by Rula Sinara
You had over a decade of your life to realize there was something special between you. It’s too late now. He’s off-limits.
“Almost there.” Haki pointed to a staggered row of acacia trees. Maddie craned her neck and could make out the uniform pattern of a cultivated field and the thorny border of the enkang. She unplugged her phone.
“About how long is the drive from here to Camp Jamba Walker?”
“Another couple of hours.”
Great. A few more hours of torturing themselves.
“Have you been to this farm before?”
“No, not this one. It’s farther from Busara than I typically go for rescues.”
She took a deep breath as he pulled up near the entrance. She didn’t have to look at her notes to remind herself why this testimony would be different. There had been an elephant killing on the outskirts of this farmer’s cornfield about two weeks ago. According to records, its body was still warm when KWS arrived after a timely and anonymous tip. Roinet, the farmer, claimed he hadn’t killed the cow. None of his fields showed signs of damage, and her tusks hadn’t been removed. After the enkang had been searched by KWS, they released him. He had no motivation and there had been no evidence to link anyone here to the death, other than proximity. It was a classic example of how wrongful accusations could potentially ruin a family’s life. Roinet had been lucky.
An older man draped in orange and blue emerged from one of the inkajijik. None of the clans they’d visited had known about her arrival ahead of time. She wanted it that way—spur-of-the-moment, natural and unstaged. She wanted to hear the truth in their voices and see it in their eyes.
“Sopa,” Haki said, walking up to the man she thought might be Roinet. She repeated the greeting and he confirmed her assumption.
“Sopa. Kasserian ingera?” Roinet asked.
Maddie and Haki glanced at each other and she could have sworn he was blushing even more than she was. She knew that asking how their children were was a traditional greeting, but still. Roinet had no reason not to assume she and Haki were married with kids. Haki simply said they were well and let it go.
Roinet had a bright smile and kind eyes. His hospitality rivaled that of all the other villages they’d been to. He invited them into the compound and one of his sons set some seating out in front of the first mud hut. He spoke very little English, so she had to rely on Swahili and any Maa that Haki could translate for her. Roinet caught on that she knew some Swahili and used a bit of it when speaking directly to her, but it was clear he preferred his tribal language. She hadn’t realized how many Swahili words she’d forgotten until this trip. She had no trouble saying “no thank you” when offered a refreshing drink of cow’s milk and blood by one of the women, but the term for recording or videotaping escaped her, if she ever knew it at all. There was truth to the expression, “use it or lose it.” Truth. She had to trust that Haki wasn’t adjusting anything to suit his side of the case in his translations.
“For real? He doesn’t want me to film? Not even the field or village without him in it?” she asked. Haki cocked one brow. “I’m not questioning you. It was rhetorical. I left my notebook back in the jeep, but I don’t need to get it if I can do notes on my phone, since I’m not recording with it. Is that okay with him?”
She took out her phone and pulled up a “notes” app.
“Hapana, hapana!” Roinet waved his hand back and forth to make his point, but she understood his emphatic “no.” A back-and-forth between him and Haki followed. She stood.
“I’ll just go get my paper. It’s not worth upsetting anyone.”
Haki nodded to him in reassurance, then turned to Maddie.
“I explained that you are only typing notes and he’s okay with that. He apologized and explained that he had a bad experience when the authorities came to investigate the dead elephant. The accusation shamed him and his family. He is protecting their privacy because he feels it was invaded.”
“Pole. I’m sorry,” she said. “Haki, he seems comfortable with you, so to make this go faster, can you have him tell you what happened and what would have happened to his family had he been arrested, imprisoned or fined?”
“Ah. So you do trust me,” he teased.
“Yes. Okay?”
He translated her request and Maddie tried to see if she could pick up on any of Roinet’s response as she waited to type in notes.
“He says he doesn’t know who killed the elephant. His family doesn’t use bullets. They hunt on more equal terms with the animal, out of respect, and only for food. The drought has been difficult, but his crops haven’t suffered too severely yet. He had no reason to do harm, yet every one of their huts was searched. He doesn’t know for what, since the tusks hadn’t been taken.”
“Ask him what would have happened here if he’d been taken away or fined.” She watched Roinet’s face as he spoke. He looked around his tiny village and pointed beyond the thorns to the fields and at the huts that had been searched.
“He says that many of the children here are still young. Only a few are old enough to herd or help in the field. The women do much of the work, but he has to go with one of his sons to sell crops and the jewelry they make to tourists. Without that money, they can’t afford medicine if needed or to send his son Gathii to school. Also, if the drought kills their crops, they’ll have to buy food. He adds that he has heard that in big cities sometimes people go to jail for years before the police find out they have the wrong person. He fears this happening to him.”
“See? This is what we’re trying to avoid,” she told Haki.
“Remember, this is one side of the story. You should interview KWS, too.”
She was about to answer when one of the women came and offered her a necklace made with blue glass beads. Maddie held the necklace and admired the way it glistened in the sunlight.
“Tell her it’s beautiful. She’s a skilled artist,” Maddie said.
