Every Serengeti Sunrise

by Rula Sinara

  “You know how much I respect you, Mr. Corallis, sir. And I respect Maddie more than you know.” He turned to Jack. “And I respect Pippa and care about her more than I care for my own life. I never meant to hurt anyone. This wasn’t planned. Father...” He looked at Kamau. “You taught me to honor mothers and daughters. I’m who I am today because of your guidance and because of the unconditional love you gave Mom and me. I would never intentionally do anything to disappoint you...or any of you,” he added, for Jack and Ben.

  Kamau’s lips flattened. He didn’t say a word, but Haki could tell from the way the creases around his eyes deepened and his chest rose that he still loved him back. That he felt proud and trusted him. That he knew Haki had never meant harm, much in the same way that Kamau had once kept his feelings for Haki’s mother to himself, fearful of rousing the pain from her past.

  Jack sat down on a stool fashioned from a tree stump and leaned his elbows on his knees in a less threatening position.

  “I think that deep down, we all know that,” Jack said. “But then explain to me why my little girl, who has always had enough joy in her face to light up an entire country, looks like someone—you—drained her of life. She’s not even eating at the table with us anymore. No spirit. No spunk. Her eyes look empty. You did that to her.”

  The crack in Jack’s voice made Haki’s eyes sting. He clamped his teeth to keep his emotions in check. Emotions had gotten him in this mess. He’d always protected Pippa and here he’d turned out to be her biggest threat.

  Ben folded his arms.

  “And Maddie isn’t doing any better. She wants to fly out this afternoon. She’s a mess and wants to be alone. I don’t want her alone. You know about her past. You know what happened after her mother died. Do you have any idea just how sca—” He stopped and swiped his nose with the back of his hand. “Just how scared I’ve been every year—every minute—of her life since, worried that someday she’d face the kind of emotional pain that would make her retreat into her shell again? The fear that, if that happened, she might not ever come out of it? That my Maddie would stop speaking for good? You’ve crushed her. Broken her. If she never—”

  “Stop! Please, just stop.” Haki’s pulse surged and everything in him seemed to lodge in his throat. Maddie...a bird with broken wings. He needed to leave Busara. He needed to run through the desiccated grassland graveyards until he collapsed and was put out of his misery by wild dogs.

  He paced and grasped his head, then let his hands fall to his sides. He knew Maddie. He knew her better than anyone here. And Ben wanted to accuse him of hurting her? Of all people, Ben wanted to accuse him of making her run and hide? His neck heated uncomfortably and his temples throbbed.

  Maddie, hear me. Please, hear me. Sense me. I’m with you. I love you. What happened between us was real. Don’t forget that. Please believe it. I hope someday you’ll find someone who’ll make you happy and never hurt you like I have. Please be okay.

  “I messed up. I can’t explain why. I grew up here enveloped by love and selflessness and loyalty. Those things are a part of me. They’ve always been part of my moral code, and I don’t know what happened in the past few weeks. Ever since I found out Maddie was coming back to Kenya, it was like a switch tripped in me. And I should have ignored it all. I tried to, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t keep my head straight. I couldn’t focus.”

  “Give the guy some slack.” Mac lifted his old Air Walker Safaris cap, scratched his head and set the cap back in place. “He admitted that he messed up. I’d say he was messed up. Women will do that to a man.”

  “Careful,” Kamau said. “We can’t blame the women. This is not a safe place to sound sexist.”

  “Lower your voice. If Anna so much as hears you imply we’re sexist, we’ll find ourselves living in the brush with hyenas,” Jack said.

  “We’re not sexist. We all married strong women whom we respect.” Ben raised his voice a notch and glanced toward the house. “They’re our equals, if not better than us.” He suddenly lowered his chin, wiped his forehead and cupped his hands over his face. “Our daughters are women, too—oh, man. They’re not our little girls anymore.”

  “You’re freaking me out,” Jack said.

