Amish Circle Letters II: The Second Circle of Letters

by Price, Sarah

  “Nee, I did not,” she admitted, her voice soft and low. “It’s nerve wracking to get married, isn’t it?” He laughed and reached his hand out to help Mimi to her feet. Then, instead of moving, he held her hands in his as he stood before her. Behind them, the clock chimed nine times. Mimi glanced over her shoulder at it then turned back to Steve. “And we have a long day tomorrow. Clean up and put the house back in order for my parents, ja?”

  Steve nodded his head as he stared at her, feeling his heart race. “Ja, long day tomorrow.”

  “And I’m certainly exhausted,” she added, lowering her eyes as the color flooded to her cheeks.

  “Exhausted,” he repeated the word. But rather than loosen his grip on her hands, he held them tighter and pulled her into his arms. “Mimi Fisher,” he murmured. “I do so like the sound of that.”

  “Mmmm,” she whispered, leaning against him. “I do, too.”

  “Now, Mimi Fisher,” he said, repeating her name as he lowered his mouth to whisper in her ear. “While everyone is asleep and it’s our first night as husband and wife, I want you to tell you just one thing.”

  She pulled back, just enough to lift her eyes to look at him, a glow on her face. “And what is that, Steve Fisher?”

  Slowly, he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. It was a tender kiss that was followed by him wrapping his arms around her waist, tightening his embrace. She responded by putting her hands around his neck and holding onto him. He felt his pulse quicken as he kissed her. It was only their second kiss and he tried to steady his nerves. Yet, her arms around his neck and her body pressed against his only reminded him that she was, indeed, his wife. Kissing was best saved for behind closed doors.

  Reluctantly, he pulled away.

  She smiled as he did, her hands dropping from his shoulders and she tilted her head, staring at him. “That is what you wanted to tell me?”

  “Nee,” he said, laughing softly.

  “Then what did you want to tell me, my husband?”

  “That I love you and you have made me the happiest man on God’s beautiful earth.” And he meant it. God had smiled on Steve Fisher the day that she had decided to call him to pick up his special order at her daed’s store. Where would he be right now if Mimi had not taken that initiative? Would they have met if Mimi had merely put the glass with the delivery for Isaac as had originally been planned?

  “That’s two things,” she teased, staring at him.

  He laughed again at her playfulness. “Yes it is,” he admitted.

  “Well, those are two wonderful things to hear,” she said.

  “They are wonderful things to say,” he countered. “Now, since I don’t know where I am going in your parents’ house,” he said, lifting up the oil lantern so that they could take it with them. “Mayhaps you might lead me upstairs and to your room? I don’t want to accidentally wander into your daed’s bedroom!”

  “I’m thinking he wouldn’t want that either,” Mimi said teasingly, holding his hand as she walked backward toward the stairs. The flame from the lantern flickered, casting a soft glow up the staircase. “Me neither.”

  As they ascended the room, the glow disappeared with them, leaving the kitchen shrouded in darkness and quiet for the night. Outside, the moon shone over the fields, a silver tint to the sky with shadows cast over the neighbor’s fields from the large oak trees that lined the side of the Hostetler property. The neighborhood was quiet, asleep for the night until it was time for the farmers to rise and start a new day, tending to their chores. But from the Hostetler house, there was a faint glow behind a window on the second floor and two figures stood together, embraced in each other’s arms as they began their married life together.

  At the Yoder farm, Mary Ruth lay in her bed, listening to Menno’s soft breathing as he slept next to her. She laid on her side, her eyes staring out the window at the back of the room. She saw the silver light of the moon casting shadows that danced across the fields that were barren of crops. She felt much the same way: barren of emotions.

  It had turned into a beautiful day for a wedding, despite having started out overcast and gray. It was as if God had pushed away the clouds, clearing the sky for the crisp, clean sunny day that had turned into a night without stars and a full, bright moon.

