Kill the Ones You Love

by Robert Scott

  Gabe recalled, “My dad was insanely intelligent, but he was a very manipulative, persuasive and abusive person. Danny was beaten as a child, and so he beat me too. He took offense at every slight. He was very controlling. I basically had a shitty and awful childhood. I didn’t know how bad it was until I got older and saw kids in other families. I knew that he sold drugs to make extra money, and he never got arrested for it.”

  Except for the part about selling drugs, which could not be corroborated, everyone who knew Danny Morris said that he was very controlling when it came to Gabe. James Anstey, a man whom Robin would later marry, related that both Robin and the boys were mistreated by Danny Morris. Anstey said, “Robin was terrified of Danny. She just wanted to get away from him. That’s why she came up to Oregon.”

  Jesse said later, “The split wasn’t pretty—no divorce is.” But the acrimony on Danny’s part went beyond most divorces. He blackened Robin’s name as much as he could, and told Gabe that his mother never loved him. Danny painted tales of Robin being addicted to drugs, which was not true. He called her every name imaginable.

  Gabe, who was impressionable, began to believe the things Danny was saying about his mother. Both Gabe and Danny had lived in a fantasy world of Dungeons & Dragons; and now Danny was creating another fantasy world for Gabe to live in—one where Robin was the “wicked witch,” who had no redeeming qualities.

  Gabe may have ended up with his father, but it was not a bed of roses with him. Gabe claimed later that there was physical abuse and sexual molestation as well. He spoke later of his father as a mean alcoholic with a hair-trigger temper. And the possessiveness of Danny toward Gabe bordered on the psychotic.

  On several occasions, Gabe went up to visit his maternal grandmother, Lynn Walsh, in Silverton, Oregon. When Gabe was gone, his father wrote him long, detailed letters. Lynn happened to see some of these letters and later noted about them, “They were letters someone might write to a spouse.” The obsessive nature of the letters alarmed her.

  As far as her relationship with Gabe at that time, Lynn said, “He was a loving child and very family-oriented. Very much into my husband and me being grandparents. He adored his mother.”

  Gabe endured this chaos for five years with Danny; and then when he was a freshman in high school, he went to visit his mother in the town of Coquille, Oregon. At the time, Robin was living with a boyfriend named John Lindegren, often called “Big John.” Apparently, at that point, Gabe liked the idea of living with his mom and John more than he did with his father. He was placed in the custody of Robin. Gabe’s world suddenly changed from the sunny, large-city environment of San Diego to the small-town, misty and forested Coquille, Oregon.

  Coquille, a city of about four thousand people along the banks of the Coquille River, is what is often envisioned when a rural Oregon town is brought to mind. The economy was based upon timber harvesting and agriculture in the farmlands along the banks of the river. It was small enough so that everyone seemed to know everyone else in the area. For someone who had just come from a large city, Gabe slipped into his new role of small-town boy fairly quickly.

  John Lindgren, Robin’s live-in-boyfriend, later said of Gabe, “He was a nice guy. Real cordial and polite and an all-around good boy. During his high-school years, he never got into any trouble. I was a carpenter and concrete finisher, and Gabe helped me out on work projects once in a while. He was a very good worker. He had a very close relationship with his mother. They cared about each other a lot and he would do anything for her.”

  Lynn Walsh noted, “In high school, many of Gabe’s companions were not popular kids. He would choose them to show friendship because he knew they were lonely.” Gabe always did seem to have that aspect about him. He would look out for the underdog when he could.

  As Jesse had noted, Gabe was very bright, but he was not particularly ambitious in his studies. At the age of fifteen, Gabe began attending Coquille High School. He excelled at some subjects, while slacking off in others. He only seemed to want to be proficient in things that interested him and had no time for becoming well rounded on other topics.

  John Lindgren later said of Gabe that he was a “smart kid, but did not apply himself in high school. His mom didn’t discipline him, and Gabe was free to come and go as he pleased. He frequently skipped school, got into little scuffles, but never anything serious.”

