Linda Goodman's Sun Signs

by Linda Goodman

  There’s always an excellent possibility that an Aquarian will achieve some sort of prestige during his lifetime. If it’s only a trophy for stickball or a brass plaque for being the tallest man in Succotash County he’s sure to be honored with some kind of recognition. It could be something as splendid as winning the Nobel Prize. Lots of Aquarians achieve such distinctions. (On the other hand, a large percentage of disturbed Aquarians are weekly visitors to a head shrinker. It may be kind of tricky to tell the difference.)

  Some Uranus-ruled men have a fetish for cleanliness. You may bump into one who shrieks if anyone uses his towel or breathes on his oatmeal. Back of this is an almost neurotic fear of germs and illness. The Aquarian isn’t above letting his phobias trail over into his romantic life, when they can serve a purpose, though he may do so unconsciously. Don’t be surprised if he complains that he’s allergic to your eye shadow and it makes him sneeze. Uranians have a way of developing allergies to things they’d rather avoid, and they can even fool the doctors, let alone innocent, unsuspecting women.

  He’s not the type to woo you with extravagant gestures. He’s as likely to pull up a dandelion and toss it at you as bring you an orchid. To be honest, more likely. He won’t present you with mink coats and diamonds. But life with him can still be glamorous, even without the mink. There’s the well-known story about Helen Hayes and her husband, Charles MacArthur. When they first met, he handed her a bowl of peanuts and said, “I wish they were emeralds.” Many years and many dollars later, he gave her a cluster of glittering emeralds with the remark, “I wish they were peanuts.” I don’t know if MacArthur was an Aquarian, but Uranus was certainly prominent in his natal chart. That’s exactly the kind of unexpected glory you’ll know with an Aquarian lover. Who needs mink?

  Now let’s face the worst fact courageously. No flinching or wishful thinking. Here it is. Unlike Cancer, Capricorn, Leo and Libra, Aquarians don’t take to marriage like a baby takes to candy. To be truthful, most of them avoid it as long as it’s humanly possible. A rare Aquarian male will be enticed into a shower of shoes and rice at an early age, but it doesn’t happen often enough for the statistics to be encouraging. The way the impasse usually starts is that the Aquarian makes beautiful, wonderful, glorious friendship the basis of the love. (Easier to slide away from later, my dear.) They choose a woman who’s also a chum, and who can keep up with the Aquarian interests, including Mickey Mantle’s batting average, crossword puzzles, Arabian horses, fireflies on the Mississippi and the Dead Sea Scrolls. Why? That’s easy. With so much to talk about, there’s less time for lovemaking, which can get him seriously involved and committed. His ideal is the female who is his friend, and who doesn’t make heavy emotional demands on him. Where do we go from here? Nowhere, usually.

  Aquarian men find it difficult to relax in physical expressions of love. That first goodnight kiss may be a long time materializing. Admittedly, it’s often well worth waiting for, and the suspense makes it even more special. But he’ll cling to the illusion that he’s involved in a nice, safe platonic friendship long after such a palsy-walsy relationship has become impossible for you.

  Even after he’s mustered the courage to say “I love you,” he’ll avoid the issue of marriage with every excuse in the book. When those run out, he can think up some pretty imaginative new ones. He’ll patiently explain that he can’t support you in the manner you deserve, his parents need him at home, or he’s not good enough for you. If that doesn’t work, he’ll claim that the future is too uncertain, what with the threats of nuclear destruction and all. What if his boss sends him to Alaska next year? You might die of pneumonia up there, and he would be grief-stricken the rest of his life. You think he can’t top that? One Aquarian man I know was engaged for twelve years to a woman he wouldn’t marry because “she would have to sacrifice a great career on Broadway.” The fact that the woman had never set foot on a stage in her life was beside the point. He thought she had talent. Someday, a producer might just discover her. Then how would she feel if he had held her back by marrying her? Worse yet, how would he feel? Guilty. Just plain selfish and guilty. It’s not surprising that this poor female finally escaped to a more positive rival.

