Ions Of Luck

by Markus Fredericks

  Danny pondered about it momentarily before he replied, “Gee – I kind of overlooked that minor detail. You’re 100% right. Even if my face looks just like the rich writer, my scruffy appearance would raise some red flags. I know you’re hurting for money at this time, but can you help me buy some suitable clothes? I can see that you are several sizes larger than I am – otherwise, I’d just borrow some of your clothes.”

  “Don’t worry – I can come up with enough cash to get you dressed correctly. You are my partner, and I need to invest in you. Danny, keep in mind that what we propose to do is very illegal, even though it can be morally justified. I want to take no unnecessary chances, and we need to pay attention to the smallest details to pull this off. Let’s go back to the computer, and dig up some more information and photos of the famous Danny Donaldson. We can look at his website and other celebrity photo sites. We also need to go back to the Bank of America site. I need you to see if your social security number is the same as his, and we need to get an exact street address of his home. I want you to learn as much as possible about him. We also need to hack into his e-mail to learn more about the people he’s been interacting with. Before we barge into the bank like a couple of thieves, I want you to learn more about the famous version of Danny Donaldson than he knows about himself. You may look like his clone, but you are a long ways off from being able to become his imposter. Literally, if his wife, Jessica, were to run up to you and give you hugs and kisses, I don’t want her to notice any difference. If we do our due diligence, we might be able to make our withdrawal in about a week.”

  Danny understood the importance of preparation. Besides, he rather fancied the idea of hugging and kissing Jessica Hart – or correction: make that, ‘Mrs. Jessica Donaldson’, instead.

  Danny spent hours taking notes and studying photos of the famous celebrity. Fortunately, Danny’s basic, short-cropped hairdo was nearly identical to the online photos of the celebrity. Still, they knew they had much work to do. When Aldo excused himself to contact Key Bank by phone, Danny made a slight detour online to feast his eyes on the parallel universe’s Jessica.

  Danny thought to himself, “My God – she’s now even more gorgeous than ever, but she still has that same radiant smile and clear blue eyes. Jessica is the girl of my dreams – and then some.”

  After five minutes of drooling over Jessica’s photos, Aldo returned to the room. He had a serious look on his face.

  “I just got off the phone with the branch manager of the bank. I didn’t mention any names – I simply requested some general information on procedures. I told him that I was a longtime, well-known bank member who everyone there knew by name, but I had the misfortune of losing my wallet with photo ID in it. I asked if I could make any withdrawal at all without ID. I was told, ‘no problem’, and that I could make an emergency withdrawal until I got my photo ID re-issued. However, without official ID, the maximum they will allow one to withdraw is only $100. I mentioned about my plan to make a large grant to a college, and I was told such a transaction would need to be notarized. The man I spoke to said he wouldn’t even notarize a document for his own mother if she forgot her ID at home. So, Danny, we need to re-think our plan. The best way for you to get all the necessary identification is to steal it from his Mercer Island residence. Danny, are you up for the task?”

  Danny felt a nervous twinge of anxiety, but then he glanced one more time at the photos of the lovely Jessica. He said, “Sure – you can definitely count me in.”

  Danny wasn’t a particularly tricky, scheming type, so he relied on Aldo’s ingenuity to formulate a plan. Aldo suggested, “Let’s try to hack into his private e-mail. At least we can learn much of his inside information from his online account at Bank of America.”

  Within a few minutes, Aldo was able to access the famous Danny Donaldson’s private e-mail file. He said, “OK – I hope this will give us some pertinent information.”

  After sorting through a couple hundred useless e-mails – mostly spam, along with multiple solicitations for charitable donations – Aldo announced, “Hey, Danny – I think I found something of interest… First, here’s an e-mail from Amy’s Limousine Service confirming that they will pick him up tomorrow morning at 8:00 AM sharp. They’re taking him to the airport. They also confirm that they will be picking him up when he returns exactly one week later.”

  “That means that no one will miss him for a whole week,” commented Danny. “That gives us plenty of time to take care of business. So, what else can you dig up by reading his e-mail?”

