by Cara Carnes
She emitted a growl.
“Taste yourself for me,” he whispered. “Experience what I’m about to relish.”
Their gazes locked as she opened her mouth. He ran the fingers along her mouth, then moved them between her parted lips. Need surged to his cock when her tongue darted across them, so quickly he’d almost consider it his imagination if he hadn’t been watching. Her pupils dilated more as she sucked them fully.
Had anyone ever taken time with her, savored the carnal delights of lovemaking? The primal possessiveness she incited within him hoped not because he wanted to be the one to awaken that side of her.
“So beautiful,” he whispered against her mouth. He pulled his fingers out and kissed her. She deepened the kiss and ran her hand down his chest.
“Kristof, I want you in me.” She grasped his cock and squeezed. “You’re as big as I’d imagined. Long and thick.”
“I like knowing you’ve thought of me.” He kissed her once again. “Lie back.”
She moved backward without argument. Kristof rewarded her with touches and kisses along her body. Magnificent. Every inch of her was a treasure he intended to enjoy. Repeatedly.
He stroked her body, savoring the softness of her skin and the toned muscle that offered an unspoken story, sacrifice and dedication to her work. She was a warrior, a fearless operative contained within the most beautiful and fascinating woman he’d ever met. His cock throbbed at the thought of what she’d be like when she took control in the bedroom. He looked forward to finding out, but not tonight.
He massaged her thighs, moving up from her knees. Settling between her parted legs once more, Kristof continued his ministrations. He alternated his fingers and tongue along her clit and pussy. Her firm grip in his hair no longer drew his head away, but forward as she arced upward.
Approval rumbled from him as he guided her closer to release. His entire body ached with the need to thrust himself balls deep inside her, but he’d wait. They’d have all night to quench their lust.
Pleasure and possessiveness vied for control when she cried out her release. Kristof worked his fingers inside her, lapped at her clit and dragged out her soft moans. Ache thrummed within his dick by the time she collapsed on the bed. Licking a trail upward, he paid homage to each of her beautiful breasts before kissing her.
“Your turn,” she whispered against his throat. She massaged his balls, then wrapped her hand around the base of his shaft and squeezed. “On your back. I want to ride you.”
“Next time,” Kristof said as he reached for a condom in the nightstand. Bless Maksim and his overly prepared and intrusive ass. He ripped the package open with his teeth and rolled it on. “Guide me in. I love your hands on me.”
Need shot through him when she squeezed his dick. If she kept that up, he wouldn’t last long. She positioned him and raised her legs so her knees were near her chest. He roped them around his shoulders and sank into her tight, hot pussy.
“It’s like coming home,” he whispered against her throat. He thrust deeper, relishing her soft moans and pants.
“Harder.” Nails dug into his forearms.
Pleasure spiraled within him as they moved in tandem, lost within mutual need and desire. She growled and shifted her legs from his shoulders. Shock rolled through him when she flipped them. Smiling, she ran her nails down his chest. The mild scoring of flesh made him groan as he thrust upward.
“Ah, ah,” she chastised. “My turn.”
Kristof cupped her breasts as she moved atop him. The slow pace surprised him. She peered down at him through half-hooded eyes and clasped his hands. Guided them to her hips.
“This is how I wanted you that night,” Addy said as she sank fully onto him. “Me. Not the operative the others got. I was there. Wanting you.”
“Addy.” He squeezed her hips. “Show me. Take me. I’m yours.”
She closed her eyes and quickened her movements until they both panted with need. He caressed from her hip to her clit, then rolled his thumb along the aroused bud.
“Kristof.”
Moans filled the room as she came. He gripped her hips and surrendered his own release. She milked his cock with slow, sensuous strokes and then collapsed atop him. Arms wrapped around her, he forced his labored breathing to normal, but his lungs refused to cooperate. He drifted within the euphoria.
