by RaeLynn Fry
“The reports the Corporation’s created. And why would you give up your lifestyle and position in Dahn for something unknown in the Further with me?”
“Have you been listening to anything I’ve said?” He takes a step closer, only a foot away. “I’d do that because I care for you!” he shouts. His chest is heaving, his face red, fists clenched at his side. “I like your stubbornness and the fact that you're hotheaded and determined. I admire that you don't let anything get in the way of what you want.” He rakes his fingers through his hair again and takes a breath, the volume of his voice dropping. “I care for you like I've never cared for anyone in my life.” His eyes meet mine. “Do you understand what I'm saying?” His voice is tired and resigned.
I stare at him in disbelief. I know what he's saying. And I don't know if I'm ready for it. If I'll ever be ready for it.
“I love you, Karis. With all my heart and with every last fiber that’s in me, I will forever and always love you.”
My feet are frozen to the floor, like a stone sculpture rising up out of the ground. I don’t know what to say. Part of me’s afraid this is a dream. Another part doesn’t want this to be happening at all. I’m dying, and he doesn’t even know. How can I tell him that I can’t return his feelings?
I'm tired of being told what I can and can't have,” Ethan says. “I'm tired of the Corporation choosing my life.” He closes the distance between us. His hand brushes the side of my cheek. My breath catches in my chest as he pulls me up against him, so close, we can’t breathe apart from the other.
He rests his forehead against mine. “I don’t want what the Corporation says I deserve,” he whispers. “I want what they say I can’t have.”
The soft flutter of warm air against my skin makes me shiver; my eyelids are too heavy to keep open. My heart speeds up, and my skin grows hot.
“I want you.” I feel him smile against my skin, and he moves his hands to either side of my face, tilting my head back.
"Ethan, I—” but he doesn't let me finish.
He spans the inch that separates us, and our mouths meet. My heart and lungs stop working, but I don’t need air to breath or a heart to beat to continue living.
He knots his fingers in the back of my hair, lifting my chin and deepening our kiss. I wrap my arms around his neck the same time he slips his around my waist. My knees weaken, and my heart leaps. But I can’t help but be stabbed by guilt. The guilt that I’m here and Ajna’s at home. That my Pair is dead somewhere out in the Further and that some part of me is still loyal to him.
“Ethan,” I gasp against his mouth and turn my face away. “I can’t.”
A sharp knock raps at the door bringing me to my senses. We pull back and freeze, staring at each other.
“Karis,” Ella's sharp voice cuts through the door and I know by her tone something’s wrong.
“Just a second,” I try to say in a normal voice.
Ethan runs over and flings open the door, seeming to sense the same thing I do. “What is it?”
She looks past Ethan, and her eyes lock with mine, filled with fear and urgency. “There's a woman from the Corporation downstairs,” she says quietly. Her face is ashen.
“We can escape out the window.” Ethan’s already gathering my things.
“They've asked to speak to you, Karis.”
“What?” Ethan and I say together.
“By name.”
Twenty-six
“Who is it?” Akin couldn’t be coming for me already.
“She didn’t give her name,” Ella says, her words are grave, her face pale. “Or why she’s here.”
I have no choice but to face this. If they are from Akin, and I don’t show, Ajna won’t get the medicine and every second counts right now. I nod. “Let's get this over with.”
We walk down the stairs and through the hall, Ethan in the lead and Ella in the rear. We walk into the sitting room in one motion. Ethan sits on my right and Ella on my left on the small couch. I try to calm my heart and even out my breathing.
A woman sits across from me in a crisp, cream-colored pantsuit, well tailored and expensive looking. Her hair is long and dark, rolling over her shoulders and down her back in waves with a few silver strands. Her face is stressed with lines at the eyes and mouth. Her eyes are sharp as she watches me.
My breath quickens and my skin grows clammy with my rising body temperature. My heart stops beating. I know this woman. Her eyes are a strange gray-blue. Just like mine. “Momma?” I whisper. I feel both Ethan and Ella's heads whip in my direction.
