The Silken Web

by Sandra Brown

  “Yes. Then I’m going to let Theron play in there for a while.”

  “You don’t think it’s too cold?” she mused with a wrinkled brow.

  “I’ll keep him in the water once he gets wet, and then rush him inside when we’re finished.”

  She acquiesced, knowing that the water’s temperature was carefully maintained so that Seth and George could go through their exercises in comfort year-round. “Just be careful with him. He’s slippery as an eel and has no fear of the water yet.”

  Seth’s eyes softened and he said, “You know I will. George will be right there with us all the time. I wouldn’t risk my son’s life for anything in the world.” He reached across the table and clasped her hand.

  She dared not look at Erik, but somehow she knew that his body had tensed perceptibly with Seth’s words. She could feel her own tension.

  “Let Alice cook you some breakfast, Erik.”

  He declined Seth’s offer. “No thanks. I’m already bumming one meal off you today. I picked up a doughnut on the way over.” His smile was as genuine and dashing as ever. It gave away none of the turmoil he felt inside. “If Kathleen’s ready, I am.”

  “She’s ready,” Seth said with a faint scowl. “I never have been able to get her to eat a sensible breakfast. She’s too figure-conscious.”

  “I can see that,” Erik said as he looked at her appreciatively.

  “You should have seen her when she was pregnant,” Seth said. Erik’s attention didn’t waver. His eyes stayed glued on her as Seth continued, “I’ve never seen a woman carry a child more gracefully. From the back, you couldn’t even tell that she was pregnant. She looked ravishing right up to the day of delivery.”

  “She would have,” Erik said.

  The warmth of his gaze affected her too much, and the topic of conversation was too uncomfortable. She stood up quickly and upset Theron’s cup of orange juice. Thankfully, it had a sealed cup with a perforated spout to prevent such accidents. She nervously righted it and said, “We’ll be back well before dinner. Alice, do you need anything?”

  “No. Seth’s going to do most of the cooking tonight.” She laughed.

  “Well, then,” Kathleen said absently. She had suddenly run out of excuses not to leave with Erik. “Goodbye, Theron,” she said, leaning down to receive his banana-flavored kiss. “Mommy will see you tonight. Maybe I’ll bring you a surprise.”

  “Bye-bye,” he said happily, waving a chubby fist.

  Everyone laughed. To Kathleen’s dismay, Erik walked around the table and ruffled Theron’s hair. “Goodbye, Captain.”

  Kathleen stammered the rest of her goodbyes, kissed Seth quickly, and then she and Erik were walking out the front door and down the flagstone walk to a waiting sports car.

  She turned around in surprise. “A Corvette,” he said dryly. “A woman I once knew told me I was this type.” His eyes were dancing with only a ghost of their old humor.

  As she slid into the sleek silver car with the rich maroon interior, she asked, “What happened to your Dodge van?”

  “I still have it. But this car is good for the professional image. Who trusts a videographer who shows up at business meetings in a van with a wheezing carburetor?”

  He steered the car down the tree-lined driveway and then turned onto the major thoroughfare. “I thought I’d take you to the condo first and let you see what we’ve got to work with.”

  “Okay.”

  That was the extent of their conversation until they reached the site of his condominium. It was in an impressive complex of garden homes. Each unit was built in a different style of architecture, but they blended well together. The grounds were well maintained and there was a pool in the center of the complex for the exclusive use of the home owners.

  “This is very nice,” she commented.

  “It ought to be,” Erik said. “I’m paying through the nose for it.”

  He unlocked his door and stood aside. She entered the foyer of the contemporary structure. Their footsteps made hollow echoes as they went through the empty rooms while Erik pointed out features. He whispered, as one is wont to do in an empty house.

  The condo was a study in glass and wood. One wall of the living room was redwood, while a stone fireplace was set between two floor-to-ceiling windows on another. The kitchen had every conceivable built-in appliance, but still retained an inviting coziness.