“Fuck, you just ruined me for other women.” Threading his fingers through her hair, he tugged until their gazes locked. He kissed her softly, smiling at the moan she emitted. “Never felt this with anyone else. Only you.”
Her gaze widened. She rested her head on his chest and sighed. “This is what you wanted. Utter surrender from us both.”
He caressed her back, drawing lines and circles to remind them both this was real. It wasn’t a fantasy he’d created while working his own dick. Yeah, he’d done that more than a few times while thinking of Addy.
“Thank you for saying no,” she whispered. “You were right. It wouldn’t have been like this that night.”
Surprise stilled his movements. He hadn’t expected the admission. “That was the hardest thing I’d ever done—walking away from what I wanted most.”
Now what? Kristof let the question drift between them as a comforting silence settled. She stroked his chest, his arms. Her legs stretched as she sighed heavily. No way in hell was he breaking the emotional bond forming between them by getting up and dealing with the condom. Not yet.
Sex wasn’t clean, controlled pleasure. Not with Addy. He’d carry her to the shower and clean up later. His cock stirred at the thought.
“Tell me about her,” she whispered.
Kristof stilled. “Mama?”
“Yes.”
He’d never shared memories of his mama with anyone, not even Maksim. She was a private ghost he kept locked within his heart—so deep she wouldn’t ever suffer pain again. “She had the smile and voice of an angel. When I was young, she’d tell me stories then sing songs her papa had sung to her.”
Memories engulfed him. His heart ached whenever he thought of her. “I was too young to understand so much back then—the subtle ways she kept me safe when he was angry. How she kissed every hurt away when I was a reckless child. The way she stood between me and him when I was too foolish to understand his evil.”
Addy tightened within his arms. “I don’t remember much about my parents. It hurts, you know. There’s a giant hole inside me where they should be.”
“It feels as though the hole left by her death won’t ever be filled,” he said.
“Mom painted,” Addy whispered. “I remember her outside, smiling into the sunshine while I played by a river. That’s the most vivid memory I have.”
“Did you live by a river?”
“I don’t remember.” Sadness filled her voice.
Kristof kissed her softly. “We were young when we suffered their loss. It shaped us into who we’ve become.”
“She would’ve loved you,” Addy said.
“My mama would’ve loved you so much,” he admitted. “They’re at peace now.”
“Your mama is avenged.”
“She is, as is my Uncle Kir.”
“Were they in love?”
“I like to think so because what she had with my father wasn’t true love. I hope she had that before she died.”
“I’m glad my parents died together. I miss them so much, but at least they still have one another. Wherever they are.”
His Addy was a romantic. Kristof smiled. “Let’s go shower. I have all night to enjoy you.”
Kristof shut the door behind him, careful not to make a sound. Daylight filled the narrow hallway thanks to a window to his right. The exhaustion he’d felt was gone thanks to much-needed sleep.
And Addy.
His cock hardened when he thought about the woman he’d left asleep in his bed. He rubbed his chest and forced back the questions rolling through his mind. Neither of them knew what their future held, but he wouldn’t let her g
o.
He’d finally had a taste of good—the kind a man would crawl through hell to attain.
They’d both endured hell. He’d make damn sure they both got the happy. The peace.
Footsteps sounded on the stairwell. He headed that direction and froze when his gaze collided with Beast. Kristof dragged on the shirt he’d been carrying and followed the man down the stairs. Apparently, Addy’s team intended to have a conversation without her around.
The rest of her men sat in the living room. Kristof entered the kitchen and poured coffee. They’d wait. He was a bit surprised Nolan, Gage, Marshall, and Zoey weren’t in there too. Did that mean there’d be another forced conversation later?
He sipped his coffee as he returned to the living room and leaned against the wall nearest the kitchen. His gaze tracked the five men as they looked at one another.
“I heard what she said last night,” Beast said.
Kristof tightened. “I’ve got a problem with eavesdropping. If you want to know something, you ask. Me, not her.”
