Were Me Out

by Robyn Peterman

  “I don’t seem to be anyone’s top priority lately,” she mumbled as she stood in the grass looking kind of lost.

  Well, crapballs. Now I felt bad. I ran my hand over my swollen face and tried to come up with something to make my caustic mother-in-law happy.

  “How about this?” I offered, hoping she’d take the bait and leave. “After the challenge is over and Junior wins—which he will win—definitely will win—without a doubt will win—you can throw a party to announce our mating.”

  I crossed my fingers. I needed to breathe normally for a minute and then get back to it with my brother. I didn’t have time for a tongue lashing by Sadie. I’d chastised myself enough for not making better decisions up to now.

  “What exactly is going on here? Why are you all bloody and bruised?” Sadie asked, ignoring my bribery.

  “Not that I need to explain myself, but I’m training.”

  “Why?” she asked. “I was told you wouldn’t be fighting.”

  “You were told correctly,” I snapped, embarrassed and angry at everyone at the moment. “However, I’ll be ready next time.”

  “Sandy, you could remove one of my eyelashes with a knife and not hit my eye if you so chose. It’s clear fighting this way isn’t your forte,” she said, stating the obvious.

  “You might be correct, but it won’t stop me from trying,” I told her.

  “Fine,” Sadie said on a sigh as she removed her pumps and jewelry. “You want to learn how to fight, I’ll teach you to fight. Women fight differently than men. Our center is different and we fight more defensively than aggressively.”

  “I’m plenty qualified to teach my own sister,” Caleb cut in, offended. “I happen to lov… like her a lot. You can’t stand her. I’m not feelin’ good about this.”

  “Too bad so sad,” Sadie said, flicking her fingers for him to go away. “All you’ve done is use her as a punching bag to try to get her to fight back. She needs to learn how to duck and attack when the enemy is off balance. She needs to learn to take out an eye to buy time to break a neck. She needs to learn to kick the spleen so it ruptures. Then while the enemy bleeds out she can rip their head off.”

  I paled as I listened to my mother-in-law talk about all the ways she knew how to kill people. I was never going to backtalk her again. Ever.

  “Well, umm…that sounds about right,” Caleb said sheepishly. “But I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here watching you. So you just remember if you go too far, you’ll be dealing with me—and Junior, when he hears about it.”

  Sadie snorted. “Good to know,” she said and then turned her attention back to me. “And you…What I meant to say is thank you…Thank you.”

  She approached and wrapped her arms around my aching body—it actually felt nice.

  “Welcome to the family. Thank you for loving my son and thank you for loving him so much you jumped the gun and mated with him knowing you were putting your life in danger. That was crazy and impulsive. Never do anything like that again, you understand me?” she admonished in a brook no bullshit tone.

  “Umm…yes.”

  “I didn’t start out on a good foot with Essie, so I’m trying harder with you.”

  “Calling Sandy crazy and beating the crap out of her is your idea of a good start?” Caleb inquired with a snicker.

  “I suppose I deserve that,” Sadie said with an easy shrug. “I raised boys. I’m not used to dealing with girls. But I want grandbabies and I need live daughters-in-law to make that happen.”

  I was freaked out, moved… okay, surprised. Sadie was actually trying. She had raised boys. She had raised wonderful boys. It would stand to reason that she wasn’t all bad. Right?

  Maybe.

  “Show me how to fight,” I said. “I want to be able to protect Junior the way he can protect me.”

  “That’s my girl,” Sadie said as she led me into the yard and began. “But I want you to think about something. There are many ways to protect someone—physical force isn’t always the only way.”

  “Cryptic much?” Caleb commented from the side.

  “Boys,” Sadie groused with an eye roll. “They really understand so little. Ready?”

  “No, but when did that ever stop me?” I said as I followed her into the yard.

  And then we went at it.

  However, it didn’t hurt this time. Sadie pointed, touched and positioned my body so I would understand the science of the motion of defense. She made it very clear that I should always go for killing blows. She pointed out that defense was more important than offense in most cases.

