by Cara Carnes
Olaf’s hand trembled as he reached for the small picture. Tears streamed down his face. He smiled and signed, “Beautiful. Like the sun.”
Then he tightened, his small body shrank inward as he set the picture down. Kristof looked at Addy. His grim expression filled in the silence.
“One of my friends was in love with someone, but he chose to join the military instead of have a life with her,” Addy said. “He was captured. Tortured. Horribly. Most would’ve preferred death to what he went through. Jesse survived because of her.”
Olaf looked at Addy.
“He remembered their time together before he left. The small things they treasured. Her cooking. The smell of her hair.” Addy swallowed. She didn’t like sharing Jesse’s private thoughts about his captivity, but he’d been vocal about it at The Arsenal because he wanted to help people who’d been through what he had. He’d want Olaf to know if it helped him. “She was the light that helped him survive.”
“He lived?” Olaf asked. His fingers hesitated a moment. “Did she…”
Addy smiled. “They’d been apart a long time. Three times longer than you and Stacia.”
Olaf’s eyes widened.
“He fought his love for her when he returned home. His injuries were bad, Olaf. The kind of bad that would make a man stay away from the woman he loved,” Addy said. The man’s eyes widened. It didn’t take much to fill in those blanks. “It wasn’t an easy road, but they’re together now. Married. With a baby they adopted.”
“He’s lucky,” Olaf said. “My Stacia is happy. She doesn’t need me.”
“That’s not your call,” Addy said.
“Addy,” Kristof warned.
“What if she was the one who’d been there? What if Zoey hadn’t rescued her from the asshole who bought her? What if she’d been a sex slave the past few years? What if you’d been free that entire time? Would you want her to let you keep living your life without her?”
“No!” Olaf slammed his hands together and shook his head. “It’s not the same.”
“Why not?” Kristof asked.
His cousin stilled. His lips thinned.
“Just think about it,” Addy said. “If I were her, I’d want to know.”
Olaf nodded. “I should rest.”
“Yes.” Addy stood. “I’m going to steal your cousin, if that’s okay.”
Olaf nodded again. “Make him sleep.”
Sleep was on the agenda, but not immediately. Addy slipped her hand into Kristof’s and smiled down at him. “Come on. I want to show you something.”
“I shouldn’t leave,” Kristof argued.
“Go,” Olaf ordered. “Never turn down a beautiful woman. You taught me that.”
Kristof chuckled. “Fine, but I’ll be back soon. Rest. I’ll send Maksim in with some of that soup.”
Addy pulled out her phone and sent a text to her team. Bring soup to Olaf. She took Kristof’s hand and tugged him forward. He closed the door behind them.
Awareness arced through her when he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him. She inhaled the earthy musk and ran her hands along his back. Silence descended a few moments as they stood there, locked in an embrace.
“Wish we could stay here all day,” Kristof whispered in her ear.
“We can.” She rested her head against his shoulder. “But that’ll be awkward since we’re in the doorway. My guys are bringing soup. Maybe we should go to my room. Or yours.”
Tingles ignited along her skin as Kristof ran his fingertips along her arm, then threaded them through her hair. His husky voice cast a shiver of anticipation through her. “I’d love nothing more than to have you in my bed, under me. I could spend an eternity with you there and never tire.”
“Then let’s go.” She looked up at him as he firmed his grip on her hair. She ran a finger along the seam of his mouth. “We have today. Tomorrow. No regrets. No expectations.”
“I need to speak with Gavriil. My men. Maksim. Some others.” Weariness hung in his words and in dark circles beneath his eyes.
“You’re so much like me it’s terrifying,” she whispered as she traced along his eyes. “You’re exhausted, but you aren’t going to rest until every last task is handled. Let Maksim take care of some of this while you rest.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Duty never is.” She took his hands, threaded their fingers together and peered up into his intense gaze. “I’ve hidden myself in duty and responsibility so long I almost forgot what desire was.”
