by Sandra Brown
“Yes,” she said on a sob. “Yes, my beloved, he was yours.”
“I can’t tell you how happy the two of you have made me. For the past two years, I’ve felt like a man again, with a wife and a son. Thank you, Kathleen.”
“Darling, it’s you who should be thanked.” A tear rolled down her face and he caught it on the tip of his finger. “Seth,” she pleaded, “don’t leave me. I’ll be so alone without you.”
He smiled gently. “You won’t be alone for long.” Before she could question him on that, he continued. “If I were whole and strong, I’d fight anything or anyone for you, Kathleen. But I’m not. I’m very tired. Love me enough to let me leave.”
“I do love you, Seth.”
“Stay with me tonight.” He clutched her hand.
“I will. I’ll be right here for as long as you want me.”
“I want you for eternity,” he whispered, and the beautiful mouth curved into his gentle smile. Once more, he found the strength to touch her cheek. “Kathleen, you are my dearest, dearest love.” Then he closed his eyes.
For once, fate favored Seth. He died just as he wanted to—painlessly, in his sleep, taking the vision of Kathleen’s face with him.
* * *
Erik watched the petite figure as she walked toward the flower-banked casket. She walked unassisted, though George and Eliot were close behind her. Hazel walked beside her, but at a distance.
Chairs had been provided at the gravesite for members of the family. Others stood clustered around, as Erik did, watching the survivors of Seth Kirchoff as they took their seats to listen to the brief words the rabbi would deliver.
She looked thin and pale, Erik thought. Her dress was a simple black sheath, unrelieved by any jewelry. Her hair had been pulled back into a bun at the nape of her neck. She had scorned a hat and veil like the one that swathed Hazel’s head.
Kathleen sat down primly, tugged on the bottom of her skirt and straightened her back. Her head was held at a proud angle. Despite the Christmas season, all Kirchoff department stores had been closed today so that Seth’s employees could attend his funeral. Kathleen was setting an example for them, Erik knew. Seth would have wanted them to conduct themselves bravely and with dignity.
Theron wasn’t with her, of course. Nor was Alice there, which explained who was watching the boy. The eulogy was short and poignant. Immediately, when it was over, Kathleen stood up and greeted those who had converged upon her. With serenity and grace, she shook hands, received kisses on the cheek, comforted those who were reduced to tears. Claire Larchmont, Seth’s faithful secretary and friend, was inconsolable.
God, what a woman, Erik thought as he watched Kathleen speaking gently to Claire. What a courageous little soldier. She was so beautiful. She had left a mark on him as permanent as a birthmark. He would never be rid of her. It would take time, he knew. But now there was no reason they couldn’t be together. Her, himself and their son. He wanted that more than anything.
For the rest of his life, he would be grateful to Seth for taking care of them for him. Few men would have done that so lovingly and unselfishly. Above all, and in spite of everything, Seth Kirchoff had been an admirable man. Erik regretted not getting back from his trip in time to tell Seth how much he thought of him. Brief though their friendship had been, he would miss Seth.
The crowd was beginning to thin. Unnoticed, Erik moved closer. Only a few stragglers were speaking to her now. He watched Hazel as she walked up to her sister-in-law. Something about that woman had always disturbed him. From beneath the heavy veil, he heard her speak to Kathleen.
“You play the grieving widow very well, Kathleen. Wouldn’t people be surprised to know what you’re really like?”
Erik’s eyebrows drew together in puzzlement. He hadn’t known the other woman was openly hostile to Kathleen.
Kathleen sighed resignedly. “Hazel, can’t we please bury the hatchet along with Seth?”
“Shut up and listen to me. My brother was a simpleminded idiot to ever bring you into our lives, but I’ve tolerated you for as long as I intend to. I want you and your bastard out of my house and out of my life. Do you understand?”
Erik saw Kathleen stiffen defensively. “You tried to threaten me once before. Remember the swimming pool?” Kathleen asked. “What I told you then still holds. I want no part of your life, Hazel. And as soon as the will is probated, I’ll arrange to live elsewhere. In the meantime, you stay away from me and from my son. If you so much as come near him, you’ll pay the consequences.”