  “Wait for the enemy. Let them make the first move. Often times haste brings about carelessness,” she explained. “Let them make all the mistakes. Focus and stay forward on your feet. Never take your eye off the target and wait for an opening. It doesn’t have to be perfect or pretty. It simply has to get results.”

  “Amazing,” I said softly as I mentally calculated distance and velocity. This made sense to me. Angles and force could create as much havoc as punches thrown in fury. It wasn’t tremendously different from throwing knives at a target. “So being angry is actually detrimental.”

  “Completely detrimental,” my mother’s voice chimed in as she and my father came around the house and joined the impromptu party. “Hello Sadie, seems like we’re going to be related. How are you, dear?”

  “Wonderful! Sandy has given me permission to throw a massive party after the challenge to celebrate the mating,” Sadie said, clasping her hands together in excitement.

  “I didn’t exactly say massive,” I cut in with a covert eye roll to my mom.

  “What other kind of party is there? We’re Shifters. There are a lot of us,” Sadie countered already knowing she’d won.

  With a little groan, I shook my head. A small part of me deep down was terrified the party would never happen. What if Junior lost?

  Unacceptable. I would not allow that to happen.

  “I’m learning to fight,” I told my mom and dad. “I know I’m good with knives, but I’m not exactly stellar at hand-to-hand.”

  “She sucks,” Caleb volunteered.

  My parents exchanged glances and Sadie gave my mom a loaded look. What was going on here? My mom looked to the sky for a brief moment and then sighed dramatically. She put down her purse and removed her shoes. Taking my hand she led me to the yard.

  “Umm…Mom, it’s really okay—I’m good. I’ve learned a bunch from Sadie and Caleb taught me what it feels like to go through a meat grinder.”

  “What did you do, boy?” my dad shouted, giving Caleb a look that made him back up fast.

  “No Dad,” I said quickly, running over and standing in front of my brother so he didn’t incur the wrath of our dad. “I asked him to teach me to fight. Look at me. I’m fine.”

  “She is fine,” my mom concurred. “And I’m feeling a bit guilty here.”

  “Why would you feel guilty?” I was now confused.

  My mom was the domestic goddess. She was feminine and lovely. Not a mean word about anyone passed her lips. Her manners were impeccable and she could probably knit a damn dress out the grass that was still stuck in my hair from spending so much time on the ground taking the beat down from my well-meaning brother.

  She had a very serious expression on her lovely face, but…I was trying not to laugh. Being very aware of how much she loved me, I held my giggles. My sweet mom planned on teaching me to fight? Come on.

  Sadie I understood. She was spicy, had a semi-well-meaning nasty streak and had been the mate of the Alpha for many years. My mom was the nicest Werewolf in the South. Or so I thought.

  “Baby girl,” my dad said as he led me back to where my mom was patiently waiting. “There are a few things you don’t know about your mother.”

  “What’s she gonna do? Knit her to death?” Caleb laughed, but shut his cakehole fast after the glare from my dad.

  “Mom?” I asked, confused.

  “Honey, it’s like this,
” she said, taking my hands in hers and looking me in the eye. “I was actually a hired assassin for the Council for many years. I stopped when your dad and I started having children. I actually met your dad on a mission.”

  Shock didn’t even begin to cover the riotous thoughts bouncing around in my head. My mom couldn’t be an assassin—she knitted fluffy hats for crying out loud.

  “Oh my hell, you were sent to kill Dad?” I gasped, trying to wrap my head around the fact that my mom was a trained killer.

  “No, no, no,” she said with a musical giggle. “He was assigned to me as my partner and the rest is history.”

  “Umm…I think you skipped a lot of that story,” I choked out. “And I thought Dad was a pastor.”

  “What the hell?” Caleb yelled, taking the words from my mouth. “Is everything I know a lie?”

  “Calm down, boy,” Dad said with a chuckle. “After we got out, I went to seminary and became ordained. I’m a pastor. Your mom is your mom. Both of us had another job before we were your parents. That’s all. End of story.”

