Compulsion

by Charlotte Lamb

  CHAPTER TEN

  After drinking the tea Megan brought her, Lissa went up to her room and took a long, leisurely bath in frag­rant scented water, her tired body relaxing slowly as the heat invaded it.

  She wore her new dress when she returned downstairs an hour later. Pausing at the drawing-room door, she heard the clink of glass. Luc was standing beside a table, pouring himself a glass of whisky from a decanter. He heard her movements and looked round, his glance sliding down over her with appraisal.

  She flushed slightly, very aware of that cool inspec­tion. She was waiting: for some comment but Luc made none, turning back to the decanter. 'Would you like a drink, Lissa?'

  'No, thank you.' She walked over to sit down on the chair in which she had been lying so wearily earlier that afternoon and a moment later Luc strolled over to sit down on the sofa, his long legs stretched out with a sigh. He was still wearing his formal city suit, but he had loosened his tie.

  'I like the dress,' he said, staring at the whisky in his glass.

  'Thank you.'

  He sipped his whisky, still not looking at her, and Lissa sensed that he was absorbed in private thoughts, a faint line between his dark brows.

  'It occurs to me that I could give you a job,’ he said suddenly, and Lissa looked at him, her eyes bitter with pain and anger.

  'No, thank you! I'll find my own job.'

  'There are openings at the bank,' he began, and Lissa sat up, shaking with the rage which was filling her.

  'Do you think I'm completely stupid?'

  Luc drained his whisky and stood up in a violent movement, his body tense. 'Yes,' he said through his teeth. 'I think you're deaf, dumb and blind and I'm tempted to give you a beating except that I doubt if even that would bring you to your senses.' He crashed his whisky glass down on the table and strode out, slam­ming the door.

  She put her hands over her face, trembling. Luc's hard features had been stiff with hostility and a vio­lence barely controlled. He had looked at her as if he hated her, and she found that so painful that she had to fight to stop the tears which were burning at the back of her eyes.

  Luc was frustrated and his frustration had turned to rage. She found herself recoiling from that masculine fury, her whole body shaken by the revelation of it. It was wounding to have him look at her like that. She felt chilled and alone, bereft. Outside this lovely room lay a great, unknown city filled with millions of people she did not know. The only people she knew were in this house and of them the only one who mattered to her was Luc. The day she walked out of here she re­alised she would never see him again, and that thought made her stomach cramp in misery.

  All her brave thoughts about independence seeped out of her. She shivered in the loneliness of a life without Luc, despising herself for the dread which thoughts of losing him inspired in her.

  The evening softly darkened. The room lay quiet and still around her. She didn't move, crouched in the chair like a child, staring at emptiness with desolate eyes.

  'Heavens, why didn't you put on the light?' Megan spoke briskly from the door and Lissa jumped at the sound of her voice. The room flowered with light, dazzling her eyes, and Megan gave a quick, searching look which took in the faint tear-stains and the pallor.

  'Are you all right, love?'

  'Just tired,' Lissa lied, smiling far too brightly.

  'Are you sure?' Megan was frowning, concern in her dark eyes.

  There was a movement behind her and Megan turned. Luc strolled past her saying coolly: 'Dinner ready?'

  'In a moment,' said Megan. She was obviously on the point of saying something else, that frown still creasing her forehead, when Luc gave her one of the level, com­manding looks which always made people jump to attention,

  'I'm hungry,'

  Megan made a brief face and vanished without' an­other word. Luc had changed. Lissa flickered a nervous look over the dark velvet jacket, the cream evening shirt, before meeting his expressionless eyes.

  'I'm sorry I lost my temper,' he told her evenly. 'I've had a difficult day.'

  They dined alone, a fact of which Lissa was deeply aware, and the dining-room was lit by candles which threw strange shadows into the corners of the room and, gave Luc's hard face a disturbing impact. Megan came in and out discreetly, saying nothing, her manner muted by the withdrawn expression on Luc's face.

  When once she lingered to say something to Lissa, Luc slowly turned his head and gave her a glance which sent her crossly out of the room, lips pursed.

