll go get our bags?”

  I try to argue, but he places a finger on my lips, only removing it to replace it with his lips.

  “Would you like to lie down and I’ll come get you for dinner?”

  I nod, turning towards the room with the largest, most stunning bed I’ve ever seen. I slowly lower myself on the bed and sit, taking all of this in. I’m sure Lane and Becca have gotten my text that we’ve left. I didn’t want to hide it from them, but they would have argued about how we're handling the situation, and I need to bring my baby home. My heart begins to pound again, and I need to think about something else. There is no reason to sit here and worry about the unknown, even if tomorrow will be a challenge.

  “Would you like to eat chow mein or lobster?” Devon asks, walking back into the room.

  I smile at his thoughtfulness in asking.

  “Whatever is easiest or you prefer.”

  “Lacey, I have both and will cook whatever you want. You still don’t get it do you?” He begins to walk towards the bed. “I told you, you will not want or need. I want to try and put a smile on your face, and that means fixing you whatever the hell you, my love, want.” He’s now standing in front of me and lowers to one knee.

  “Oh. Um… I like both, but since we are in Maine, let’s have lobster.” I smile because it has been so long since I’ve had the exquisite buttery taste of lobster.

  “Good, now rest, and I’ll come get you in a bit,” he assures me, lightly kissing my cheek and walking out.

  He snacked on the flight up here knowing we weren’t going to be eating until late. I’m not really hungry, but I cannot wait until I sink my teeth in the yummy bottom feeder, also known as a lobster, if only just a taste. I wonder how much pain is caused... No! I can't think about that now. Refocusing on Evan, I just wonder what is going to happen. I'm sure some people think little of me, since I didn't rush to the house this instant to reclaim my son, but Devon's right. We have to play smart and do this the right way. I wish I knew the right way so I make sure to walk the line. Closing my eyes, I throw myself back onto the bed and cry.

  I miss my mom so much and think if I had taken better care of her, none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have taken her away from Lane and Evan, Devon and I wouldn't have lost Evan, and Evan wouldn't be somewhere scared, hopefully not thinking I've abandoned him. I've really messed up and wish I wasn't such a fuck up.

  I don't want Devon to see me crying again. I need to take the time to freshen up. The bathroom is full of windows with the same gorgeous view as the downstairs wall of windows. A shower stands to my left, with a sink surrounded
by granite countertop and innate carvings in the wood below. After freshening up, I decide to look around this angelic place. I walk over to the window, opening it to reveal what looks like fully leaved mature trees illuminated by the abundant outside lighting. I love to see the trees with their leaves. It breaks my heart when they hibernate and lay dormant for the cold winters. Spring and summer are my favorite seasons because of the wealth of beauty they bring. Sadly, summer is coming to an end. The delicious smell of supper smothers my senses, and a large growl erupts from deep within my stomach. I didn’t realize I was even hungry. Lately, I find comfort in hunger pains. I still haven't been eating much, as it provides comfort and I don't deserve any.

  I should be of more use, and help prepare supper. I'm not the only one in pain. I need to spend time with Devon to help him through this, too. I'm being so selfish.

  Downstairs, I find Devon preparing a beautiful table for us. He has tall candlesticks illuminating flowers at the table's base. The plates are stacked, with a bowl atop filled with salad for both of us. There is a pitcher of water sweating off to the side.

  "So what's the game plan for tomorrow?" I ask, hoping he has a plan.

  "This is what I'm thinking. Frank did some research. This is a small base, and we have Caine's address, so I think it's safe to say we know where he is. Frank did mention something interesting, and I think we should check it out before going to the address we have. He lives in the barracks, right? Well, you can't have kids there. So, Frank thinks," he brings his fork up to his temple, pretending to act smart to lighten the mood, "he's probably in guest housing. There are only a couple of those buildings here and they are all next to one another."

  "Really, you think it's that easy?" I am filled with hopeful excitement at this news.

  Devon takes a deep breath. "I think so, Sweetheart, I do. We'll go first thing in the morning and play it by ear."

  "I cannot thank you enough. I'm so sorry I was out of it and allowed him to sneak into our apartment and grab Evan." I finish, feeling angry at myself.