by Sandra Brown
The house was also left to Hazel, as was the majority of Seth’s estate. Kathleen was bequeathed an amount which seemed immense to her, but was actually modest when one measured Seth’s wealth. He had also left her a country house in the Napa Valley north of San Francisco. He had never even mentioned the property to her, although the attorney told her Seth had purchased it over a year ago.
Hazel was enraged to find that her brother had sold the stores out from under her, but was victorious, she felt, over Kathleen. There had been no mention of Theron in Seth’s will, a surprise to Kathleen, a source of celebration for Hazel. Her share of Seth’s estate outweighed Kathleen’s many times over.
“You and your brat will be out of my house within a week,” Hazel said as they left the attorney’s office. “I never want to see you again if at all possible.”
Kathleen didn’t honor her with a comment, though Hazel’s eviction was a welcome relief. She didn’t want to spend one unnecessary night in that house. What would Hazel’s reaction be should Kathleen tell her who Theron’s father was? As cunning as she was, why had Hazel never guessed? Kathleen had often feared that her sister-in-law would recognize one of Erik’s traits in the boy. But she wasn’t searching for clues to his parentage. It was his and Kathleen’s mere existence that was the bane of her life, not where they had come from. Had Hazel been less intent on sabotaging Kathleen’s work and causing friction between her and Seth, Hazel’s eyes might have been opened to the one trump card that could have truly beaten her nemesis. She had been holding an ace and hadn’t realized it. Now it was too late. The game was over.
Kathleen looked into Hazel’s pinched, triumphant, gloating face and was almost tempted to tell her everything. But what purpose would that serve? Hazel had no bearing on her future now.
George drove Kathleen to the Napa Valley house Seth had willed her, and she was delighted with it. One look at the old brick house, fashioned after the chateaux of France, convinced her that this is where she wanted to live with Theron.
The realtor from whom Seth had bought the property met her there to show her around. The house had been modernized only a few years before, but still retained old-world charm, having interesting nooks and crannies hidden in its intricate maze of rooms. Furnishings had been purchased with the house. It would only require a thorough cleaning and some of Kathleen’s personal touches to get it ready for occupancy.
The attached winery had been deserted years ago, and the vines had been neglected, but she wasn’t worried about that for the present. With the money left her by Seth and the salary she had saved over the past two years, she had enough money for her and Theron to live quite well for several years. She would worry about what to do with the rest of her life later. Right now, she just wanted to live in peace.
As George was helping her back into the Mercedes, he remarked casually, “I think Alice is going to love it here. That little apartment on the far side of the kitchen has a nice view of the vineyards.”
“George!” She whirled around in surprise. “You mean that you and Alice want to come out here to live with me?”
“If you’ll have us.”
“Of course, I’ll have you.” She laughed. “It’s just that I thought you’d stay with Hazel.”
He shook his head. “Kathleen, it was Seth who hired us. We worked for him. Since he’s gone, we work for you. I’ll maintain the house, the grounds, the cars, and do anything else you want me to, but I don’t want you to pay me. Two or three mornings a week, I’d like to go into the city and work as a volunteer at a rehabilitation center for the paraplegic.”
“That’s wonderful.”
“I was wondering what you planned to do with Seth’s van. I—”
“You may have it to use or give away as you see fit.”
“Thank you. With your permission, I’d like to work on the vines. I’ve always had a hankering for wine, you know, and I’ve been reading up on it for years. I think with a little luck, I could make a go of a small vineyard and winery.”
“Yes, yes. Thank you, George.” Impulsively, she threw her arms around him and hugged him. “I need you and Alice now more than ever. I’ll pay her a housekeeper’s salary. I insist,” Kathleen said when she saw he was about to object. “And I demand the right to sample every bottle of wine.”
“You’ve got it,” he said, and offered her his hand to shake, sealing their agreement.
A few days later, Kathleen met with the new owner of Kirchoff’s and politely resigned her job.
“You don’t have to,” he told her. “We know your capabilities. Your husband credited you with the turnaround Kirchoff’s made a couple of years ago. We’d like very much for you to stay on.”
“Thank you, but I feel that I must do this.” She knew that the heart of Kirchoff’s had been Seth. When he died, the heart went out of it, and she didn’t want to pretend otherwise. “I would, however, like to recommend my assistant for the position. Eliot Pate is a gifted young man who knows as much about my job as I do.”
* * *
“Kathleen, thank you, my darling! I just got a call from our new owner and they want me to assume the job you so stupidly resigned.” Eliot sounded as if he were on cloud nine.
“It wasn’t stupid. I have a little boy to raise, you know. You deserve the job, Eliot. I envy you the exciting things that will happen to you over the next few years.”
“You can always come back and help me,” he offered.
“I may drop in to look over your shoulder sometime.”
“You have an open invitation. There’s one job I hope you won’t dump in my lap.”
“What?”
“Those goddam fashion shows. Kathleen, I have no patience with those bullies who run lights and the bitches who arrange for flowers. Would you please do those for me? At least for a year? Please?”
She laughed. “Okay, okay. How could I refuse?”
