"I thought the strength of my special bloodline and the link to my family was sufficiently strong. Combined with the flaring cycle of the sun that sent fiery rocks to assault the land, I believed the pathway to Sahrina was clear. Yet, it did not unfold as I hoped. It had taken me almost six months to understand the reality of this side and then a bit longer to become proficient at navigation. I was finally able to visit my wife and whisper in her ear from time to time. Selfishly, I was not content with mere speech. I greatly desired to hold her again, kiss her, and feel the warmth of her body close to mine. I contemplated the very same actions that you have recently been testing. I wanted to return more than anything else. It is because I understand these desires that I recognize the same emotions roiling within you. The love you feel for your wife brought your efforts to my attention. I would like to help you by sharing what I learned from my own trials," Javeed reached the connection point between his situation and Vin's current endeavor.
Vin was surprise by how much they had in common. They both met, fell in love with, and wed their respective wives at a very young age. Each man's world revolved around his wife's safety and happiness. And, of course, each died so that his wife would live. Given the chance, either of them would make the exact same choice again. Both were descendants of the brothers' bloodlines and able to manipulate natural winds. Javeed had already walked the road Vin was anxious to travel. Javeed knew, before Vin responded, precisely what it was that Vin wanted to hear.
"Please. I would very much like to hear what happened. Anything you can tell me, even the smallest detail, will help." Vin encouraged him to continue, impatient to know if Javeed was able to revisit Sahrina in more than voice. Raphael told him that the angels did not possess the power to return him permanently, but perhaps there was more to it than that; maybe there was another way. Vin intended to find out.
"What you accomplished in less than two days, being able to touch your wife’s cheek, took me many months to achieve. When I mastered that concept and had often brushed my hand across Sahrina’s hair or face, I decided to expand upon that success and manipulate the air around my entire body, thus making me visible to her in at least a vaporous form."
"And did you do it? Did she see you?" The eagerness Vin held for Javeed’s answer could barely be contained.
"Yes, my friend. I chose a special day, her birthday, and I appeared to her in our home where she still lived with our son. With the assistance of her father and her older brother, the crops were planted and later harvested. She stored what she wanted to keep, shared with her family, and sold the remainder at market. It was fertile land and produced plentiful crops. The money she earned allowed her to provide food and clothes for herself and our son, but it was a burden she should not have had to bear. I wanted to alleviate some of her sorrow by letting her see me, and letting her know that I was still watching out for her."
Javeed sat quietly for a few minutes before continuing, obviously trying to overcome the strain caused by recalling such intense memories. When he felt ready to finish the tale, Javeed stood up and looked down at Vin to make sure he held his undivided attention for the final revelation.
"I spoke with her first, trying to help her understand. She sat in the main room, alone, while her mother prepared a meal and conversed with her father in our small kitchen. Sahrina answered me and was overheard several times by her parents; but they only glanced at her with concern from time to time. Then, when I materialized in front of her, she recognized me instantly …and within a few beats, her heart gave out. She passed forever beyond my reach."
"No! That can’t be. Was she ill? Had she been injured?" Vin was aghast as he jumped up from his resting place in the grass. Yet, he did not even consider the possibility that Caeli would experience the same outcome if he succeeded. Caeli was strong, and he would be able to make her understand. Not to mention, she'd always had a fascination with the idea of ghosts.
"Sahrina was not ill and no harm had befallen her. She told her parents of the times when I would whisper to her, and they convinced her that it was just her sorrow and the pain of her loss that conjured up my voice. This undermined her confidence in her own state of mind. When I appeared, it was more shock than she could handle, especially since I had not thought about the manner of my appearance. I was still wearing the same clothes in which I died, and still had a knife hilt protruding from my ribs. It was my own carelessness and lack of consideration for the effect I was having on her that caused me to lose her forever."
Vin did not know what to say. Clearly, Javeed's situation was devastating, and Vin felt a great sympathy for his new friend. But, he also felt that he could surpass such obstacles and learn from Javeed's mistakes.
"Please, I implore you Eyvindr, reconsider what you seek. Set aside your own feelings and know that, if you truly love her, the best thing you can do for her is allow her to grieve and move forward without you. It may not seem like a good idea right now, and may even cause you pain to consider the notion, but nothing good can come of this. Even two bloodlines as strong as ours cannot change what has happened. Would you not prefer to endure your own grief and loss rather than inflict more distress on her already fragile heart? Should she have to continue to suffer for your selfishness emotions? We are not meant to wander between the planes. You must not pursue this, Vin."
