“No? You don’t want to go back to my place?”
“No. Zack. Let’s go home. Back to our place.”
His expression was priceless when he realized that I had just agreed to move in with him.
“Home. Our home.” He thought about that for a moment with the biggest smile on his face as he rubbed his chin with his one hand. “Yeah, I like that. I like it very much.”
“I kinda thought you might. I’m so sorry, Zack.”
“Oh, my God! If you say sorry one more time…”
His open-ended threat didn’t scare me like it once had. This time I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but we would deal with the rest over time. Right now, however, we really needed to talk about my triggers and what caused them.
“Let’s go home.”
Our hands connected as he interlaced his fingers with mine. He tucked me firmly under his chin as we headed out the door. Security was right there to greet us as we left the building. They led us to the car, opening the door so we could step inside. I noticed not one but three security personal proceeding us. It was unusual, but with everything going on, I didn’t question it. Maybe Zack had some things going on that warranted the larger presence. I’d have to talk to him about it later.
When we arrived, his lips touched the back of my hand as we made our way to the house.
“I love you so much, Katie.”
“I love you too, Zack. That has never been the issue. You know that, right?”
“I do know that, honey. Let’s talk once we get inside. I want you all to myself before we have this conversation.”
“Yes, let’s wait until we get inside.”
Thankfully we didn’t have to wait long, since the courthouse was only a few miles from his place. As we approached the house, a sudden unsettling feeling crept up my spine, but I dismissed it as wariness about our upcoming conversation. The hairs on my neck rose, however, as we exited the vehicle. My attention was immediately drawn to the forest across the street. Was someone out there watching us? It was probably just some wildlife.
I knew Randall was out there somewhere, but it had been months since there had been any sightings or reports of him being nearby. Heck, only Zack had been the one to see him during that isolated encounter that led to them talking business. Aside from that, Randall seemed to have gone back to his hole, far from here. Hopefully that would be the only time we had to deal with him.
“Would you like some water?”
I hadn’t even realized we’d made it to the kitchen, I was so caught up in the nervous reaction I was having.
“Yes, please. Though since this is now my place, too, maybe I should offer you some instead?”
“Oh, yes, water would be lovely. Thank you.”
He chuckled as he played along.
“Cute, honey. Real cute.”
“Hey, if my roommate wants to offer me a glass of water in our house, who am I to turn it down?”
“Roommate, huh?”
He laughed as I wrapped my arms around him. That was the great thing about Zack: he got me. Even when we’ve had a horrible day, we could always laugh at the little things that happened along the way, and then we would both feel immediately better.
“Better.”
How did he keep doing that?
“Like I said, it’s written across your face for me to see.”
“Just you, though right? No one else, because otherwise I’d have a really hard time dealing with society at large.”
He laughs.
“Yeah, baby, just me. And maybe your mom. No one else seems to know you well enough, and that will never change.”
He drawled out the last bit as he kissed my neck. Close was never close enough when we were together like this.
“Zack, wait. We still need to talk.”
I wanted him so much, but then we would never discuss what we needed to, and I really had to get this out of me—now.
“Sorry, baby, couldn’t help myself. You’re just so mouthwatering.”
He pulled back and turned to get us some glasses. I was barely able to keep standing when we parted, so I grabbed ahold of the island counter to keep myself upright.
“I’ve told you how Randall and I met and married, but it’s what happened after that I’ve never discussed with you. Or anyone, for that matter.”
“Anyone?”
That got his attention as he abandoned the glasses.
“Anyone,” I repeated for emphasis, shaking my head vehemently.
He needed to know that this was only for him. Not even Justin knew these details, and he had treated me when we first decided to go into hiding together.
He stared at me for a moment, taking it all in.
“Maybe we need something much stronger than water.”
Dumping the ice cubes into the sink, he retreated to the wine cooler and took out a Merlot. Without asking if I’d like a glass, he poured me one anyway, taking my hand as we made our way to the living room. The intimacy of the bedroom would have been ideal, but I figured he’d rather not associate a place where we make love with the nightmares I was about to tell him. In a way, I appreciated his thoughtfulness. I wouldn’t have wanted to taint our personal space with what I was about to say, either.
“Take all the time you need.”
He sipped his wine, trying to prepare for what came next.
With a nod, I looked back at the life I had abandoned and the man that had changed me forever.
“You know that it was the last year of college for me. I was waitressing at a local pub to make ends meet. I can remember the smells of the establishment, first and foremost, with the stench of alcohol being the strongest, as well as the various dishes of food we served. The pub smelled welcoming and inviting most of the time. There were times, though, when it was suffocating being surrounded by so many people drinking, laughing, and stuffing their faces. Businessmen often frequented the establishment as a way of unwinding after long business meetings. That’s how I met Randall. He was no frequent patron, but after we first met, he became one.”
