Isaiah

by Catherine Lievens

  So he just got up from his chair and walked closer to Isaiah, then pressed a kiss on his forehead. Isaiah reached up and wrapped his hand around one of John’s wrists, holding on as if John were his life-line.

  It looked like the shell Isaiah had tried to build around himself had cracked, and John didn’t know whether to be glad or not. On one hand, he liked the fact that he was finally seeing the real Isaiah, but on the other hand, he knew it was a man he could easily fall for, and it was the last thing they both needed.

  Isaiah was strong yet vulnerable, and it made John want to protect him, but he couldn’t. So he gently pried his wrist away from Isaiah’s hold and stepped away. Isaiah looked up, his eyes wide and a confused expression on his face.

  John shook his head. “I’m sorry, but... you’re leaving. I can’t.”

  Isaiah’s expression shuttered and became cold almost as soon as the words left John’s mouth. “I’ll be fine even without you. It’s not like there was anything between us in the first place.”

  “Isa...”

  “Don’t call me that! Only friends and family can call me that, and you’re neither.”

  John narrowed his eyes. “Look, I get that you’re angry because you have to do something you don’t want to, but that was your decision to make and you did. You can’t blame me for trying to protect myself when I know you’ll probably be married within a month, and not to me.”

  Isaiah seemed to hesitate, but he stayed cool as he answered, “Fine, protect yourself, then. I can’t force you to care for me, so I’ll find someone else to have fun with until I have to leave. You know, sooth my wild oats before I have to marry a woman I’ll never love like I should.”

  “Didn’t you tell me your mother just wants an heir? You can do that without getting married,” John pointed out. He knew he was grasping at straws, but he couldn’t seem to help himself.

  Isaiah snorted. “Of course she said it. She was trying to convince me to go back. Now that I am and that she knows about you, I’m pretty sure she’ll have everything ready when I get there, even the bride. I don’t think you’ll even have to wait an entire month to see me married.”

  John’s heart skipped a beat at that, and it really shouldn’t have. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to be with Isaiah. He hardly knew the man, and he still thought shifters were weird. Why did he care, then? Why was Isaiah being free to be who he wanted to be so important to him?

  “Why would you knowing about me change things?”

  “Because you’re my mate. You’re probably the one person on the planet who can convince me to tell her no.”

  John blinked. “Yeah, right.”

  Isaiah sighed and the coldness finally started leaving his expression. “She’s probably right. I know I look... convinced of the decision I made, but that’s now. I’m pretty sure I’ll regret it as soon as I leave the mansion, and even more when I get there. I’ll probably be desperate after a week or two, and mom wants to make sure I won’t run back here. I probably would even without you, but with you... it makes it even more probable. My fox wants you, John, even if it can’t have you.”

  John tilted his head to the side and looked at the man who was supposed to be perfect for him. “You’re a fox shifter?”

  “Yeah. You didn’t know?”

  “No, I thought you might be a panther or something like that. Almost everyone here is some kind of big cat.”

  Isaiah chuckled. “Not true. Nolan is a house cat, Jonah and Derick are wolves, Jayden’s a weasel. I could go on.”

  “Yeah, okay, but I don’t really have contact with them. I spend most of my time with big cats.”

  “Well, I’m a bat-eared fox,” Isaiah said as he crossed his arms on his chest. His stance was rigid, and John knew he was silently daring him to say something against foxes. He wasn’t about to.

  He did hesitate to answer, though, but because he wasn’t sure he was ready. He’d seen plenty of shifters in their animal forms in the two weeks he’d already spent in the mansion, and he hadn’t been thrilled about it. It had reinforced the feeling that those people weren’t right, even if it was the last thing John wanted to feel. He felt like an asshole just for thinking that, and he didn’t want to look at Isaiah and see an animal or a monster instead of the stubborn as-a-mule sweet man who stood in front of him. Especially since they had so little time left.

  But he felt like this had to be done. “Would you shift for me?”

  Isaiah gave him an incredulous stare. “You want to see my fox?”