  Lissa had once found it hard to believe that Luc could do anything so mundane as work in the city, but having seen the authority and coolness of that face, she could believe it. His jaw had the assertive control of a man keeping a guard over his temper. He barely spoke and when he did his voice was clipped and unrevealing.

  She couldn't even begin to guess what he was think­ing. By the time they left the room she was grateful that the ordeal of that silent meal was over.

  They took their coffee in the drawing-room. Megan brought in the tray and hovered, offering to pour it, but Luc shook his head. 'We'll do it ourselves.’

  Megan went, shrugging. Lissa glanced at Luc through her lowered lashes. 'Shall I pour it?'

  ‘Please,’ he said curtly, taking up a position near the elegant fireplace, his arm lying along the mantel­shelf, his eyes fixed on the polished toe of his own shoe. She poured the coffee nervously and looked at him hesi­tantly. 'Do you want it there?'

  He looked up as though startled to remember that she was present. 'No,' he murmured, coming over to take the cup from her. He sat down beside her on the sofa and she tensed. Luc did not speak, sipping his coffee with a bent head. Swallowing, Lissa asked: 'Have you lived here long?'

  He put down his cup half finished and glanced at her.

  'A good many years. Do you like the house?'

  'It's very beautiful.' But overwhelming, she thought secretly. And rather empty. The whole house had a

  bland patina of grace which left one with the impression that it was a show place rather than a home.

  Luc moved restlessly. 'Would you like a brandy with that?' He got up, went to the decanters and poured himself one, ignoring Lissa's polite little refusal. When he pressed a glass into her hand she looked up to pro­test and met those cool blue eyes, changing her mind. She anxiously tasted the brandy, shivering at the taste of it.

  Luc drank his rapidly. The movement with which he put down the glass made her shoot him a wary look. He turned and took her barely touched glass, placing it beside his own.

  'It's no good, Lissa,' he said tersely. 'I can't let you go.'

  She stiffened and got up hurriedly. Luc was on his feet too at once, catching at her shoulder as she turned away. 'Where do you think you're going?'

  'I'm not listening to any more...' she began, and Luc's face became a mask of furious emotion.

  'That's where you're wrong! You'll listen if I have to use force to make you.'

  'Force is all you seem to understand,' she flung shakily. 'Just because you helped me get away from Chris you seem to think I belong to you.'

  His face changed again, the blue eyes gleaming between those dark lashes, the dangerous anger vanishing. 'I'm glad you seem to be getting the idea at last, he murmured silkily, and her colour rose in a hot wash

  'I don't belong to anyone but myself!'

  'Don't you?' Luc's long fingers slid caressingly up her arm. He smiled at her tauntingly, amusement in his eyes. Lissa's heart was thudding in her throat and her mouth was dry. The hand at her shoulder gave a deft twist and to her horror she found herself pulled forward into Luc's arms before she could halt the move­ment.

  Holding her, Luc sank back, on to the sofa and she pushed at his wide shoulder as her face fell against him. He coolly lifted her chin with one hand and bent his head towards her. Fever ran through her veins like fire. The deep warmth of his mouth silenced all her protests. She sank into a languorous weakness, her arms stealing round his neck after
a moment, giving herself up to the sensual delight he was making her feel.

  When he lifted his head again she was still clinging, trembling from head to foot, her lips parted and ach­ing from the long possession of his mouth.

  Reluctantly, her eyes flicked open to meet the in­tent, brooding stare of his, and she felt her colour deepen further as she knew he was aware of the passion he had managed to arouse in her.

  Harshly, he said, 'You're too young. I'm out of my mind, but I can't let you go.'

  'I won't be your mistress!' Misery made her voice shake.

  'Then will you be my wife?' he asked, his mouth twisting as though he found it hard to ask.

  She stared disbelievingly, her eyes very wide.

  'Don't look at me like that,' he muttered. 'I know I'm far too old for you. It's been driving me crazy ever since you told me how old you were. I told myself not to be a fool. I'm almost old enough to be your father.

  But it was too late for me from the first minute we met on that beach.'

  Her breathing shallow and irregular, her heart thud­ding, she whispered to him: 'Are you saying you love me?'

