by Julian Bloom
She chose a suitable restaurant where the noise level made conversation possible and booths were sufficiently far apart to give privacy. After they were seated and had given their orders, there was an awkward pause. Reggie looked enquiringly at Susan and she drew a big breath and asked, “What are you going to do about you and Jake?” She figured beating about the bush would only waste time. Besides, she couldn’t think of any way to do the beating that wasn’t pusillanimous or absurd.
Reggie, who was pale by nature, went deathly white. “What do you mean?” he stuttered.
“My beloved brother, you know exactly what I mean. Don’t be stupid.”
“But how do you know?”
“Because I love you, because we’re on the same wave length, and besides, because I’m afraid it’s getting obvious to anybody who looks.”
There was a long pause while Reggie took that in and then he whispered, “Father?”
Father isn’t looking, but if he did, even he would suspect.”
“Shit!”
“Indeed! And before it hits the fan, you’d better decide what you’re going to do about it when it does.”
“What do you think I should do?”
“Well, first of all make sure of what your feelings about Jake are.”
“I love him.”
“You’re not just hot for his body?”
“No, not just.”
“Do you think he loves you?”
“That’s hard to be sure of. You know his background. But I think so.”
“Have you thought at all about what you want to do about it?”
“I thought I might give up university.”
“And what good would that do?”
“We’d be together.”
“And more and more unhappy and frustrated. Surely Reggie, the status quo is untenable.”
Reggie thought for a moment. “You’re right. It would be hellish.”
“It would. And besides sacrifice is hard to live with. You’d begin to regret it and he’d begin to resent the need to be grateful for it.”
“But if I go off to L.A. that’s the end of it.”
“Why not take him with you?”
“How can I do that? Father would be catatonic.”
“Better him being catatonic when you’re in L.A. than when you’re living at home. Anyway, why does he need to know? Jake could run away. He wouldn’t be the first.” And you’ve money enough of your own to support him there.”
“The network of lies would be hard to sustain.”
“But, brother mine, face it. You’re going to have to reveal everything eventually. It will be easier after you’ve left home. And living with Jake for a while will tell you before you drop the bomb if you really want to make the relationship permanent.”
Reggie was silent for a long time. “Susan, do you still love me now that you know I’m gay?”
“Dumb ass! I’d love you if you were a serial killer. Besides, I’ve known for years.”
“What about our relatives? How will they react if I come out?”
“Mixed, I suppose, but Reggie, if you weren’t so introverted, you’d know that in this day and age, it’s no big deal. Even our parents might get used to the idea … in a few years.”
“Susan, it scares me. Will you hold my hand?”
“I’ll always be there for you, Reggie, no matter what.”
Chapter 4 Woman on the Prowl
Sunbathing enervated both Reggie and Jake to the extent that they opted to have a light lunch in their suite after which they flopped on the bed intending to sleep. Reggie, with the remnants of his reminiscences still active, put his arm around Jake and nuzzled his ear. “I’m so lucky you agreed to come with me to L.A.,” he murmured.
“Could you doubt that I would?” asked Jake in surprise. Didn’t you know that I was worried sick about what would happen to me in the home when you went off to college? Did you suppose that the other guys hadn’t noticed that you favored me? I wasn’t the most popular guy there because competition for your attention was fierce.”
“It was?”
“Of course it was. What do you think? While you were there to protect me I was fine, but after you left things could have gotten ugly.”
“So you came with me just to escape?”
“No, noodle head. I came because I was smitten. Didn’t I make that clear? Not to mention your beautiful bod.” Jake grinned.
“Oh sure!”
“Yes, I desperately wanted to kiss you there, and nibble you there, lick you there and tickle you right there,” laughed Jake, accompanying his words with suitable actions. That ended the conversation as well as the nap, as they used their hands and mouths, not to mention their tongues, for much more pleasurable things. When their breath settled after a very successful romantic interlude, Jake said, “You burned your butt on the deck. Let me massage in some lotion.” Massage had, in fact, been one of Jake’s skills before he entered the home, and while he started out working the lotion into and between Reggie’s buttocks, his ministrations didn’t end there. He turned Reggie over and said, “just in case you’re a bit burned in the places that almost never see the sun, I think I’d better do this side as well. Though I noticed you covered up fairly quickly.”
“And did you notice why?”
“Well, sort of. Were you thinking of me perhaps?”
“Who else, whoever else.”
Sometime later, they were both breathless and sweating, and after a shower, took the long delayed nap, waking only when the ship’s bells announced that they were docking at Vancouver. The Star Princess offered her passengers a variety of things to do in Vancouver and had sent around a list for booking various tours. Figuring that it was a look at the culture of the Coast Salish people and their remarkable totems that Vancouver offered but San Francisco didn’t have, Reggie and Jake chose to take a tour to the Brockton Point Interpretive Centre and Gift Shop in Stanley Park.