“This is your mother?” Ella asks in shock.
“Mother?” Ethan echoes.
It’s been over seven years, but I’m sure. I’m not sure how I feel. My emotions have been put through the wringer today, and any response is possible. Happiness, fear, anger, resentment, indifference. It's all there. She's my mother. She gave birth to me. She raised me. She left me. If she ever loved me, how could she have left me? But she's here now.
Why?
To take me back to the Corporation? How did she even find me? How did she know I was in Dahn? What’s she doing in the Inner City? My brain expands and contracts at all the questions, and I squint my eyes to make the pain a little more bearable. Ethan reaches over and squeezes my hand.
“Karis,” she says.
The word is tight, measured, and she sits stiff and still. I can’t help but think that if I were to reach across and poke her shoulder, she'd tip over on to her side. Her hands cling together in her lap. Her face is calm, but I can tell that below that fragile surface, a storm of emotion rages. Our eyes are identical that way.
“How are you?” she asks.
“Fine,” I say, even though my swollen eyes and pale face scream a different answer. “You?” The anxiety in my chest eases a little.
“Fine.” A rigid response.
Our conversation is stiff and awkward. Not the way a conversation between a mother and daughter should be. “Forgive me for getting to the point,” I say, “but what do you want?”
A flash of something passes across her face. Amusement? Possibly.
“Always your father's daughter. Even now.” She gives a tight smile that doesn't meet her eyes. “There was a break-in at the Corporation building. Only hours ago.”
“We don’t know anything about it,” Ethan says.
She doesn't spare him a glance, her eyes trained tightly on mine, searching for something. “There’s also the matter of what you were doing at Akin Hughe’s apartment at such a late hour.”
Then, recognition hits me. The woman at the house. That's why I knew her. It was my mother. I must have been too distracted and my faulty Mark too strong to process who she was.
“I can ask you the same thing. Is that why you left Papa? For a man with power?” I might as well have slapped her.
Hurt fills her eyes, but her shoulders stay stiff. Other than that, she doesn’t react to my words.
What was so much better at the Corporation than at home with her own family? I want to ask her why she left, but I don't want to admit her actions still have a sharp edge. I can’t afford that weakness. I need to think about the family that's still with me.
A dam breaks inside her, and she leans forward, her face softening to the loving face I hold in the dimming memories of my childhood. “How have you been, Karis? Darling, I've missed you so much.”
I squeeze Ethan's hand, digging my nails into his palm. I grind my teeth, remembering all the reasons I hate the woman sitting in front of me. The pain I’ve lived with for the past seven years. “Then you shouldn't have left. You gave up knowing about your family when you fled in the middle of the night.”
She sits straight, the mistake of showing her vulnerability gone. “You have no idea what that did to me. What it still does to me. If I'd had any choice in the matter—”
“We all have choices, Momma. You chose to pick a man who wants to destroy us over your little girl and baby boy. Over the man who has
loved you all his life. Who still does.”
“Karis, you aren't being fair. You're judging my actions with facts you don't have.”
“I have all the facts I need,” I say.
“Fine, we'll do this your way.” She smoothes the wrinkles out of her jacket and pants and folds her hands back in her lap, her stone face back. “Thank you, Ella, for watching after her while she was in Dahn. And Ethan,” she raises a brow at him, “I hope you have been respectful.”
“It's none of your bus—” I start.
“I have, Rebeka,” he says, cutting me off. My cheeks burn a little. Then another thought hits me—I never said her name.
“You know her?” I ask.
His eyes flit to mine. “Only by reputation.”
“Why were you with Akin Hughes?” she asks.
My patience is thinning. “Why were you?” I cross my arms.
“Karis,” Ethan says softly. “We can trust her.”
I bark out a laugh. “I highly doubt it. She’s my mother; I know how much she can be trusted.”