  John shrugged as if it didn’t matter all that much. “Yeah, if you’re up for it.”

  Isaiah didn’t look convinced, but he shrugged and started walking toward the door that led outside. “Where are you going?” John asked.

  “Outside. I don’t want to get naked in the middle of the kitchen. Of course, we could go upstairs, but I’m not sure you’ll be overly comfortable with being alone with me in my room while I get naked.”

  John’s brain froze at the image of a naked Isaiah. He hadn’t thought about it, but of course the man had to get naked to shift. Damn. “So... do I follow you, or are you coming back inside once you’ve shifted?”

  Isaiah smirked. “You should come with me. I don’t want to leave the door open, it would bring all the cold inside.”

  John nodded and followed Isaiah outside. They stopped next to a big wooden chest and John watched as Isaiah took his T-shirt off. He averted his gaze, but saw the small smile on Isaiah’s lips as he did. John smiled back without even meaning to and even took a step toward him, stopping himself just in time.

  Then Isaiah popped open his jeans button and slowly unzipped it. The sound of the zipper went straight to John’s groin and he licked his lips as he looked at the trees surrounding the house. He heard heavy fabric hit the floor, then a scrap of gray cotton flew his way. He didn’t even think about it—he grabbed it and looked at it, then groaned.

  “Really? Was it really necessary?”

  John held up Isaiah’s boxer briefs and looked his way. His mouth went dry, because Isaiah was standing there, completely naked and unashamed of it as he watched John. John’s glance slid down from Isaiah’s chest to his waist, then lower until it met his cock. His semi-erect cock.

  John felt himself flushing and threw the briefs at Isaiah’s head. “Show me your fox, come on.”

  “Uh, that sounds vaguely kinky, you know.”

  John glared. “Shut up and shift.”

  The hot and cold behavior was starting to get to John. How had Isaiah gone from being angry and desperate to playing around?

  Isaiah shrugged and looked away, and the next thing John knew there was a tiny bunch of fur on the floor where Isaiah had been standing only seconds before. Well, it wasn’t exactly tiny, but it sure was next to Isaiah’s human form. The fox couldn’t be more than twenty-two or twenty-three inches long. His fur was a dark brown except for his face, where it was even darker from just over his eyes to under his chin.

  Then there were the ears. Now John knew why Isaiah’s animal form was called bat-eared fox. His ears were big, very big for his small frame. The fur there was as dark as it was on his face with an almost white border from the middle of the ear down.

  “You’re cute,” John said.

  The fox huffed and came closer. John crouched down and presented his hand before remembering that this wasn’t a wild fox but Isaiah, the man he’d been talking with until seconds ago.

  He wasn’t overly surprised when Isaiah rolled his eyes—and that was a weird thing to see on a fox—and nipped at John’s fingers with sharp teeth.

  “So, what do you usually do when you’re feeling foxy?”

  John could have sworn the fox actually glared at him before moving away. He chuckled. “Yeah, okay. I’ll stop with the jokes.”

  Isaiah tilted his head to the side and John had to stop the coo that rose to his lips. Why had this made him uncomfortable again? He could see Isaiah w
as still there. It was in the fox’s eyes and in the way he behaved. This wasn’t an animal, and least of all a monster. It was a man who happened to be in a fox body.

  “You know, this isn’t bad. I mean, the enforcers I work with are all big in their animal form, and to be honest it’s intimidating, but there’s nothing intimidating about you. You’re just... a cute teddy bear.”

  Isaiah growled at him and John laughed, because yeah, it really wasn’t intimidating.

  He saw Isaiah move from the corner of his eyes but he couldn’t defend himself when the ball of fur landed on him. John lost his balance and tipped backward, swearing when his ass hit the wooden porch. “Oww!”

  Isaiah huffed rhythmically.

  “Are you laughing at me?”

  The fox rolled his eyes and trotted toward the porch steps. John watched him go before jumping to his feet and following him. “Hey! Wait for me!”