“Wonderful!” He paused a moment, then said, “Kathleen, I think Gudjonsen is tops. Have you seen those commercials? The new owners are turning handsprings. Erik’s not only talented, he’s a helluva guy. He’s been working like hell…” He cleared his throat and Kathleen smiled. She’d never known Eliot to be at a loss for words. “What I’m saying is that if the two of you have a… thing… you should tell the rest of the world to go—”
“Thank you, Eliot,” she said quickly. “I’ll keep that in mind, but Erik and I don’t have a ‘thing.’ ”
“I wouldn’t stake tomorrow’s martini lunch on that, but you’ve always been so goddam closed-mouthed about your private affairs.”
“And you’ve always been outrageous, but I love you. Call me.”
“I will, probably screaming for you to come back and relieve me of all this.” They laughed together, and then he said in a rare serious tone, “Be happy, Kathleen.”
* * *
She was happy. Or at least content. She, Theron, George and Alice were settled into their new home, and she barely missed the bustle of the store. She was entranced with the house and her plans to fully decorate it.
February was well upon them. When it snowed in the mountains of Oregon and Washington, it rained a cold rain in the valley. On one such day, Kathleen was sitting alone in the homey living room. A bright fire crackled in the hearth. Theron was upstairs asleep. He had had a cold for the last few days and was now, under medication from the pediatrician, sleeping it away. The Martins had gone into San Francisco for the day to do some extensive shopping for the country kitchen.
When Kathleen heard the car motor, she didn’t think they could already be back, so she got up to look out the window.
Her heart danced and then jumped to her throat as she saw the battered blue Dodge van chugging up the pothole-riddled driveway. She mouthed his name, but no sound came out. Instinctively, she clutched her chest in an effort to still the pounding of her heart.
By now, he was on the porch and pulling the old-fashioned bell. Kathleen went to the door and opened it without he
sitation.
For a small eternity, they stared at each other, hungry eyes combating to gain the most ground. Without speaking, he walked in. He shook off his rain-dampened coat and hung it on the hall tree beside the door. With his back to her, he surveyed the room. His head nodded in silent approval.
“Hello, Kathleen.” He turned around to face her.
“Hello, Erik,” she grated hoarsely. Why couldn’t she speak? She was a bundle of nerves. Was he here to make some threat about Theron? Would he overpower her and take him by force?
“Where’s Theron?” he asked, as if reading her mind.
“Upstairs asleep,” she said guardedly.
Erik only nodded absently. “The house is nice, very nice. Do you like it?”
Was it her imagination, or was he as nervous as she? “Yes, I love it. It’s quiet here.”
Without invitation, he sat on the sofa in front of the fire and stared into it for a moment. Then he looked up as though surprised to find her still standing. “Sit down.”
She didn’t move. “What are you doing here, Erik?”
He continued to look up at her as he withdrew an envelope from the breast pocket of his shirt. Handing it to her, he said, “I received that in the mail three days ago. It’s from Seth’s attorney. He was instructed to mail it to me on a specified day. Dr. Alexander had gotten it from Seth the night he died.”
Kathleen wanted to ask him what all of that meant, but he was staring moodily into the fire again. She looked down at the envelope. It was innocuous enough, having as its letter-head the name and address of the law firm. She opened it and pulled out two sheets of paper. One was a contract for the loan Seth had made to Erik’s new company. It had been rubber-stamped “Paid in Full” in red ink.
The other sheet of paper was filled with Seth’s handwriting, not as legible or firm as it usually was, but identifiable just the same. It was dated the night before he had died.
Dear Erik,
My attorney will confirm that there is a secret trust fund in the Bank of America for Theron. You will find that it is a sizable amount and, hopefully, will grow even greater with accrued interest, so that by the time he’s ready to enter whatever field he chooses, he will be well equipped financially. The contingency of his receiving said funds on his twentyfifth birthday are somewhat odd. It is my last wish that you will see they are met.
By his second birthday, April fifteenth of this year, I ask that his name be legally changed to Gudjonsen. It is my belief that a son should bear his father’s name. Thank you for loaning him to me for a short while. My gratitude is exceeded only by the love I have for him and his mother. I would also hope that she be included in that name change. It should have been hers long ago.
I considered you a friend in life. So do I still.
Seth
Kathleen lowered the paper before her tears could blur the ink. “He knew.”
Erik stirred, though he didn’t look at her. “It would seem so.”
She dropped down onto the couch beside him. “I should have known that he would. Seth was so perceptive, so attuned to emotions. He would have seen, would have guessed.” They were silent again. She looked up at Erik timidly. “What are you going to do?”
He raked a hand through his hair and stood up, crossing to the fireplace. His booted toe moved a log closer to the flames, and sparks shot up the chimney. “Hell, I don’t know,” he said on a deep sigh. “I’ve spent these past two days deliberating what to do. I started to ignore it, but the attorney called to verify that I had received the letter and to inform me that he had a copy of it.” He braced his arms wide on the mantel and hung his head between them in an attitude of abject despair. “We could contest the will, but…” He spoke without conviction. He wanted that hassle no more than she did. “How can I deny my son that kind of opportunity, Kathleen?”