Taking a sip of the Merlot, I needed the liquid courage to continue this conversation.
Zack was seated next to me, just watching my face, listening and bracing himself for when it would turn ugly.
“You have to understand, I was so naïve and sheltered at the time. My expenses were limited to college and work. I didn’t realize men actually prowled for women like me. I thought domestic abuse was something that happened over time, when people were together for so long that they just ended up hating each other.”
“You don’t have to defend yourself to me, baby. You did nothing wrong.”
“But I did.”
I twitched involuntarily, and my wine nearly sloshed out of the glass, so I placed it onto the coffee table in front of us, embarrassed.
“Don’t. Just don’t. I need to know what happened, but I do not need you beating yourself up over it.”
His comfort was what I needed. His support. Was this what it was like to be together with someone that loved you? Someone showing you unconditional support, not just when you thought you needed it? If that was the case, I had to say that I quite liked it.
“Again, stop beating yourself up when you tell me this, because I have to say I don’t stand for anyone saying bad things about my woman—even if it is my woman saying them.”
I chuckled and breathed in deep, exhaling slowly so I continue my story.
“Randall would come into the pub on Fridays to see me. It became so routine that I actually looked forward to his visits. We’d discuss my classes, my work, and my family.”
My brows suddenly bunched together as I recalled that he’d never really discussed himself with me.
“What is it?”
“I just realized that we never discussed his life much. It was always about me, what I was doing, who I was doing it all with. Nothing really about his life. Why would he do that?”
As I took a sip of wine, I thought that
he wanted to tell me, but didn’t quite know how. Maybe he was worried about how I’d react.
“Most predators do that when they want their prey to think they are interested in them. I’ve seen this happen a lot in politics. Stroking egos to figure out how best to get their opponents on their side. They’re trying to find the weaknesses.”
“Is that what he did? With me?”
“I don’t want to upset you more than you already are, honey.”
“Just tell me.”
I didn’t want to scream at him, but he was really frustrating the shit out of me right then. If I figured this out, maybe I wouldn’t be the one that was so naïve. I wouldn’t be the one that fell for his charms because I was his prey, and nothing I did would have made any difference so long as I was his target.
“Zack, please, this would really help me understand that I couldn’t, and didn’t, do anything that would have mattered much in those early days. I beat myself up all the time. Maybe if I didn’t talk with him when he visited the pub. Maybe if I just left him alone and walked the other way. Maybe…”
“Honey, when someone like that wants you, there is little you could do to stop them from getting you. He was and is a predator. He would have done anything to get you right where he wanted you.”
Years of therapy, analysis, and reflection couldn’t do what Zack did for me in just a few moments. Maybe I wasn’t ready to listen before. Who knew? Who cared? It wasn’t me. That was the main takeaway. I wasn’t the one who had brought this on myself. I had just so happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when I came across his path. Wow. As that sunk in, I realized that I had no one else to blame in all of this but him.
“You okay?”
Zack’s concern for me gave me the strength and focus to continue.
“Yes. For the first time in a long time, I am okay. I’ve finally realized that there was nothing I could have done differently.”
“No, baby, there wasn’t.”
Obviously, there were many scenarios that would have made the situation change for the better in the long run. Heck, if I had just found someone else to fall in love with I could have avoided a ton of pain and suffering. But then I wouldn’t have been here with Zack. I wouldn’t have been wrapped in his arms, and I wouldn’t have found this place. In some ways, I was grateful for how things had ended up. It was the journey that had got us here.
We looked into each other’s eyes, searching for something I knew now was acceptance. Acceptance of the situation or each other, I wasn’t sure, but I needed to see reflected back through his eyes the love and concern I felt when I looked at him.
“He began to frequent the place more during my shifts. Come to think of it, I realize now that he probably got ahold of my schedule somehow, because the girls would tell me he only came by when I was there. If I wasn’t there, he would leave.”
“See, baby? He was a predator.”
He didn’t need to say any more than that. I got it now.
“Whenever I saw him, I would be surprised at first, but then happy that he came in just for me.”
Now I was uncomfortable at the thought of telling the man I love how I fell in love with another man.
“There are parts of this story I don’t have to tell you.”
“I know, but I think it will help you if you do tell me everything you can.”
The pain was plain on his face, but I knew he was right. I needed to continue this so we could finally move on with our life together.
“We would talk about the day. Discuss how I wanted to be an assistant to help powerful people achieve greatness. He would give me pointers on how to exist in the corporate world, where those people that I wanted to work with existed. I was in awe of that life and anyone that had insight into that world astonished me. You could say he hooked me in with that life I wanted to be a part of in so many ways.
“It was a few weeks later when he asked me to dinner. I was so shocked that he would ask me. Me! I as just a waitress who was so outside that world he lived in. I couldn’t refuse, even if I had wanted to. And I didn’t want to. Back then, I wanted any insight I could get into that life. Oh, God, I gave him the opening that led to all this, didn’t I?”