The older woman was quaking with rage. The veil covering her face trembled. She turned on her heels and stamped toward the waiting limousine.
Kathleen’s chest expanded as she drew in great gulps of air. She shook her head when George tried to take hold of her arm. “Are you all right, Kathleen?” Erik heard him ask her.
“Yes, I’m fine.”
Erik couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. The swimming pool and Theron. Hazel had been… God! His musing pinpointed to one chilling conclusion. Hazel was obviously deranged.
Kathleen was at her mercy. And Theron. He moved from his place under the temporary canopy and came up behind her. She seemed so small, frail and helpless. He wanted to take her in his arms, lend her his strength and comfort, tell her that everything would be all right. They would be together soon.
Instead, he only spoke her name.
She pulled herself up abruptly. That voice. The one that she loved. He spoke her name like no one else. She was ready to fall into his arms and beg never to be released.
She steeled herself against the emotion that engulfed her. She was Seth Kirchoff’s widow and she would act accordingly. More than anything in the world, she wanted Erik, wanted to be with him, but she couldn’t have him after all that had happened.
At first she had felt that Seth’s death was her punishment for her adultery. That, she realized, was ridiculous. Seth had been sick long before Erik had come to San Francisco. Seth would have understood and condoned their loving. He would have forgiven her the most unforgivable transgression, but she could never forgive herself.
She loved Erik. She always would. But she wouldn’t allow herself the luxury of having him. She wanted his love, but his only claim to loving her had been qualified. She wanted security with him and Theron, but she didn’t feel that it was their destiny. Why had so many roadblocks been thrown in their path if they were meant to be together? Too much anguish, too much pain, had been suffered for her loving Erik. The price it exacted was too high. She could no longer pay it.
Hard as it was to do, she turned around to face him, ordering her control not to slip. “Hello, Erik. Thank you for coming,” she said by rote. She didn’t meet his eyes, but talked to the knot of his necktie.
“I wanted to be here, with you,” he said, and she caught the hidden emphasis on the last two words. “What can I do to help you?” he asked softly.
“Nothing,” she said waspishly. Immediately, she saw the stark realization enter his eyes. He knew she was shutting him out. His mustache twitched with a grimace of internal pain. She couldn’t afford to spare him. She had to be merciless. “Everything has been seen to. I have George and Alice to help me. Eliot will take care of things at the store until I decide what to do.”
“Kathleen…”
His voice had an undercurrent of pleading in it, and she rushed on. “As soon as you’ve produced the commercials, Eliot will view them.”
“I’m not here to discuss the goddam commercials,” he said with ominous softness. “I’m here to talk about you. And me. About what happened between us a long time ago and most recently on Chub Cay.”
She shot an embarrassed look toward George and Eliot, but they were engaged in their own quiet conversation.
“There is nothing to discuss, Erik,” she said casually. “I doubt that I’ll be seeing much of you. I plan to take an extended rest. Goodbye.”
She turned away from him and took half a step before he b
rought her around. “Okay, Kathleen, deny us a life together, which I know you want as much as I do, but you won’t keep my son from me. For months, I’ve been looking for a good excuse to take him from you. Now I have one.” He glanced meaningfully toward the limousine where Hazel was ensconced, and Kathleen knew he had heard the threats. “I don’t think I need to elaborate.”
She clutched at his arm. Her lips were bloodless as she choked, “No, Erik, you wouldn’t.”
“Wouldn’t I? What have I got to lose by trying?”
He fairly spat the words as he shoved her away from him and then strode toward his car. The trio stood looking after him, stunned. Erik didn’t look back, or he would have seen the young woman in black slump to the ground in a faint.
Chapter Twenty-one
Kathleen watched as Theron forsook the toy train for the brightly colored box it had come in. He sat amid the paper and ribbons of his opened Christmas packages at the foot of the decorated tree. Alice and George had insisted that the boy celebrate a real Christmas despite Seth’s death.