  He sighed deeply, his eyes on her disbelieving face. 'That's what I'm saying.'

  Lissa looked down, trying to take in what he had said. Staring at his hand as it lay against her waist, she asked in a low voice: 'If you really loved me why did you try to make me your mistress?'

  Luc made a rough sound under his breath. 'I doubt if you'd understand if I told you. That's why I hesi­tated before I asked you to marry me. When you're thirty, Lissa, I'll be almost fifty. What sort of bargain am I for a girl of your age?'

  She thought about that, her brows drawn, before looking up. 'You're saying that you thought it was one thing to have a brief affair with a girl of my age and another thing to actually marry her?'

  His skin took on a dark red, the blue eyes hard. 'I suppose that's just what I did think. If I thought at all —and I wasn't doing much thinking whenever you were around. Lissa, try to understand—the minute I saw you I wanted you and as time went by I wanted you more and more. I was possessed by a driving neces­sity. However coolly I considered the actual facts, the minute I was with you all my calm intentions went out of the window and I was desperate to make love to you.'

  She bit her lower lip, looking away from the urgent desire in his eyes. 'And when you consider the actual facts now, Luc, what do you really see? The same prob­lem?'

  He hesitated and she looked back at him levelly. Luc closed his eyes with a tormented twist of his mouth. 'Yes,' he muttered. 'You're too young and I'd be a swine if I married you. You ought to marry someone of your own age, someone suitable.' His voice had gone harsh and raw with an emotion she could feel in every fibre.

  She watched him, feeling oddly aware and adult. Luc's cool strength had always outmarched her own, but the cynical sophistication which informed his hard features had dissolved now in a feeling which he could not hide.

  'I'll start looking around for someone,' she said, and saw his lids open and the jealous, violent flash of the blue eyes.

  'You damned well won't,' he bit out with his teeth snapping together. His arms tightened., hauling her closer, and he pushed his face into her ruffled hair. 'You'll marry me, Lissa, however insane it may be— because if you go away, I couldn't stand it.' " She didn't struggle, but she didn't respond. Lying in his arms, she said slowly: 'You still aren't thinking of me, though, are you, Luc? All you're thinking about is yourself, what you need.'

  'If I think about what you need I'll have to let you go,' he said unevenly. 'It was for your sake that I hesi­tated to ask you to marry me. My God, are you so blind? Can't you see that it's you who'll suffer from having a husband so much older than yourself? I'm a gambler, Lissa, but even I hesitate at the odds against us. Do you think I don't realise that it's almost a cer­tainty that one day you'll meet someone closer to your own age and want me to let you go?' He drew a long, fierce breath, the possessive grip hurting her as he held her even closer. 'And how could I refuse in the circum­stances? It will kill me. But I'll have to agree.'

  Lissa slid her arms round his neck, trembling, pro­foundly moved by the pain in his voice. 'No,' she whis­pered.

  'I've been going round in circles for days thinking about it,' Luc said in a low voice. 'I was faced with an unenviable choice. Either I let you go now and went through hell or I married you and faced that hell some time in the future.'

  'I love you,' she cried out in wild reaction to his anguished statement. 'Luc darling, I love you.' It was the first time she had allowed herself to admit it, and the stammered words made Luc tense, turning his face towards her in a blind movement which ended as their mouths met and clung hotly.

  His hands gripped convulsively. He was so taut with a feverish desire that she felt his muscles clenching under her hands, his whole body coiled in barely re­strained hunger.

  Lissa moaned, her eyes clouding with answering pas­sion, and Luc's mouth bruised and demanded, the heavy pace of his heart matching the wild tattoo of her own.

  'I want you so badly, Liss,' he breathed into her mouth. Lifting his head he looked almost dazedly at her, his face set in that mask of unveiled desire. 'I've never felt like this in my life before. The morning we met on that beach you knocked me right off my feet and I've never managed to get back up again since. Every time I look at you I burn to touch you,'

  Her mouth was dry. 'Take me to bed,' she whispered through her trembling lips. 'Now, Luc'

  She saw the feverish flare of his blue eyes and for a second she thought he was going to pick her up and carry her upstairs. Then he swallowed, the muscles of the strong throat moving painfully. He shook his head, his mouth wry.