  But all is not lost. Though it’s true that most Aquarians wed late, they do eventually wed—usually. It normally happens after the last bachelor friend has sailed away to a Bermuda honeymoon, and the Aquarian wakes up to realize that here is a mystery other people have solved that he hasn’t even investigated. Naturally, he can’t stand that, so pop goes the proposal! Suddenly, of course. Uranus, you know.

  In the early stages, you may think he needs a lesson and decide to let him think he’s lost you to a more aggressive suitor. Let me warn you that you’re likely to stay lost. Your brokenhearted Uranian is not nearly as apt to come charging after you with the fire of possession in his eye as he is to shed a couple of quiet tears and say, “Well, I guess the best man won.” He’ll resign himself to a life without you with insulting ease. He’s even liable to ask the unbearable question, “Can’t we still be friends?” If you say no emphatically, he’ll probably just shrug dejectedly and slowly walk away. If you say yes—well, you’re right back where you started—friends.

  Jealousy isn’t his cup of eggnog. He’ll trust you until you show him you can’t be trusted. Not because he’s trusting by nature, but because his analytical dissection has already satisfied him about your character. Unless there are marked afflictions in his natal chart, he’s not capable of unfounded suspicion and possessiveness. If he does have a rare stab of jealousy, you’ll never know it if he can help it. He will rarely, if ever, be physically unfaithful himself, mostly because the whole subject of sex, though it’s interesting, doesn’t consume him. An occasional Aquarian may spend a great deal of time intensely pondering sex, but if you know one of these, you can safely assume there’s a heavy Scorpio influence in his natal chart. (And chances are even this type won’t pursue it actively and openly.)

  Once an Aquarian has chosen a mate, he figures he can concentrate on more important things. He can relax and investigate the boy-girl or man-woman relationship at his own leisure in his own private laboratory (which isn’t a bad possibility for its eventual chance of success when you stop to think about it).

  Uranian sex is part of a larger image or ideal. Should a temptation to engage in illicit romance arise (illicit in his eyes, that is), he’ll usually end the affair abruptly, though it may hurt him deeply, rather than continue what he considers to be a dishonest relationship. The situation that made him feel guilty could be almost anything, from the disapproval of your parents or conflicting religions to an old boy friend not completely discarded, a promise he made to himself at the age of eight, or something he once read in a book. But whatever it is, it will somehow have to be adjusted and resolved before he’ll ever renew the closeness, even if the love is as fated as that of Victoria and Albert. The Aquarian will always let his heart break silently, lest his friends hear and ask questions.

  He’s capable of waiting until he’s ninety to claim you, even if you feel that’s a bit long to wait for consummation. The worst of it is that he’ll never give a reason for the break. That’s for him to know and you to find out. He’ll perversely let you think it was just a fantasy from the beginning, and hold back the real truth that it was genuine for some hazy future day of forgiveness and reconciliation. It can be pretty cruel, but that’s the way he plays the game.

  Your only comfort is the knowledge that he’s suffering in his own way, too. How will you know that? Read “How to Recognize Aquarius” again. He has his subtle ways of telegraphing his feelings, and they can be enormously frustrating—especially when his unique, private communication signals a green go light while he publicly keeps holding out a red stop light until he’s ready to switch. It can make for some nasty romantic traffic snarls. It’s hard on the pedestrian, but he’s in the driver’s seat, so there’s not a lot you can do—except perhaps think up another mystery to tempt him
with, or maybe shake him a little with some smashing success to make him curious to talk with you again—like being the first woman to orbit Venus.

  Not that such a feat will change his feelings. If he really loves you, he’ll love you even if you don’t orbit any farther than to the corner delicatessen, but it might interfere with his fixed strategy. You may gather from all this that a Uranus man can be pretty stubborn when it comes to love. You would be so right. His fixity in affectionate matters can drive you straight into the booby hatch or drive you to someone else in desperation. That’s a big fat waste of time. He’s not jealous, remember? Or he won’t show it, if he is. Besides, with his darned Uranian intuition, he’ll know it’s all an act. Because he knows what makes you tick. Don’t forget, he studied you for a long time. About the only thing you can do is hope you’ll still be attractive at ninety or else start practicing those Venus orbits.

