by Ava Wood
Pounding.
Oh good, quiet.
Pounding.
Damn it, what is that?
Pounding. “Talia, it’s Camey?”
Talia opened one eye, trying to figure out where she was. Everything in her hurt. Every joint felt stiff and her stomach was dancing in circles. And with every knock on the door her head felt like it might explode.
“Talia. Open up.” Camey began pounding on the door again.
“I’m coming,” she called. “Just stop pounding on the damn door.” She stumbled through the apartment, wondering where she’d left her shoes. The floor was freezing and did nothing to help her monster hangover. She eased the door open, leaning her head against the cool surface trying to ease the beating her head was undertaking. “What do you want?” She could barely stand opening her eyes.
“Maybe you want to come to work today?” Camey stepped inside, assessing the apartment. “Did you get drunk last night?”
Talia touched her finger to her nose. “Bingo.” She pushed the door shut and fell back into the recliner. “Would you like a drink?”
“Talia, no.” Camey took the bottle from her and carried it to the kitchen. “This isn’t helping anything.”
“Bah.” She let her head fall against the chair and closed her eyes. “What time is it anyway?”
Camey spoke from next to her chair, “It’s noon.”
“Noon?” Talia jumped from her chair but immediately regretted it, grabbing her head and falling back to the cushion below. “Bad idea.”
“I’ll get some coffee going.” Camey returned to the kitchen and began knocking around dishes.
“You mind keeping it down in there? Hangover here.”
“Ha. Not likely.”
“Bitch,” Talia muttered. She knew Camey was being hard on her, but she also knew she deserved it. Alcohol never solved anything. She just had to find a way to stop thinking about Landon and move on. With a little time, maybe she could find it in her heart to forgive him enough to begin a new life without him.
“Here. I’m going to go back downstairs and help out until you get your shit together.”
“I’ll be down shortly.”
“Forget it. Take the day. We can handle things.” Camey walked out of the apartment, deliberately slamming the door behind her.
“Bitch,” Talia sniggered, knowing Camey meant well. She couldn’t afford to push them away again. They were the only thing she had left here. She’d turn things around, find some way to forgive them, and make up for the past.
“You shouldn’t have come here. What if Talia comes outside?” Camey stood in the back alley, trying to hurry things along.
“Look, just put this card with the flowers we talked about.” Landon handed her an envelope and looked back and forth in the alley.
“Where’s your bike?”
“I parked a block over. I didn’t want Tal hearing it and getting upset.”
Camey nodded and gripped the doorknob. “She’s not going to like that I did this again. She didn’t take the last bouquet so well.”
“What do you mean?”
“She drank a quarter of a bottle of tequila and slept ‘til noon.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Landon began pacing, watching the back door with every step.
“What good would it have done?” Camey grabbed his arm. “She’s got to do this on her own now. At least until she forgives you. Just give her time. I know she loves you.”
Landon chortled.
“I think the tequila was a good indicator of that.”
“I suppose.” Landon was still watching the back door. “She’s so damn close I can almost smell her.” His hand reached for the door. “I just wish I could touch her again.”
Camey looked at the crease in his brow, the wrinkles at the corner of his eyes. “Hopefully soon.” She brushed her hand over his arm. “I’ve gotta go. I hope this works.” She held up his card and slipped back inside.
Talia was darting around the shop filling the dozens of orders that kept streaming in. Work had really picked up since Marisa’s wedding. Camey was glad Talia had something to drown her sorrows in during the day, but she was fairly certain that Talia’s nights weren’t so easy. Every morning, Talia came down with bags under her eyes and a monster cup of coffee in her hand. Her hair always looked like a tangled mess hiding under that overgrown stocking cap. Camey was certain she’d succumb to many sleepless nights and she wished there was something she could do to help. She hoped the flowers Landon planned would help her find forgiveness in her heart.
Sneaking in the freezer, she found the crimson arrangement she’d hidden in the corner earlier that morning. She couldn’t risk Talia seeing it and asking questions. Slipping the card in between the peony and rose blooms, she carried it carefully through the cooler. Poking her head out, she made sure Talia hadn’t made her way downstairs before she slipped the blooms onto the worktable and headed out the back door for another delivery.
“What is this?” Talia carried the collection of peonies and roses toward Camey.
“Flowers.” Camey laughed and walked away, but Talia followed right behind her.
“You can’t keep doing this.”
“Doing what, Talia? They’re just flowers.”
“How do you expect me to get over him if you keep helping him weasel his way back into my life?”
“Why do you have to get over him?” Camey took the flowers from Talia’s hands and set them out of the way. “It’s been a week and a half. You really have no desire to forgive him?”
“It’s not forgiving him that’s the problem. It’s trying to forget what he was. It’s too much.” Talia still may not have been sleeping well at night, but it had finally started to hurt a little less at work each day. The card he left with the flowers completely ruined that for her.
Petal,
Here’s hoping these flowers can find a way to heal our love.
-Landon
“Try.”