  “Oh My God, I feel so betrayed,” Caleb yelled, throwing his hands in the air.

  “Seriously?” Dad asked.

  “Nah, I’m just shittin’ ya. Certainly makes a lot of sense now why the Moongies are so dang violent though.”

  “Mom, you have Tupperware and you bake. This story makes no sense to my expensively educated brain,” I said, pacing small circles and trying to figure out if they were telling the truth.

  “She’s not lying about anything,” Sadie confirmed. “Your mother was known as Deathclaw.”

  “What in the mother humpin’ hey-hey?” Caleb bellowed. “You’re freakin’ Deathclaw? I’ve heard stories about you in the military. Mom, this totally rocks.”

  “It stays here,” Dad said sternly. “We’re done with that part of our lives and we have plenty of enemies that would love to know where we are. Not a word. You understand?”

  “Got it,” Caleb swore and crossed his heart. “I still think it’s dang cool. You gonna show us how to kick ass?”

  “Yep,” mom said. “You like math, right honey?”

  “Umm… yes. I love math,” I replied, wondering what in the hell math had to do with killing the bad guy.

  “All you need to know for hand-to-hand is a 110 degree angle,” she said.

  “I’m gonna call bullshit on that,” Caleb chimed in.

  “There’s a Juju’s pizza on the counter in the kitchen,” Dad told Caleb.

  Caleb was gone in less than a heartbeat. Food was that boy’s one weakness.

  Dad turned to us and gave us a thumbs up.

  “All magicals have an area right at the base of their nose that’s a kill spot. To hit it perfectly takes skill and practice,” she instructed. “However, even if the velocity or angle is slightly off, you can still incapacitate for a moment—enough to buy you time or to escape.”

  “What does a 110 degree angle have to do with it?” I asked, looking at my mom with new eyes.

  “Your arm has to be and stay at that angle for the blow to land correctly. Most can’t do it because dealing with precise methods doesn’t compute to their less intelligent brains,” she explained with a twinkle in her eye.

  “I love numbers and precise methods. It calms me.”

  “I know, honey.”

  My mom positioned my arm at the correct angle and signaled me to close my eyes.

  “You have to feel this like when you throw a knife. Even a centimeter off and it won’t work,” she whispered in my ear as she stood behind me and held my arm in the correct position.

  “Feel it, Sandy. You’ll never be good at hand-to-hand. It’s not you. Your special skills are knives, your incredible brain and your wonderful kindness. This can save your life, but don’t count on it to be able to make you win a challenge.”

  “But you can do all of it,” I said and let my head fall to my chest. “You can kill and cook and make swan napkins. Why can’t I do all that?”

  “Who says I can do all that?” she demanded, coming around from behind me and cupping my face in her hands. “My specialty was bomb making and poisons—it’s why I’m such a good baker. I wasn’t good at hand-to-hand either in the beginning. I met a Ninja Werewolf when I was in Japan who taught me this skill and when done correctly it can save your life.”

  “For real?” I asked doubtfully. I was also now going to be a weeny bit wary of her cakes hoping she didn’t poison us by mistake.

  “I’m still here,” she said with a smile.

  “I’m really glad you are,” I said as I leaned into her and reveled in her hug.

  “Me too, baby girl,” she said as she planted a kiss on my head. “But the most important thing to learn is that killing is always a last resort. Killing comes naturally to us as Wolves, but we live in a more civilized world than our ancestors. You don’t want to live with the burden of killing needlessly. Most times there’s another way.”

  “But what about Junior and the challenge?” I asked as a shiver skittered up my spine. “Giles Giles wants him dead.”

  “Junior is the Alpha,” Sadie said with a snort of pride. “Challenges are always a matter of life and death. The protection of our people is at stake and Junior is more than qualified to win this challenge.”

  “You’re not scared?” I asked wondering how a mother could be so calm.

  “Out of my mind,” she admitted. “However, I will not show that. It won’t help my son and it won’t help our pack. Much comes with being the mate of an Alpha. You’ll see, child.”