  The ride home from the wedding had been stressful for Mary Ruth. She sat next to Menno, little Emma at her feet, while Melvin, Suzanna, and Ruth Ann huddled in the back seat of the buggy. Mary Ruth wanted to reach for Menno’s hand, wanted to let him know how she was feeling. But she feared rejection. If she had reached for his hand and he had withdrawn it, she knew she would have burst into tears. She hadn’t wanted to risk an emotional outburst in front of the kinner.

  When they finally arrived home, Menno quietly disappeared into the barn, Melvin in tow, to tend to the evening chores. She watched them for a moment before, with a sigh, Mary Ruth took Emma’s hand and led the girls into the house to get ready for bed. The kinner had school in the morning and, after having awoken extra early on that morning, they were ready for an early night.

  Secretly, Mary Ruth had hoped that, once the kinner were in bed, she might have a moment to engage in a private discussion with Menno.

  But that had not happened.

  Instead, Melvin returned to the house alone. When Mary Ruth asked about his daed, Melvin had merely replied that he was still working in the barn. Mary Ruth had waited for almost an hour, but Menno hadn’t returned to the house. She peered outside and thought she saw him pacing in the open doorway, his silhouette moving back and forth, illuminated by the glow from the propane lantern hanging in the barn. Despondent, she finally retired to the bedroom, fighting the urge to cry as she changed into her nightgown and brushed her hair.

  When he finally came into the room, he barely glanced at her, moving to his side of the bed to change. Without a word, he crawled into bed, the mattress sinking under his weight. She could hear his breath slowing down as he sank into a deep sleep without so much as saying a simple good night.

  Now, as she lay next to him, her eyes watching the moon outside the window, she said a silent prayer to God to help guide her through this situation. She needed His hand to show her what to do, how to break through to Menno who seemed to have regressed to his harsh ways that had been far too familiar after his first wife’s death. And as she prayed, a Bible verse came to mind:

  But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:

  But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.

  There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit:

  But she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.[2]

  Yes, Mary Ruth thought. That is exactly what she would do. She would focus on pleasing Menno as God commanded. Perhaps then, Menno would want to please her. In fact, she realized that she needed to re-court her husband, to make him see how much she wanted to love him and, hopefully, in the process, discover that he, too, loved her.

  “Thank you, God,” she whispered into the night. With a new sense of purpose, Mary Ruth shut her eyes, wiggling ever so slightly so that her back was pressed against Menno’s arm. She could feel the pressure of his body against hers and she took pleasure in knowing that God had guided her, had shown her what to do, in order to turn around the disastrous beginning to her marriage.

  As she started to drift to sleep, Menno’s eyes opened. He sighed, her words echoing in his mind: Thank you God. He shook his head knowing in his heart that she had thanked God for helping her survive one more day. Hadn’t he heard her earlier that morning, consoling Emma, telling his youngest daughter that she was there for them? The kinner? No mention of Menno. No mention of being a wife. Only a mother.

  He had known that she didn’t love h
im, despite her telling him as much on their wedding night. He had high hopes of a strong love between them. Yet, their wedding night had been a disaster. He had retired to their room, hoping to spend some time alone with Mary Ruth, talking and holding each other. But she had never come to the room. Almost an hour had passed and he had finally fallen asleep for it had been a long day for him, too. The morning following their wedding night, she didn’t speak with him and constantly averted her eyes. She fawned over the kinner but said nary a word to him, nothing of any substance beyond chores or meals. In turn, he remained silent, not wanting to crowd her during this difficult time of adjustment. Yet, the more distance he gave to her, the more distant she became.

  When had things become so complicated, he pondered.

  Chapter 2: Rachel’s Letter

  Dear Family,

  I awoke early this morning and am sitting in the darkness of my kitchen. My heart swells with joy for the happiness of our dear bruder, Steve. Yesterday’s celebration was very special for me. It was so wonderful to see such joy on all the faces. But it was also a celebration of life, one that I found especially meaningful now that my own husband has gone through his first treatment for the cancer.