In the tour bus, they were joined by the woman Jake had noticed in the dining room and she engaged them in conversation, introducing herself as Glenda, and asking very personal questions which Reggie found distasteful and Jake found threatening. She didn’t seem to notice their reluctance, but kept up her one-sided conversation until they arrived at their destination. As she rose to exit the bus she said, “I think you’re just the sweetest couple ever. I hope we’ll see more of each other.” Reggie and Jake sincerely hoped not.
They found the Indian artifacts fascinating and enjoyed themselves thoroughly. Reggie was particularly entranced by a magnificent carving of a raven, which was entitled “Spirit of Transformation,” and bought a half-sized replica of it in the Legends of the Moon Gift Shop on the grounds of the Centre, arranging for it to be shipped back to San Francisco. They delayed re-entering the bus hoping to avoid a repeat of the previous conversation, and were successful in that – though it was at the cost of adjacent seats. Back at the Star Princess, the woman managed to creep up next to Jake temporarily on his own and say, “You’re a doll!” to which he made no reply.
That evening, the main dining room was offering background music by a jazz group that they both liked at U.C.L.A., so they ate there, Jake giving full rein to his taste for seafood. They had decided to spend the next morning on the liner, feeling that the view from the deck was more spectacular than the delights of the city. When he woke, Reggie was feeling a bit off and decided against breakfast, but Jake was never off his food and wanted to explore the breakfast buffet further. Reggie suggested he have the meal brought to their suite, but Jake remained firm.
The fact was that although Jake loved Reggie dearly, he sometimes found Reggie’s constant presence and mothering slightly overdone. He had come a long way from the ignorant, impoverished and emaciated youth he had been when he arrived at Hope Home and while Reggie had been busy in class, had explored the U.C.L.A, campus on his own and read books on a variety of subjects he found interested him. He was much more widely knowledgeable than he had been
at Hope Home, and had even learned to cook. He had passed through the fledgling stage, actually, though he hadn’t thought of it consciously. He’d learned how to behave in High Society and was confident of his ability to make his way within it. He was eternally loyal to Reggie, but relished a bit more personal space than the cruise was giving him.
When he had made his initial selection from the buffet, and had made inroads on his food at a table for two near the wall, he was dismayed to find Glenda sitting down across from him. “May I join you?’ she asked brightly and sat down without waiting for a reply. “You’re alone this morning. Haven’t had a tiff, I hope.”
“Not at all. Reggie is a bit under the weather.”
“Oh, what a pity! What a good thing it was that I happened by so you wouldn’t have to eat alone. I hate eating alone, don’t you?” Jake made no reply and made a survey of the immense amount of jewelry she was wearing.
Deciding that he really didn’t care whether he was polite or not, he ventured, “Why do you wear so much jewelry? I mean isn’t it a bit much at breakfast?”
“Some people might think so, but I think it makes a statement.” I wouldn’t like being underestimated, you see. And want nobody to think I’m poor.”
“Little chance of that.”
“Exactly! None at all.” Then looking directly into Jake’s eyes, added, “It says clearly that I’m used to getting what I want, which I am.”
Jake again said nothing, and concentrated on his smoked salmon and cream cheese. After a few moments of silence, Glenda remarked, “Conversation doesn’t seem to be your forte. I imagine your partner generally does the talking for you. Which, of course, is OK if that’s what you want. I mean in every couple one person is dominant.”
After another silence, she asked, “How long have you two been together.”
Jake decided he’d had enough, and abandoning his intention to have a second plateful, rose and said, “Actually, we’re on our honeymoon.”
“How very charming,” Glenda said to his retreating back.
Jake gave no sign that he’d heard her, but he had. And Glenda knew he had and smiled.
Chapter 5 The Victim’s Confusion
On his way back to Reggie, Jake was in a turmoil. He knew Glenda was playing him. Her comment about dominance had struck home as she had intended it to. The very reason he’d insisted on going to breakfast without Reggie was because he didn’t want to be totally subservient. He loved Reggie and knew that Reggie loved him. But he also knew that he was the junior partner in the company. He didn’t mind being a junior partner, but he didn’t want to be a toy boy. He’d been there, done that, before he went to Hope Home. What would happen, he wondered, if he defied Reggie about something serious. Reggie was used to getting his own way, even more so now that he’d defied his father in marrying Jake.
He’d also heard the sneer in Glenda’s use of “charming.” He knew a gay couple would always find people who sneered at them. He’d accepted that intellectually, but it still hurt. He’d been sneered at more than enough in his days on the street. He tried to shrug it off and resolved to avoid any further contact with Glenda. But keeping the resolve was something else. In the close confines of a cruise ship, it wasn’t so easy. Besides he’d also heard the steel in Glenda’s assertion that she always got what she wanted. He was streetwise enough to have a horrid suspicion about what she wanted. Though most of his customers had been gay, at heart Jake’s sexuality was flexible, and there’d been enough women among his customers for him to understand that certain Alpha females were turned on by playing with men, and humiliating them by seducing them was a way of asserting their superiority – if you could call it that.
So a shiver of fear ran down Jake’s spine. He suspected that Glenda was stronger than he was and he couldn’t run to Reggie for protection because it meant opening up things he wanted to keep firmly shut. The whole thing was a mare’s nest and he’d been elected stallion.
