After the Kiss

by Violet Williams

  I swal owed, thinking the worse. "Liani, is your mom okay? How is she doing?"

  She waved off my questions. "She's alright." She plopped onto the couch beside me, sliding up close. Ready for the scoop. "Don't change the subject! Tel me about Demetrius! How did it happen?"

  I recounted going to his apartment the first time, being as vague as possible. "Honestly, it just happened."

  She gave me the stank eye. "His penis just happened to slip in your vagina?

  Repeatedly? On several different occasions?"

  I swiped a pil ow and pounded her with it. "Very funny!"

  We laughed about it a minute or two and I let it drop that there was something special about him. Something special about us. She gave me a curious look and her gaze darkened.

  "I can tel you what won't be so funny--your boyfriend's reaction if he finds out."

  I turned from her, not wanting her to see the fear that coursed over my face. After that night in the warehouse...trust, I knew what Max was capable of better than most. Before, he was just a hot head. Quick tempered. I tried to tel myself that it was his father that was the vil ain, and Max was just a product of it. Now I knew it wasn’t that simple. He helped carve that man up like a Christmas ham and loved every minute of it.

  "Wel , I'm gonna end it before any of that happens,” I told her promptly.

  "Like you were gonna end things with Demetrius?"

  My cheeks burned hot. How could I explain this whirlwind attraction to her when I barely understood it myself? I've always been a logical person, believing if I could touch, feel, and see something it was real. But with him, it was like there was some invisible chain, magnetism that bought us to one another even if common sense dictated we should keep our distance. And now that I knew his name wasn’t Demetrius at al and that he'd help me get out of the web Max tried to trap me in, I cared for him even more. But the way Liani was looking at me was making me feel like some hussy. Like I was the vil ain in this story. I wanted to lay it al out. Tel her about the horrifying murder. Tel her that Demetrius, Anthony, was an undercover cop. But I didn’t want to get her involved in this whole mess.

  "Let's just talk about something else."

  "Girl, you can't be serious," she scoffed. "You can't tel me you slept with Mr. Tal , Dark, and Dangerous and try and change the subject!"

  "Liani-"

  "Ebony," she mimicked, not budging. When she saw the strained look on my face, she let out a dramatic sigh worthy of a Broadway production. "Fine! We can talk about my lab. Or Brangelina. Or maybe-"

  "We talk about your mom?" I cut in gently. Her caramel skin turned several shades paler.

  She was clearly struggling. My drama didn't hold a candle to what she was going through.

  "I'm fine," she said clippedly.

  "No you're not," I insisted. "You're my friend and I'm trying to get you to open up. You don't have to deal with this alone." My words echoed and she went rigid, her eyes going cold.

  "You hate your mother. How could I talk to you about any of this?"

  My mouth fel open but no words came out. I wasn’t close to my mother, but hate? I felt slighted, like when I told her how I envied her relationship with her mom and wished I was closer with my own she was just gathering ammunition to fire at me when the timing was right.

  "I don't even know what to say to that,” I said curtly.

  Her nostrils flared and I prepared for her to continue to use me as her emotional punching bag. I wanted to cal her out on the sheistyness, but if this is what she needed, if this helped her in some weird, perverse way, I’d take it. Instead, she lowered her head.

  “I’m sorry Ebony,” she said, her voice soft. “I didn’t mean that.”

  I flashed a sad smile. “It’s okay.”

  “No it’s not,” she said, shaking her head. “I shouldn’t take al my shit out on you.” Her brown eyes were muddy and her lip trembled. “She’s not getting any better, Eb. Every day she slips further and further away.”

  I leaned forward and hugged her, good and hard. “I’m so sorry, Liani.”

  I didn’t say any more. What could I say? Even sorry seemed inadequate. She’d been there for me through exams, bad dates, cramming for exams, Max drama, and now, even this ridiculous love triangle mess. She just needed me for this one thing, and al I could do was say sorry?

