by Giselle Fox
“This feels perfect,” she sighed.
“Mmm, it does,” Lexi said sleepily.
“You have work to do,” Cate said. She certainly didn’t want to leave where they were, she merely wanted to hurry the inevitable along so they could get back to being together again.
“Fifteen more minutes,” Lexi said and planted a kiss on her forehead.
“Alright.”
Cate let the perfection of it all cover her body like a blanket. She felt warm from the inside. She felt relaxed even though she was lying totally naked at the edge of the wilderness. She felt connected to a person as she never had before. They’d developed an innate understanding of each other’s bodies. She felt changed from it all, deep inside her being.
“It’s hard to imagine you anywhere else,” she said. “Where did you live before you came here?”
Lexi took a deep breath. “I wasn’t in one place for very long. I’d sort of been traveling for many years, digital nomad style. I was in Europe before I came here.”
“Why here?”
Lexi shrugged. “I’d never been and I was curious, I suppose. I need a certain degree of infrastructure for what I do. The pieces fell into place.”
“I guess that’s it isn’t it?” Cate said.
“What is?”
“About the pieces, there needs to be a place for them all.”
Lexi chuckled. “I guess so.”
Cate shifted. “I’ve been away from my life for less than a week and I feel like everything I need, all the pieces that are really important to me, are right here with me.”
Lexi gave her a gentle smile. “I think most people on holiday come to that conclusion at some point.”
“I’m serious though. When I think about what I left back in Chicago, I don’t feel attached to it. It’s like it all belongs to someone else. Even my career. I wonder to myself sometimes, why did I do this again?”
“Why did you do it?”
Cate thought about it for a moment. “I honestly feel like it was just momentum. I could have taken any job out of college, but I took that one because it was safe and had a future. And after awhile, that future became mine.”
“You sound like you’re in the same place I was a year ago.”
“Really?”
Lexi nodded. “The details may be different, but I also got to a point where I began to think about my choices. Things began to weigh on me differently. Certain things were hard to ignore.”
“Like what?”
“Like ... the world. The more I traveled to small, off the beaten path places, the more I realized how simply people can live and still be happy. Even though there may be terrible things happening all around them. I stood back and looked at my own life, at where I’d come from, at all of it, even the color of my skin, and I realized I wasn’t happy, I was anxious. My mind wouldn’t stop, my body couldn’t relax. I don’t know when it happened but that’s what my choices had done to me. So I changed what I chose.”
“Are you happy now?” Cate asked softly.
Lexi curled her arms tight around her body. “Right now, I think I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
They drove back to town and parked in Lexi’s spot near the apartment. Cate felt sun-kissed and sexy as they walked side by side, stealing glances at each other. The tops of Lexi’s cheeks had pinkened in the cutest way. They watched each other walk up the steps and touched each other playfully as they climbed.
“You know what I would like to do tonight?” Cate said.
Lexi smiled at her. “What?”
“I want you to get into your Batgirl costume again. I want to unzip that leather jacket with my teeth.” She made herself shy just saying it.
“You’re blushing,” Lexi grinned.
“I think I got a burn on the hill,” Cate said and covered her cheeks with her hands.
Lexi reached for them and kissed them. “You’re adorable,” she whispered. “I would love to let you undress me if that’s what you want.”
Cate kissed her lips. They stood on the landing in front of Alice’s door. Cate glanced at it and then sighed.
“I guess I’ll see you in a little while. Work fast.”
“I will,” Lexi said and kissed her cheek. “Thank you for the lunch date.”
“Thank you,” Cate said. She watched her walk up the steps and waited until she heard the door close. Then she turned and unlocked Alice’s door.
Cate spent the early part of the afternoon lying on her bed with the balcony door wide open. She’d called the travel agent in Chicago and was waiting to hear back about switching her flight. Alice was still sleeping off her two-day sex marathon with Ambrose. There was nothing left for Cate to do but wait.
She could hear Lexi moving around upstairs: sounds of her chair scraping on the hardwood floor, the opening of a cupboard and other things being moved. She heard the low murmurs of Lexi’s voice, perhaps talking on the phone. After staring at the ceiling, hoping Lexi would finish her work quickly, Cate fell asleep.
She woke disoriented, with a feeling that she’d missed something important. When she reached for her phone she realized it was after five o’clock. She bolted from her bed and stepped out into the hallway, still rubbing the fog from her eyes. Alice’s door was closed. There was no sign that she’d even been up yet. When Cate pressed her ear to the door, she could hear the low and rhythmic sounds of her friend’s breath.
Cate went into the kitchen and poured herself some water. The nap had left her feeling dazed. She couldn’t hear any movement in the apartment above and wondered if Lexi had fallen asleep too. She went to her balcony and looked up toward Lexi’s apartment but there was no sound or movement. She stood for a while at her railing, willing Lexi to come to the window.
She tried to relax and enjoy her time alone. Then the idea occurred to her that she should find her costume and put it on. The thought of them replaying the rainy night of the costume party made her smile. So Cate readied herself for an encore performance as Harley Quinn. Within a short time, she was dressed with her make-up on.