  'A week ago I'd have been up the stairs so fast I'd have fallen on my face.' he said grimly. 'I meant to seduce you, Liss. I knew I could if I tried.'

  Her face flushed even more deeply, her eyes half angry, and he grimaced.

  I'm sorry for how that sounds, but your responses made it obvious right from the start. I saw you with Brandon and I knew he wasn't doing a thing to you, but when I started kissing you, I felt the response com­ing at me in waves. You're very inexperienced, darling, but I'm not.'

  She winced and he gave her a faint sighing smile. 'I wish I was, believe me. I wish I could match you on that level, but I can't. I've had affairs before. What else could you expect? At my age I thought affairs were all I was ever going to have. I'd never met a woman who made me feel I could bear to live with her for life. And when I did meet her I had to fall headlong for a girl of twenty!' -

  Lissa watched him, anxiety in her eyes. The age gap between them had never bothered her as much as it obviously bothered him. The only gulf she had felt was the gulf of experience which gave him such an ad­vantage over her.

  'When I managed to get you away from Brandon, I intended to seduce you into an affair,' Luc admitted flatly. 'I refused to look too far into the future at that stage because I was already sick at the thought that one day you'd be tired of me, but I had to have you, Lissa. I was ready to take whatever I could get you to give me.'

  'How can you think I would tire of you?' she asked huskily, touching his face with one hand, gently fol­lowing: the line of cheek and jaw.

  She felt his bones tighten under her fingers. 'You don't know what you're saying,' Luc muttered.

  'I know that I refused to have an affair with you be­cause I knew it would kill me if you got tired of me,' she whispered.

  He turned his head to kiss her palm, his eyes closing. 'Never. Never in this life, darling.'

  'You said you wanted me to trust you,' Lissa mur­mured. 'Can't you trust me? Can't you believe I love you and will go on loving you for ever?'

  His mouth twisted in that movement of pain. 'I've got to—I can't face the alternative. My father used to say that when you can't face looking too far ahead, the only way to live is from day to day, putting one foot in front of another without thinking about tomorrow.

  T
hat's what I'm going to have to do, Lissa. I'm going to live each day as it comes along, and forget about the future. If I'm going to lose you one day, I prefer not to think about it.'

  'You won't lose me,' she promised.

  'If you ever do want to go,' he began, and she put her fingers over his mouth.

  'I never shall.'

  He kissed the fingers, then lifted them away to ask huskily: 'When will you marry me?'

  'When do you want me?' she asked, teasing him gently with a little smile.

  'My God—now,' he groaned, then said thickly, 'But I'm going to wait because when I do take you I want to be sure you're mine. I've got a superstitious streak— most gamblers have. If I don't marry you before I take you to bed, I'm afraid I'll lose you even sooner. We'll start life together properly or not at all.'

  'Will your family object to you marrying someone without a family or money?' she asked, frowning.

  'My family depend on me, not the other way around,' he said drily. 'I shan't be asking their permission or even their approval. Bon't worry. There aren't many of them, and they'll smile from ear to ear, because if any one of them offended you I'd make him regret it to his dying day.'

  She surveyed him, noting the change in his face and the hard note in his voice. 'You're ruthless, aren't you?'

  He grinned briefly. 'Lissa, I control the money in the family. Believe me, they'll welcome you with open arms.'

  'And cynical,' she added thoughtfully.

  He laughed. 'The tougher they are, the harder they fall,' he mocked lightly, but the blue eyes were brilliant with passion as he watched her.

  'Even if I'd seduced you on the boat I suspect I'd have ended up on my knees begging you to marry me,' he said drily. 'When it came to the point I'd have done anything in my power to keep you.'

  'All you have to do to keep me, is love me,' Lissa told him.

  'My God, Lissa, I can't begin to tell you how much I love you,' he groaned.

  'You can try,' she said softly,

  'Oh, I intend to,' said Luc as he bent his head to kiss her again.