  She separated slowly, swiping at her eyes. “God, I should want the pain to be over for her, you know? For her to be in a better place.” She sniffled and let out a bitter chuckle. “Some volunteer today had the nerve to tel me that she was gonna go to heaven because ‘God needed another angel’.”

  I gave her a look. “She didn’t.”

  “I told her that if God is so almighty and powerful, why the fuck can’t he just poop out another angel and leave my mother alone?” Liani let out a sound that was meant to be another laugh but came out as more of a sob and I brought her back in for a hug. Her tears flowed freely now, ones of frustration and anger. I’d heard her recount stories of her mom working herself to the bone to make sure her kids could go to good schools. In a house of six+ people, as a single parent, she should have been frazzled. I couldn’t imagine al the stress and responsibility. But Liani told me that she always managed to make each of them feel special and loved. Every time she recounted a story about her mother, it made me feel a little guilty that I didn’t invest more time in my relationship with my own. It didn’t help that every time we talked on the phone she seemed to remind me that better, smarter, stronger women didn’t blaze through to put cracks in the glass ceiling so I could do a stereotypical job like teaching instead of going into medicine like she did.

  “That’s why I wanted the dirt,” Liani explained after a minute. She pushed off the couch and ducked into the hal bathroom. She emerged with a fistful of tissue, dabbing at her bleary eyes. “A little less Lifetime and a little more Sex and the City.”

  I laughed at her assessment, but on the inside, I knew that in reality, it was closer to one of those action movies. Girl fal s for the gangster with a heart of gold, finds herself on her back, and they both get in trouble with the boss. Lots of gunshots, blood, and stuff blowing up.

  It al felt so surreal. That guy, bound, gagged but his screams stil echoing and resonating. He’d been so terrified, and rightful y so. Al that red al over, it seemed impossible that one could lose so much and stil be conscious. But thinking back at the man that worked for the Kournikovas, wielding that knife like a musical instrument, I knew Max made sure he got the most bang for his cuts. Maximized the agony.

  And then there was Demetrius. Not even Demetrius, Anthony. At first I’d been so shocked, then relieved, then angry, then frustrated. I’d run the gamut of emotions, and now I was back in shocked territory. Shocked because he’d done a hel uva job tricking me and everyone else around him. Shocked because now he wanted me to help with the case and I’d stupidly agreed. Shocked because even though he’d lied when I’d been so open and honest, I didn’t wish him any il . Hel , I stil wanted him. He thril ed me.

  I remained closed lipped and my friend stopped prodding, her jaw dropping to the floor.

  “Oh my god.”

  I gave her a weird look. “What?”

  “I’m so dumb!” she said, shaking her head slowly. “Or maybe it’s because I haven’t felt it in so long. Because I couldn’t handle it with everything else.” She nibbled on her bottom lip.

  “Burn and turn, you know?”

  “No not real y,” I said, tucking my legs underneath me.

  Her eyes set on me, and they didn’t let me go. “You like him, don’t you?”

  “No!” I said, probably a bit too quickly. “Of course not!”

  “So it was just what, sex?”

  I tried to make my face blank and unreadable. I threw in a shrug for good measure.

  “Yep. Just a little fun.”

  “Uh huh,” she said, clearly not convinced. “So when, not if, Max finds out and he makes him regret the day he ever
batted those big blue eyes at you, then what, no biggie?”

  A chil settled on my skin and I rubbed my arms. “Just because we fucked doesn’t mean I’m heartless, Liani. Of course it would be a big deal. Death and dying is a big deal.”

  “But I’m not just talking about death and dying,” she said pointedly. “I’m talking about Demetrius dying.”

  I tore my gaze away, sniffling as I swiped the remote control. I meant to seem chil , to flick on the TV and act like her words didn’t affect me, but my hand rattled so hard that I ended up dropping it onto the coffee table with a thud. Right along with my façade.

  I’d been tel ing myself that he’d be fine. He was a cop, after al . This was his job. But cops died every day and undercover ones…I shuddered at the thought of him being found out.

  At the idea of him bound to a rickety old chair with a gag in his mouth that didn’t do jack shit to stifle his cries of agony.