Before Vin could gather his scattered thoughts to form a coherent reply to the harsh admonishment, Javeed walked away, returning to the isolation that comforted him. Vin stood staring off into the distance. His beautiful, grassy hilltop was no longer the peaceful haven it had been when he first arrived. Vin did not know how long he stood there before he reached his decision, but he knew what he had to do. Vin felt with the full capacity of his soul that it was the only choice he could make.
"He has a quick mind and grows rapidly in his skills. I hope he will be strong enough."
"Yes, Michael, but can we not guide him further? His choices will not always be so clear to him, and they will bear much complexity. Is there nothing we can do to lessen his burden in the upcoming struggle?"
Raphael and Michael had listened unobtrusively from concealment near the edge of the hilltop, hidden by their own special abilities from the two men conversing nearby.
"No, not yet. It is often the fate of those touched by such destinies to endure great hardship so they might have the chance to overcome greater obstacles and achieve extraordinary results. This is the path he must choose and walk himself."
"Yet I fear for him, Michael. When this is resolved, he will be confronted by the consequences, good and bad alike. Once he discerns the true implications, I fear that his spirit may be utterly destroyed."
"Perhaps…" Michael’s penetrating gaze studied Vin as if he was taking him apart, examining each individual piece, and then putting him back together again.
"Have hope, Raphael. He may yet surprise us."
Vin could not have said precisely how long he spent practicing, trying to fine tune his search, when he was at last rewarded with success. It happened so suddenly that he almost didn't believe it. The link did not feel as strong as when he and Raphael visited her previously, but it worked nonetheless. With his success, more of the jostled puzzle pieces in Vin's mind began to fall into place. He would definitely have additional questions for Raphael the next time they met. For the moment, Vin wanted to focus on his wife. He located Caeli as she was sitting in her car outside the church.
CHAPTER 10
The morning after the search, after a slightly more restful night, Caeli woke to the incessant buzzing of the alarm clock with its flashing, blue display. It sat atop the small, two drawer nightstand just within arm’s reach of her bedside. The twin to this piece could be seen on the opposite side of the bed holding its own alarm clock. The face of that clock was dark and the alarm ominously silent. This was the third day that it had been unplugged.
Caeli did not remember setting her alarm and could not remember when the power had been restored duri
ng the night, but she wasn’t bothered by this. Her recent head injuries and the loss of Vin was causing her mind to play too many tricks on her over the past few days. Caeli did not currently trust herself to know with any certainty what was real and what was merely a conjuration of her troubled mind. She crawled out from under the covers and headed for the shower where the steamy water welcomed her.
The warmth of the streams spraying down was soothing, easing the tension from her shoulders, releasing some of the knots that tied up her muscles during the night. Somehow, the refreshing scent of Vin’s favorite soap still found its way into the balmy vapors each time she showered. Though she would have preferred to linger in the comforting shroud of water, clinging to Vin's memory, Caeli knew that she could not.
Vin’s memorial was today despite Caeli still being bothered by his body not being recovered. Police officers told her the tornado must have carried him off to some remote area of the forest, and they could find no trace of him. While Vin would not have cared that his body returned to nature, Caeli was greatly disturbed by the lack of closure and not being able to say that final goodbye.
Caeli finished up in the shower, dried and styled her hair, and donned a black skirt, a black blouse, and a pair of plain black dress shoes. Catching a quick glance at herself in the mirror, it occurred to her that, except for the solid black color of the cloth, the redness of her eyes, and a scab covered bruise healing on the side of her forehead, she did not look much different today than she did on any other typical day in her life. Caeli mused that perhaps she should have paid more attention to her clothing choices in the past. Vin might have liked that, she thought; but what an odd notion to consider at a time like this.
Downstairs, Caeli rummaged through a refrigerator filled with a variety of generously donated casseroles and containers of food provided by their friends. Unfortunately, none of it was suitable for breakfast even if she actually had an appetite. Caeli only wanted something to eat now in hopes of lessening her headache and to prevent Salma from lecturing her later. Deciding at last on a simple glass of milk and a bagel, buttered and heated briefly in the microwave, Caeli hoped the meal would help settle her nerves before heading to the church where the memorial service would be held.
Caeli opened the front door and felt a soft breeze brush her cheek. She also felt an odd sensation as if there were someone standing beside her. It momentarily startled her, but she quickly regained her composure. Caeli understood that this was the same feeling she had been experiencing off and on since Vin’s death. She attributed it to her head injury and the fact that she still expected Vin to be right there beside her. She knew it was a phantom sensation similar to stories the injured veterans told of still being able to feel limbs that war had taken from them. Caeli also knew that it would be a long time before she could expect the strangeness of these feelings to subside, if ever.