  “Blame it on love,” Kamau said. “Think about it. It’s love that causes a parent to stress and worry. Then it tears them apart inside when their children leave home. Love is the drug that draws us to one another, causes the pain of a broken heart and then heals all.”

  “He’s right,” Mac said. “Love messes with us. It’s like having the home you’ve always known gutted, remodeled and rewired...and finding yourself there, not knowing where the front or back doors are until someone turns on a light.”

  Everyone looked at Mac like he was nuts.

  “Do we want to know where that came from?” Jack asked. Mac shuffled and shrugged.

  “Tess and I are putting an addition on our cabin. That’s all.”

  “You guys have at it. This is between Pippa and me.” Haki started for his jeep. This was nonsense. Fathers or not, he couldn’t stand having his dirty laundry hanging out for them to toss around and laugh at. If he had one crumb of dignity left, he was saving it.

  “Whoa. We’re not done with you,” Ben said, pointing to the spot Haki had been standing in.

  “Excuse me?” Haki curled his lips and pointed at the same spot. “I’m not a soldier or a child and I don’t take orders from anyone. I’ve had enough of all this. The only people I need to answer to here are Maddie, Pippa and myself. Pippa and I, we spoke in private,” he said, eyeing them pointedly. “You may not see me as the man that you are, Mr. Corallis, but we’re not so different, you and I. We both care so much that sometimes it’s taken the wrong way. I didn’t see that in myself until now. I know I did something stupid, but I’m far from being a stupid man. I can think for myself and I’ll figure out how to fix this. If there’s one thing I’m beyond grateful for, it’s that Kam has always taught me to fight my own battles.” His father gave him a silent nod. He was sitting back and letting Haki fight out this one, too. Knowing he had faith in him was empowering beyond words. Haki cleared his throat and tempered his frustration.

  “You may be a smart man, I’ll give you that, but you’ll never, ever catch up to the years of experience we all have on you. You cut those two girls off at the knees and you think you can fix them?” Ben asked.

  “Women. They’re not girls. They’re intelligent, strong women. Maybe when you get that in your head, Maddie will stop hiding from you.”

  Ben lunged but Mac and Kamau had him sitting down in a flash. Haki stood his ground and glared at the men. This was it. The moment of truth.

  “Maddie is stronger than you’ve ever given her credit for,” he growled.

  “Don’t you—”

  “No,” Haki said. “I won’t be intimidated or blamed by any of you. With all due respect, sir, you’ve caused her pain, too. You’ve smothered her with your fears. All she’s ever wanted was your approval. She’s smart. She doesn’t need you trying to micromanage her life. Why do you think she decided to live on the other side of the world?”

  “Are you out of your mind? I’ve never once thought of her as a failure. I made that clear to her myself, not that my relationship with my daughter is any of your business. And, for the record, I don’t micromanage.”

  The other guys grimaced.

  Jack shook his head. “We love you, man, but you’re not the easiest guy to live with. Pippa once told me that, when she stayed at your place during college, she couldn’t brew a cup of tea without you telling her she was doing it all wrong. Personally, I didn’t know tea was your thing. I mean, military experience, machine guns and...tea time? Really?”

  Haki ignored Jack’s poke at Ben. Everyone had gotten used to their brother-in-law banter over the years. He looked squarely at Pippa’s father. />
  “Pippa and I aren’t getting married anymore...ever. That was her decision. I swear I was willing to devote the rest of my life to making her happy, but no matter what I do, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make her as happy as she deserves to be.”

  A shadow fell across Jack’s face and the dark circles under his eyes deepened. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked over at the guys. None of them spoke at first. There wasn’t much they could say to wipe away Jack’s disappointment.

  “So, you’ve hurt both and ended up with none,” Ben finally said. “What happens to Maddie now?”

  “Maddie’s never coming back here. I doubt she’ll ever speak to me again. And even if she did, she wants to stay in America and my life is here. I can’t leave my work. You all understand that.”

  Kamau walked over and put his hand on Haki’s shoulder. He paused and looked at the others before putting his free hand to his chest.

