Spinning around quickly, she gasps when she sees my face. She is holding a folded piece of paper.
“What do you mean he is gone?” I ask as she hands me the paper.
“His parents have just left. He is heading home. What happened Sheri? Please talk to me.”
She is worried. I can hear it in her voice. Her gaze has softened, and when she reaches out to me, I crumble into her arms. More tears escaping my eyes.
What have I done? I have lost him now.
“I can’t answer that right now, but I messed up Soph. I’ve lost him for good now.” I tell her.
She releases her hold on me and touches my shoulder in comfort.
“Nothing is ever as bad as it seems. When you are ready to talk, you know where I am.”
With that, she turns back around, and closes my door behind her, leaving me alone with the piece of paper Stephen left me. Cautiously opening it, he has written me a note. I don’t know if I will be able to read it. My fingers are fumbling to straighten the paper.
With a heavy heart, I give in and start reading…
To my dream girl,
I’m sorry I vanished without saying anything, but you scare me. You are making me want something that I should not expect. A life with you….
I don’t want your last thoughts of me to be bad. I’m so sorry that I treated you the way I did. I should never have gotten angry with you. It was not my intention to cause you so much heartache.
I feel that this might be the best way for me to express what you mean to me.
Firstly, I want you to know that you mean a lot to me, there is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect you. You’re not just another warm body in my bed. If I could give you the world, it would come wrapped up in a bow.
When you gave me your virginity, I was shocked. I reacted badly and for that, I apologize.
You have to believe that I’m in awe of you, of the way you gave yourself to me, so completely. Don’t ever think that I do not want you, because you would be gravely wrong.
If I wanted to make you mine Sherlyn, I could. I would own your body and soul. There would be no fireworks, no earth-shattering moment, just you and I entwined as one. Satisfying your needs would become my only priority. Nothing else would matter, or exist.
When you submit completely, you would finally be mine.
I cannot do that to you, though, you need to experience life, feel what it is like in another’s arms. I need to know that when you come to me, that it’s what you really want.
More precisely, I am what you want.
Once you are mine, I want it to be forever. I have not been able to touch another girl since I met you. It hasn’t felt right with anyone else.
Please explain the control you have over me. What is it about you that makes me want you, as much as I do?
I have worked hard over the years to take back the control I lost. Since you have entered my life, I have felt it slowly slipping away.
I want that happy ever after with you, but I need to know you are ready. There is no point telling me it is what you want until you experience more.
We both know that Sean wants you, and we both know you are attracted to him. As much as it kills me to say this, go to him. Give him what he wants. I want you to know what if feels like to be in another’s arms, to allow him access to your body.
You never know, you may find that he is the one.
I will leave you alone until then.
Your Dream Boy x
I don’t know what to say. I have read and re-read Stephen’s letter, repeatedly, for the last couple of hours. My mind has been trying to digest what he has written. I have suffered a whirlwind of emotions, one minute I am angry, then sad, then happy.
Firstly, he tells me that he doesn’t want me to think badly of him, that I mean a lot to him. Apparently, I scare him, I make him want something he doesn’t believe he wants – a life with me.
Everything in that damn letter contradicts his actions in that bedroom.
He made me feel worthless, unwanted, like there was something wrong with me.
It all has been too much to comprehend.
He wants a forever with me, but he wants me to experience the touch of another. What the hell!
Why would I do that?
He has invaded my every thought for months, there is no way I could let anyone else touch me after what he did to me in that room. I understand that I am inexperienced, but why would I need to be with anyone else. If nothing else, it has made me realize that I love that boy.
I love him with everything in me.
He believes he is protecting me, but once again, he hasn’t considered me and what I want. Instead, he ran, leaving me an emotional mess – yet again. He writes that he is in awe of me, for what I gave him. Does he not see that I am in awe of him too? He has shown me how to live. I would still be that shy girl in the back if it were not for him coercing me out of the shadows. It’s his words about submitting and control that I am struggling with the most. Did I misinterpret him all wrong? Is he into all that bondage stuff I read in those Fifty Shades of Grey books? I am no Anastasia Steele, and my life is nothing like hers. I wouldn’t even know if I could let him do that stuff to me.
I wonder what happened to him. He writes about needing to take back the control he lost, but I have no idea what he is on about.
The last thing is what he said about Sean.
How the hell does he know Sean wants me?
I, myself, have only just noticed it and what makes him think I am attracted to Sean? He has been gone for two weeks, was there something I wasn’t noticing before they all moved?
I am so confused, where do I go from here?
Maybe I should become a nun; life would be so much simpler.
Two weeks later…
That week in California went by quickly, leaving me with little to no time, to contemplate what happened with Stephen.
Ben, Luke, and Kyle all left on Sunday night, much to Sophie’s disgust.
We all headed out to the Concert in the Park on Saturday night, to watch a local band. They were really good, for a no-name band. I’m looking forward to doing that more often, once we move. The boys never mentioned Stephens name around me after he left, but their looks told me that they were sorry. What they could possibly be sorry for I don’t understand. I realize they all know more about my dream boy than I ever will. Obviously, that is too be expected, since they have all grown up together. You could see the internal struggle they each suffered when it came to me. They wanted to tell me more, but they just couldn’t.