  Aldo was gaining confidence as the wheels were rapidly turning in his mind… “I see that he’s taking a first class flight to the Cayman Islands, and that he’ll be traveling alone.”

  “Aldo, I recall that in my world, lots of criminals do their banking at the Cayman Islands for some odd reason.”

  “The same is true about the Cayman Island banks in my world too,” replied Aldo. “I wonder what this guy is really up to. One thing seems for sure – his wife, Jessica, will be staying at home… Look at this – here is an e-mail that Mr. Donaldson sent to his wife, Jessica. Oddly enough, it says he needs to visit his publisher in New York City. What a freakin’ liar he is.”

  “Gee – this lucky guy has everything anyone could ever dream of, so why would he need to lie to his beautiful wife? Aldo, see if you can find out anything else of interest.”

  After several more minutes of scrolling down old e-mail files, Aldo said, “Bingo – I think this will explain a lot.”

  It was an e-mail he had received from a girl named, ‘Babs’. The message said, “Hi, Danny dear – My flight just landed. I’m staying at the Grand Cayman Hilton. They gave me a big suite with a huge Jacuzzi we can share. I’ll pick you up at the airport, and we can open that bank account we spoke about. Eternally yours, your squeeze-bunny, Babs.”

  Aldo opened the attached file which came with the e-mail. He said, “Wow, take a look at this photo – this Babs is a real looker. Check out that equipment of hers in that skimpy, lime-green bikini.”

  Danny felt sorry for the wife, Jessica... “Imagine that – a guy with everything, including the girl of his dreams – make that, ‘the girl of MY dreams’, and he has to cheat on her. What a lousy scumbag.”

  “All I know is that easy money often turns good men into total jerks,” said Aldo. “It must be another one of those natural laws of physics.”

  “OK, we sure have learned a lot in short time, but it looks like we might have to act by tomorrow morning. So, what’s the plan, coach?”

  “I’m not sure yet. I know I can’t think on an empty stomach. Let’s just grab some burgers and fries at Dick’s Drive-in, and then let’s go case out the guy’s house on Mercer Island. I want to see what we’re up against.”

  “Sounds great, coach. Let me get my shoes on. Say – where are those sunglasses you said I could borrow?”

  They ate their burgers as Aldo drove his Toyota towards the I-90 Bridge. Danny was amazed that a Dick’s Deluxe tasted exactly the same in both worlds – and the fries were also identically cut from potatoes with the peel left on.

  When they drove down the winding road towards the property, they marveled at the beautiful lake view and plush, expensive homes in the exclusive neighborhood. They easily recognized the Donaldson’s residence since they had seen photos of it online, but much of the house was concealed by a tall, stone fence with wrought iron gate. It had a quaint, cobblestone driveway.

  “Check out that security system over to the left. They have a camera, with two-way phone, a small, numeric key pad, and a fingerprint identification system. The little sign above it says: Entry only by entering the correct numeric code or by fingerprint recognition. How convenient – I guess you’ll have no problem getting inside,” when suddenly they were both startled by the loud barking of two, angry-looking Rottweiler dogs jumping towards the closed, security gate.

  “We better get going before someone comes to check up on us,” said Dan
ny.

  “Yeah – we’re out of here. I’ve seen enough. Let’s go back to my house to lay out the battle plan.”

  “I’m with you all the way,” replied Danny.

  Aldo turned on the car radio to an ‘oldies station’ as he remained deep in thought while he drove home. Danny privately noted that even the same music hits were popular in both of the parallel worlds.

  When they got back to Aldo’s house, he locked the door behind him and invited Danny into the living room. He said, “I’ve got it – here’s the plan… Tomorrow morning, we need to be there early enough and intercept the limo as it heads towards his house. When I stage a light, fender bender accident, the limo driver will surely pull over to the side of the road to inspect the damage. I’ll get you a supply of chloroform for you to soak into a rag, and smother the driver’s face from behind while I point to the damage sustained. When he’s completely unconscious, we’ll stuff him into the trunk of the limo. If he happens to be wearing a limo driver’s company cap, I’ll put it on and act as though I’m the limo driver. I want you to park my car a few blocks away in an inconspicuous spot. Next, I want you to climb into the large, passenger section of the limo, and hide behind the dark, smoked windows with a chloroform-soaked rag. As soon as I open the rear door for the rich Mr. Donaldson to enter, you need to smother him with the chloroform as well. Once he’s unconscious, you need to exchange clothes with him – and don’t forget to take his fancy Rolex watch. All of his ID should be in his wallet, and his plane ticket and passport should be in his suitcase.”