  “Son. Love, even the purest kind between mother and child, is never easy. If it were, it wouldn’t be so precious. And every one of us standing here believes that the kind of love that happens between kindred spirits, true soul mates, is priceless. We can all attest to the fact that nothing will keep two people apart if they are destined for one another. Nothing stands in the way of true love—not pain, history, mountains...or oceans.” He glanced at Ben and Jack, who looked as wistful as angry fathers could look. “Not even death, Haki, will stop soul mates from finding a way to one another, whether in this lifetime or another. Unfortunately, sometimes the journey results in casualties. It can turn what we thought we knew upside down. You are a man who has never been less than true to yourself, so I have only one question for you. Why Maddie?”

  Why Maddie?

  The words echoed through him. All that Maddie made him feel swirled in his chest and tangled in his throat. Why torture himself more? Why sharpen the agony of losing her with every word of explanation? He glanced at Kamau, who backed away. A signal that Haki didn’t owe anyone anything but truth and sincerity. He needed to heal the pain he’d caused, and Jack and Ben deserved to hear his reasons. He needed to give everyone closure, even if he suffered for it. Ben deserved to hear why his daughter was worth every bit of that pain.

  Why Maddie?

  “Because—because Maddie’s my blinding sun.”

  All three men looked at him as if he’d sprouted goat horns and an elephant trunk.

  The Laibon’s voice rang through his head again. A wife who would light up his days like the Serengeti’s blinding sun. He pictured them living at the spot he’d shared with her, the place where he wanted to start his own veterinary camp. They would indeed be surrounded by elephants and goats, just as it had been written in the stones. Or had it? Could the Laibon really sense and channel energy the way the birds, antelope and all life around him did? Or was Haki simply grasping? After all, he’d previously thought Pippa had to be the blinding sun because of her hair. But maybe he had been guilty of the same crime they’d all been guilty of—not looking deep enough into his soul.

  He didn’t want anyone thinking he was mocking the situation, but he couldn’t keep the smile from forming on his lips. The lead-like weight on his brow seemed to lighten with every thought of Maddie.

  “Maddie’s my blinding sun,” he repeated. “She challenged me to see myself and to be myself. There’s no life without the sun, and she’s given me the courage to mold my life the way I feel is right. But she also tried to protect herself, to keep everyone at a distance, just like the sun does. But don’t you see? I didn’t care. I was willing to get burned. Why Maddie? Because she makes me want to be a better man. We may have started out her visit with opposing views, but we quickly realized it wasn’t about winning or fighting. The two of us make each other stronger and we’re even stronger together. We’re on the same wavelength. We get each other. Maddie, because she is my soul mate. Maddie, because it was written—”

  No. It had nothing to do with how the stones had fallen. He didn’t care what the stones said. He was in control of his own destiny. Everyone was. Perhaps their love was fated, but life gave him free will—the freedom to choose to be with her. To take that path. He loved Maddie and that’s all there was to it. He wanted his future to be with her. He needed her to be his queen. His partner.

  “Well, Kam,” Jack said, “I think your knack for romance and poetic prose has rubbed off on our Hak-man, here.”

  “He’s getting there.” Kamau chuckled. “So, guys, what are we going to do about this?”

  Ben stood up, scratched his knuckles, then flexed his hands. He looked right at Haki.

  “I take it you love her?”

  “Yes...sir,” he quickly added. It couldn’t hurt and might save his nose.

  “And you’d throw yourself into the jaws of a lion for her?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Would you convince her to live here, in Kenya, so that she’ll be near her family?”

  Was that a trick question? Maddie wasn’t even speaking to him.

  “No. I’m sorry, but no. Maddie gets to decide where she lives and what would make her happy.”

  “Would you promise me that you’ll always—always—be this honest with me and that, whether I want to hear it or not, you’ll let me know if there’s ever anything I’m doing that’s causing her pain, without my realizing it?”

