by Opal Carew
She didn’t believe there was only one person in the world who could be a soul mate. Otherwise, the world would be too sad a place. So although she loved Liam, she believed she could love Del, too, and that the two of them could be happy and have a future together.
She just didn’t know how she could ever convince Del to consider being with her again.
She glanced at the connecting door.
It would be so easy to knock on that door right now. To tell Liam she would stay married to him. But the fact remained that she couldn’t give him a baby. Her heart ached. Even if they adopted, she knew that in his heart, he wanted a child of his own. With his blood.
And she realized, that’s what really stopped her. If Liam stayed with her, he’d be settling. She didn’t want that for him, and she didn’t want it for herself.
She rolled over and pulled the covers snug around her, tears swelling in her eyes.
Her life was like a story, somewhere in the middle. Full of what-ifs that had failed. Dead ends and wrong turns.
She’d failed at being a mother. She’d failed at being a wife. And she’d failed at becoming a lover with Del. She’d even failed at being his friend.
Now she had no idea what to do next. All she could hope for was a sign. Something that would tell her what direction to take her life now.
* * *
A knock sounded on the door and she blinked, bleary eyed. Sunlight shone in the window. She definitely hadn’t gotten enough sleep last night.
She got up and pulled on her robe and walked to the door, but the knock sounded again and it was coming from the connecting door. She finished tying her robe and stared at the door.
What did Liam want now? He couldn’t possibly think she’d talk to him after that stunt last night.
But what if he’d finally decided to let go of her and sign the papers?
She grasped the doorknob and pulled it open.
The sight of him in his snug-fitting jeans, his chest bare, his face freshly shaved, set her hormones on alert. She breathed in the musky scent of his aftershave and so many poignant memories, mostly of them in bed together, flooded through her. The two of them naked, her lips brushing over his neck, his arm around her, holding her tight to his solid body. His cock gliding inside her.
Her knees felt weak.
“Good morning. I ordered breakfast for the two of us. I thought it would give us a chance to talk.”
“Why do you think I’d talk to you after last night?”
He smiled. “You answered the door. I wasn’t even sure I’d get that far.”
She frowned. “I thought maybe you might have signed the papers to make up for it.”
“Hmm. There’s a thought. But … no.”
“Fine.” She started to close the door, but he stopped it and pushed it open again.
“But speaking about the papers, I think we should sit down and talk about how we want to proceed.”
“It’s easy. You sign the papers. I sign the papers. Then we let the lawyers do the rest.”
“Except that you clearly still have feelings for me.”
“No, I don’t,” she said a tad too quickly.
He laughed. “I don’t believe you.” Then his smile faded. “But I do believe that you think I’ll hurt you again. Give me a chance to prove that’ll never happen. I know I abandoned you emotionally after…” His eyes grew haunted. “After we lost the baby, but I promise you, that won’t happen again.”
“Well, it can’t really, can it?” Bitterness edged her voice.
“Ah, kitten. I’m so sorry.” He pulled her into his arms, but she stiffened.
She wanted to succumb to the comfort he offered, but the pain inside her was too deep. It gripped her too tightly.
As much as Liam said he wanted her, he still had the option of finding a woman who could bear him a child. She, on the other hand, would never be able to have a child of her own.
She couldn’t help resenting that a little bit.
Or maybe a lot.
His arms loosened, and as she drew in deep breaths trying to calm her roiling emotions, she realized he’d guided her into his room and toward the table.
“Sit and eat something. You’ll feel better.”
It was such a ridiculous statement—as if eating something could wipe away her despair at losing the ability to bear children—that she just accepted it and sank into the chair. He took the lid off a plate and presented her with eggs Benedict again. Because, of course, he knew her so well. She would never turn down eggs Benedict. It was her decadent guilty pleasure.
She picked up her knife and fork and cut through the layers of creamy sauce, egg, Canadian bacon, and English muffin. The first warm bite sent delight through her.
“I’m just eating breakfast,” she said once she’d swallowed, “but not having a talk with you. I’ve said it all before already.”
* * *
Liam watched the rapture on her face and smiled. He loved being the cause of her looking like that. Whether it was by providing her favorite breakfast, or making love to her, it made him happy.
Of course, making love to her made him even happier, as the swelling of his cock at the sight of her blissful expression proved. But making her happy in any way was his goal in life.
She might refuse to talk to him now, and he’d give her that, but he had been able to get her into his room again. He was sure that with persistence, and a little time, he could get her talking to him again, and he would find a way to convince her to give them another chance.
A knock sounded at the door and Liam stood up to answer it. When he opened it, he saw Del on the other side.
“Liam, I think we should talk about Abi and what happened between you. I have feelings for her and—”
Del’s words had come rolling out in a rapid pace, then stopped cold as his gaze focused over Liam’s shoulder. He’d seen Abi sitting at the table in her robe. In Liam’s room.
“What the fuck!” Del turned and strode away.