  I dropped my face in my hands, my own tears rushing from my eyes. “Oh god, Liani,” I said in between sobs. “Max can’t hurt him. He just can’t!”

  “Because you love him, don’t you?”

  “No,” I said, my whole body trembling. “I don’t. I can’t!”

  “But you do.”

  It was a statement. A fact. And I knew it.

  My cries just got louder. I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t say it out loud or it would be real.

  Even though it was far too late. It had been real from that first glance, me turning around and seeing those eyes. And then that awkward exchange of my bra. The playfulness in his eyes.

  The lust. Sure, it had just been sex before, but then there was banter and he made me feel beautiful. And worth a damn. Deserving of more than Max. And when we’d hooked up, it was something so raw and visceral that the very thought of it made my toes curl, but it was nothing without the underlying emotions. Nothing without the realization that I’d fal en for him. Hard.

  “Oh god,” I said, looking up at her, not able to hold back. Not able to deny it. Not to her.

  Not to myself. “What am I going to do? What am I gonna do?!”

  ****

  TONY/DEMETRIUS

  I stood outside of the bar, if you could cal it that. It had about as much appeal as a shoebox on the outside and the inside didn't fare much better. I'd kept up appearances, going inside and ordering a couple of shots that went down like gasoline, a beer or two and casting a couple of 'don't fuck with me' glances about before ducking back outside for a smoke.

  The long drag and the alcohol burning in my gut battled the bite of the cold that assailed me from both sides. I leaned up against the side of the rusted old building and conjured her up.

  That cocoa skin and those big doe eyes. To think I'd thought her fragile, this breakable thing I had to protect. A beautiful treasure that I couldn't help but seduce.

  I thought I'd had the whole thing pegged. I knew exactly what Kournikova was capable of--I'd read the files cover to cover. Seen the brutality and seared it into my mind. Hel , I'd even seen straight into the soul of the devil himself. Pale blue eyes of death that didn't hold an ounce of remorse. Al my focus had been on him, and battling my attraction to her that I hadn't seen the danger right in front of my face. Maxhew. The son of a bitch.

  I was warm now, blood pumping furiously as I clenched and unclenched my fists. The things I wanted to do for him for what he'd done. My Ebony. He made her watch, bringing her into his sick, twisted world.

  I tried to bring it down to a simmer, my fingers rattling as I brought the cig back to my lips for another long draw. I'd thought he was just a punk kid. Too spoiled to actual y get his own hands dirty. But now there was red al over him. Red on Ebony.

  I heard the crunch of ice below boot as a dark figure approached. A familiar shamble. I saw the hard line jaw that cut through the night, even with his head bowed. He stopped a few feet in front of me and raised his chin, a cigar, blunt and aromatic, dangling with every word.

  "Got a light?"

  I pul ed my lighter from my pocket, a smile burning in my eyes.

  He narrowed his eyes. "You stil got jokes, I see. That's good--because there ain't a damn thing funny about your last few mission reports."

  I pul ed out a matchbook, struck it, and held the flame while he lit his stogie. "I'm doing the best I can, Captain."

  He didn’t look convinced. "It's been a fucking desert since Kournikova invited you over for dinner. He should have given you a bigger taste now than just intimidating folks. That ain't jack shit." He exhaled and smoke tumbled from his weathered face.

  Back at the academy, they'd cal ed Captain Wil is 'The Looker'. Not because he was a head turner that made panties drop, but because of the scar he wore. It stretched out in a pink, healed over keloid looking mass, from the corner of his bottom lip, over his nose, stopping just a few inches from his eye. He'd gotten his mark from his first undercover when things went tits up.

  He'd worked the case for months before he got his break, why was he hassling me?

  "I'm doing the best I can," I glowered, flicking my stub.

  "Your best ain't good enough," he fired back. "Been getting heat from the higher ups.

  May have to pul the plug."

  "Oh hel naw," I snapped, pushing off the wal , my body tight with anger. "Jesus, I've only been on the case a little over a month. You should know better than anyone that it takes time to build trust with these fuckers."