  One thing that Gabe did get into was smoking marijuana. His mom, Robin, didn’t smoke marijuana, but John did. In many parts of coastal Oregon, smoking marijuana is looked on by some people the way that many inhabitants of Appalachia looked upon drinking homemade moonshine. It was just part of the culture.

  Half brother Jesse also knew about Gabe smoking marijuana. “I maintained contact with Mom and Gabe when I was in the service. I knew that he used marijuana in high school. It was his drug of choice. He didn’t drink alcohol and he didn’t do any hard drugs like meth or anything.

  “I was a combat medic at the time, and I had advanced infantry and arctic survival training. I was actually on some top secret operations.” (Jesse didn’t say where, but perhaps it may have been in Afghanistan, since there were cold mountainous regions there, and that was certainly not the case in Iraq, except for up in the Kurdish regions.)

  “I would tell Gabe about my life as an army medic, as many details as I could without specifics. And Gabe admired this aspect of what I was doing.”

  During this period of time, Gabe had a renewed respect and love for his mother as well. John Lindgren noted later, “They had a very close relationship. She would have done anything for Gabe, and Gabe would have done anything for her.” In fact, Gabe could be very affectionate at times. He’d go out of his way to tell his mom how much he loved and appreciated her.

  Gabe enjoyed martial arts and would eventually gain a black belt in karate. Karate became another one of those subjects where Gabe was obsessive. Despite this, John said that Gabe was not an aggressive kid. “If pushed into a corner, he would fight back, but he did not pick fights.”

  Gabe coasted along in high school, but mainly he wanted to get high. With this yen for substance abuse, his choice of a girlfriend was very unusual. He didn’t pick some rebel or druggie. Instead, he started dating a Mormon girl named Esther Eschler. This was particularly strange, since the Mormon belief allowed no consumption of alcohol or illegal drugs.

  But there was always a strange dichotomy to Gabe: brilliant and motivated when interested and challenged, as well as a lazy, dope-smoking slacker. He seemed constantly balanced on a high wire between these two characteristics of his personality. And there was another aspect about Gabe: he constantly seemed to be reaching for things that might seem unobtainable to others.

  To date Esther, Gabe had to convince her and her family that he was a “straight-arrow” guy, not a teen who drank an occasional beer and smoked marijuana. And apparently being with Esther made him stop doing those things. Whenever Gabe got some new idea into his head, he didn’t go about it in a halfhearted manner. He threw his whole spirit into the endeavor.

  Fred Eschler, Esther’s father, recalled, “I first knew about Gabe because my wife taught in the school system. I formally met him when my daughter brought him home for dinner. They became boyfriend and girlfriend, and he had a good relationship with all my kids. I had five daughters, and I knew you can’t pick who your daughters will pick as a boyfriend. I tried to be friendly as I could be with the boys they brought home. With Gabe, that was not hard at all. He was personable, friendly and easy to talk to.

  “I felt that he went out of his way to be nice to me whenever we met. It was just part of who he was. Eventually Gabe went on vacations with me and my family. He was essentially part of the family. I can’t think of a time when I didn’t like Gabe. He had free run of the house, and he came and went when he wanted to. Esther didn’t even have to be there. He was friends with all my kids. Gabe was confident, but quiet. While seeing Esther, Gabe decided to convert to the LDS Church. I was th
e one who actually baptized him.”

  There was a flip side to Gabe, however. It always seemed that Esther had to dance along to his tune. At his beck and call, she was the one who made him meals; she was the one who often paid for their dates. If Gabe wanted to do a particular thing, then that was what they would generally end up doing. Gabe would force her into situations she was not comfortable with. If she didn’t comply, he would tell her she didn’t love him. It was not always easy for Esther to be with Gabe.

  CHAPTER 7

  All throughout high school, Gabe dated Esther, off and on, over the years. And through Esther and her family, he was introduced to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), more commonly known to outsiders as the Mormon Church. Before long, Gabe absolutely believed in the tenets of the faith. His mother, Robin, did not, but she had no problem with him being a member of that faith.