The two weeks since his funeral had been painful ones for Kathleen, but she had survived them. She had been insulated from some of the grim chores. George handled everything. Hazel refused to even go near her brother’s rooms.
Hazel. She was a constant source of antipathy to Kathleen. The woman so burned with hatred that it consumed her, decaying her from within. She went to her office every day, wreaking havoc where she could. The distressed store managers called Kathleen asking for guidance on how to deal with her unreasonable directives. Kathleen soothed them as well as she could, telling them that Hazel was pressured by grief and persuading them to treat her with forebearance. She knew they weren’t convinced, but they were too polite to contradict her in deference to her husband’s recent death.
Kathleen didn’t return to work. She spent her days with Theron, whom she felt she had neglected for the past month. He didn’t seem to have suffered unduly. He was as sturdy and energetic as ever.
She smiled as Alice opened the cashmere sweater Kathleen had given her. Alice’s face lit up with surprise and delight. George was equally excited over the tweed hat that was found in his package. They hadn’t given Kathleen anything and she hadn’t expected it. Alice came to her now and kissed her lightly on the cheek.
“I’m cooking you a traditional Christmas dinner, Kathleen. And I’m going to see to it personally that you eat every bite. George has picked out a fine wine we can drink with it.”
Kathleen patted Alice’s hand. “Thank you. That sounds lovely. Can I help?”
“No, ma’am. You sit right here and play with Theron.” She hedged before she said softly, “He has another present that was delivered yesterday. Aren’t you going to let him open it?”
“Yes,” Kathleen sighed. “I suppose so.”
The box stood under the tree against the wall, and try as she might, she couldn’t ignore it. He was Theron’s father, after all. It was only natural that he’d send his son a Christmas gift.
That she knew. It was what she didn’t know that bothered her. What did Erik intend to do about his son? The angry, resolute set on his features and that last dire warning he had slung at her at the cemetery had haunted her day and night. He had refrained from claiming his son for Seth’s sake. Now that Seth was gone, nothing stood in his way. Since he knew of Hazel’s overt hatred for the boy, he might well convince himself that he was acting in the child’s interest by getting him out of harm’s way.
“Theron,” Kathleen called to her son, who was now chewing on a ribbon. “Come here. You have another present.” She took his hand and he toddled after her to the large, gift-wrapped box. “Do you want me to help you?” she asked. “Apparently not,” she replied wryly when he began ripping off the paper with maniacal zeal. He had exhibited an amazing acumen for opening presents.
“Oh, my goodness!” Kathleen laughed in spite of herself when she read the printing on the box. “He’s crazy.”
The box did indeed contain a bright red tricycle, complete with bells, police decals, shiny lights and a siren that wailed at one push of a button. Kathleen tried it and the sound shattered the relative peace. Alice and George came running.
Both of them clapped their hands and started laughing at Theron’s perplexed look. George lifted the boy onto the black vinyl seat. His chubby legs weren’t quite long enough for his feet to reach the pedals, but he grinned proudly. Only recently had another physical trait he had inherited from Erik been made manifest. He had a dimple in the exact spot as his father’s.
“Erik must be out of his mind,” Kathleen said, laughing. The older couple looked at her quickly. Did she realize that she had mentioned the man’s name? She did, and flushed hotly. The name that was never far from her mind had finally been vocalized. She often wondered if they suspected the nature of her relationship with Erik. George had heard Hazel’s tirade in the hospital corridor. Surely he had told his wife about that scene. Theron looked like Erik more and more. Did they know? From their attitude, she couldn’t tell. They treated her with the respect and friendliness that they always had.
“Theron’ll grow into this in no time,” George said. “Maybe Erik will come over and teach him how to ride it.”
“Ric, Ric,” Theron crowed as he pushed the button for the siren.
“Maybe so,” Kathleen mumbled, then busily began gathering up the discarded paper.
After the huge turkey dinner she shared with George, Alice and Theron in the breakfast room, Kathleen retired to the living room to look at the Christmas tree and nurse a second glass of wine. Hazel had taken her dinner in the dining room all alone. What a pitiable woman she was, Kathleen thought.