  “Upstairs are two bedrooms and a bath for each. I’m not going to do anything to them just now. And I can’t spend a lot of money, Kathleen. I’m not as rich as your husband.” His tone was snide and she walked away in anger, instantly wishing that she had paid more attention to where she was going.

  She found herself in a large master bedroom, dominated by a king-sized bed, by the look of the mussed covers, recently slept in. That was all that was in the room.

  “It’s rather austere at this point,” Erik said from close behind her. She moved away, ostensibly to look out the wide, drapeless window, but actually to put distance between herself and his overwhelming male magnetism.

  Kathleen gave careful attention to the skylighted high ceiling, the louvered doors that opened into a huge walk-in closet with a built-in chest of drawers. He was close behind her again, and she retreated through another set of louvered doors.

  The master bathroom was sumptuous. There was a shower with a clear glass door, two basins, a private commode and a bathtub. Kathleen was intrigued by the bottles of shaving lotion, a bar of woodsy-smelling soap, an old-fashioned shaving mug and brush, and a mustache comb. A blue toothbrush hung on a brass rack. His hairbrush was tortoise shell. The grooming items were intensely personal. She quickly averted her eyes from them, though she would have loved to handle each article.

  A redwood hot tub situated beside a picture window afforded an unrestricted view of a private patio, landscaped with evergreen plants and seasonal flowers, now blooming in fall colors.

  “Wow.”

  He chuckled. “This room was almost worth the price of the house.”

  The sensuality and intimacy of the room, added to the predatory gait with which he stalked her, set her nerves on edge, and she went back into the bedroom, where she automatically looked at the bed. Had Erik slept there alone? Yes. There was only one pillow. Still, hadn’t they shared the same pillow?

  “Kathleen.” She felt his hands on her arms, turning her around. He lifted her chin with his finger and looked deeply into her eyes. “How is it that you thought I was married?” His voice was gentle. He could have been speaking to a bewildered and confused child for all the tenderness in his tone.

  Tears flooded her eyes. She gulped her words. “I… I saw her. I had waited all day, knowing you were hu—hurt… in pain. They wouldn’t let… tell me… I was so scared. Then she came in and said she was Mrs… Mrs. Gudjonsen. They took her right in to you… and I… I… She was tiny, and blonde, and pretty, and she…”

  “Sally.”

  Kathleen blinked back tears as she looked up at him. “Sally?”

  “My sister-in-law. My brother Bob’s wife.”

  Kathleen’s knees finally succumbed to the weakness that invaded her body with a debilitating effect and she slumped against him. He gathered her to him tightly, almost blocking off her breath with the ferocity of his possessive embrace.

  “God, Kathleen, what did we do to deserve this?”

  Their bodies swayed together, each giving comfort to the other. They stayed locked in that wordless, communicating embrace for long minutes while Erik whispered incoherent messages to her hair.

  He kissed her. His mouth encompassed hers. His hands rubbed her back as though she were a healing lotion that he wanted to be absorbed into his skin.

  Then, with a supreme act of will, he pushed her away from him. He sat down on the corner of the bed, spreading his knees wide, clasping his hands between them and staring down at his rigid white knuckles.

  “How could you possibly have construed that I was married after…” Sh
e heard a touch of irritation in his voice. “Did you think no more of me than that? Dammit, Kathleen, how could you?”

  “I don’t know,” she wailed. “I was overwrought, sick with worry for you and afraid, so afraid that you’d… afraid of everything.” There was no explanation. There was no remedy.

  Erik knew it, too. When he spoke again, the anger was gone. “I was a raving maniac when no one could find you. I thought something terrible had happened to you, that you’d been kidnapped or something. Then, when it was finally evident that you’d left on purpose and with the deliberate intention of covering your tracks, I went through a period of rage that is probably unequaled in human history. I couldn’t figure out why…”

  His voice trailed off as he stared forlornly at the tight fists his hands had formed. Kathleen was leaning against the windowsill, staring bleakly into space, seeing nothing, hearing only the desolation in Erik’s voice, which matched that in her heart.

  “When I saw you the other night, I wanted to kill you.” He laughed mirthlessly. “No. I wanted to make love to you first and then I wanted to kill you.”