  Putting the shoe on the other foot, an Aquarian can arouse a heap of possessiveness in you, when the tables are turned. Don’t let it throw you off balance. Thanks to the everlasting Uranus proclivity for friendship, whenever and wherever he finds it, there may be times when you won’t know where he is, even after you’re married and you should. Just tell yourself that, no matter how late he sits up with a friend, it’s only his normal curiosity at work, his never-ending interest in people. If the friend is a woman, pretend you didn’t notice. In all honesty, he most likely didn’t. You can expect the truth when you ask him a direct question. But if you doubt him and ask again, he’ll figure you don’t want the truth. To punish you, he’ll make up the wildest story he can dream up (and he can dream up some pretty wild ones). You may regret your suspicions when you spend a few hours in abject misery wondering if he really did tell that redhead she was gorgeous. (That’s after he told you he didn’t even remember talking to her and you said, “Ha! I just bet you don’t remember.”) He honestly didn’t, but you asked for details, so he gladly obliged with some purely imaginary ones to teach you a lesson. You’ll learn fast.

  Don’t be hurt when he’s in one of his solitary moods and prefers to be alone with his silent dreams. He’ll return to share them with you, all the more warm and tender for his spiritual retreat and anything that warms him up should definitely be encouraged.

  He may not be the best breadwinner around, but he’s capable of inventing something beneficial to the world or being the first man to land on Mars. He’ll feel right at home there, too. There’s always a surprise just around the corner with an Aquarian husband, even when the budget is shaky. Naturally, there are a few Uranian men who are wealthy, even millionaires, but a high income bracket is seldom a burning ambition. All the rich Aquarians you see probably stumbled on it. It’s certain they didn’t greedily grasp for it. If he has a fat bank book, the chances are it gained weight while he was attempting to improve some product or idea for the good of humanity in general—or he’s saved it to support his eccentric old age. Who knows? He might want to take a trip in a time machine someday, and he wants to be sure to have the fare. Most of the time he’ll be reasonable about money, but save when you can, and don’t run up charge accounts. He’ll never recover from sheer extravagance on your part. Sometimes he can surprise you with a burst of generosity, but he won’t go overboard, unless he has an Aries, Leo, Sagittarius or Pisces ascendant. Even then, he won’t be a big butter and egg man.

  The children will find him the greatest listener on the block. He’ll be fascinated at the perfect breath control of the wolf when he blew down the three little pigs’ pad—and curious about how the old witch pickled the poisoned apple that put the whammy on Snow White. A small boy’s trouble learning how to strike a home run and a little girl’s tears over a broken doll are simply the problems of a couple of pals in trouble to an Aquarian father. He’s a whiz at complicated arithmetic questions, too.

  Make sure your career still allows time for romantic dinners and foot massages. Don’t encourage your friends to camp on the living room couch or monopolize your time and don’t be so engrossed in that sitcom or novel that you neglect to help him find his old softball in the attic or pull a splinter out of his finger. He married you for several reasons. Though romance may play its part, the most important reason was to have you around—so he would always have a partner to play with, eat with, hunt down lost articles with, and who can take care of his wounds. The Aquarius likes an orderly and comfortable home and his idea of a good wife and mother is quite simple: a woman who cares deeply about being a good wife and mother. The Aquarian male is so full of interesting surprises himself, his spouse usually doesn’t need television, magazines and tete-à-tetes with friends to keep her mind and emotions challenged.