  “Say, coach,” interrupted Danny, “This is cool stuff. I’m really impressed.”

  “Thanks for the compliment, but please allow me to finish. Here’s the rest of the plan… We’ll switch back to my car and leave the limo ditched with just the limo driver. We need to load the unconscious, rich Danny into my Toyota’s trunk. Next, we’ll head back to my house where I’ll set him up with an IV bag to keep him safely sedated. I need to round up all those supplies tonight from the University Hospital, where I still have good access. We can keep our rich guest sleeping safely for a day or two while we take care of our banking withdrawal. After we split up the money, I’ll drive you to the airport, and you can catch the next flight to the Cayman Islands. That’s the perfect place for you to end up. I’ll bet over there, you can easily find some forger who can set you up with a brand new name and ID. If I were you, I’d recommend you have a little fun with his girl, Babs, while you’re down there. Once you’ve gotten a 48 hour head start, I’ll leave the sedated, ‘rich Danny’, somewhere away from my house. He’ll wake up a few hours later, and return home.”

  “Boy, you sure can come up with quite the plan,” said a very impressed Danny. “I totally love it. At this moment, I’m a lost man without an identity from another universe. Just prior to that, I was a cripple facing eviction. Now, I can have a healthy, wealthy, fulfilling life thanks to your plan. I’d be forever grateful.”

  “I’m grateful too. I can save my house from foreclosure and keep my experimental lab. I still hope to communicate with my Mama Cecelia someday. I’m very fortunate to have met you, but you know what I really like best about this plan?”

  “No. What’s your favorite part?”

  “I don’t have to waste any of my money on buying you some fancy clothes. You can just wear the rich Mr. Donaldson’s designer clothes when you go to the bank. In case you didn’t already know, I’m really a frugal cheapskate at heart. Anyway, I just want you to hang out around my house while I’m gone. I need to smuggle out a bottle of chloroform and other supplies from of the university tonight.”

  “I’ll just stay here and learn as much as I can about my rich, alter-ego. Have a safe trip, Aldo.”

  “Thanks, Danny.”

  While Danny was alone at the house, he continued to study his notes so that he had all the pertinent information memorized, including: the Mercer Island home address, his home telephone number, smart phone number, and the like. He noticed that the rich Danny’s social security number was almost the same as his own, but inexplicably the last digit was one number bigger.

  Danny searched for more information and found out that the names of the two, scary Rottweiler dogs were: ‘Killjoy’ and ‘Chomps’… “That tidbit of information could come in handy.” However, he spent most of his time ogling at any pictures he could find of the girl of his dreams: Jessica Sweet Hart.

  Meanwhile, Aldo completely struck out in terms of locating Chloroform and some suitable, safe anesthetics. He consulted with one of the registered nurses he knew from the University Hospital staff regarding sedation, but she quickly convinced him that any drug induced unconsciousness was extremely risky business if administered by a novice. Aldo knew that if he accidentally killed the ‘rich Danny’, the ‘other Danny’s’ life could be jeopardized, so he decided to secretly change plans…

  “Danny’s a nice, non-violent sort of guy,” Aldo muttered to himself as he drove back home. “I’ll just get an unmarked, glass bottle of tap-water, and tell Danny that it’s chloroform. When he goes to smother the limo driver with the water-soaked rag, I’ll just bail him out of trouble by kicking the chauffer in the gut, and then knocking him out with a hard chop to the back of his neck. I don’t mind getting down and dirty when it involves developing a new means of communication with my precious mother, Mama Cecelia.”