  They were silent for a while, lost in their own thoughts. Erik was the one to break the stillness. “Why did you marry him, Kathleen?”

  She took a deep breath. She could feel his eyes stabbing into her back, but she refused to look at him. If she did…

  “I discovered I was pregnant with Theron.” She swallowed the lump in her throat that grew there each time she remembered her first visit to Dr. Peters’s office and the decision she had made. “At first I thought the answer was an abortion. I went to the hospital and even to the operating room. I stopped them just before they put me to sleep.”

  “My God,” he breathed.

  “Exactly. God was with me that day. I might never have had Theron—” She broke off when a shudder shook her entire body. When she recovered, Kathleen went on and told him about Seth’s proposal and their marriage. “He’s been so good to me, Erik. He never once drilled me about you—the father. He accepted me and Theron without censure. He treats Theron as his own.”

  “But Theron’s not his. He’s mine. Mine, Kathleen.”

  She spun around and faced him, the color slowly draining from her face. “You wouldn’t—couldn’t—hurt him, Erik. Please. I beg you.”

  “Sonofabitch!” he cursed savagely as he stood up and crossed the room to stand beside her at the window. He didn’t look at her, but shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He stared out the window with as much disinterest as she had done.

  Suddenly, he turned and shouted, “How do you compete with a man like that? A paraplegic. Do I become the world’s worst villain and claim Theron as my own? Should I grab up the child he loves as his son when fate has already kicked the man in the teeth? What am I supposed to do, Kathleen? Theron’s my son, goddammit!” He slammed his fist into the wall of his new house, seeming impervious to the pain it must have caused him.

  “It would be easier if Seth were a real sonofabitch. Just my luck. The man’s a saint.” The bitterness in his voice stung Kathleen’s ears. It was heartwrenching to witness the torturous struggle of a man’s conscience.

  “He’s been generous beyond my wildest hopes in loaning me money to start my business. It wouldn’t have been possible to buy the equipment and rent the building I needed without his backing. Not only that, he’s put me in touch with all the businessmen in San Francisco who are potential clients.” Erik leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. Frustration was evident in every line of his body. “Now, how should I repay him for all that? Walk out with the child he considers to be his and tell him I have a terrible lech for his wife?” He dug into his closed eye sockets with the heels of his hands as if he wanted to block out every thought pattern, wipe the slate of moral score-keeping clean, erase all the scruples he was battling. He released his breath slowly, lowered his hands and looked at her. “You can’t imagine what a sacrifice you’re asking of me, Kathleen.”

  She looked deeply into his eyes. Her voice was ragged with emotion as she said, “Yes, Erik. Yes, I can.”

  He heard the words and in her swimming eyes he read the ones left unspoken. Erik cupped her face between his palms and his soothing thumbs stroked and stilled her trembling lips. Resting his forehead against hers, his eyes closed against the torment of holding her and not being able to have her.

  This is hell, he thought. For over two years she had ruled his thoughts, both conscious and subliminal. He knew her body better than he knew his own, for he had studied it more and it had been indelibly recorded on the pages of his mind. Time hadn’t dimmed the sensation of being held within her. No woman had ever held him so tightly, surrounded him so sweetly, entrapped him so completely.

  He had loved her for that. And he had loved her spirit and the bravery with which she had overcome the adversities of her childhood. Ironically, he loved her now for the commitment she gave her husband. He couldn’t speak to her of love now. He couldn’t have her. He wasn’t a thief and he wouldn’t take what didn’t belong to him. But, God! How was he to survive giving her up?

  “We’d better go,” he said at last, and released her, opening a chasm of regret between them.

  * * *

  In the most poetic recesses of Kathleen’s mind, she deemed the day “star-kissed.” By tacit agreement, they pushed all their heartaches aside and reveled in the day they had been granted alone together.

  Kathleen made the first attempt to talk about something other than the painful past and the hopeless future. She chose a subject she knew would interest Erik greatly.

  “Guess what? Jaimie has been adopted,” she said, thinking she would surprise him. He was helping her into his car.