The man leaned forward and rubbed his hands together. “I’m not proud of standing there in the shadows as she poured her heart out to you, said shit we’ve never heard.”
She’d said a few things, but nothing like the conversations they’d had after they’d made love. They’d taken turns whispering to one another within the darkened rooms. He’d shared some of his darkest secrets. So had she.
He’d once thought he’d had peace when he’d been with Addy years ago, back when they were both too young and innocent to understand real love.
Love.
There was no denying what he felt for Addy.
What he wanted with her.
“Not sure what this conversation is. Get to it. I don’t want her coming down and walking into this.” Kristof glanced at the stairwell. “She wants a day or two of peace before the shit hits the fan again. She’s getting it, even if that means I run through all of you to give it to her.”
“Thinking we should hit restart on this conversation,” Shep said.
“We haven’t been a fan of yours,” Cracker said. “Think you figured that out.”
“Yeah, but we’re going to have to sort that out, find a solution. I’m not going anywhere,” Kristof said.
“We figured as much,” Thunder said. “Beast told us what she said about moving from mission to mission. Being tired. She gave you more than she’s ever given us. We…”
“We tried getting her to talk about that bastard when we got to The Arsenal,” Beast said. “She wouldn’t talk.”
“Not sure what you want,” Kristof said. Tension coiled along his shoulders. “Not sharing what she’s said. She and I are a lot alike in some respects.”
“I get that,” Shep said. “We all do. This is us apologizing and hitting reboot. She sees something in you we don’t. We’re willing to try if you are. For Red.”
Red. What a ridiculous nickname. Kristof crossed his arms and nodded. “You all have been her team, the family she never had. I respect that. But I’m not walking away. Even if she thinks that’s what she wants.”
“Good,” Cracker said. “She’ll retreat. I’m starting to realize the shit we’ve done is all any of us have.”
“You have each other,” Kristof said. “Trust me. That’s a hell of a gift.” He’d only had Maksim. Perhaps Gavriil. “Are we done with whatever this is?”
“Yeah,” Shep said with a smirk. “Just know we’ve got her back, so that means we’ve got yours against anyone who might disagree with whatever’s going on between you two.”
“Not sure I want to be the cause of an Arsenal civil war.”
“I doubt there’ll be one,” Beast said. “They’re sharp enough to read between the lines.”
Kristof hoped so. The Arsenal crew were an important part of Addy’s life, and he had no intention of wreaking havoc. She’d survived enough chaos and destruction as it was.
“We’re supposed to leave with Olaf in twenty-four hours. Are you going to be ready?”
“I’m going to try,” Kristof said. “There are a lot of things still in the air.”
“Then let us know what we can do to help,” Thunder said. “It’s better than us sitting around waiting to get home and start the next phase of this mission.”
“Let me check in with Maksim and see where we stand.” Kristof shoved away from the wall. “Thank you. For this. And for always having Addy’s back.”
“We didn’t always have it,” Beast admitted. He looked down, then back up. Regret filled his eyes. “Peter did shit we’ll likely never know. I’m hoping if you mean to her what we think you do that she’ll read you in on that. She can’t carry that shit alone.”
No. She couldn’t. Kristof fisted his hands. He’d unearth the monsters she’d buried.
Beast stood and moved toward Kristof. “To be clear, I don’t trust you. Not yet.”
“Fair enough.”
“You’ve done shit I won’t ever understand,” Beast added.
“I don’t expect you to. I’d do it all over again without hesitation.” Kristof stared at Addy’s second-in-command. “I’ve never pretended to be a good man.”
“You’ve shot straight with us since we arrived. I respect that, even if I don’t trust you.”
It was a start. Perhaps not the best one, but Kristof had worked with less. He didn’t give a damn what the men thought of him, but they were important to Addy, so he’d try.
For her.
23
“Wakey, wakey.”
Addy blinked and peered at Zoey as she entered the bedroom. A light flicked on across the room. Zoey’s wide, expressive gaze moved from Addy to the crumpled sheets.