“That’s impossible.” He cupped her face. “You’re a passionate woman.”
“I’ve never been just a woman. I’m always an operative. A chameleon.” She studied his face. “I’m different with you.”
“Addy.” He whispered her name and kissed her mouth. The soft contact spread heat throughout her body. She deepened the contact, but he severed it quickly. “I need you more than the air I breathe right now, but I must…”
Addy put two fingers against his mouth and shook her head. “Let me say something. Please.”
When he didn’t argue, she ran both her hands down his chest. “You know what happened with Mary. Edge. I guess that’s probably what you know her by more than Mary. She…” Addy swallowed. “Peter hurt her so bad. He had people hurt her.”
“That’s not your fault.”
She ignored his statement. Too much of her wasn’t ready to let go of the guilt she’d harbored since Peter’s death. “She’s a lot like me. And you. She lived for the missions. The job. When Dylan and The Arsenal rescued her, I thought…I was afraid we’d lose that part of her I sometimes saw outside of the missions. The woman she hid so well.”
“But you didn’t,” he commented.
“Because of Dylan. He was there, supporting her, standing at her side without stifling her fierce independence and drive to be the best handler possible. He…” How could she make him understand? “Mary shared something with me about when he and Jesse came home from their service. I guess a part of him was still locked in that life, the things he’d done. Their sister, Riley, saw that darkness and chased it away. She’d flop down in front of them with her wet hair and give them a brush. She’d sit there while he or Jesse unknotted the tangled mess. It was her way of giving them the calm they’d had before their service, back when she was the bratty little sister they’d help care for.”
Kristof stroked her hair and offered a soft smile.
“Whenever Dylan feels Mary sliding too deep into her job, he asks her to give him that calm by stepping back from their lives as operatives,” Addy whispered. “Remember when we’d have that? The peace?”
“We’d retreat into the woods and stare up at the stars.” During the colder months they’d sneak into the catacombs beneath the camp and spend hours exploring. Even though that had been fun, their nights together beneath the stars were her favorite. The fresh air.
Freedom.
Or their tainted version of it.
“Or go fishing, then make a fire and curl up against one another and stare into the flames,” Addy said. “That’s what the glassblowing gave me. You always sensed when I needed that.”
“You always trusted me to protect you, make sure no one found us out in that shed.”
She’d trusted him because she’d been starved for normalcy. Friendship. An ally in hell. He’d always been there, at her side. Watching. Protecting. Defending.
And she’d been at his. Whenever the girls and boys were put together for hand-to-hand combat skirmishes he’d always pick her to fight with him even though most everyone else chose a male partner. Not many girls resided at the camp, especially as young as she’d been.
“Whatever we did, we always found that peace. Together.”
“Our calm,” Kristof said. “I never found that with anyone else.”
“Nor did I.” Addy peered into his turbulent eyes. “We don’t know what’s down the road. We’ve both got things to sort and resolve, but I…”
“You want the peace.”
“We both need the peace right now.” She took his hand. “Trust me to give that to you now.”
“Addy, you deserve more than I can give you.”
“You don’t know that. You’ve lived for nothing but revenge since that camp. I’ve been there. After Peter died, I was lost. In many ways I still am. I stumble from mission to mission and stay focused on keeping those I care about safe. It’s kept me grounded even though I sometimes feel like I’m drowning.”
“They wouldn’t ever let you drown. Have you told anyone how you feel?”
Addy shook her head. “They have enough going on and I’ve adapted. I always do.”
“We never had a choice. Adapt or die.”
“I’m tired of adapting. Aren’t you? Aren’t you sick of living day to day for a mission or an objective?”
“Yeah.” He sighed. “I never expected to be here. At the end.”
“But you are. We both are. Peter’s gone. Your dad’s gone. It’s just us. We’re out and we won.” Addy kissed his throat. “Take me back to that peace. The world can wait for a few more hours.”