When Jake got back to their suite, Reggie was just waking up. Jake felt a warm flood of affection for him. It was Reggie he loved; Reggie he wanted to spend his life with; Reggie to whom he was forever grateful. He would let nothing interfere with that. He threw himself down on the bed, snuggled under the covers next to him and kissed him with a fervor that caught Reggie by surprise, his tongue probing frantically and his hands kneading Reggie’s buttocks drawing Reggie fiercely against him.
Reggie, despite his surprise, had no objections to the way things were going, but when Jake surfaced, he asked, “To what do I owe this delightful gift?”
“I love you, that’s all,” Jake managed before covering Reggie’s lips with his. When Reggie tried actively to assist in what was going on, Jake resisted fiercely. “This is my gift to you. Just lie back and enjoy it.” So Reggie did and just relished the pressure as it built higher and higher. Jake, after all, was an expert at this. He teased and nibbled, rushing Reggie toward a climax and then stopping dead just in time, holding Reggie tight, and then began again until Reggie gasped, “Enough! You’re torturing me!” Jake, with a grin, said, “Already?” and for a moment paused as if he was refusing, and then, taking Reggie in as deep as he could, brought him to a glorious climax with cymbals crashing, lightning striking, and bells playing. Then spooned against him, he kissed the nape of his neck, and whispered, “Happy honeymoon.” As Jake drifted into sleep he thought with satisfaction that at least there was one area of their lives he was not the junior partner.
He was also happy that what he’d just done was done for love, not for money. To give in to Glenda was to take a huge step backward.
…
Reggie was totally comfortable and relaxed, but not sleepy, and as he often did, reminisced with thanksgiving about the first weeks after Susan had nudged him into doing what he most wanted to do but feared doing. It had taken all the courage he had to suggest to Jake that Jake come to live with him in L.A., but Jake’s obvious delight in agreeing more than assured him that it was the right thing to do. During the few weeks before term began, at Jake’s suggestion, they saw as little of each other as possible. “We’re sure to act like something’s up when we’re together, and there are many jealous eyes out there.”
Reggie went out of his way to behave outwardly exactly as his father wanted, and his father, relieved that Reggie was college bound, bought a spacious condo for Reggie to live in so he wouldn’t have to endure dormitory living. There was an emotional farewell at Hope Home which made Reggie wonder if he could bear to leave, but the prospect of a life with Jake free from his father kept him steady. As fulfilling as his work at Hope was, it would be hellish with Jake always there distracting him from the others.
He secretly supplied Jake with enough money to make his way to L.A. and a week after Reggie left, Jake simply disappeared in San Francisco to reappear in L.A. His sudden disappearance was a great mystery at Hope Home because he had seemed perfectly happy there, and only Susan knew the truth. But the always tumultuous life of the Home soon grabbed the attention of both the workers and the remaining boys.
Chapter 6 Setting up Housekeeping
The first weeks of living together were stressful for both Reggie and Jake. It was an entirely new way of life for both. Reggie had been used to great luxury and omnipresent service, so he didn’t even know how to run a washing machine, for instance. Jake, on the other hand, had no experience at all of being “family”; he had either been begging on the street, or a completely dependent piece of furniture in his client’s house. As neither knew how to cook, for the first weeks, they either ate out or warmed TV dinners in the microwave. Once Reggie began classes, however, Jake, with times on his hands decided that his role in the relationship was obviously homemaker, so set out to teach himself homemaking skills,
He also decided to expand his knowledge of the world. Though on the surface he could cope with Reggie’s friends, he always felt uneasy and tongue-tied because he knew nothing about so much of what they talked about. He wanted to do somethin
g about that.
In bed, they were joyful but awkward. In fact, the situation was reversed, with Reggie very much the more ignorant. Reggie’s experience had been very limited, Jake, though he was a skilled technician, was quite ignorant about the politics of sex between equal partners, his experience having been entirely in unequal relationships in which he merely did what he was told. Reggie often wanted him to take the initiative and make suggestions, which he had never had to do and was hesitant to try for fear of giving offense. But it was love, not just sex that had brought them together, and they worked things out in a love that grew daily.
By the beginning of the next year, they had resolved to get married. The only real barrier was that they’d have to tell Reggie’s parents. It took Reggie two months to get up his courage, but when the Easter break came, he, trembling violently, told his father that he wanted to get married.
To his surprise his father said he was delighted. “That’s great! I’ve been wondering when you’d get around to it. A girl you met at U.C.L.A. presumably. What’s her name?”
Shocked to the core, Reggie realized that he’d neglected to mention that he was gay. Gulping, he took a deep breath and blurted out, “His name’s Jake!” His father stared at him while the blood drained from his face. “His name is Jake!” he said so softly that Reggie could hardly hear him. Then the color rushed back into his face and he shouted, “And you’re telling me you’re gay!”
“I am, Father.”
His father simply turned away and walked out of the room without another word. And then after a moment he stomped back into the room and said in an even tone and where did you meet this man you want to marry?