Zack just shrugged and sipped his wine. It was like playing emotional hopscotch with bombs. One wrong step, and something could explode right in your face.
“Baby, just tell the story as though you’re witnessing it, instead of experiencing it firsthand. I think that may help you understand what happened more than reliving it all over again.”
“That makes sense. Okay, I can do that.”
I took a breath as I moved away from his warmth. I needed the distance to recount these horrors, but at the same time, I needed him close enough to feel his security and strength.
“Our first date was at this restaurant downtown, at a place called Redours. It was so expensive and exclusive, and I couldn’t believe he was taking me there. He must have made the reservations weeks in advance, because whenever I would call for a reservation myself, it was always fully booked. I was so enamored with how far he would go to impress me that I found myself barely able to talk throughout the meal, which come to think of it, that was probably why we sat in silence for so long. He didn’t discuss his personal life much with me, I remember that. I also remember how weird it seemed at the time, but I dismissed it as him wanting to get to know me.”
“It’s alright, baby. Just continue with your story.”
“We dated like that for about two months, and then he popped the question. I was so shocked that I nearly choked on my coffee. He proposed one night after we finished our meal at that same restaurant from our first date. Once I was able to breathe again, I said yes. I was so in love with the idea of him loving me that I didn’t think to say no. I felt like the center of his world, and I loved it. I was so close to my dreams of being a high-powered assistant, so close to living in that world that it seemed to fit, having someone that was already in that world be my husband.”
Zack fidgeted in his seat, repositioning himself as he turned to look at me.
“You and I are nothing like this. You know that, right?”
I needed to make sure he knew this, and that he didn’t see any similarities with our relationship.
“Are you crazy? Of course we are nothing like this!”
“Okay, then why are you fidgeting so much?” I questioned him. I couldn’t figure out why he was so on edge all of a sudden.
“I’m fidgeting because I just wish I was there to protect you from this happening.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. I can’t help the fidgeting. I just always want to protect you.”
I launched myself into his arms and pulled him as close as possible into my body. I loved this man so much that I couldn’t believe I’d ever fallen for a man like Randall when someone like Zack had been out there waiting for me.
“I love you so much, Katie.”
“I love you too, Zack, just as much.”
“I believe we need to finish this story.”
“Oh, yeah.”
I pulled back and sat on the other cushion, just an arm’s reach away from him. I hoped that the additional space would somehow make it easier during the more intimate parts of the story. I found that if we were not so close physically, then I could talk more easily about what happened without the worry of it becoming uncomfortable.
“After we became engaged, I brought him home to meet my mother.”
“Oh, gosh. If I know your mother, she probably saw right through him.”
“How did you know?”
“Let’s just say I know your mother.”
He laughed and rolled his eyes, waving for me to continue with the story.
“Of course she saw right through everything, but you know how she is. She spent the entire night trying to be polite, which didn’t work out that well.”
I was taken back at how little I paid attention to her reactions to Randall bac
k then. From where I sat, it had seemed normal for there to be some sort of disconnect between the two of them, but after seeing the way she and Zack mingled together, I realized now that that disconnect was a red flag, a warning of things to come.
“After that night, Randall made extra efforts to get my mother on his side. No matter the situation, he found ways to try and prove his worth to her. She never accepted anything he tried to dish out to her, though. I found it odd how hard he tried to convince her, but he just said he was determined to get her to like him, no matter what. We set a date for the following week.”
“Why the rush?”
Zack looked perplexed, but quickly recovered after a few moments.
“Never mind.”
“What? Never mind what?”
“It’s just…”
“Now you have to tell me.”
“I figure he probably convinced you it was the best idea, considering your schooling and everything going on with his job.”
“Yes, that’s it exactly, but how did you know?”
“I’m figuring this guy out the more you tell me. Remember, with politics comes the understanding of how to read people through their actions. This Randall guy is a real piece of work. He convinces you to trust him by talking about you instead of him. He tries to work your mom, but she’s too wise to his charms, so he uses the best arsenal at his disposal to convince you to rush into marriage before your family interferes and convinces you to wait.”
I was completely and utterly shocked at how well he had figured Randall out in such a short amount of time. It made me wonder what was wrong with me that I had no idea what he was until well after the wedding.
“Oh, Katie, I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
My tears fell uncontrollably anyway.
“What is wrong with me?”
“Nothing is wrong with you.”
“How is it that you figured all this out in such a short amount of time, and it took me almost two years?”
“First off, honey, I did meet Randall. Remember? Second, I’m a politician, so it’s my job to get to the bottom of situations quickly, as well as the people bringing them to me. I’ve had a lot of training throughout my life. I grew up with people like this, so I can usually spot them a mile away.”
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