Kristof growled and lifted her. Hands on her ass, he hoisted her up until she wrapped her legs around his waist. Pleasure ignited within her as their mouths collided. The carnal tongue duel quickened her pulse and warmed her insides.
He carried her down the hall to the next room and opened the door. She gasped and ground herself against him as he kicked the door shut before carrying her deeper into the room.
A laugh escaped her when he tossed her onto the bed. Her breath froze when their gazes locked. Need darkened his gaze as he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside.
“Thought about that night many times,” he said. “You naked on my bed. Begging for me to take you.”
“Kristof.” She breathed his name as he undid his pants. He approached the bed and took her face in his hands. “This is the Addy I wanted that night.”
She clasped his waist and kissed a trail along his hard abs. She paused at each wound, each scar, and caressed the marred flesh. Each one was a reminder, a remnant of what he’d endured to become the man she craved.
She grasped the waistband and pulled the pants down as she kissed farther down. A low rumble rolled from him. Anticipation quickened her pulse.
Sex hadn’t ever been anything more than a functionary act—a tool in her arsenal used when necessary. Wariness slowed her movements and her mind stilled. She’d always gone about the act the same way—steps taken to derive the needed results.
But this was Kristof.
He didn’t want Addy the operative.
He wanted her. The real her.
“Addy.” Kristof tugged her hair until she peered up at him. His gaze softened. “Breathe for me.”
Lost within the intensity in his eyes, she breathed deep, then out. In. Out. He caressed along her upper cheek and smiled. “There she is.”
There she is. Addy held her breath. The wariness consumed her. What now? As crazy as it seemed, none of what she’d learned was in her brain. None of the seductress she’d always been remained.
“Talk to me,” he said. “Your eyes are wide.”
“I-I’m okay.” But she wasn’t. She so, so wasn’t. Her heart thudded at a thousand miles an hour and her stomach felt like a hundred flying dinosaurs were soaring.
She felt as though she’d been ripped open.
Exposed.
And they hadn’t even done anything yet.
“I-I can’t.” She shook her head and pulled away from his touch, but he clasped the back of her neck and squeezed until she stilled.
“Look at me.” She complied without thought. “It’s just you and me. I’ve got you.”
She mentally scoffed at the implication she was afraid. She’d seduced men. Women. She knew how to draw out a person’s pleasure and use it against them, bend them to her will.
But this was Kristof.
And she wasn’t that Addy with him.
“I’ve got you,” he repeated. “Just you and me.”
He leaned forward and guided her backward until she was pressed against the mattress. Pleasure awakened within her when he claimed her mouth in a soft kiss. She mentally cursed the bastard who’d hurt his mouth. His handsome face. Gentle was the only way they could kiss for now even though she wanted a carnal, no-holds-barred claiming. He licked and teased until she moaned her need. The slow, sensuous kiss calmed the nervousness in her stomach.
He pulled away and pulled her shirt above her head. Heat fanned beneath her skin as he kissed her neck and stroked along her ribcage. She arced upward when he kissed the swell of her breasts.
Cool air rushed across her skin when the bra disappeared.
“Beautiful,” he said. “I always knew you’d be even more beautiful than I imagined.”
He straddled her and cupped her breasts. “Just the perfect handful.”
Addy swallowed and looked up at him.
“Close your eyes, Addison. Feel. Relax.”
She closed her eyes. He flicked her achy nipples until they hardened into needy buds. Then he cupped her breasts and squeezed. Warmth enveloped one of the achy nubs. She threaded her fingers in his hair as he licked and sucked her tender flesh. Arousal arrowed to her pussy and quickened her pulse.
Too slow. She growled in frustration and tightened her thigh muscles. Flipping them over and taking control would be simple enough. How many times had she done that? The answer refused to come as she moved, forcing the shift in dynamics.
Kristof rumbled his disapproval and pinned her to the bed. Shock stilled her struggle. What had just happened? He loomed over her as he pinned her hands above her head. Intensity resonated within his gaze.
