Redemption 03 - Return

by Smalley, Gary; Kingsbury, Karen

  “Yes.” Her answer was quick, and when her eyes met his he saw tears. Tears, where he’d never seen them before. “We’re made for each other, Luke.” Her eyes grew wider, as though she were searching for the perfect way to explain herself. “We’ll have hard times, of course, but we stay together because freedom is such an…an intrinsic part of our love. We have no reason to leave each other.”

  Luke leaned back in his chair and studied her. So that was it? Love meant having no reason to leave each other? He inhaled slowly and narrowed his eyes. “We do, Lori. We have lots of reasons.”

  “What?” She crossed her arms, her face gripped with disbelief. “Name one.”

  “Well…” He hadn’t wanted to hurt her, but it was too late to lie about the fact. “I’m in love with someone else.”

  Three seconds passed, and Lori sniffed. “Okay, so date her. That doesn’t mean you have to move out.”

  “Lori…” He shook his head and made a sound that was more moan than laugh. “Who are you kidding? This whole open-relationship garbage is wrong, and you know it.” He leaned forward and tried to speak straight to her heart, to a place he hoped hadn’t really bought into the worldview she claimed so strongly. “Love—the kind of love that keeps two people together through the years—was never meant to be shared casually.”

  Her mouth hung open. “See?” She spread her fingers on the table between them. “This has Baxter morality written all over it.”

  Luke worked the muscles in his jaw. He still didn’t believe in God, didn’t want to speak to his father, and couldn’t see himself in the Baxter family ever again. But here, now, he could say nothing to refute her. “Okay…maybe. And if it does, I’m okay with that. When I get married I don’t want to wonder whether my wife is out late because she’s sleeping with some other guy. I want it to be me and her. Just the two of us. Forever.” He studied her face. “Whatever you call it, that’s what I want.”

  At first Lori looked like she might agree, maybe even beg Luke to think of her as that woman, the one he might marry and love exclusively forever. But then her eyes grew hard. “Fine.” She stood and cleared her plate. When she spoke again her back was to him. “Be gone by Saturday afternoon. I have plans that night.”

  Her words were meant to hurt him, convince him that she wasn’t damaged by his decision. Luke gave a slow nod and said nothing. If she wanted to feel that way, he could let her. “I’ll be gone by this evening.” He lifted his hands and rubbed slow circles into his temples as he stood. He needed to find his suitcase and pack. If he was lucky, he’d be finished in less than an hour and on his way to Ashley’s.

  Luke watched Lori, her back still to him. “Hey.” He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry.”

  She spun around, and her expression betrayed her sorrow. “It’s Reagan, isn’t it?”

  Luke crossed the kitchen and stopped at the doorway to the living room. “Yeah.” He slipped his hands in his pockets and met her gaze. “Yeah, it is.”

  “You’re going to be just like them, Luke.” She leaned against the counter. “Just like your father and your sisters, all the people you didn’t want to be like.”

  “We’re supposed to think about everything, right?” He anchored himself against the wall. “Think outside the box and go with our feelings, isn’t that it?”

  “Exactly.”

  “So…” He hesitated. “That’s what I did. I thought outside this—” he drew an invisible square around himself—“this box I’m in, and you know what I found?”

  She stared at him, waiting for him to continue.

  “I don’t have to agree with my family.” He took a few steps backward. “But their kind of love isn’t so bad. Not if I think outside the box.”

  The next hour went by quickly.

  Luke found his suitcase. When it came down to it, he didn’t have much at the apartment. The furnishings all belonged to Lori or her parents. He’d merely thrown some clothes together when he moved in with her.

  With each passing minute, his plans grew clearer. Ashley used priceline.com, didn’t she? She could help him book a ticket and maybe—maybe—he could leave tomorrow morning. Or at least by Sunday. Waiting around in Bloomington would do nothing to span the distance between him and Reagan. Him and his son.