  I know that by the time Mamm reads my letter, this mailing will have come to a full circle and we will see whether or not the treatment will help. But regardless, I know that it is God’s will, in His infinite wisdom to make that ultimate decision.

  When I returned from the wedding last evening, he was sleeping. I fear that he does not feel too well and is hiding his discomfort from me. Please keep us in your prayers.

  So much seems to have happened since Mamm began the circle letter six months ago. With the kinner in school, I have freedom during the days to tend to Elijah. In truth, that is where our focus is right now…on his healing. We spend a lot of time reading the Bible and praying to God that this treatment will cure Elijah’s illness. I certainly hate to see him in so much discomfort.

  The kinner have been quite helpful and I do so appreciate their acts of kindness, helping with the animals before school and before supper. The boys have turned into men, it seems. True men of God who understand the need to step in when help is needed with nary a complaint. I could not be more proud of them.

  I leave you in closing with this verse to hold close to your hearts:

  He heals the brokenhearted

  and binds up their wounds.[3]

  Take comfort in the knowledge that our Lord heals us when our hearts ache because of illness, sorrow, or disappointment. He will answer all of our prayers in due time.

  By the time that this package of letters reaches you, I pray that we have better news to report to the family and I also pray that all is well with you and yours.

  Blessings,

  Rachel

  On the morning after Steve and Mimi’s wedding, the sun rose over the horizon behind the barn on the Yoder farm. Mary Ruth had waited until she heard Menno arise for the morning milking. She listened as he shuffled around the bedroom, changing out of his nightclothes and into his work shirt and pants. The mattress sagged under his weight as he sat back down to put on his socks.

  She wanted to roll over, to reach out and touch his back. But, as always, the fear of rejection was too great. She needed to know for certain that such an effort on her part would be accepted, if not returned, by the brooding man she had married. If only, she thought, he would reach out to touch her shoulder or to wish her a good morning. If only, she thought, he would give her a sign showing that he cared.

  Had it really only been eleven days since they had married? She shut her eyes and remembered that first kiss. It had been after their wedding as they were returning home. She had asked him to kiss her and he had obliged. The touch of his lips, so soft and gentle, on her own mouth had sent shock waves throughout her body. She had wanted to know what it was like to kiss her husband, this Menno Yoder, the man she had started to fall in love with. And when she told him that she loved him, he had told her that she didn’t yet, but she would.

  And then what? she thought.

  She tried to remember what had happened. How had their wedding night gone so horribly wrong? She had been nervous, anticipating that first night. After getting the kinner to bed, she had returned to the kitchen only to discover that Menno wasn’t there. She had puttered around the kitchen, waiting for him to return from the barn. Surely that was where he had gone. Almost an hour passed and there had been no sign of Menno. Disheartened, Mary Ruth had extinguished the light before heading toward the large downstairs bedroom, the one off of the kitchen. To her shock, she found Menno sleeping in the bed. He hadn’t gone to the barn at all but had retired for the night without even telling her.

  That was when she knew that something was terribly wrong.

  On that first morning, Menno was already gone when she had finally awoken. She had quickly dressed and hurried outside, her black shawl hanging from her shoulders as she walked toward the barn. He had been milking the cows and she went to him, asking if he needed help. He had merely glanced at her then looked away. And so the silence had begun.

  After the morning milking, Mary Ruth had hurried back to the house in order to get the kinner ready for school. There was breakfast to be made, lunches to be packed, and hair to be pinned back beneath small white prayer kapps. By the time the kinner left the house to walk down the lane toward the school, Mary Ruth had already put in a full three hours of work. In the quiet of the house, she watched the kinner as they disappeared down the driveway. They wouldn’t return until the afternoon. Perhaps, Mary Ruth thought, she could find time to spend alone with Menno then…to find out why he had seemed so angry with her.