“Roinet says this is his wife and the necklace is a gift to you for helping to protect them and their way of life.”
“Oh, wow. You don’t have to give me anything. I’m honored to do my job.”
His wife gestured for her to keep the gift. Maddie hesitated. Though it felt good to be valued and appreciated, as a lawyer, she had to be careful. It was a token gift, not a bribe. It wasn’t expensive, but relatively speaking, it was significant considering how little the family had. But she didn’t want to offend them. She’d definitely let both the law office in Nairobi and Mr. Levy know about it. She smiled at Roinet and his wife.
“Asante sana. Thank you so much.” She put the necklace on and his wife cocked her head and put her hand to her heart. Maddie touched her fingertips to the beads. “It’s lovely. I’ll treasure it forever.”
They stood up to leave but Haki pointed toward the kraal in the center of the enkang and asked Roinet about the few goats who were penned at this time of day instead of out in the field. The man looked a little uneasy and shook his head.
“He says a few of his goats are having difficulty birthing. He’s letting them rest. I explained that I’m a veterinarian.”
He started for the enclosure. Roinet called out his son Gathii’s name and, from the corner of her eye, Maddie noticed him making eye contact with an older boy standing in front of one of the huts across from the pen.
“Hang on,” she said to Haki and lengthened her stride to catch up to him. “I get the feeling that maybe he doesn’t want your help with the goats.”
“I’m taking a quick look. It could be something I can help with. The loss of any livestock is a big deal for a clan.”
A few more huts down, a woman paced with a crying baby. The cry didn’t sound right. Maddie had been old enough to remember when Ryan and Philip were babies. She’d accompanied her mom on enough clinic trips to see and hear sick childr
en. That baby wasn’t feeling well and the mother seemed distraught.
Gathii took one step forward, watching them intently. He looked directly at Maddie and there was something in his eyes that made her uneasy. Haki kneeled down and peered through the gaps between the long sticks that formed the walls of the pen. One doe stood next to her stillborn kid, and another was suckling a newborn who appeared weak and frail.
“It’s not going to make it,” Haki said, keeping his voice low and only speaking to her.
“Poor thing.” She felt terrible for them, but the creepy feeling she had took precedence. She glanced over her shoulder at Gathii, attempting nonchalance. The animal skin at the door to the hut behind him fluttered and she could have sworn she saw the glint of metal and knuckles wrapped around a rifle. She didn’t let her gaze linger long enough to confirm it, shifting her attention to the crying baby and pretending not to notice anything amiss. Haki stood up and Maddie took advantage of their supposed wedlock by moving in for a side hug. She leaned her cheek against his shoulder and rubbed her hand on his back. She felt his muscles stiffen.
“Act normal,” she whispered. “Trust me. We need to leave now, but act like nothing is wrong. And don’t look behind us.”
He pointed at the goat in the pen and she nodded, catching on that the action would make everyone assume he was telling her about the loss.
“Let’s go,” he said.
She tucked her thumbs in her front pockets and they made their way toward Roinet, who was standing closer to the gate. She felt Haki’s hand settle on her shoulder. His touch was reassuring and his firm hold protective. Roinet broke eye contact with his son and his expression switched to that of pleasant host as they neared. Haki apologized for not being able to help with the condition the goats were in and Roinet gave thanks to both of them. He seemed as anxious for them to leave as Maddie was to get out of there. She smiled and waved to his wife, calling out her thanks for the gift as they made their way past the entrance.
“Don’t say anything until we’re on the road.” Haki didn’t let go of her until they reached the jeep. He didn’t drive any faster than he would have under normal circumstances—at least until they were out of eyeshot. Maddie braced her hand against the dash when he floored the pedal. Her pulse was still slamming the base of her throat.
“See their herder in the distance? His flock is too small for a clan this size. Smaller than I would expect for the pen the goats were in, too. Do me a favor and keep an eye out. I want to be sure we’re not followed,” he called over the engine noise. “Tell me what you saw. I need to radio rangers in the area.”
“I didn’t get a good look, but I’m sure the son, Gathii, wasn’t just standing around. He was standing guard. There was someone hiding in the hut behind us, and I think he was holding a rifle of some kind. I’m not one-hundred-percent sure, though. It was in the shadows and I didn’t want to let on that I’d noticed. Haki, there was most definitely something wrong. It hit me that Roinet specifically said they don’t use guns. Plus, the way Gathii was looking at me was, I don’t know...piercing and hostile, and I got that feeling a person gets when they’re being stalked in a parking lot at night.” She glanced behind them again. No other vehicles were in sight. Her heart rate slowed by a couple of beats. “Maybe I’m overreacting and misinterpreted what I think I saw.”
“You weren’t imagining things. When you said we needed to leave, I noticed that there was someone standing against the side of a hut on the opposite side of the pen. He wore a Masai shawl but he didn’t have it on right. There was too much bulk beneath it, and he either wasn’t one of the clan or he was of the younger crowd who choose not to adorn themselves in traditional garb. Either way, it didn’t seem right.”