  Chapter Four

  Isaiah opened his eyes and immediately regretted it. Today was the day. The day he’d leave the pride to go back home.

  It was the last thing he wanted to do.

  He rolled to his side and took his cell phone from the nightstand. He tried to ignore the boxes standing in the corner of the bedroom, waiting for him to load them in his car, and checked the time.

  There was a message from John already and Isaiah opened it.

  You awake yet?

  Yeah.

  Need help with the last boxes?

  Can I say no and just stay here?

  Isaiah bit his lower lip and wished he hadn’t sent the last text. He already knew what John would write back.

  Sure. Want me to unload your car?

  You know I wasn’t serious.

  I can still hope.

  Isaiah sighed and flopped on his back. Delaying the inevitable made no sense, but he’d become so good at it. His mother was chomping at the bit because, though he’d promised to be home within two weeks, three had passed, and he was still in Whitedell. Only for a couple of hours, but still. It made Isaiah feel like he’d won. Why, he didn’t know, but he had no desire to think about it more than he should.

  His phone pinged again.

  Want me to bring you coffee?

  My savior!

  I’ll take that as a yes. Be right there.

  And that was Isaiah’s cue to get up and start getting ready. He and John had gotten closer in the past weeks, but just as friends. That meant they frequently tiptoed around each other, trying to ignore feelings and stuff better left unsaid and undone. Being naked around each other was a big no-no, even after the day Isaiah had shifted in front of John.

  He’d been teasing, but he knew he’d end up jumping his mate if John gave even just one indication he wanted more than what they had. Not that they could afford to fall for each other. But wait—Isaiah was already in love with John. And he was leaving him. And getting married to a woman.

  Isaiah’s mother hadn’t actually told him she was already planning his wedding, but he’d gotten texts from his sisters and he knew he already had a bride. It kind of felt like a Russian mail-order bride, and it made Isaiah shiver in fear when he thought about his upcoming wedding night. Ugh.

  Someone knocked on the door and Isaiah grabbed the clothes he’d left on his dresser before yelling, “Come in!” and running to the bathroom. He closed the door just as he heard his bedroom door open and John call out.

  “Isa?”

  “Bathroom! I’ll be as fast as I can.”

  “No worries.”

  Isaiah snorted at his reflection in the mirror. Of course it was no worries, not when John had tried to convince him to stay at least five times a week in the past three weeks. And Isaiah had been so, so tempted to say yes, at least until his mother had asked him if he really cared about his family.

  He threw himself into the shower stall and took the fastest shower he’d ever taken. Once out, he dressed quickly and burst out of the bathroom, nearly bowling John over.

  “What are you doing?”

  His mate was doodling on one of the boxes with a marker. Isaiah tilted his head to the side and barked out a laugh when he saw what John was drawing.

  There were tiny foxes and human stick figures hugging each other, a few hearts with the initials J and I twined together, and even an Isaiah Smith penned along one of the sides. “What are we, in third grade or something?” He’d never admit he liked the sight more than he should, and that it made his heart hurt, especially the Isaiah Smith part.

  Because they might have avoided talking about it, but he was pretty sure John liked him just as much as he liked John.

  Anyway.

  John put the last flourish to his drawing and capped the marker. “Just wanted your family to know you’re not all that available.”

  “You think it’ll work?”

  John arched a brow. “It’s your family. What do you think?”

  “Yeah, no. I don’t think my mother will be inclined to cancel the alpha ceremony just because you drew little hearts over boxes that will end up in the trash.”

  John gave Isaiah a toothy smile. “Is she going to trash your PC too? You cell phone? Your clothes?”

  “What?”

  John pointed at the bed and Isaiah walked closer. He gaped when he saw that John hadn’t been joking. He’d penned Isaiah Smith on Isaiah’s laptop, the back of his phone and even some T-shirts. “What the fuck did you do?”

  “Just reminding your mother I exist,” John said with a shrug.

  “Oh, she’s going to kill me.”