She went out to her balcony again but there were still no signs of Lexi. Cate followed the line of the roof with her eye. She could see the path well. In the late afternoon light, it didn’t seem so bad. She took a closer look and made a more deliberate assessment of the climb. She wondered to herself if it really didn’t look so bad after all.
She stepped closer to the railing and imagined herself making the climb up to the slope that connected to Lexi’s balcony. It wouldn’t be too steep if she went sideways, the adjoining peak even offered a handhold. She could see the path as plain as day. Could I? she wondered. She thought of sneaking up behind Lexi as she worked, or of maybe catching her sleeping on the job. She imagined wrapping her hands around Lexi’s eyes as Lexi had done to her that afternoon. She imagined all this and then stepped closer to the edge of the rail.
“Lexi!” she called, loud enough for her to hear but not too loud to wake her friend. The window above Lexi’s desk was right there. But there was no movement or sound. The thought that Lexi may have gone somewhere occurred to her. Maybe she was at the restaurant again. If that was the case, Cate had some time to surprise her. She followed the line of the roof again and then looked down. It had all seemed so much scarier a few days ago but at that moment, she felt as if she could actually do it and even have a bit of fun. After all, Lexi made a point of challenging her and surprising her, why shouldn’t she do the same?
She imagined all this and then stepped to the edge of the balcony. She tested the railing, tried to shake it with her hand, but the thick bolt that connected it to the mortar of the building held tight. The next second, she was over and holding the edge of the small peak above the balcony doors. She tested the roof tiles with her toes. Her feet were bare and felt sticky on the clay tile. The tile and those around, felt firm. She continued, her breath quickening. From the corner of her vision, she could see past the
edge and the long way down. She blocked it out and focused on the going up part instead. Yes, she thought as she let go of the railing and twisted her body for the climb up, I can do this.
And in a few seconds, she had done it, step by nimble step. Moving fast and swift, she crossed the open expanse to where the adjoining peak came down. She leaned her body into it as if she was carving a wave. Another few steps and she climbed higher. There wasn’t a breath of wind, nothing to make her dizzy. The view of the water opened up the higher she went until, at last, she’d reached the point where she could drop over the edge and onto the balcony. She peered down and saw the railing below. Down she went, one foot and then the next. Then there she was, standing on Lexi’s balcony, overlooking the gorgeous view of the water. She’d done it.
At that moment Cate realized exactly what she’d done. What had she been thinking? She’d woken in a fog only twenty or thirty minutes before and there she was standing on the rooftop patio as if she’d slept walked there. Cate felt ridiculous and terrified. Adrenaline pumped through her body, but she was mortified at where it had taken her. She looked down at her costume, felt the pigtails on her head, felt the sticky gloss of lipstick on her mouth and wondered if it was all just a dream. Lexi wasn’t in her apartment, Cate could see that plainly through the patio doors.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She sat down on one of the patio chairs and tried to relax but there was no relaxing. She wanted to flee. She felt like an intruder. She wanted to get back to Alice’s apartment before Lexi came home. Had she left Alice’s apartment door open? Cate rose from her seat and opened the balcony door. All was quiet inside except the low hum of the fridge. Cate glanced to Lexi’s bed where she’d spent the whole of the day before but the comfort she’d felt then was replaced by the need to leave.
Cate moved swiftly through the apartment but her eye was caught by something she hadn’t seen before. The metal case beneath Lexi’s desk was open and many rows of lights flickered inside. Cate had never seen so many panels in a home office, nor any office for that matter. The more she focused on them, the more out of place they seemed. She went to the desk and looked closer. The low hum came from the case and the towers inside. Something was working steadily. And then her body bumped the desk and the screens popped to life. Cate focused on the black background and line after line of code rolling past. The other screen was the same but different. They appeared to be working independently. The code rolled by too fast to read but then it paused for a second.
“Nmap run completed…TCP port open… attempting to exploit SSH… reseting root password… successful, access code five,” she whispered. Her stomach leaped. She took a step back and stared down at the metal case again. “No,” she whispered.
She spun around and headed straight for the door but when she gripped the handle, she heard the familiar creak of the stairs just outside. She froze. There was nowhere to go and nothing to do but stand there. So that’s exactly what she did.
She heard the key slide into the first lock and then the second. She watched the doorknob twist and the door swing open. Lexi stood with a bag of food containers in her hand. The look on her face when she saw Cate standing there was one of confusion and shock. Her smile faded and her eyes darted to the desktop and the monitors.
Cate’s did too. For a few hanging seconds, they both stared at the black screens and falling lines of code.
“Shit,” Lexi whispered. She turned and stared back at her. “What are you doing here, Cate?”
Cate couldn’t speak. The last ten minutes had been such a mistake, she wanted to erase all of it. She broke down and began to cry. “I wanted to surprise you.” She covered her face with her hands.
She heard the rustling of the plastic bag as Lexi placed it on the floor. Then she felt Lexi’s hands. They pried at her fingers. Lexi’s sad brown eyes looked back at her.