  Despite being very bright, Gabe barely graduated Coquille High School. When Gabe and Esther’s senior year was over, she left the area to attend Brigham Young University (BYU) in Provo, Utah. This was in the heartland of the Mormon faith and culture around Salt Lake City. The university was founded as the Brigham Young Academy in 1875. Later it became an accredited university and was sponsored by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. By Esther’s time, its brochure noted that it featured: esteemed performing arts, famed sports programs, an immense language curriculum, and served as a center for learning and culture in the Utah Valley.

  Gabe’s life after high school went in a very different direction. He left the Coquille area and moved up to Silverton, Oregon, where his maternal grandmother, Lynn Walsh, lived. This was much closer to metropolitan areas, such as the state capital, Salem, and Portland, than Coquille had been. It was also very near one of Oregon’s natural wonders, Silver Falls State Park. The ribbon of water leaped over a cliff into an incredibly green world of ferns, shrubs and pines. Hiking trails led up to the base of the falls, and countless tourists trekked up to view them every year.

  Gabe began studies at Mt. Hood Community College (MHCC). While enrolled there, he lived with Lynn Walsh. She recounted, “Gabe was attending Mt. Hood Community College and working more than one job. He even worked nights at a restaurant to pay his way through college. And he was just as nice and helpful as ever. There was an elderly woman in a wheelchair in the neighborhood. Gabe would mow her lawn and run out to take care of her needs. Normally, to me, a young person would be looking for entertainment or something else.”

  This was a theme that people over and over again said about young Gabe. He was willing to go out of his way to help people. And as Fred Eschler noted, Gabe seemed to have an innate facility to start up a conversation with anyone, no matter what their job was or their circumstances in life.

  Gabe chose automotive mechanics as his field of study, something that he was good at. Like anything that he was interested in, Gabe studied hard and performed well, carrying a 4.0 grade point average. In fact, he was at the top of that year’s class. His instructors commented upon what a good student he was. Gabe even became valedictorian for his graduating class. His speech was full of optimism and hope for the future; it looked as if Gabe was on his way in a promising career.

  Gabe was immediately hired as a mechanic at a prestigious BMW dealership upon completion of his courses. Gabe, as usual, was outgoing and gregarious and got along well with his coworkers and supervisors. He was pulling in a good salary and seemed to be adapting to a well-structured, comfortable life.

  Michael “Mike” Woods, the manager of the BMW dealership, remembered Gabe as a “great kid.” He described him as intelligent, straightforward and honest. Gabe showed up to work on time, never caused any problems and was very proficient. Customers of Gabe were just as enthusiastic about his workmanship. He was always professional, neat and had a certain charisma about him.

  Years later, Woods said of Gabe, “We had an agreement with the community college where there was one term in school and one term in the shop. I was the shop foreman who trained a lot of technicians. I had a lot of one-on-one training with Gabe at the dealership and saw him off and on over that two-year period. He was a paid employee during that two years, and when he graduated, we wanted him to stay on with us.

  “Gabe was very competent in his work and a joy to be around. Very uplifting, very sunny, very bright. If you were down, he would joke around and try to bring you up. He didn’t use profanity. He was just a clean-cut boy. He didn’t use alcohol or do drugs, and I don’t think he even drank coffee.

  “He didn’t brag or puff himself up. It was more like he was there to help you. He was compassionate with others, and when you talked to him, you got a sense that he really cared. While I knew him, over the course of three years there, the one person I felt that he truly loved was his mother. He always talked well about her, and he wanted to work with her and help her in any way possible. I never heard a bad word about her from him.”

  Gabe, however, was always restless. Once he had mastered a challenge, he began looking for greener fields over the horizon. And in 1999, the new horizon for Gabe included a wish to go on a mission for the LDS Church. Part of this was due to his faith, but there was another aspect to Gabe. He started off doing things well, but he either became bored with what he was doing or succumbed to a restlessness that he couldn’t seem to quell.