  Strangely, since he’s so realistic about most things, the Aquarian will never forget his first love. (Not the first date, but the first girl who ever gave him a rainbow. There’s a difference.) Uranians frequently marry childhood sweethearts years later, or cling to a faded illusion. Aquarians can usually describe their first loves in detail, which can be annoying to a spouse. The solution is to be that first love. You may have to wait a long time to wear orange blossoms, but at least you won’t be replaced by a ghost. Who else could turn peanuts into emeralds or vice versa, never mind a little grapefruit juice in the eye? Despite his general romantic clumsiness, he can come up with sudden phrases which could only have been invented by the angels. He can forget your wedding anniversary, but he’ll bring you violets in January. Christmas? Who says it has to be on December 25th? It can be any time you want it to be. He may go for days or weeks or months without a single word of romance or affection. Then some morning while you’re slicing his blueberry pie, he’ll look deep into your eyes and ask gently, “Do you know how beautiful you are?” There will be something about the way he says it that will make your knees weak.

  Jingle bells on the seashore, birthdays at dawn, Valentine’s Day on Halloween, rainbows at midnight. Pin a red heart on an orange pumpkin, roll Easter eggs in the snow, light the candles on the cake on top of a Ferris wheel—you’re in love with an Aquarian, didn’t you know? I wish you a Walt Disney ending. But be careful. You can get lost out there in Wonderland.

  The AQUARIUS Woman

  But Alice had got so much into the way

  of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen

  that it seemed quite dull and stupid

  for life to go on in the common way …

  Put cats in the coffee, and mice in the tea—

  And welcome Queen Alice with thirty times three!

  The safest way to enter into romance with an Aquarian female is to remember she’s as paradoxical in love as she is in everything else. That way, you won’t be expecting Priscilla Alden and get Pocahontas.

  This woman has all the faithfulness of the fixed signs when she’s in love, but she also has the detachment and lack of emotion of the air element. It’s possible to have a happy relationship with the Uranus woman, if you leave her free to pursue her myriad interests and circulate among her friends. Never try to tie her to the stove or the bedpost. Ask the man who’s tried. She can suddenly decide to study ballet, meditate in the mountains or join the Peace Corps. Remember the story of the princess with the long, golden hair, who lived high in a tower? That’s the Aquarius female. Cutting off her flowing tresses won’t change her, any more than it did in the fairy tale. She dreams different dreams than you or I. She hears a distant drummer—and follows a star most of us have never seen.

  She belongs to everyone, and yet to no one. Her love can be tender and inspired, but there will always be a vaguely elusive quality about it, like a half-remembered song. You can hum the melody, but the lyrics keep slipping away. The Aquarian female’s demand for freedom is insistent, but her allegiance to anyone who can accept romance within such limits is boundless. Here’s something you’ll like: She won’t be terribly interested in your net worth (unless Cancer or Capricorn or Taurus is on her ascendant). Money is never the prime consideration of the typical
Aquarian woman. She won’t care if you’re not the richest man in town, but she’ll expect you to be respected in some way for your intellectual achievements. Dr. Frederick Banting and his discovery of insulin for diabetes or high-tech entrepreneur Bill Gates interest her far more than Warren Buffett and his billions.

  When you set out to catch this butterfly in your net, remember that she’ll never spend her unpredictable life with a man who isn’t true to himself. Her own code of ethics may be as weird as anything you’ve ever come across, and quite different from the accepted codes of society, but she lives up to it totally. She’ll understand that your rules may also be highly individual. That’s fine with her, but don’t compromise those rules. If you’re looking for a passion flower, you’ve picked the wrong daisy. Passion is not her forte, if she’s a typical Aquarian. She’ll think physical love is pleasant enough, if it’s not overemphasized. In other words, she can take it or leave it alone. Uranus females can respond to lovemaking with a haunting, deep intensity, but if you prefer to keep it platonic for long periods of time, that’s all right, too. Like all Aquarians, she may have an unconscious fear that desire for one person will imprison the spirit in some way, and keep her from being true to her one great love—freedom. Freedom to experiment and investigate and freedom to give time to humanity. Also freedom to pursue her rather kicky, offbeat fancies.