  “Does that mean you won’t wear them?”

  “Of course I will! Do you think the marker will fade if I wash them?” Isaiah asked as he grabbed one of the T-shirts. He took off the one he’d put on after his shower and ignored the heated glance John gave him, then put on the one his mate had written on. He did a little pirouette to show it and asked, “So? How is it?”

  “Perfect,” John croaked.

  Isaiah looked at him, and sure enough, John looked like he wanted to eat him. “Okay, so. Where’s my coffee?” Isaiah asked to hide the fact that he’d be more than happy to be eaten.

  “Dresser.”

  Isaiah took the mug and sipped. He hummed in pleasure, because it was just how he liked it.

  “I’m gonna take these downstairs and put them in your car,” John said gruffly.

  Isaiah just nodded back and continued to drink. He looked around the room, wondering if he’d ever see it again, then walked into his living room and did the same. The rooms looked so empty without his stuff around.

  John still hadn’t come back, so Isaiah walked out. He closed the door behind himself, feeling like he was closing more than that, like he really was closing a part of his life. He sighed and walked to the kitchen, where he put his mug in the dishwasher, then went to the entryway.

  There was already a small crowd gathered there, even if he’d been very clear he didn’t want anyone there. He’d already said his goodbyes, or at least he’d thought so, but then Keenan saw him, whimpered and threw himself into Isaiah’s arms.

  “I’m sorry!”

  “For what?” Isaiah asked as he hugged the human back.

  “For the fight.”

  “That was weeks ago, Kee. It’s okay.”

  “But I feel like it’s my fault you’re leaving.”

  Isaiah patted his friend’s back. “Nope, not your fault. Mine, and my mother’s.”

  “You could—”

  “No, I can’t.”

  Isaiah gently pushed Keenan away. After that it was all hugs and goodbyes, promises to call and visit. Isaiah didn’t know if he’d do it. How much harder would his life as alpha be if he thought about what he’d had in Whitedell?

  John was still nowhere in sight when Isaiah said goodbye to the last pride member and stepped outside. He ignored the wind that lashed against his face and walked to his car, his heart skipping a beat when he saw John
leaning against it.

  “So this is where you were hiding.”

  “Yeah. I didn’t particularly want to see the tears.”

  Isaiah grimaced. “I could have done without them, yeah.” He stopped in front of his mate. “So this is it.”

  John looked at him with a frown on his face and for the first time in more than a month leaned forward and kissed Isaiah. The kiss was heat and possession, branding and maybe... love?

  They were both panting when they separated and Isaiah leaned his forehead against John’s shoulder. He didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to, but he had to. He knew he’d probably hate his mother for this, at least a bit, but he didn’t care. He wanted John, and he was getting a Russian bride instead. A Russian bride, and an alpha position he didn’t want. His life sucked.

  * * * *

  John gently pushed Isaiah away. He didn’t want to linger. Wait, that wasn’t true. He did want to linger, at least until Isaiah changed his fucking mind and decided to stay. John knew it wouldn’t happen, though. He’d tried to convince his mate to stay for the past three weeks, yet Isaiah was still going.

  “You should go.”

  “Yeah, before it becomes too hard to stay.”

  “Isn’t it hard already?”

  Isaiah looked at John and John tried to ignore the tears glistening in his mate’s eyes. “Yeah. It’s harder than anything I’ve ever done before.”

  “You could stay,” John tried one last time, but Isaiah was already shaking his head.

  “No, I can’t.”

  A wave of irritation swelled in John’s chest. They’d had this conversation so many times, and while John understood not everyone had the same opinion on things, the fact that what Isaiah’s mother was doing was wrong was blatantly obvious. Why couldn’t Isaiah see that? Why was he complying?

  “You should go,” John said again, his voice rougher than before.

  Isaiah nodded and John pushed away from the car and opened the door. Isaiah hesitated but slid into the car and settled in his seat. His hands were trembling when he put them on the steering wheel.

  “Are you sure you’re up for the drive?” John asked.