“Oh, Cate,” she whispered.
Lexi wrapped her arms around her and held her as Cate wept until she gathered her thoughts and took a deep breath. She looked up into Lexi’s face again.
“What... is it doing?”
She asked because she had to. There was no way to un-see what she had seen. Now, she needed an explanation.
Lexi released her and walked to her desk. She clicked off the monitors and flipped the metal case door closed. “That was sloppy,” she said softly.
Cate watched her as she stood there with her hands on her hips, staring down at her desk as if willing it to disappear. She shook her head and sat down heavily in the chair behind her.
Cate stayed where she was. She could smell the savory scents of food wafting up from the containers on the floor. “You brought dinner,” she said numbly.
Lexi glanced over at the bag on the floor and nodded but her eyes were dark.
“I climbed up the roof. I wanted to surprise you,” Cate said.
Lexi glanced behind at the balcony door and smiled sadly. “I should have known.” Her eyes fell on Cate again, on her costume.
Cate felt ridiculous again but Lexi rose from her seat and walked toward her.
“You look really cute,” she whispered.
“This was all a terrible mistake,” Cate whispered back.
Lexi nodded.
“I should go,” Cate said but Lexi held onto her.
“Don’t go.”
Lexi relaxed the grip on her shoulders as Cate stared down at the floor between them. “I don’t know what I saw,” she said.
Lexi studied her face, looked deep into her eyes and assessed the truth of that statement. Cate watched her pupils open and close, adjusting the aperture of information.
“Yes you do,” Lexi said finally.
“Tell me. What is it?”
Lexi sighed. “I can’t tell you what it is, Cate.”
Cate nodded. “Fine.”
Lexi looked back at her. “This isn’t your fault. I forgot to lock the door.”
“I would be sitting out there right now,” Cate said, wishing that was so, wishing that she’d never come inside at all.
“You’ve turned into a daredevil,” Lexi said. She tried to grin but gave up halfway.
“You made me one,” Cate whispered. It was true. All Lexi’s challenges had brought her to where she was.
Lexi sighed. “I think we should sit down.”
Cate looked past the bed to the bar stools. She walked slowly to the counter and sat down. Lexi followed and pulled up a stool in front of her. The cases under the desk grunted and hummed through their sequences line by line.
“I woke up in a strange mood,” Cate began. “I thought I’d missed you … because I missed you so much, I guess. I fell asleep thinking about you working up here. I wanted to surprise you. I climbed up here without even considering how crazy it was and then suddenly, I realized what I’d done and freaked out. I was about to go back downstairs but I saw... that.” Cate pointed to the desk. “I don’t know much about code, but I know you’re not just a regular programmer.”
“I’m sorry,” Lexi said softly. She reached for Cate’s hand but Cate pulled away.
“I was waiting to hear back on my flight change. I think it’s best if I just go home.”
“Cate,” Lexi said.
Cate stared into her eyes. Lexi reached out and wiped a tear from her cheek. Her eyes were loving and kind, soft and brown. Cate wished she would wake from that horrible dream so she could just fall into them. She felt the tears well in her eyes again, felt choked by the sadness of it all. She pulled herself from her seat and stumbled to the bathroom. She bent over the sink. Her stomach hurt like she’d been kicked. She ran the water and watched the cool stream fall into the basin as she tried to steady herself.
Lexi’s hands swept up her back. “You’re okay, just breathe,” she whispered.
Cate stood up slowly and looked in the mirror. Her mascara had run a little so she swept her fingers under her eyes. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Lexi looked back at
her through the mirror. She was less than an inch taller when they were standing together even though Cate had felt so many times that she’d been completely overpowered.
Lexi said nothing. She just stared back at her through the mirror and then bent her head to kiss her shoulder. “Maybe it doesn’t matter,” she whispered.
“Of course, it matters. I’m in love with you and I don’t know who you are!”
Lexi wrapped her arms around Cate’s body. One hand slid down between her legs, one slid up between her breasts and held her throat gently.
“The only thing that matters is this,” Lexi whispered. “Everything in the background will change. Just give me some time.”
The huskiness of her voice, the play of her hand sent a shiver straight through Cate’s body. She watched Lexi’s hand dip between her legs as they stood there at the sink. She knew it was all smoke and mirrors. She struggled against her own body not to fall for it.
“Every time I try to dig or to understand you, you do something like this ... to divert me. How am I supposed to -?” Cate felt her knees grow weak beneath her. She wanted Lexi so badly, she craved her touch with every part of her. It angered her that she was so defenseless.
Lexi pressed her Lips to Cate’s ear. “Maybe you just need to hear me say it, that I’m in love with you too and I don’t want you to go. I want to be with you.”
Cate closed her eyes. “Yes, I want to hear you say it,” she whispered. “But that doesn’t change what I saw.”
Lexi locked eyes with her in the mirror. “You need to trust me, for a little while. You need to go back to Chicago like nothing happened here. Live your life as you always did.”
“Why?” Cate demanded.
“Because I have to keep you safe,” Lexi said softly.
“From what?”
“From … knowing.”