  But it was not to be. Mimi had arrived to help Mary Ruth clean up from the previous day’s festivities. Typically, the weddings were held at the bride’s house and that was where the newlyweds would spend their first night together so that they could help the parents clean up the house in the morning. But Menno had insisted that their wedding be held at his house in order to create new, fresh memories. Mimi had been gracious enough to offer to help clean in the morning.

  Unfortunately, by the time that they had finished putting the downstairs back in order, the kinner were stomping into the washroom and Mimi was saying her goodbyes. At no time during the rest of the day had Mary Ruth been able to see her husband.

  It hadn’t gotten any easer in the days since then.

  Now, as she listened to Menno stand up from the bed, the floorboard creaking ever so slightly, and then move toward the door, she prayed that he would pause to look at her. Please, she begged him silently. Say something to me. Anything. Instead, he walked out of the bedroom, quietly shutting the door behind him as he left.

  When she heard the house door shut, she tossed the blankets back from the bed and sat up, angry and frustrated. What was wrong with her husband? What had created this rift between them? What had happened to the man who had courted her by leaving Bible verses and flowers for her? Had he changed his mind? Did he only marry her for the kinner’s sake?

  And then, Mary Ruth remembered the Bible quote from the previous evening. The Bible quote that God had placed in her mind when she had prayed for His help. Mary Ruth smiled. She also remembered her promise to do everything she could to please her husband. That was, after all, following God’s instruction.

  “Today,” she said to herself, trying to sound confident and convince herself as she spoke, “Everything will change!”

  In the cold of the bedroom, Mary Ruth quickly dressed and straightened up the room. She started to make the bed and hung up Menno’s clothing from the previous evening. She noticed that he hadn’t changed from his good clothes when he had returned from the wedding and gone to the barn. The bottoms of his pants were dirty and needed a good washing. She set them aside in order to clean them later and finished making the bed.

  Once she returned to the kitchen, she hurried to the stove to make a pot of coffee. While it was brewing, she sat do
wn at the table with a small pad of yellow lined paper. She remembered when Menno had courted her, when she had begun to fall in love with him. He had left her flowers and little pieces of folded paper that contained Bible verses. Well, she thought, two can play at that game! She leafed through her Bible, her eyes scanning some of her favorite quotes. She flipped through the books of the Bible until she found 1 Corinthians 16:14: Do everything in love. Yes, she thought with a smile. That will do, to start.

  In her best handwriting, she carefully wrote those four words on the piece of paper. She took her time, not wanting the quote to look rushed or written in a hurry. When she was finished, she sat back and looked at the quote she had written. Would four simple words break the ice? Could these words from the Bible hold so much power? She prayed that they would, for she simply could not keep living in a house heavy with the silence emanating from her husband.

  Folding the note in half, she tucked it into her apron pocket before she took a quick glance at the clock. It was almost six. Melvin would be getting up soon to help his father with the morning chores. Hurrying, Mary Ruth picked up the pot of coffee and grabbed a plain white ceramic mug from the cabinet.

  It was cold outside and she immediately regretted not grabbing her black shawl. But there was no time to waste. Hurrying across the driveway toward the barn, she watched as her breath formed a small cloud of frosty air as she exhaled. The sun was just over the roofline of the barn. The rays of light were casting shadows on the driveway. It was going to be a beautiful day. Mary Ruth smiled as she walked into the barn, her heart pounding as she anticipated her husband’s reaction to her small note.

  The barn was quiet when she entered it. Mary Ruth didn’t want to startle Menno so she set the pot of coffee and the mug on a hay bale near the door. For a moment, she hesitated; but then, with another smile at her own cleverness, she reached into her pocket for the piece of folded yellow paper. She slipped it into the mug. He’d find it there and know what she was thinking. He’d read those four words and see that she was trying. Perhaps, she hoped, he would come seek her and take her in his arms for a kiss, the second kiss of their married lives.