“You aren’t in charge tonight,” he whispered. He leaned down and nipped her neck, sending a jolt of awareness straight to her pussy. “I don’t want the seductress or the operative tonight. I want you.”
Tingles burst beneath her skin as he grazed her lips with his. Slow. Sweet. Need rippled through her as she followed his lead. Arms pinned above her head, she had no choice but complete surrender.
Trust.
The slow, hypnotic kiss stilled her thoughts until her worries sloughed away, as if she’d shed a skin. Her pretend self. The seductress. The chameleon.
A moan escaped her when he released her wrists and stroked a path down her arms and sides, then back up again. He cupped her breasts as he deepened the kiss. She thrust forward until he gripped her flesh tighter and squeezed, a physical reminder she wasn’t setting the pace.
Amusement drifted from him in a low laugh that rippled through her in a wave of heady anticipation. He grinned and kissed a trail down her throat. She ran her fingernails along his upper back and thrust herself against his hard body.
“Kristof,” she growled.
He kissed her achy nipple. “Patience.”
Her breath quickened when he kissed his way downward, across her abdominals and past her navel. The firm grip on her hips kept her pinned to the mattress. Then he tugged her pants and panties off and tossed them beside the bed. He stood and stripped the rest of his clothes off.
Magnificent.
Addy’s mouth dried as her gaze raked over his naked body. Bruising darkened his olive-toned skin. Cuts and abrasions marred his muscular torso. A small line of hair arrowed downward as if pointing the way to the delights that awaited her.
He returned to the bed before she’d finished her visual perusal but they’d have all night to explore one another.
“Spread your legs for me,” he ordered. “I bet you’re sweeter than honey.”
Fuck. Addy ran a hand through his hair, clenching it in her fist. Kristof paused, peering up at her. Desire filled his gaze. He stroked inward from her hips, then moved a hand downward and grazed her sex.
As if sensing the wariness that’d incited her reaction, his velvety voice fell against her mound as he leaned forward and kissed her there. “
I want to taste you, sweet Addy.”
“I-I...” Fuck. What the hell was she doing?
“You don’t let anyone do this,” he guessed.
She shook her head. Warmth spread through her as she looked away.
“Look at me.”
Immediate compliance. Her heartbeat quickened when their gazes locked. “Kristof.”
22
“Kristof.”
He cursed the wariness in her gaze and voice, but anger had no place in this room. Nothing would stand between them tonight. No one.
“It’s just you and me,” he whispered. He stroked along the seam of her pussy, running his fingers through her arousal. “You’re wet for me.”
He thrust a finger into her slick heat and drew it out. Their gazes locked as he licked the digit. Shock flared her eyes wide a moment. Amusement rolled through him, but he bit back the sound.
“You taste better than I’d ever imagined. You’re an ambrosia I will never get enough of.”
“You have issues.” She looked away.
He thrust a finger into her again, plunging deep enough to incite her moan. She arched toward him. “So responsive. Your body is mine tonight. Mine is yours.”
“Then fuck me already,” she snapped.
He spread her pussy lips and leaned forward. A groan escaped him as he lapped at her arousal and rubbed his thumb across her clit. Although he wanted nothing more than to settle into inciting her orgasm, he still sensed her unease.
He thrust two fingers into her pussy. She moaned. He pulled them out and maneuvered upward until he loomed above her. Surprise stilled her beneath him when he ran the arousal-covered fingers across her lips.
“It pains me that a passionate woman like you is uneasy with this,” he whispered. “Open your mouth for me.”
Her gaze glinted a silent warning as she sucked her lips inward. He chuckled and threaded his other hand in her hair. A tremble rolled through her entire body as he kissed and nipped along her neck and earlobe.
“No one and nothing exists when we are alone and making love, Addison. No judgment. No barriers.” He bit her earlobe, just hard enough to earn a startled gasp. “I want to kill whatever bastard conditioned you to be ashamed of your body. Your curves and juices are treasures I intend to fully savor.”