“Did you notice there weren’t as many people going about their day as we’ve seen in the other villages?”
He nodded and rubbed the few days’ worth of stubble on his face.
“Q fever,” he said.
“What?”
“It’s a bacterial infection in herds that can also be transmitted to people handling them. I think maybe some of the villagers were indoors due to illness. Fever, malaise, headaches and such. That baby could have contracted it from her father or anyone handling her who was sick. I’m only assuming here. Blood work would prove the theory, but it was my first suspicion. Q fever can cause livestock to suffer stillbirths or abortions or very weak, unhealthy offspring. If a herd can’t perpetuate itself, it eventually shrinks in size and if the farmer can’t afford to buy replacements—”
“Then they get desperate and we have a motive for killing,” Maddie added.
“Exactly. They could have been aiding poachers or they could have been after the tusks for money. The elephant still had its tusks, but it was a fresh kill. The rangers were tipped off so quickly that perhaps Roinet and his son or sons didn’t have time to harvest their ivory.”
She touched her necklace.
“His wife. Do you think she ratted him out? It would have had to be someone there who knew a killing was planned. How else would the tip have gone in so fast?”
“It’s possible, but of course we can’t be sure. I think we’re far enough. I need to call this in. They’ll investigate again.”
He slowed down and pulled to a stop near a copse of trees. Maddie leaned forward and held her head in her hands as he radioed details to KWS. Her head spun and chest felt tight.
“Are you okay?”
His hand on her back was soothing and grounding. He stroked her hair and nudged her to sit up.
“Maddie, are you okay? Talk to me.”
“I don’t know. I was fine. Now I feel like—” A gasp escaped her and she held her breath.
“Come here.” He turned her shoulders to face him. “Don’t hold it or you’ll start hyperventilating. Take slow breaths. You’re coming off an adrenaline rush.”
He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face into his chest and the lingering scent of campfire smoke and soap calmed her. Her gasps settled down but she didn’t want him to let go. She didn’t want him to stop running his hand through her hair.
“What do you need? Tell me what I can do to help.”
“Just keep holding me.” Her words sounded muffled and sleepy against his chest. He pressed his lips to the top of her head.
“I’m so sorry. This is my fault. I should not have taken you there. I walked you right into a dangerous situation when I should have been protecting you.”
She pulled away and he released his hold. She wiped her face with her hands. God, this was embarrassing. She didn’t want him thinking she was weak and emotional.
“I’m not crying and this wasn’t your fault,” she said as she swiped the corner of her eye and swallowed back tears to keep them from spilling. “I don’t cry for nothing.”
“You can cry. Let it out.”
“No.”
“It happens. Maddie, you were amazing back there. You saved us. Things could have gone much worse had you not paid attention to detail the way you always do. It paid off. I was suspicious about illness as a motive, but I didn’t know what was going on behind me and I might not have looked up and seen the other man had you not alerted me. You literally had my back. When the adrenaline dissipates, you suddenly realize the danger you were in and you get a physical reaction. That’s all that’s happening. It’s not a sign of weakness.” He reached into the back and got a water bottle. “Here. Drink this. It’ll help.”
She took a long drink and nodded. It did help.
“Thank you. I guess we made a decent team back there.” She hated that her voice cracked and she still felt like crying. Her head was pounding and she rubbed her fingers along her brow. There were two sides to everything, and she’d just gotten a firsthand taste of why he wanted stronger punishment.
“We
did.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t say anything about what happened when we get to camp. It would only worry everyone. It might be better for KWS if we stayed mum until their investigation is complete, too.”
“I think you’re right.”
He linked his fingers in hers.
“Maddie, I can’t do this.” She started to pull her hand away but he didn’t let her. “I can’t pretend or be dishonest. If something had happened to you back there, I would never forgive myself. The thought of something happening to you is the only thing that scares me. There’s something powerful going on between us, and if I’m the only one feeling it, I need to know right now.”
Goose bumps trailed from their hands to her shoulder despite the sun beating down on them. She bit her lip and looked down.
“The truth, Maddie-girl. That’s all I’m asking for.”
“It can’t happen. Things are too complicated.”
“That’s not what I asked. I want to hear it from you. Is something happening here? Do you feel it?”
She’d had courage back at the village. She needed to find it now.
“Yes.”
“Do you want it?”
“Yes, desperately, but we can’t. Things are too complicated. I have to return to the US. You have a calling here and a dream. You can’t abandon that. And then there’s Pippa, who’s expecting a proposal. There’s too much at stake. We can’t risk everything when we know there’s no way to make it—whatever this is between us—work long-term.”
“You’re saying we’re not worth the risk.”
“That’s not what I said. Are you saying you’re willing to destroy Pippa and her trust? We can’t be that selfish.”
Haki closed his eyes in defeat and his Adam’s apple rose and fell.
“No.”
She agreed with his answer. She expected it. But it still hurt. It had a finality to it—the death of something that felt right and beautiful and miraculous before it had even had a chance to be.
A stillbirth.
“But what we’re feeling is a betrayal of her. Denying it is betraying each other,” he said.