The lights on the tree blurred through her tears as a wave of homesickness worse than any she had known before swept over her. Where was her home? She had Theron, but this wasn’t their home. This house was Hazel’s and always would be. As soon as the will was probated, Kathleen intended to take Theron away from here, even if Hazel hadn’t issued the ultimatum. But where would she go? Where was home? Who was home? Erik…
I wonder whom he’s spending Christmas with, she thought with a stab of pain. Is he sharing wine in front of his fireplace with a woman? Cuddling her? Kissing her? Saying—?
Stop! She couldn’t think of that. If she thought about Erik, she would go mad. And if she didn’t think about him, she would die.
She had to talk to someone. She picked up the telephone and called the only family she had. “Edna, Merry Christmas!”
“Kathleen! Dear, it’s so good to hear from you. B. J., turn off that ball game and pick up the extension. It’s Kathleen.”
“Hi there, sweetheart,” B. J. boomed into her ear as he picked up the second phone.
Their voices sounded so good to her, a balm to her wounds. It was the best Christmas present she could have asked for. “First of all, thank you for the flowers you sent to Seth’s funeral. I’ve written you a note, but they’re not all mailed yet.”
“Honey, you know we don’t want any thanks. If we could have, we would have come out there to be with you.”
“I know. I understand. It’s so good to hear your voices.”
“Kathleen,” Edna said. “How are you? How’s the baby? Are you all right?”
Their love reached through the wires and touched her, opening a floodgate of emotion that she had kept safely dammed. She poured out the entire story, starting with the day she had taken Erik to the airport in Fort Smith. “Theron is Erik’s baby,” she admitted softly.
“Kathleen, do you think we’re so old and feeble that we couldn’t figure that out?” B. J. asked. “We’ve known all along who that baby’s daddy is. Does Erik know it?”
“Yes,” she said calmly, then launched into the other half of her story, telling them of his reappearance in her life, their subsequent antagonism and then the days in Chub Cay. “I can’t stop loving him. I slept with him, and when I came back, Seth was dying.” She broke off with heartren
ding sobs that anguished the two people listening to them.
“Kathleen, you poor baby,” Edna said, and Kathleen heard the tears cracking the older woman’s voice.
“You and that young man have been fighting tooth and nail since you first laid eyes on each other. Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?” B. J. asked.
“Because I’m not sure he loves me. All he wants is Theron, and I’m afraid he’s going to take him away from me. Not that I’ll let him without a fight, but he could make life miserable for a long time.”
“That’s a pile of crap if I ever heard one,” B. J. said.
“Kathleen, that’s nonsense. You didn’t see him when he came looking for you after his accident. I’ve never seen a man so in love, sick with it.”
Kathleen shook her head sadly. “No. He was only angry that I’d run out on him.”
“He won’t do anything to hurt you or that boy,” B. J. said. “I’m too good a judge of human nature not to know that.”
“You don’t know him now. He’s different from the way he was at Mountain View. He’s… callous… hard.”
“I wonder what would turn a man like that?” Edna asked, her meaning implicitly clear.
Kathleen changed the subject and told them about Theron’s latest exploits. “I hope you can come out and see him soon. You’ll love him.”
“We already do,” B. J. said.
Just before hanging up, Edna said, “Why don’t you and Theron fly down here to see us? He could play in the woods. It would do you good.”
“I’d like to, but I don’t know when I can. Things are rather unsettled just now. Let me see what’s going to happen.”
* * *
She didn’t have long to wait. Two weeks into the new year, the Kirchoffs’ lawyer called Kathleen and Hazel to his office and read them Seth’s will. Its contents surprised them both.
Unknown to everyone except himself, his attorney, and the purchaser, Seth had sold the Kirchoff stores to a larger department store chain. Conditions of the sale were that his sister hold a position on their board of directors for as long as she wanted and that the name of the stores remain Kirchoff’s for the rest of her life. Kathleen was to remain in her present position for as long as she wished. She didn’t interrupt the lawyer’s sonorous voice to reveal her plans in that area of her life.