“Karis,” Ethan says.
I grudgingly meet his eyes and rub at my forehead.
“This is my world, and I know how it works. We can trust Rebeka.”
“Fine,” I say, and turn to my mother, not holding anything back. “Ajna’s dying.”
“Karis,” Ethan sounds disappointed.
Rebeka gasps and goes pale, her hand fluttering at her mouth. She looks like she's unsure what to do with it. Finally, she brings it down from her mouth and laces the fingers of her other hand through it.
“How long?” she asks. “What is it?”
“A little over a week. Since the Jatis. Eta doesn't know what it is, but it's serious. Nothing she had was making any difference. My last chance was to sneak into Dahn and get the only thing Eta said might work. She filed a Petition but was denied.”
“They can't do that,” Rebeka whispers. “He promised me you’d be safe.”
“Well, they did,” I spit out.
She turns to Ella. “Is it Muata?”
“It looks to be that way,” Ella says solemnly.
“Then he can live. The Corporation has a cure.”
“Why do you think I was voluntarily in Akin’s presence? He said that unless I stay with him and the Corporation, he’d make sure Ajna wouldn’t get the medicine he needed. I told him I’d do whatever it takes to save my brother.”
“Karis, you can’t do that—” Rebeka starts.
“You don’t have a say in what I do anymore,” I snap.
She ignores me and turns to Ethan. “He’ll kill her. You know that; she’s too much of a threat. You can’t let her come back. Ever.”
“I know,” Ethan says.
“I’m right here,” I say in frustration.
Rebeka changes the subject. “How did you get into the Inner City?”
“A Black Market tattoo,” Ethan answers for me.
Whose side is he on?
“Karis,” Rebeka’s voice turns deadly. “How could you do that to yourself?”
“Because, I can't just walk away.” I make the hatred burn in my eyes, to make sure she doesn’t miss it. A stream of pain passes over my mother’s face. She swallows before she speaks.
“Why are you here, Rebeka?” Ethan asks in the softest of voices.
“After Karis left the house, Akin found me and told me he had an important errand for me tonight. I figured it might have something to do with Karis. So I came to find her. I knew you would have kept her here, Ethan.”
“Akin gave you the medicine to deliver?” I ask incredulously. “That’s not going to work. If Papa sees you, he’ll think it’s a trick.”
“How do you know this isn’t all a trick?” Ethan asks. “The cure is the one thing he guards better than his own life. There’s no way he’d give it up this easily.”
“It’s the only option I have,” I say, the pleading in my eyes.
“Karis, my father’s a liar. This isn’t the cure.”
“He’s right, Karis,” Rebeka says. “It could be a trick. What Akin gave me could make your brother worse.”
“You’re wrong—” I say.
“I’m not proud when I say that I know Akin Hughes better than you ever will. So believe me when I tell you that he is first and foremost a liar.” She takes a breath. She pulls out two small vials. One is labeled—though I can’t read what it says, and the other has no markings.
“The Corporation has many secrets,” she continues. “One of which was almost exposed when two vials were stolen from them last week. There was a chase in the market, upsetting many citizens. Akin had to do a lot of PR clean up to fix that mess.” She pauses. “Do you hear what I’m saying, Ethan?”
“I already have what we need.” His eyes grow wide. “This whole time. I didn’t know what it was, only that it was important to the Corporation.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask, lost in their conversation.
“Remember that day you ran into me in the Inner City?” he says.
“You ran into me, and yes I do remember; you almost got me killed.”
“What I took—”
“You said you hadn't stolen anything that didn't belong to you,” I point out.
“And I didn't. When my father dies, I inherit the Corporation; therefore, anything in it is mine.”
“So you were stealing from yourself?”
“You know, this is kind of beside the point.” He crosses his arms.
“Alright, I'm sorry, go on.”