  By now, Gabe’s mom had married a man named James Anstey, and they lived in Bandon. James and Robin managed an antique store in the area, and it fit in well in the tourist seaside community. Gabe went there to live for a while before heading off on his mission. In the process, he got to know his new stepsister, Isabelle Anstey. She was fourteen and had decided to go live with her dad, Robin and Gabe.

  Isabelle recalled, “When I was fourteen, I had a lot of issues, and Gabe was someone I could talk to. He helped me out a lot. If anybody needed help with anything, he would be there. He was the kind of brother I never had.

  “He was religious, but he didn’t push it on anybody. He was extremely honest, and he didn’t brag about himself. His mom would do anything for him, and he would do anything for her.”

  Before going on his mission to Australia, Gabe flew up to Alaska, where Jesse was serving in the army. Gabe and Jesse were a lot closer than many full-blooded brothers. The two half brothers liked and respected each other to a great degree and wanted to see each other as much as possible.

  Jesse said later, “I knew that Gabe had picked up the Mormon beliefs from Esther Eschler and her family. But it was his choice to become part of the LDS Church. It looked like at the time he was adhering to the tenets of the Mormon faith one hundred percent.”

  Gabe told Jesse how excited he was about going on a mission to Australia. Jesse was happy for Gabe and was sure he would do a good job there. When Gabe put his mind to something, he was very upbeat and enthusiastic. Yet, even Jesse knew that with Gabe, it wasn’t the initiation of projects that mattered. It was if he could follow through.

  CHAPTER 8

  Gabe passed all the initial requirements of becoming a missionary for the LDS Church and was assigned to Australia. He was sent to Sydney with a group of other young missionaries. Dr. Terrence Barry and his wife, Matrina Evanoff Barry, were leaders of that group. Dr. Barry was often in contact with Gabe while he was on his mission in Australia. He evaluated Gabe’s progress every month.

  Dr. Barry later recalled, “I was in Australia from 1998 through 2001. I saw two hundred–plus missionaries there during that period of time. I would evaluate these missionaries once a month to evaluate their spirituality and to see if they were adhering to the mission rules. To see how they were feeling—were they happy, not happy, feel like they were doing a good job.

  “It was a very regimented daily routine. They would arise about six-thirty A.M., initiate their Scripture study and work with their companion. They always stayed within an arm’s breadth of another missionary. Once they completed their Scripture study and prayers, they would go out into th
e populace to proselytize. They’d approach people on the street, in their homes, wherever it might be. And they would try and spread the Gospel. This would go on until almost nine in the evening. After prayers and Scripture study, they would retire at ten P.M.

  “The missionaries would rotate around in different areas, and some of these were poor areas. Gabriel was in one of these and he spent time in some rough neighborhoods. He was an exceptional young man among exceptional young men. Every time he entered a room, he would be smiling. He had a very positive outlook. He was very pleasant and always upbeat.”

  Matrina Barry had an equally positive impression about Gabe. She said later, “The first time I saw him, I saw a very kind, gentle, tender, compassionate and spiritual young man. He was very humble. With his companions, he always showed love and concern. He took every opportunity to build them up. With people in the community, he always looked for those who were lonely or sad. Everything he did was representative of Jesus Christ. That’s how I saw him.

  “In my position, I emphasized the spirituality of the missionaries. Sometimes they were having hard times, being away from their parents. I would try and stay in close contact with them. If they were sick, I would take soup over or a plant or something like that. Gabe was living in a really downtrodden neighborhood. It was upstairs in a place that was despicable. And Gabe was sick, but he was more concerned about his companion than himself.”

  A fellow missionary in Australia was David Bastian, who was also stationed in Sydney. David had been in Australia for a year when Gabe arrived, and he met Gabe on Gabe’s second day in the country. Bastian imparted to Gabe a lot of wisdom about things that could be useful to him in adjusting to his new life in a land so far away from home.