  “Mom, Dad, Sadie, thank you. I’m gonna go lay down for a bit,” I told them. “I love you.”

  “Even me?” Sadie asked casually, but I could clearly tell she wanted to be included.

  “Yes, even you,” I replied with a laugh.

  I had a lot to think about and a 110 degree angle to practice. I told them I was going to lie down, but I had no intention of sleeping.

  There were many ways to fight.

  I was going to go at the challenge from an entirely different angle.

  The nerd angle. Something I knew was 100 percent me.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Let’s see if you’re hiding anything, you redneck butt-jammers,” I mumbled as my fingers flew across the keyboard of my laptop.

  I was wearing an old sweatshirt from high school and a pair of Caleb’s sweats that had shrunk. They were still too big for me, but they were soft and comfortable. I couldn’t go to my house on the very likely chance I would run into someone who would sense I was mated to Junior. Essie promised to bring clothes over to me later, but until then I was happy in my sloppy attire.

  “Giles and Gina, you’re too stupid to be covert. There’s got to be something on you I can use.”

  Hacking always calmed me. The feeling of power when I got into something forbidden was thrilling, but I’d never once used my legally dubious hobby to purposely hurt or destroy. In fact, I’d made the world a better place by exposing embezzlers and crooks. Of course I’d also hacked into Twitter to spread the word about Jesus’s middle name... not one of my finer moments, but a tremendous amount of fun.

  What I really needed at the moment was both my second laptop and my desktop to do a truly thorough search. My parents were tech savvy, but didn’t come close to having the amount of nerd gear I owned.

  I had a feeling in my gut I was onto something. I always followed my gut when it came to technology.

  Today would be no different.

  “Stay down,” Essie advised.

  “I’m on the floor board. Not sure how much lower I can go,” I grumbled as I tried to make myself even smaller.

  Thankfully Essie was a better driver than Granny or Dwayne. It wasn’t comfortable being on the floor of her car, but if Dwayne or Granny had been driving it would have been hellish.

  “Hank will have my ass if he finds out what I’m doing,” Essie said with a sly grin. “You’re supposed to stay at your parents’ house.�
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  “Thank you for doing this. I just have a feeling that there’s a puzzle piece missing in the shit show that’s about to go down. I need my computers to find it,” I told her as I felt the car slow down and come to a stop.

  “Okay. Now we just have to get you into your house without anyone seeing you. I mean, no biggie if it’s a human, but no Shifters. Your scent will give away the mating,” she said.

  “Are you sure? I saw Bubba and Duke and they couldn’t tell.”

  Essie pursed her lips and thought for a moment. “Weird. Well, they are a little short on brainpower and they’re Lions. Maybe it’s just Wolves we need to avoid.”

  Essie pulled into my garage and I used an app on my phone I’d developed to close the door and shut down the security system. The lights came on and once we were inside the security system clicked back on along with the voice message I’d programed into my rather very intelligent system.

  “Welcome home, Sandy. I hope your day has been kick-ass so far,” my computerized buddy announced in a British accent.

  “Unreal. You’re a freakin’ nerd to the nth degree,” Essie said with a giggle of admiration as she opened my fridge and peeked at the contents. “You’re also entirely too healthy for my needs at the moment. Should I order some Juju’s?”

  “God yes,” I said as I sat down and powered on all the computers I needed. “Meat lovers. Extra cheese. Oh and you’re gonna have to pick it up so they don’t come to the house.”

  “No worries,” she said as she popped open a Coke and plopped down on my couch. “What are you looking for?”

  “Not quite sure yet, but I’ll know when I find it,” I told her as I hacked into Giles and Gina’s emails, banking, and social media.

  “Remind me to never get on your bad side. You’re scarier than a silver bullet to the heart,” Essie commented with a shudder.

  “Really?” I asked with great delight. “I’ve been feeling so useless, it’s awesome to hear that I’m a badass.”

  “Dude, you are a total badass. I want some knife and computer lessons. I’ll even trade you for some shooting lessons,” she said, texting our order to Juju’s.