“Anyway,” he stares at me pointedly, “what I took were two vials of something. I'd forgotten about it until now. The Corporation was hiding them in Thomas’ butcher shop for safekeeping. I didn’t know what they were at the time, but I knew they were important when I took them. The only thing that mattered was that it upset my father. I figured they might come in handy sometime. I guess I was right. Do you know what this means?”
I stare at him.
“It means you can leave Dahn. You don’t have to work for my father! We have the cure; we don’t need to rely on him.”
I shake my head. “No, the cure only lasts for a month at a time. I’ll still need a vial every month. If I leave the Inner City, Akin will make sure Ajna dies.”
“Not true,” Rebeka says. “The vials Ethan took were also experimental, but for a total cure. Ajna would be cured for good.”
I refuse to let my hopes get too high. “He’ll never let me go, Ethan.”
“But it’s worth the risk,” Ella says. She’d been quiet up until now. “You’re safer out in Neech.”
I know she’s telling the truth. But there’s something that I want to know the answer to. “How’d you know Ethan took them?” I ask Rebeka.
“I have access to a lot of Corporation files and information—including yours. We need to stay focused. Leaving
Dahn will be next to impossible. Your father knows you can’t be trusted, Ethan. You have something to fight for now.”
“How do you know?” I ask.
“Living in Dahn as long as I have, you learn to be perceptive and read between the lines. As I'm sure Ethan has been doing all his life.”
“I suspected as much,” Ethan says.
“He sent out Military Guards as soon as you left home. They have orders to bring you back before you make it into Neech. No matter what.”
“Why is he letting the separation of the cities stop him? Why wouldn't he just follow us past the wall?” I ask.
“All I know is that it's going to be dangerous for you two, which is why I’m here.”
“What, you want to help?” I ask.
“Is that so hard to believe?”
“Actually, it is.”
“Karis,” Rebeka says with patience. “Someday you’ll understand my actions, but until then, I expect you to be respectful with your words. I am still your mother.”
A fact that I resent, but don’t tell her.
“How do you plan to
get us out of the city?” Ethan asks.
She reaches behind her and pulls out a bag I hadn't noticed before. She reaches in and pulls out clothing—a cream suit identical to hers and the red uniform of a Military Guard.
“You want me to choose an outfit?” I ask.
“No.” She hands me the pantsuit. “You get this one,” she tosses the uniform at Ethan, “and you get this one. We're going to walk out the Main Gate.”
“No,” I say with force. “It's too dangerous for Ethan to leave the city; Akin will be searching for him.”
“I don't think this is your decision to make,” Ethan says, looking me in the eye. “I'm with you until the end, and it was never going to be any different. It’s safer for me in Neech, anyway.”
“Hurry and change,” my mother says. “We don't have much time.”
Ethan and I stand up to leave the room. I turn around before I step out into the hall. “Why are you doing this?”
“Have I not already proven that I can be trusted?” my mother says.
“No,” I say, leaving the room.
I can’t be sure, but I think I hear her say, “And because I love you.”
७
Ethan looks disturbingly handsome in the Guard uniform with his pack slung over a shoulder, and I look disturbingly identical to my mother in her suit. But it just may work. I have to believe it will. Ella and my mother are waiting for Ethan and me by the door, heads bent in a conversation that ceases as we approach.
“You’re staying behind, aren’t you?” Ethan asks Ella. I’ve never seen him look so sad.
“I need to study that packet more. I need to know what exactly we’re up against,” she says.
“The Corp knows you were helping me,” I say.
“I’ll be fine.”
“But I may never see you again.” In that simple statement, Ethan seems like such a small boy.
“I’ll see you again. As soon as it’s safe I’ll come find you and Karis.” She reaches up and brushes the side of his cheek, a sad smile on her face. “I’m so very proud of you.”
Ethan clenches his jaw and starts to blink rapidly. Ella pulls him into a tight hug and kisses him on the cheek. She does the same with me. I hear her sniff. And then we’re gone, out of the house and into the dark streets.