  Still, his doubts remained. The hardest part was trying to imagine what Reagan would say. She obviously knew about his decision to leave his family and move in with Lori. His mother had told her that much back when she called in April.

  That was something else. Her phone call made sense now. Obviously she’d called to tell him about the baby. But when she found out how different he’d become, she begged his mother not to mention her phone call.

  If that was how she felt then, why would she feel any different now? She could slam the door in his face, refuse to let him into her life or their baby’s life. After all, he was coming fresh from living with another girl. He couldn’t blame her if that’s how she reacted. Nothing about him was the same as it had been before that awful September evening. He grabbed a stack of blue jeans and set them in the bottom of his suitcase. Not even the way he looked.

  He was about to take a handful of shirts from the closet when the idea hit him. There wasn’t much he could do about the way his beliefs had changed, his thoughts about humanity and his doubts about God. But at least she could recognize him.

  His bathroom items were still in a cupboard near the sink, and he went to them. As he reached for the cupboard, he caught a glimpse of himself. Shoulder-length, thick hair, scruffy mustache and beard.

  Why had he thought he needed to look like a sixties throwback to hold views that differed from those of his parents? He looked like a vagrant. Like one of those homeless guys who hung out near the freeway on-ramps on summer days in downtown Indianapolis. He scowled at himself. Then he stooped down, opened the cupboard, and found what he was looking for.

  An old razor and his electric shaver.

  He hadn’t shaved since moving in with Lori, but now he held the razor to his jaw and made a smooth, methodical stroke. He attacked his face until most of the longer hair was gone. Next, he plugged in the shaver. Five minutes later, not a trace of the beard and mustache remained. Before he took his things to Ashley’s house, he’d do something else—stop by the cheap hair salon near the university and get a cut.

  As he cleaned up the chunks of beard that lay on the counter, he caught his look in the mirror once more and the image shocked him. For months he’d seen himself as someone entirely different than the boy he’d been the year before. Different address, different views, different feelings for his family. But now, as he studied his reflection, he saw the Luke he’d left behind. Not only along the clean-shaven lines of his chin and jaw and lips.

  But in the soft light in his eyes as well.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  KARI HAD BEEN LOOKING forward to this day for a month.

  She and Ryan had been swamped with family get-togethers and dinner parties and wedding details almost constantly since they’d announced their engagement. Now summer was almost over, and they still hadn’t taken a day for themselves. Because of that, they made this plan.

  One week before the big Labor Day Baxter picnic, they’d slip away—just the two of them—and spend a day fishing at Lake Monroe. The way they’d done so often back when they were teenagers, back when they knew as surely as they knew the seasons that no matter what else happened in life, the two of them would be together.

  They chose a Saturday because Ryan was using the weekdays to run his high school football players through weight training and drills. And though it would be busier than usual on the shore, Kari wasn’t concerned. She and Ryan wouldn’t be on the shore. They’d be on Ryan’s boat, lost somewhere out in the lake in a place and time where the past would feel whisper close, and the future a heartbeat away.

  The morning dawned bright and warm, and just after breakfast Ryan knocked on the door.

  “Daddy’s here, Jessie.”
Kari raised her eyebrows at her daughter as she headed toward the front of the house. They’d been teaching Jessie to call Ryan by the name she was bound to call him the rest of her life. Ryan already had the papers in order, and once they returned from their honeymoon he planned to start the adoption proceedings. By this time next year, it would be official.

  He would be Jessie’s father.

  Jessie scampered to the door. When Kari opened it, her daughter held her hands up and gave Ryan a toothy grin. “Daddy!”

  Ryan looked tanned in his tank top and shorts, much like the boy who had first captured her attention so many years ago. He leaned close and gave Kari a quick kiss, then he bent over and swept Jessie into his arms. “How’re my favorite girls?”

  Jessie brought her hands to his face and touched his cheeks, his nose. “Daddy love?”

  “That’s right, baby.” He nuzzled his cheek against hers. “Daddy loves you.”