Liam turned to see Abi rushing toward him, her eyes wide. She pressed past him and stared down the hall. But Del was gone.
She turned to Liam and sent him a laser stare, then stormed through the connecting door and slammed it behind her.
* * *
Abi rolled her luggage through her apartment door and closed it, then slumped on the couch. She should go unpack right now and get it over with, but she didn’t have the energy.
She’d royally screwed things up with Del this weekend, and her divorce had taken a giant step backward. How could she have been so stupid as to have slept with Liam? And then going back to the scene of the crime the very next day … and being caught by Del…?
She rested her face in her hands.
She’d never be able to convince Del to give her another chance. And now Liam was saying that he wouldn’t even consider signing the papers until she agreed to sit down with him and have a discussion about their feelings.
He’d texted her that she’d have to agree to come out to his summer house and spend the weekend together where they could hash everything out. Of course, she knew he meant to have sex be part of it because A, he was a man and B, it was his greatest weapon against her.
Because as soon as he touched her, she went up in flames.
Every time.
He intended to wield that weapon to wear her down and convince her they could make their marriage work. Maybe she should take him up on it, in hopes she could convince him they couldn’t, and that no matter how much she melted in his arms, they could never be truly happy together.
But that reasoning was folly. It was her addled brain trying to give her permission to have what she wanted deep inside. To be in Liam’s bed again.
And no matter what, convincing Liam of anything was an undertaking beyond her abilities.
* * *
Over the next month, Abi received a letter from Liam reminding her of his conditions and asking her again to set a weekend where they could tal
k.
She burned it.
Also, she sent an email to Del and apologized to him, and told him she still hoped they could be friends. She wanted them to be so much more, but she needed to know he was still her friend before she could try again to take the relationship further.
He took a week to respond and it was brief, saying only that he would always be her friend.
She was thankful for that. Not having Del in her life at all would be devastating. But she wasn’t sure how and when to proceed with trying to build on that.
So here she sat … in limbo again.
Her phone rang and she picked it up. The call was from her doctor’s office. She’d gone in for a physical the other day and to have a few things checked out.
“Hello?” Abi said.
“Abi, hi. It’s Dr. McCallister.”
“Oh, hi.” Abi’s voice was tight. The only reason her doctor would call was if she’d found something in Abi’s tests. “Is everything all right?”
“Yes, nothing to worry about. I wanted to talk to you personally because I have good news for you.”
“You do?” What possible news … then she remembered telling Dr. McCallister that her period had been late, which was unusual for her. Surely it couldn’t be that …
“It seems, my dear, that you’re pregnant.”
CHAPTER NINE
Oh God oh God oh God. Abi clung to the phone, her heart pounding.
“Hello? Abi?”
“Yes, I’m here.”
She must not have heard right. It couldn’t be true.
“I know you must be surprised, given the diagnosis after you lost your first child. It is pretty amazing. You are happy about this, aren’t you?”
“I don’t know … I mean, I’m in shock.”
A baby? She sank onto the couch. She was actually going to have a baby?
Happiness quivered through her. Then terror.
“How likely is it that I’ll carry it to term?” Abi asked, dreading going through a pregnancy, especially as difficult as the last one, only to lose the baby again.
The physical issues she could deal with, but to go through the emotional trauma again … her gut twisted.
“I want you to come into my office and we’ll discuss it. But to set your mind at ease, it was conceiving that was the difficult part for you. I know you’re worried because of your last pregnancy, but we’ll sit down and talk about what we can do to make this pregnancy successful. I think we have a very good chance of you having a healthy, happy baby.”
Joy kept welling up inside her, but accompanied by a strong sense of dread. She didn’t know how she would cope with the emotional roller coaster of not knowing.
And then she realized that either way, once Liam found out he was the father, he’d never give her the divorce.
* * *
Del opened the door to his modest house near campus, expecting to see the pizza delivery guy, but to his shock, Abi stood on his porch.
His heart lurched. She looked so good. The sundress she wore showed a hint of cleavage and hugged her body snugly to the waist, then flared over her hips. Her chestnut-brown hair flowed over her bare shoulders in cascading waves, shimmering in the late afternoon sunlight.
“Del, I’m sorry to show up unannounced but … I didn’t know where else to go. I just got in the car and started driving and then wound up here.”
The anxiety in her sky-blue eyes sent dread rushing through him. She’d driven two hours to get here. What the hell had happened to upset her so much?
“Come in, Abi.” He took her arm and guided her into the house then closed the door.
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I…”
He watched as her eyes filled with moisture, her lip trembling. His chest clenched.
“I’m pregnant,” she said.
Shock jolted through him.
Tears spilled from her eyes and she dashed them away. “I’m sorry, I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my problems after what happened. The fact that I’m carrying Liam’s baby. Again. I just—”
Fuck!
“Are you going back to him?” he asked, his jaw clenched.
She shook her head. “No. I can’t.”