It was such a powerful word. Landon had asked her to try so many times. Now Camey was asking her to try and forget. She just wanted to be who she was without having to change. She needed to be enough on her own. She had to be enough, if not for anyone else, for herself.
Chapter 17
Someday
It had been a little over a month since the breakup with Landon and a little over two weeks since the last bouquet of flowers, a bouquet of forget-me-nots. There had been three arrangements in all, and, unbeknownst to Camey or any of the other girls, Talia had kept one stem from each of the bouquets to preserve them in her spare bathroom. As much as she tried, there was no forgetting Landon. The words on that final card still resonated in her mind.
Love always.
-Landon
Trying to clear her mind, she set to cleaning the apartment yet again. The girls were all out, celebrating the Fourth of July under the stars. Reina and Wade had invited Camey and Sara to the lake to watch the fireworks over the water. They’d invited her too, but she didn’t feel like raining on their parade, so she was at home, cleaning. She’d rearranged the furniture in the living room and scrubbed all of the kitchen and bathroom surfaces. She was just about to clean under her bed when her phone rang. When she checked the caller ID she found a much-needed surprise. “Daddy?”
“Hi, angel,” his deep voice rumbled through the line.
“It must be the middle of the night there, Daddy. Is everything okay?”
“Fine. Fine. I just couldn’t sleep. Thinking about fireworks. You know the Fourth of July was always my favorite, watching your face light up every time those colors erupted in the sky.”
Talia remembered many holidays lying under the stars with her head in her father’s lap, watching the giant stars exploding in the sky. She remembered how she felt with her father’s massive arms holding her each time one thundered just a little too loud. “I miss you, Daddy.”
“I miss you too, angel.” His voice had grown a little somber and he stopped for a
moment. Talia thought she heard her father sniffle before he asked, “How are things?”
“The shop is good. We’ve had quite a bit of new business since Marissa’s wedding. Everyone loved our work.”
“As they should. I have two very talented daughters. I knew I was leaving the shop in good hands when I moved out here.”
Talia still wished her father hadn’t moved to Spain, but he needed new scenery and, without that move, he never would’ve met his current wife, Blanca. “You’re too good to us, you know that?”
“Bah. A father can never be too good to his daughters. How are you both?”
“Sara’s good. She’s out at the lake with Camey and Reina watching the fireworks now.”
“And why aren’t you with them?”
Tears prickled Talia’s eyes. “Didn’t feel like it.” She breathed through her nose, pressing the urge to cry down to the pit of her stomach.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing, Daddy. I’m fine.”
“Talia,” his voice rebuked. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I’m just miserable, Daddy.” The waterworks started and there was no switch to shut them off. “I fell in love with a man who has a less-than-desirable past, but I can’t stop thinking about him.”
“Talia, I raised you better than to judge someone for their past. What is so horrible that you can’t see past it?”
Her father had raised her to be open minded and forgiving. She knew her stubbornness must have come from her mother, but she would never admit that to her father. “He was an escort.” Talia heard her father choking on the other end of the line. “Daddy, are you okay?” She chuckled. For the first time in a long time, she briefly found humor in their situation.
“I wasn’t expecting that.”
“I wasn’t either.” She wiped at the tears she continued to cry. Talking to her father just set all of her emotions spinning.
“Well, you said it’s in his past. You’re certain he’s given it up?” Her father didn’t sound as agreeable, but he would never admit to placing judgment on a soul alive.
“He said he has and I believe him.” She didn’t realize it before, but she knew he had never lied to her.
“And you love him,” he coughed.
She took a moment to think about the only time she’d said the words to Landon. She knew the answer then just as much as she knew now. “Yes, Daddy. I do.”
“Well suck it up, Buttercup. If you can’t forgive him for something that happened before you met him, then I’m sorry, my dear, but you don’t deserve him.”
Talia knew her father was a smart man, but she wasn’t sure the situation was so black and white. She said the only honest thing she could think, “I’ll try.”
“I know you will.” Her father cleared his throat then continued. “I love you, my dear. Give my love to your sister and tell her I’ll be in touch soon.”
“I will, Daddy. I love you, too.” She set the phone on her bed, crawled to the headboard, and pulled her legs up in front of her. Placing her cheek on her knees, she tried to suppress the tears. She promised her father she’d try, but she worried it might be too late. She hadn’t heard a word from Landon in over two weeks and she worried he’d finally given up on her, with good reason. She couldn’t think about it anymore tonight.
She climbed from the bed and decided to go for a walk. Some fresh air might do her some good. She went in search of her tennis shoes, but there was only one in the closet. Trying to recall the last time she’d worn them, she remembered her tryst with Landon after their disaster run.
On her knees, she dug under her bed and found her missing shoe as well as Landon’s old TCU sweatshirt. She snatched it from the floor and inhaled his scent that still lingered on the fabric. “Stupid. You’re supposed to be clearing your head, not muddying it up more.” She dropped the shirt and headed out of the apartment for a walk through the neighborhood.