Their bond and loyalty to him is far too strong. I get it; it’s not my place to come between them. I just wish they would tell me something, anything to help me understand why. I tried my hardest to participate, and pretend I was happy. It is something I should be good at by now - the acting when, in fact, my heart is breaking.
My inner goddess has gone; she is curled up, crying in the corner.
Forever broken.
Sophie, Sean, and I spent a couple of days at Canyon Crest, sorting out our transfers. She and Sean were transferring back there, but I needed to enroll. I felt a degree of unease when I thought about transferring to a school where Sophie already had other friends. I may have come a long way since meeting her, but I don’t know how I will feel, trying to fit into something she is already a part of. She reassures me she won’t be going back to the life she lived before. She was telling me that she had discovered the meaning of friendship, and those people are just fake, shallow versions of what friends should be.
I really do hope this is the case, because I need any distraction I can, to help me sort out what I am going to do about Stephen, and me.
Sean, though, was not helping at all. That boy injected himself everywhere, becoming a constant in my life. It felt like he was trying to erase my memories of Stephen, by implanting some of his own instead.
I will not deny the attraction I feel for him, but it isn’t as strong as the one
I have when I am around Stephen. He gives me the impression that he is privy to the information I have only shared with Sophie. It is as if he knows what Stephen has asked of me.
It won’t matter what he does or doesn’t know, I doubt I could act on my attraction to him anyway.
My heart wants someone else, more.
When Stephen left that day, he cut off all contact. I have received nothing from him, not one word.
Does he hurt like I do?
Is he suffering as much as I am?
Ben has been keeping us updated on what he is doing. Now, he is my only outlet for information. Luke and Kyle talk about him, but they don’t tell me what I want to hear.
After sorting out our school transfer stuff, Soph tried to keep me busy, by spending the rest of the week showing me around Solana Beach. The place is amazing, I absolutely loved it, especially the touristy feel it had about it.
Within walking distance from my new home, I found a place called Fletcher Park Cove. It has an amazing beach, set in the most tranquil of locations. It’s one place that I can definitely see myself spending a lot of time. My favorite, though, so I have discovered, is a place called, the Cedros Design District. It’s a quaint area, filled with specialty stores, and artsy places. What I particularly loved, was how all the local art was displayed outside on the street verges. There were sculptures located outside of shops, and even in front of buildings. I have to admit it was a magnificent sight.
Not surprisingly, Sophie’s favorite place was a shopping mall – of sorts, called Leaping Lotus. She bragged about the hundred-odd stores it had and could spend hours walking around aimlessly browsing. Me, I personally fell in love with the artistic, laid-back feel you got walking through that whole shopping district. I had a feeling I was really going to love living there.
Thankfully, we are flying back there this weekend. Ant and Sarah have finalized all the arrangements, and we are good to go with our school transfers. The movers are scheduled to arrive on Saturday, but we will already be on a plane out of here by then. The three of us are heading back on our own, with Ant, Sarah, and Hawke due to arrive on Sunday. Sarah wants to make sure everything goes smoothly with the movers.
Hawke has arranged for a car to pick us up, and take us to the house. Thankfully, there is no stopover this time. From what I have heard from Sophie, Ben will travel up on the weekends until school ends.
It seems a little silly changing schools seeing as we are in our final term, but I couldn’t care less anymore. This place, and our school, just hold memories that made it harder for me to believe the boy I have grown to love is no longer around.
The fact that my parents are no longer around either is also starting to have an impact on me.
I think I just need a fresh start, a new perspective…
Stephen
Loud buzzing on my dresser disturbs me from my sleep. For fuck’s sake, I thought I had killed that alarm already. Turning over, it’s my phone buzzing, not my alarm. Ben’s name flashing across my screen.
“What do you want Ben?” I grumble down the phone.
He gets no greeting, no pleasantries. “Hello to you too fucker,” he replies, sarcasm emanating in his voice. “Get your ass out of bed, we will be there in 10 mins, and don’t bother saying no, it’s not an option.”
Hearing nothing but silence, I realize he is gone. He hung up. Fucker!
I was quite content to sleep my day away. It’s not like I have any reason to get up anyway. It’s the weekend, and my schedule had me doing fuck all. Those persistent bastards won’t see it that way, though, they will have something planned to drag me to. It’s been the same shit since we got home from Soph’s house a few weeks back. When will they realize that they can’t fix me this time? There is only one person who can mend my heartache, and I will probably never hear from her again after the way I treated her.
I didn’t mean for it to end the way it did, I fucking freaked when I realized Sheri was a virgin. I was unprepared, even angry, for not knowing that minor detail before I touched her. I have no idea, how I would have felt, or what I would have done, if she had told me prior. It was the fact that I didn’t know, that made me feel like she had betrayed me. I was seething with anger, to the point where I couldn’t even look at her. I didn’t know how to handle the rage swirling inside of me, so I took off.