“So…” The woman rocked back on her heels.
“Ugh. I can’t do this right now.” Addy flopped back onto her pillow and stared up at the ceiling.
Kristof had been amazing. No. Was there a word beyond that?
She ran her hand along the cold side of the bed. “Where is he?”
“Welp, he and your guys had a powwow of some kind in the living room a while ago.” Addy tightened. “But there was no bloodshed. He went off with Maksim, then came back and got your crew. They headed out a few minutes ago.”
“You should’ve woken me.”
“Yeah, about that.” Zoey winced. “Kristof kind of told me to let you sleep, said you needed the rest more than you needed to help sort his shit.”
“What shit?”
“Gage heard them talking about Gavriil.”
“Son of a bitch.” Addy rolled from the bed. Heat crept up her cheeks when she remembered she was naked. She grabbed a shirt and pulled it on. “Sorry.”
“No worries. What’s a little nudity among friends?” Zoey rocked back and forth on her heels. “So, you and Kristof.”
Addy tightened. She wasn’t the girly powwow kind. She’d been through enough of these moments to recognize a woman sharing fest. “Are you going to have a problem with that? I know you aren’t his biggest fan. None of you are.”
“Gage has talked me around.”
Addy froze. Shock rolled through her as she looked at Zoey. “Gage?”
“Yeah. He’s sort of switched to Team Kristof.” Zoey shrugged. “I’m thinking he’s not the only one.”
Gage had always had Addy’s back. “You’ve got a good man.”
“Yeah.” Zoey smirked. “I’m thinking yours is pretty interesting, too.”
“Don’t.” Addy dragged her pants on and looked down at Kristof’s shirt as it hung loosely around her frame. She picked up her bra, then put it on with her back to Zoey. “Not sure where Kristof and I stand. We don’t need you and everyone else prying.”
“I get it.” Zoey approached. “You know we’re here for you. Right? You aren’t alone.”
“I know.” Addy touched her friend’s shoulder. “Thank you.”
“You’ve got the hard-ass exterior the guys do and the kick ass and take names later spirit we women do,” Zoe
y said. “You’ve got Gage’s stand-offishness in spades. The Mason protectiveness. You know, where the only thing that matters is everyone around them. Heaven forbid they need some help of their own.”
“Z.”
“What? It’s all true. You’re like the epitome of everything the others went through all rolled into one seriously confused mess.” Zoey crossed her arms. “But we love you. One way or another, we’re going to roll your troubles out and iron every problem away because that’s what friends do. That’s what family does.”
Christ.
“Figure this’ll be good practice for Bree because that girl is having serious troubles.”
Addy tightened. “I thought you said she was getting better.”
“Yeah, right. Better at hiding her issues maybe. It’s not like you haven’t been busy. What can you do from thousands of miles away? What can I do?” Zoey’s lower lip trembled. “I’m not liking you having the troubles, you know. You’ve always been there for me and Rhea and Bree. Vi and Mary. Hell, you were even there for Kamren when you didn’t know her. Not that you knew me all that well.”
“We’ll get through this and get Bree sorted,” Addy promised.
“You’ll talk to us? About whatever’s bothering you?” Zoey asked.
“Yeah, but not now. I’ve got to get to Kristof and the guys.” Addy figured she’d catch shit from her team regardless of what she did at this point.
No matter. She’d work through it like she always did.
Just as soon as she figured out where she stood. She wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed with Kristof and make love. Sleep. Laugh and talk.
Her heart fluttered in her chest. Last night was the first time she’d relaxed and been herself without worrying about anyone. She’d lost herself in Kristof, in the happiness she felt when she was with him. They’d laughed over the few joyful times they’d had together in the camp.
Then they’d shared some of the bad shit they’d packed away. Was this what Mary felt when she shared her problems with Dylan? Did Jud pour his heart out to Vi and feel as though he could float away afterward.