Fireworks exploded overhead, but Talia kept her head focused on the road in front of her. The bursting colors were overwhelming. She needed the darkness and some peace and quiet. Several blocks from home she came across a newer apartment complex. A man stood outside of his apartment hugging a woman just inside the door and Talia couldn’t help but stare. He was tall and built, his black t-shirt stretched across his back and clinging to his biceps like Landon’s always did. And his wheat-colored hair flipped in the gentle summer breeze. From behind, he could easily have been Landon, but Talia knew it was too coincidental. She convinced herself it wasn’t him until he turned around and those sapphire eyes bore into her.
“Talia?” Landon looked like a vision in his coal shirt and dark denim jeans.
“Oh, hi.” Her heart raced seeing him again. “Are you, uh…?” She stared at the door, scared to ask what she was thinking. She breathed deep and blurted out, “You just coming from a job?” Her heart broke imagining him with another woman.
Landon glanced at the door behind him before turning back to her. “Oh, Talia, no.” Thumbing toward the door behind him, he uttered, “That was my sister.”
She recalled the things he’d said about his sister, how their relationship was non-existent and doubt crept in. “It’s okay. I didn’t expect you to wait around for me. I understand if you went back to … that.” She dropped her head, but his hand gently lifted her eyes to his.
Those crystal blue orbs haunted her as she watched his internal struggle tarnish his face. She could see he was searching for something when he spoke, “But I didn’t. I gave it all up the day I met you. I couldn’t go back to that life.” His face tensed as he stared at her, his arm lifting in her direction a couple times, but never reaching her. “No one could ever replace you.”
“You don’t have to say that.” His words felt like an appeasement, like he was only trying to ease the pain she felt since their breakup.
“Yes, I do, because it’s the truth.”
Talia nodded, but she realized she was still staring at the door. She was troubled with the idea that there could have easily been someone else. “I should go.”
“Talia, wait.”
She headed down the sidewalk, not looking back, trying to hide the tears that were coming.
“Petal.”
She felt his hands on her shoulders as that one word caused her tears to spill out. Shaking her head, she wished he’d let her go. When she paused to wipe at her tears, he moved in front of her.
“Why are you crying?”
She sobbed uncontrollably, biting her lip in an effort to ease the tears, but they just wouldn’t stop. His arms wrapped around her and she fell into them, wishing things could go back to the way they were. Her father’s words festered, reminding her that if she couldn’t forgive him, she didn’t deserve him. She wanted so badly to deserve him, but she didn’t know how she ever could.
Landon pulled her closer before whispering, “God, I’ve missed you.” He pressed his lips to her forehead before he pulled back to look at her again. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”
“I can’t.” She was retreating back into her fear, taking a few steps away from him. The stream of tears poured down her face. “I have to go.”
“Talia, please.”
She was still back pedaling, straining to see his deep blue eyes through her tears.
“Can I at least walk with you?” When she hesitated to answer, he added, “It’s late and people are crazy tonight. Let me make sure you get home safe.”
She wiped at her cheeks and for some unknown reason whispered, “Okay.”
“Are you sure I can’t take you somewhere, maybe get you a bite to eat?”
It was refreshing that he still persevered where she was concerned. The thought that he hadn’t yet given up on her helped to ease her crying. “I suppose I could eat.”
“Come on.” He took her hand and led her around the corner.
With her free hand, she wiped away the last of the tearstains, willing herself to get it together. When he opened the p
assenger door of a dark green Jeep, Talia merely looked at him. “Whose is this?”
“It’s mine.”
“Where’s your bike?” She actually found herself longing for a ride with him, to wrap her arms tightly around him.
“Sold it.”
“You sold it. Why? Have you lost your mind?” She leaned against the Jeep, looking up at the sad expression haunting his face.
“No, I just lost you.” His arm was hanging on the door as he looked up the street. “Just get in, okay?”
“Yeah.” She climbed inside and sat trembling, waiting for him to join her. Her nerves had her feeling like she was back in junior high, on her first date. She was tapping her foot and clinging to the door when he finally got in the driver’s seat and the Jeep thundered to life.
“So what are you in the mood for?” He stared at the street ahead, evidently avoiding her.
“How about a nice, juicy burger?” A coy smile crept on her face.
He looked her way and smiled. “You got it.” Putting the Jeep in gear, he headed to their favorite burger joint.
The silence in the Jeep was intense, but she was thankful for the time to gather her thoughts. She had to figure out what to say to him, to get the answers she was finally ready to hear. At the diner, she quietly got out of the Jeep and followed him inside.
When the waitress appeared, he quickly ordered their usual and sent her away. He quietly drummed his fingers on the table, staring out the window.
Talia leaned into the table and whispered, “Are you okay?”
“I’m just scared.”
“Of what?” His response surprised her.
“That I’m going to look back across the table and you’ll be gone.” He glanced at her before looking down at his hands. “I keep having this nightmare that you’re here with me, smiling, but when I look back, the booth is empty. It’s just me. Alone.”
“I see your eyes every time I close mine.” She couldn’t believe she’d actually said the words out loud, but it was the truth.