“I don’t suppose you can,” she answered quietly, not wanting any part of the decision only he could make.
“Of course,” he reasoned aloud, “his receiving the money is contingent only on his name being changed, not yours.”
Pain ripped through her and tore at her heart. How could he be so cruel? He didn’t want to be stuck with her as his wife, but he wanted to change his son’s name. He had to wrestle with his conscience and go against Seth’s request, and hope that she wasn’t going to make things difficult for him.
“Yes,” she strangled out.
“I had hoped that one day your name would be the same as mine.” He turned around. “But I want you to marry me because you love me as much as I love you, and not for the sake of our son.”
Kathleen continued to stare at her hands lying in her lap, disbelieving what she had just heard. Her reflex was to snap her head up and look at him, but she was afraid she was mistaken. Instead, she squeezed her eyes shut and prayed that Erik had said what she thought he had.
“Kathleen,” he said unevenly. Now she did raise her eyes, and saw two eloquent, glistening tears rolling down his lean, rough cheeks. “Don’t run away from me again. You’ve always accused me of being selfish, and God knows I am. But I’m going to make the most selfish request of my life now.” He swallowed hard. “If you must, marry me only because of Theron and in accordance with Seth’s letter, but please marry me. You don’t… it can be… we don’t even have to sleep together, just, please, marry me.”
“Erik!” She bounded off the couch and threw herself into his arms. At first he was too incredulous at her reaction to respond, but her warmth and softness against him soon overcame his stupefaction. His arms wrapped around her as he buried his tear-dampened face in the hollow of her neck.
“Erik, didn’t you know I loved you? Couldn’t you tell how much I loved you?”
“No, no,” he said as he dried his tears with her hair. “Every time I was near you, with you, you ran from me afterward.”
“Because of my feelings for you. They were so much a part of me that I thought they were visible to everyone. Darling, I have loved you since Mountain View. Seth knew when I married him that I was still in love with my baby’s father. I never kept that a secret from him.”
Erik straightened so he could look down into her face. He brushed back her hair. “I have loved you for so long. There was always something in the way, something between us. I can’t believe that you’re here now telling me you love me.”
“I am and I do.”
“Why did I fight loving you? And that’s what I’ve done, Kathleen. I’ve fought it. You evoked emotions in me no one else ever had, and they frightened me, left me stripped bare and vulnerable. I was terrified I’d be left empty again like I was after the accident.”
She shuddered and closed her arms tighter around him. “I’m so sorry for the anguish I caused you then.”
“Darling, if we start itemizing the times we’ve hurt each other, my list will be much longer than yours. That part of our life is over. I love you. Perhaps because of the example I was set, I grew up thinking that loving was a sign of weakness. I know now it’s a sign of strength. But I’m not strong enough yet to contain it all. I need you, Kathleen. Love me.”
“My love,” she sobbed. Together they collapsed onto the couch, holding, touching, cherishing, assuring each other with precious words and gestures.
Each gave what the other needed… and more.
* * *
“I like this house,” Erik said. They were lying in her bed. Eventually, they had quitted the sofa, dressed and shared supper with Theron, who was ecstatic over seeing “Ric.” They had bathed the baby together, marveling over him, and played with him until he grew sleepy and had to be put to bed. Now Kathleen lay cuddled against the hard, vibrant body that she loved.
“Thank you,” she said softly, contemplatively. She teased the underside of his arm with wandering fingers. “But, you know, it’s inconvenient to the city. I mean,” she rushed on, “it would be a great place to come to on weekends, but I’d rather live closer in. Like in that condo you have,” she said
tentatively.
Erik reached down and lifted her chin until he could see her face. He studied it for a while, and then he said gently, “You’re something. Do you know that? I could never ask you to give this up and come to my much more modest house.”
“I know you couldn’t, but I want to live there. This can be a retreat for us, but I want to finish decorating your house and live there with you and Theron.” She looked up at him alluringly. “I can’t wait to get you in that hot tub.”
He grinned responsively, but was serious when he said, “I’m still struggling to get my business off the ground. Every cent I’ve got is invested in it. I won’t be able to keep you in the lifestyle to which you’ve become accustomed.”
“I never cared for that. I wondered why Seth didn’t bequeath me the majority of his estate. Now I know. He knew I’d be uncomfortable with it.”
“He knew I would be.” He kissed her forehead and played his fingers across her lips. “I love you, Kathleen.”
She raised up on her elbows and said, “I love you, Erik. More than any house. More than an inheritance. More than anything. I’ll never run away from you again. You’re my security, my home, my life. Believe me, I’ve learned that running away never solves anything. It only prolongs it. Had I not been orphaned at the age I was, maybe I wouldn’t have been so afraid of life’s consequences. Intelligently, I knew better than to duck the issues, but sometimes emotions override intelligence.”
“Did you ever wonder why we were put through this? Why we couldn’t have met at Mountain View, fallen in love and admitted it, gotten married, started our family without having fought so damn hard for it all?”