  Kari watched. Would she ever get used to seeing Ryan Taylor loving her daughter, claiming her as his own? How good God was to let their painful past come to this. She grabbed a bag with juice drinks and diapers and playthings for Jessie and nodded toward the door. “We’re ready.”

  “Good.” He shifted Jessie to his other side and pulled Kari into a quick hug. His eyes met hers, and his love for her was as real as his presence. “I can’t wait to get out on the water.”

  They took Jessie to her parents’ house, and Kari gave her mother instructions about naptime and Jessie’s favorite foods.

  “Where’s John?” Ryan raised his eyebrows as he moved past Kari and her mother.

  “Out back.” Elizabeth took Jessie from Kari’s arms. “Working on a few loose sections of the porch railing. He wants the yard perfect for the wedding.”

  Ryan headed outside and Kari turned to her mother. “Is Cole coming over?”

  A curious look filled her eyes. “I’m not sure. Ashley hasn’t been around much.”

  “But it’s the weekend. Doesn’t she usually bring him over so she can paint outside?”

  “Usually.” Her mother gave a slow shake of her head. “But something’s eating her. Ever since she got back from New York.”

  “The gallery took her paintings again, right?” Kari ran the back of her finger absently over Jessie’s cheek. The baby had her pacifier and was enjoying being held by her grandma.

  “Definitely. They want more, as many more as Ashley can get them.”

  Kari shrugged. “Maybe she’s stressed. I mean, she’s still working at Sunset Hills, and now to have to produce like that. Her art’s never been something she’s had to churn out.”

  “That could be it.” Jessie squirmed and stretched her arms toward the floor. “Okay, little one.” Kari’s mother set the little girl down and patted the top of her head. “You’re as busy as your mother was at that age.” Her eyes lifted to Kari’s, and she hesitated. “To be honest, Ashley’s worrying me. As much as she’s struggled in the past, these should be the best days of her life. She and Landon are doing well; her art’s being discovered. She has a great relationship with Cole and us and the rest of you.” She hesitated. “Her distance lately doesn’t figure.”

  “Maybe she’s upset about Luke.” Kari cocked her head. “I think the two of them still talk.”

  “If they do, she doesn’t tell us about it.”

  Kari paused. “He still hasn’t called?”

  “No.” Her mother’s eyes grew misty and her smile faded. “Your father misses him so much.”

  A flash of anger stilled the busy places in Kari’s heart. “Maybe I need to talk to him.”

  “He won’t take your call. The last few times we’ve tried, he doesn’t answer the phone.”

  “That’s ridiculous.” Kari put her hand on her mother’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t know it had gotten that bad.”

  “He’ll come around.” She forced a smile and took a few steps toward Jessie. “I have to believe that. Your father believes it, too.”

  “If Ashley comes by this afternoon, tell her to hang out and wait for us to get back. Maybe she knows something.” Kari heard the back door open and turned to see Ryan and her father coming inside.

  “Today’s the big lake day, huh?” Her father came to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “You two have a great time.” He winked at Ryan. “Don’t spend the day talking about mints and party favors.”

  An hour later they were in Ryan’s boat, pushing off from the dock at the country club. It was just before ten o’clock, and they had the entire day together. Kari took the seat at the back of the boat and stared at the tree-lined shore as they idled out toward the lake’s center.

  “It’s gorgeous.” She made her voice loud enough for him to hear. “I should’ve brought my sunglasses.”

  He took his off and held them up. “Want these?”

  “No, thanks. I have a visor in my bag.”

  “Okay.” He slipped them back on and opened the throttle.

  It felt like a lifetime ago that she and Ryan went out on this boat on a cool winter day, back when Tim was still alive, back when he was living with one of his college students. Now his killer was about to have his day in court, and the newspapers claimed it would be an easy win for the prosecution.

  They were halfway across the lake when Ryan reduced their speed and gave his seat a partial turn so he could see her. “What’re you thinking about?”