  As Aldo continued to drive he came up with a ‘plan B’ for handling the sedation of the rich boy… “I can’t take a chance of trying to set up our captive with an anesthetic IV, since I could easily either give him too much of the sedative, or even worse – not enough of the stuff, and have him wake up at an inopportune time. That’s too bad for Mr. Donaldson, but I’m just going to have to keep him thoroughly restrained with ropes and duct tape. If I could just buy chloroform and everything else at the local drugstore, then everything would be quite civilized – but no such luck. Thus, the lucky turd is going to have to suffer a bit – but at least his suffering will be ‘in the name of science’.”

  When Aldo returned home a few hours later, Danny heard him unlocking the front door. An embarrassed Danny quickly clicked away from the computer page showing Jessica’s photos. In an instant, he clicked onto the page showing the rich Mr. Donaldson’s personal e-mail. Danny asked, “So, did you manage to get a hold of chloroform and the sedation materials?”

  A fibbing Aldo said, “You know I did. There’s no way I was coming back empty handed. Here’s a bottle of the chloroform. Be sure you don’t inhale any of it yourself. Just liberally douse a hand-towel with it and cover the limo driver’s face. He’ll be out like a light. You can repeat the process on our precious, lucky jerk when he climbs into the back of the limo.”

  Next, Aldo brought out a small cardboard box with several plastic flasks of clear fluid. He fibbed again as he said, “I’ll hook up one of these flasks to a tube, and stick an IV into the guy’s arm. That will keep him sleeping like a baby while we make our withdrawal at the bank.”

  “I’m glad to see that you are so thorough, and that you pay such close attention to detail,” said Danny with appreciation.

  “It’s all just like a game of Chess – you just have to plan several moves ahead.”

  Danny smiled and nodded in agreement with Aldo’s Chess analogy, although he was privately thinking, “Actually, I prefer to think of this shenanigan as more of a Poker game. For now, I think I’ll just play along and act like I’m willing to scram to the Cayman Islands, and enjoy life with a bunch of money and a hot chick named, ‘Babs’. Admittedly, that probably would be the smartest thing for me to do. However, my mind is already made up. As dumb as it may seem, I’d risk anything and everything for the chance of winning over the one girl that I’ve always been in love with, Jessica Sweet Hart. She’s my one and only, true sweetheart.”

  5

  Bright and early, the duo left in Aldo’s Toyota, and headed towards Mercer Island. They found an ideal alcove situated at a curve in the road,
not far from the famous Danny’s house. They parked the car and waited. Aldo said, “This is a dead end street which doesn’t get a lot of traffic, and we can see the limo approaching from a quarter mile away. Remember to smother his face with the chloroform-soaked rag right when I’m showing him the extent of the damage.”

  “You got it, coach.”

  At 7:55 AM, Danny spotted a black, stretch limo heading towards them. He said, “Here it comes. This is it.”

  Aldo turned on the car ignition and waited just until the limo was about to pass them. At just the right moment, he stepped on the gas and swerved out towards the limo. It was a perfect, little sideswipe – no real damage, but it definitely scuffed up both cars.

  The limo immediately pulled over to the side, and Aldo parked right behind him. Aldo got out of the car, and approached the limousine. Just as the driver’s door opened, Aldo apologetically began to say, “I’m terribly sorry, but I was choking on an Egg McMuffin when you just happened to…”

  Out from the limo climbed out a hulking driver. He looked like a football player, probably of Samoan background, and he was very angry – and his hands were clenched into fists.

  “I’m on my way to pick up a very important client,” shouted the intimidating driver. “Damn you, and the hell with your stupid, breakfast sandwich. Let’s see how bad the damaged is.”

  Just as he bent slightly forward to inspect the gouges on the side of the limo, Danny reached from behind with a rag soaked with the fluid, and tried to cover his face. Of course, it had no effect other than to infuriate the mountainous limo driver. He quickly turned around and raised his fists like a boxer, but Aldo had presence of mind to reach up between his legs and squash his manhood with his hand. The driver moaned, but he was tough and full of adrenalin. Just as he grabbed Aldo by the throat, Danny pulverized the side of the driver’s head with his nearly full, glass bottle – ‘timber!’– and the limo driver fell face-down to the ground. He was knocked out.