* * *
Abi was sure that he’d send her away, but she really hadn’t known where to go. She didn’t want to discuss this with her family. Not until she knew what she was going to do. They all meant well, but she didn’t want to be pushed in a direction she didn’t want to go.
To her total shock, Del stepped close and pulled her into his arms, then took her lips. “I love you, Abi. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”
Her eyes widened. “You love me?” Her words were a mere breath.
“Ah, damn. I didn’t mean to blurt it out. I—”
The doorbell rang and he drew back.
Her heart sank as he backpedaled. She wanted it so badly to be true.
“I ordered pizza. Are you hungry?”
“Um … yeah.”
“Okay, you go sit down and relax.” He turned her toward the couch, then walked to the door.
She fidgeted as he paid for the pizza then set it on the coffee table. A moment later, he returned from the kitchen with plates and cutlery, then made a second trip for glasses and a pitcher of water.
He served her up a slice, then poured water for them both.
“Look, I didn’t mean to—”
“Say you love me,” she interjected, her chest tight. “It’s okay.”
He took her hand and drew it to his lips, then smiled before he kissed the back of her hand. Tingles danced along her skin.
“Oh, no. I meant it when I said I love you. I have for a long time.”
Her eyes widened. Could it really be true? This was what she’d wanted for so long.
“What I meant was, I didn’t mean to say it so soon and spook you.” He squeezed her hand gently. “I know you want to explore where our relationship might go, but you probably need time. It’s just that when I realized a baby is on the way—”
She surged forward, her arms flying around his neck and she kissed him, her lips pressed firmly on his as she held him tight.
Then his arms came around her and he deepened the kiss, his tongue gliding into her mouth, his lips moving on hers with passion.
When they finally separated, she gazed into his warm, olive-green eyes glittering with gold flecks.
She stroked her hand along his stubbly jaw. “I love you, too.”
Ever since she’d met Del, she’d known he was special. Even though he hadn’t allowed their relationship to go beyond friendship, she’d fallen for him. Not with the same white-hot flame she’d felt with Liam from the start, but with what she felt was a deeper, more reliable kind of love. His strong, steadfast presence had been her salvation during the most difficult time in her life after losing the baby and then the slow death of her marriage.
He was someone she could depend on.
She could trust his love.
He smiled. “Abi, I know we’ve never even gone out on a date, but we know each other better than most couples do. I’ve been by your side through joy and despair. I’ve been your friend, and I want to be your lover.”
He shifted from the couch to the floor, resting on one knee. Her breath caught as he took her hand in his and brought it to his mouth, then kissed it lightly.
“And even more, I want to be your husband. And the father to your baby.”
Then he gazed deeply into her eyes.
“Will you marry me?”
“I…” She sucked in a breath, then shook her head. “I can’t.”
* * *
All Del’s hopes came crashing down around him. He thought he would finally be able to have what he’d been dreaming of. Abi. As his wife.
“Oh, no,” she cried. “I don’t mean because I don’t want to. I mean because I’m still married.”
She stroked his cheek, then her soft, velvet lips brushed against his, tem
pting and tender.
“I can’t believe you asked me, and I love you so much,” she said. “I want to marry you. But the divorce isn’t done and I don’t know when Liam will sign the papers.”
“So if you were free right now, you’d say yes?” he asked, relieved.
But she didn’t answer right away.
“Abi?”
“I…” She took his hand as she bit her lip. “Del, I love you. I really do, but I did that once before. Married a man because I was pregnant.”
“This is different.”
“No, it’s not.” Her hand fell to her stomach. “This might not be your baby, but you’re still asking me because I’m pregnant. If I weren’t, we’d start seeing each other, get to know what we’re like as a couple. Get to know each other in a romantic relationship. Take one step at a time, instead of rushing straight into marriage.”
“But if we’re in love…”
“That’s Liam’s argument.”
“But you’re not in love with Liam.” At the look in her eyes, he stopped short. “Are you?”
Then he realized that she’d never said she didn’t love Liam. She’d only said that she believed Liam didn’t love her.
“Del, I love you. That’s all that matters. I want to be with you.”
He drew in a deep breath. He didn’t want her to love Liam.
And he was sure she didn’t want to love Liam, either. But neither of them could change it.
She’d already decided her marriage to Liam wouldn’t work, no matter how she felt about him. So Del would suck it up and do his best to help her get over Liam while he stood by her side. Supporting her however she needed him to.
They would find a way to make it work.
“So if not marriage, what next?” he asked. “We start dating? What about the long-distance thing? Would you at least consider moving in with me here?”
“I don’t know. There’s so much to think about and…” She shook her head. “I’m still getting used to the fact that I’m pregnant.”
He stroked her hair behind her ear as he gazed into her blue eyes. “Are you happy about that?” he asked.
Her lips turned up in a smile and her face glowed with an ethereal beauty.
“I am. I didn’t believe it would be possible for me to ever be a mother and now…”