I left her sitting there, mortified on the bed, and walked out the door. I walked around the grounds until I knew she had left, and I had the chance to calm down.
I couldn’t face her.
I knew what I had done was wrong on so many levels, but I didn’t think I could take any of it back. Hidden behind a bush so she couldn’t see me, I watched her as she walked out of the guesthouse. She had a look of devastation on her face, one that I will never forget. Her face was red, swollen from the tears, and it guttered me. I have never felt so low, until that moment. The pain that invaded my chest, fucking hurt like a bitch.
I made a fucking mess that day and I know, at that time, I was exactly like that bitch Rochelle. The way I treated Sherlyn was no better than the way Rochelle treated me.
Yep, Ben was right. I really am a dick!
I poured my heart out in the letter I left for her, after calling my parents to come pick me up. I opened up like I haven’t done in a long time. The only thing I changed was, instead of telling her I loved her, I told her she meant a lot to me. It was the moment when she left my room, as if she was doing the walk of shame, that it hit me.
I loved her, and it was killing me, seeing what I had just put her through.
What was also cutting me like a knife was the fact that I admitted to her that I knew Sean wanted her. I’ve seen the way he watches her when he thinks no one is looking. The longing in his eyes. I should recognize it because my eyes do the same when she is around. I told her to go to him, even though it was the last thing I wanted.
I need her in my life, but I also need to know that I’m what she wants. I won’t say forever, like I did in the letter because I have to be realistic. Life doesn’t come with a guarantee, why should love be any different.
Since leaving, I haven’t heard from her. Not one single word. I thought for sure, Sheri would have caved before me, but it seems I am wrong. She is a lot stronger than I gave her credit for. I have listened intently when Ben has spoken about Soph, because he always mentions Sherlyn’s name. I know it’s for my sake, and I am grateful. The number of times I have come close to crumbling is ridiculous. There is a constant ache in my chest, my heart struggling to cope with the heartache I continuously inflict on it. I have spent the last few weeks drifting in a mindless daze. Even Luke, Kyle, and Ben are starting to worry now.
Which brings me back to the fact that they will be here anytime soon.
Dragging my ass out of bed, I pick up my phone, to check it, the same as I do every morning. It’s become something of a routine for me, checking to see if there are any messages from Sheri.
Picking up my phone, I slip into the same routine I do every other morning. I awaken each day, checking my messages, with the hope, that this will be the day that there is something waiting for me, from Sheri.
Dejectedly, as I rise to head to the shower, I realize that there is still no word from her.
Unfortunately, I do have a text waiting for me, from Sindy. Sindy, my friends, is that pretty little thing from down the street I mentioned a few weeks ago. Luke thought he was helping me out last week by giving her my number. Stupid asshole!
She has done nothing but text me since. You would think that my silence would be enough for her to take the hint that I am not interested, but apparently, she is not that bright. Ignoring her, yet again, I head toward the bathroom to shower before Ben gets here.
“Dude,” Luke greets me, fist bumping me as he enters my room.
“Dude, you need to get that chick off my back,” I beg of him. He smirks at me, that asshole is enjoying watching me squirm.
“Just fuck her already, relieve
some of that frustration you have going on.” Now he is just taking the piss out of me, the laughter in his eyes and his fucking smirk give him away.
“I can’t do it, Luke,” I sigh. “I would love nothing more than to stop using my own hand. My wrist is going to seize up at this rate. Problem is, no matter what I do, all I see is Sheri. It’s driving me fucking insane.”
“I get it, man, I really do,” he tells me, the frustration in his own voice evident. “But, you can’t live like this. Either find someone else to sink your cock into, or go get your girl. Either way, stop being a pussy, it’s depressing man.”
I know he is right, but I don’t want to influence Sherlyn’s decision. I want nothing more than to bury myself between her thighs.
Fuck me, that girl tasted delicious. I could have spent the whole night with my face buried in her pussy. My tongue still craved her taste, even now. Her reactions to what I was doing to her turned me on more than I had expected. My own needs, coming second to those of hers. Satisfying Sheri was my only priority. I wanted her to remember me when I was gone, feel the ache between her legs every time she remembered our night together.
But I screwed all of that up. Fucked it up, majorly.
All I envision every goddamned night is her sharing Sean’s bed. It makes me angry when I think of his cock anywhere near her. I am a greedy bastard when it comes to my girl, selfish even, and I want her all to myself.
What the fuck was I thinking when I wrote that letter.
Yeah, that’s right; I wasn’t fucking thinking at all.
“I fucking hate it, when you get inside my head the way you do.” I finally tell him.
“I know you are right Luke, but I told her to go to Sean. She has to come to me when she is ready. If I push her before that, she will eventually hate me. I can’t expose myself to the hurt again, - I fucking won’t allow it.”
When I look up, Ben, Luke, and Kyle are watching me, monitoring my movements. I hadn’t realized until then that my leg was shaking, tapping continuously. The worried look on their faces says it all.
Sins of the Father (California Dreaming Book 2) Page 8