  It was early, and this far out the lake was quiet. Kari leaned her head to one side and smiled at him. “Life…how strange it is. How sad about Tim and the college kid who killed him. The boy’s trial starts in late October. At least that’s what the district attorney told me last time he called.”

  Ryan directed his gaze toward the front of the boat once more. They still had a way to go before they reached their favorite spot, so he opened up the throttle and crossed the water to a quiet cove near the distant shore. It was a place they’d come to before, in Ryan’s rowboat as kids, and then when Kari’s world was so uncertain.

  Ryan cut the engine and faced her fully. “I wish they didn’t have to use you as a witness at the trial.”

  “It’ll be brief.” Kari stood and stretched. She made her way to the chair beside his and turned so their knees were touching. “They want me to make it clear that Tim didn’t have an idea he was being stalked. That the guy was definitely lying in wait, that he surprised Tim.”

  “I know.” Ryan leaned back and angled his face toward the sun. “I just wish you didn’t have to do it. The past few years have been hard enough.”

  Kari rested her elbows on her knees and laced her fingers together. “The past several months haven’t been that bad.”

  “True…” Ryan looked at her and a smile played on his lips. She couldn’t see his eyes through his sunglasses, but she could still read his expression, the way he felt about her. “Who would’ve thought we’d have this day?”

  “Even after Tim died, I figured you’d move on.” She drew a slow breath and closed her eyes. The breeze off the lake played against her face and eased the hectic pace they’d fallen into lately. “As though somehow I’d already lost my chance to love you.”

  He took gentle hold of her legs and rubbed his thumbs along the sides of her knees. “Crazy Kari girl. You always assumed the worst.”

  They were quiet, and Kari’s memories returned with a rush. She looked at Ryan and saw he was watching her. “I was thinking about my graduation party.”

  He smiled, but even now a tinge of sadness played on his expression. “We were both so stupid.”

  “We were.” She settled back against the boat chair and covered his hands with hers. She tilted her chin and looked at him again. “When was the first time you knew you loved me?”

  Ryan let his head fall back some, and a teasing look played at the corners of his lips. “Really?”

  “Yes.” Kari pulled her legs up beside her and leaned on the arm of the chair. “Do you remember?”

  He pursed his lip
s and gave a slow nod of his head. “Like it was yesterday.”

  “So tell me.” An eagle soared overhead and disappeared into the trees that bordered the cove.

  “Okay.” He gazed at the spot in the sky where the eagle had been. “I had that truck, the one I drove back in high school.”

  “Mm-hmm.” She loved this, sitting here suspended in time, walking through a million yesterdays.

  “That one summer—you were fifteen, I think—I’d park it in my driveway, and you and I would climb in the back and watch the stars.”

  “We’d sit shoulder to shoulder for hours.” A smile filled her heart at the memory.

  “And one night, I’m not sure what we were talking about, but it was late, you had to get home. And before you left, I leaned over and kissed you. Remember?”

  “Yes.” Even now Kari savored the moment as clearly as if it had just happened. Her cheeks tingled, and she absently ran her fingertips over them. “I couldn’t sleep a bit that night.”

  “I liked you before that…being with you, hanging out at the lake. Playing catch in the street.” He wove his fingers between hers and gave her hands a slight squeeze. “But after that kiss, I knew you had me. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I never did.”

  “Really?” The sun was moving higher in the sky. Kari shaded her eyes so she could see his face better.

  “Never, Kari girl.” He leaned forward and worked his fingers along the side of her face, deep into her hair. “Okay.” His voice fell a notch. “Your turn.”

  Kari put her free hand around his neck and kissed him. Not a long kiss, but one filled with passion all the same. The passion of remembering the places where their love first began. When she drew back she leveled her gaze at him. “You want to know when I first fell for you; is that it?”

  “Yep. I bet it was the time the guys and I noticed you at the drinking fountain your first year at Bloomington High.”