  “I know,” he replied lightly, shutting the door.

  “You know!”

  As Erik got behind the wheel, he laughed at her shocked expression. “Yeah. And before you did, I’d bet. Who told you?”

  “B. J. and Edna, of course,” she answered, still dismayed by the twist in the conversation.

  “But they didn’t tell you who adopted him.”

  “No.”

  “Bob and Sally.” He enjoyed the thrilled smile that lit up her whole face. “He’s a Gudjonsen and is wild about his uncle Erik. He has a baby sister named Jennifer.”

  “Oh, Erik, how wonderful. Sally and Bob have truly been blessed.”

  “Yes. They have.” Only a touch of bitterness tinged his words.

  As they drove through the city, Kathleen launched into a variety of ideas for Erik’s condo, until he laughed and said, “I don’t care what you do, short of decorating it in pink and purple satin. I’m sure your taste is as good as mine.” He dug an elbow playfully into her ribs as he pulled the sports car to a stop at a traffic light.

  “But what do you like?” she asked in exasperation.

  He slid a glance in her direction that more than suggested what he liked, but he refrained from making the sensual comment that came to mind. “I like browns, you know, different shades. I like that rust color like maple leaves in fall.”

  She smiled. “Earth tones?”

  “Yeah. That oughta do it.” She shot him an impatient, disparaging look, then they both laughed.

  By the time they reached the shopping area, her head was whirling with ideas. She gave him a crash course in decorating. Erik stood back and let her take charge. She selected linens for his bed and bathroom, picked out twin love seats for his living room. A coordinating chair, a large coffee table and two end tables were also selected. She asked his opinion on lamps. He picked up one with a china base of a seventeenth-century shepherd and shepherdess in a tight clench. Kathleen stared at it in horror, but one look at his twinkling eyes over the frilly shade, and she knew that he was teasing her. They settled on two with clay urns and linen, pleated shades.

  At lunch they ate in a restaurant on Fisherman’s Wharf that provided a panorama of the Bay and, in the distance, the Golden Gate Bridge. As they ate, Kathle
en’s heart was over flowing with happiness. Mere days ago, she had thought she would never see him again. Now he was here, across the small table from her, his knees touching hers under the curtain of the tablecloth. They were breathing the same air. She could look at him all she wanted to and didn’t have to worry about curious eyes that might intercept those looks so unguarded and filled with love.

  She called home from the restaurant and talked to Alice. Seth had gone to the office. Theron had been fed and was down for his nap. “He’s fine and not missing you a bit,” Alice assured her.

  “I know,” Kathleen said with a pout. “That’s what bothers me.”

  On their way again, Erik took her hand companionably as they strolled through the shops of Ghirardelli Square, avoiding Kirchoff’s Boutique. Erik looked longingly at all the amenities that he couldn’t yet afford to add to the meager furnishings he had already picked out.

  In an art gallery, he expressed a liking for a wall hanging done in woven yarns of brown, beige and sienna. Kathleen sent him on an unnecessary errand and tried to purchase it for him as a housewarming gift from her and Seth. She was disappointed to learn that it was only a sample, but another one could be ordered from the artist. She placed the order and left her telephone number where she could be contacted when it was finished. It would look perfect on the redwood wall of his living room and give some warmth to the room.

  Selecting window treatments was tedious, and Erik was happy to leave it to Kathleen and a decorator who agreed on a time to meet him later in the week at the condo to take exact measurements.

  “You may want a headboard later on, but for now you might consider painting the wall behind your bed a vibrant color and then tossing hundreds of bright pillows against it.”

  “Hundreds?” he teased as he slurped his chocolate soda. They were taking a break in Ghirardelli’s Chocolate Manufactory.

  “Well, maybe only dozens,” she conceded with a smile as she licked the last foamy sweet drop off the end of her spoon. When she looked up, she was alarmed to see that Erik was watching her mouth, as though envying the right of her tongue to disappear inside it. The blue eyes raised slightly, seeking hers, and there was a moment of sexual awareness that rocketed through them.