  "Don't lose your shit," he said his voice low and dangerous. "I took a chance on your ass...when no one was wil ing to."

  I faltered, remembering my last assignment. It had been right after Katie. I'd had the drop on some scum of the earth. A pedophile. Swiped a kid. He'd been looking down the barrel of my gun, pissing himself, and the wind coursed around us and I smel ed her. That damn vanil a and rose perfume. Sweet and warm. I only glanced away for a minute, and it was al he needed. He got the jump on me and got away. I barely clipped his shoulder. Not enough to stop him from going back to the hideout and gutting an eight year old girl. Snuffed out. And al because of me. Al because of love.

  I guess he took pity on me because he shuffled his feet. "Look kid, I know you're good at what you do. We al make mistakes." He gestured at his scar. "This was mine. But someone gave me another shot. And I wanted to give you one."

  My words came out like ice. "Then why are you threatening to pul me?"

  "It's outta my hands," he said adamantly. "Can't control it. Some loose lip prick leaked Mario's murder under Kournikova to the feds." He let out a snort. "Guess they're having a slow month."

  "Feds," I repeated, deflating. "Shit."

  Captain nodded his agreement. "They're giving us a week, then they're moving in."

  "A week?" I said incredulously.

  "Yep," he said bitterly. "Unless you got something."

  His question shot like an arrow, straight to my heart. It wasn’t a question mark as much as a pointing finger. I knew I had a tail, just in case. Bastards probably trailed Ebony. Which meant-

  "Look," Captain said measuredly. "I get it. I had an Ebony or two back in the day.

  Beautiful. Innocent. Until they're not."

  I instinctively bal ed my fist. She wasn’t some skank with a gash. Not a piece of tail to keep me warm, and him equating her and what we had to some backroom whore made me want to punch a hole in something.

  “She’s not worth it son,” he said, blowing out a plume of smoke.

  "You don't know a god damn thing about her!"

  His gray eyes steeled as he stepped forward. “I know her backwards and forwards. Her date of birth. Her parents name. Her school schedule. Thongs or panties."

  The last bit made me rush forward, knocking him back against the adjacent wal . My breathing ran away from me, my chest heaving up and down. My body was abuzz with anticipation. Ready to defend her. Ready to throw down.

  When I saw disappointment etch across his face, I knew that I'd just told him more than any photo or file. In tho
se few moments, I told him everything.

  I staggered back, my shoulders slumping.

  "You fel in love with her," he said disgustedly. "Jesus H. Christ."

  I should have combated what he was saying. Love jeopardized everything. Love complicated my ability to do my job effectively.

  I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. What could I say? Some part of me began fal ing that first day we met. From the minute we said hel o we were put on a col ision course for catastrophe.

  Captain zipped up his jacket with one single jab, not even looking at me before he turned to go. "You got one week. One week and I'm pul ing the plug."

  I watched him go, wanting to say something. To tel him that I hadn’t meant to waste my do-over, especially on the very thing that got me in trouble in the first place.

  I didn’t bother.

  He stopped a few feet away, his back stil turned. His voice carried on the wind, clear and as piercing as a bel . "You know, Romeo and Juliet didn’t live happily ever after."

  12

  EBONY

  I gazed leerily out my open bedroom door as the beat kicked in and Liani let out an "oh snap!". Like she hadn't seen it a dozen times.

  It was some kind of whack therapy for her, but it was driving me crazy; but the thought of leaving the apartment put me even more on edge.

  On the bus ride to campus, I always sat on the edge of my seat, ready to take flight if need be. In the rare event that I had to walk to my car or my apartment after dark, my finger was always on the trigger of my pepper spray. Tony offered to put me in protective custody, but there was always the string of cooperation attached. There was only so much he could do as Demetrius. But if I came forward...

  Knock knock.

  Liani popped her head in. I hated to admit that show was good for anyone, but she did look better. Her cheeks were flushed. Her dark eyes weren't so heavy.