  Haki swallowed hard. That was as close to an admission of fault or weakness as he’d ever heard come out of Ben. The man was as stoic as they came.

  “You have my word, but with all due respect, sir, if you ask her directly and give her a chance, she’ll tell you herself.”

  Ben hesitated, then spread his arms out.

  “And I,” Jack interjected, “promise you that there’s a dangerous surge in the levels of estrogen in our midst and, since clearly none of us is vaccinated against, um, estrogenitis, the first symptom has reared its ugly head—watery eyes—and if we don’t break this up, the second will take hold. I already see it coming. Hugging.”

  “I wasn’t asking for a hug,” Ben said.

  “You stretched your arms out, man,” Jack said.

  “I was about to say something. Some people use hand expressions, like—”

  “Okay, guys.” Kamau stepped between them. “None of us is hugging. Especially not with Niara and Anna watching from behind the curtains.”

  “Yeah, old men,” Jack said. “Beat your chest like silverbacks. Release some testosterone in the air. Make a show of it.” Jack puffed his chest out and slapped his hands against it.

  Kamau and Ben broke down. Haki smiled but wasn’t sure where their laughing left him. Forgiven? Alone? Still without Maddie.

  Ben sobered and looked over at Haki, then back at Jack.

  “You thinking what I’m thinking?”

  “Yeah,” Jack said. “I’m okay with it. Pippa won’t be alone. She has Anna and Niara with her in the house. I think she needs them more than she needs me at the moment. All men are the worst things on earth, right now. I heard her say it.”

  “She needs time,” Kam said.

  “True, and you all know I don’t want her hurting, but we can at least try to reduce the number of casualties. We don’t have any time to waste,” Ben said. “We need to get this kid to Nairobi before Maddie leaves.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  MADDIE PICKED UP the carved box on her dresser. She ran her fingertips across the elephant that stood with its trunk raised overhead. A magnificent creature: massive, stable and physically powerful, yet so vulnerable. So easily heartbroken. How could she expect herself to be any less vulnerable than it?

  The midday sun bounced off her silver bracelets as they clinked together against the box. She opened it. Her mama’s necklace, Zoe’s, had tarnished. She lifted it out, closed her fingers around it and held her fist to
her lips. I miss you, Mama. Her eyes stung, reminding her of the bees and the arrows and pain that lingered in her heart. She set down the necklace and picked up a piece of ruled paper folded enough times to shrink it to a thick square inch. She opened it and read the poem she’d written as a teen. Man, she’d forgotten all about this. A poem laced with the hope and angst most teens harbored to the point of confusion. It was about a cat. She couldn’t quite recall why she’d written about a cat. She’d never owned one. The closest she’d ever come to a four-legged pet was that puppy—Wolf—they were supposed to get before her mother died. She folded the paper back up. Maybe she’d adopt one. Or a dozen. She’d become the neighborhood cat lady and live alone until her skin wrinkled and hands shook like the Masai medicine man who’d given her fair warning about her future.

  She sniffed and swiped the corner of her eye. There were so many little trinkets. A miniature purple pony with a golden mane, a figurine from a show she loved as a little girl. A lucky penny carefully set at the bottom of the box with the head side up. Her favorite marbles. Rubber miniatures of an elephant, giraffe, turtle and whale. And... She picked up a small cloth drawstring bag. The memories flooded back before she opened it. A single carving of a pair of doves. It was whittled from wood and lacked much detail. The work of a young boy...if Haki had ever been just a boy. The way the heads touched almost formed a heart. Maddie hadn’t noticed that until now. A gift he’d given her before she left for college. Not really given, so much as left her. She’d found it in her bag after returning from her last visit to Busara. She closed her eyes. He’d put the carving in her bag when he’d taken out her book. He’d traded keepsakes without her realizing it at the time. She’d thought it had been a peace offering because of an argument they’d had. Maybe it had meant more, though, and she’d been so set on getting away and being independent that the message had flown right past her. Doves mated for life. She pulled out the tiny note he’d slipped in the bag with it.