She wiped away the single tear that rolled down her cheek as the rain once again began to fall in a drizzle from the dull, gray clouds overhead. Realizing that her car was parked in the garage, Caeli closed the front door. She secured both the lock on the doorknob and the two deadbolts, and walked passed the kitchen to the side door leading to the garage. After waiting for the automatic opener to raise the garage door, Caeli backed the car out and commenced the thirty minute drive to the church.
Caeli and Vin were not especially fond of large social gatherings, particularly with regards to religion. They both believed in God, but did not fully agree with either of the differing theologies into which each had been raised. Therefore, they were not often inclined to attend worship services, certainly not with any sort of regularity. But, knowing Vin and maintaining her own preference, Caeli decided it was better to have this group of people meet her in a church setting instead of bringing all that commotion into the already disturbed sanctuary of her home.
She turned her car into the nearly empty parking lot of the old, Catholic church and looked for a spot that would provide her an easy exit after the service. Finding a place she thought would suffice, she angled the car to face away from the church, turned off the engine, and decided to sit there for a few minutes to gather her wits. Caeli was early, as she most often was when she went anywhere. Vin used to brag about how he found the only woman in the world capable of arriving on time. Caeli took a deep breath and wiped another tear from her cheek.
"I don't know if I can do this, Vin. How am I supposed to go on without you?" Caeli asked of the emptiness around her and wiped more tears from her cheeks.
Unbeknownst to her, Vin had been watching Caeli ever since she pulled into the parking space. His heart nearly burst to see her so sad. Yet, at the same time, he was incredibly overjoyed just to be able to see her at all. Vin increased his concentration and blocked out as much of the surrounding distractions as he could before trying to speak to her.
"Caeli. I’m here. Honey, can you hear me?"
She must have let her mind wander away again. Hearing Vin’s voice must be another cruel trick of her grief. She turned her head in Vin's direction, but did not respond. Caeli was afraid she might be losing her mind after all.
"Caeli? Please, you have to hear me."
"I hear you, Vin. I am talking to a figment of my imagination, and this is probably the beginning of a nervous breakdown, but I do hear you," Caeli answered what she thought to be her own delusion.
Vin was excited and temporarily speechless at his success. She actually heard him. Of course, this must seem very strange to her. It was still unusual for him, but Vin needed to share this with her. Not just to give her a sense of closure and ease her grief, but also to tell her about some of the incredible knowledge he now possessed. On this issue in particular, Vin did not completely agree with his new friends.
"No, Honey. You are not delusional, but you do look tired, exhausted actually."
"Delusion, exhaustion, it doesn't matter. The resultant hallucination is the same. Real or not, it is good to hear your voice. I miss you so much, Vin," Caeli admitted to herself as much as to Vin.
"I'm so sorry that I can't be with you. I would give anything for this not to have happened, but it was the only way to protect you. Caeli, there is so much I want to say to you. I hardly know where to start."
"At the beginning, of course. But, I don't care, so long as you keep talking." Caeli stifled a yawn.
"You are tired. You haven’t slept much." It was a statement, not a question. Vin could see the exhaustion in her eyes, and knew from his visit that her sleep was fitful, when she slept at all.
"You know I could never sleep well without you beside me. I fear I will never sleep soundly again. Why does my delusion care how well I sleep?" Caeli was beginning to wonder. She could almost allow herself to feel as if she really were talking to Vin.
"I care about everything you do. I always have. You know that, and that's why I'm here."
"If you truly are here, why can’t I see you? I saw you taken away, Vin. At least, I thought I did. The wind and the rain made it difficult to know exactly what I saw, and the clunk to my head does not exactly inspire confidence in my memory of late. Where are you, Vin? If I can hear you in my mind, like I heard Jaddah when she was hurt, then maybe I didn't see anything at all. Perhaps you are not really gone. Maybe you're just hurt and don't realize that you are still in the woods," Caeli revealed her confusion about the situation. Perhaps talking about it, even to herself, might help her sort out what really happened.
Vin laughed to himself as she prattled on in her typical fashion. It was familiar and comforting for both of them. In the next few moments, there was movement in the parking lot. Vin was momentarily distracted by other cars beginning to arrive and people he recognized going into the church across the lot. As much as he hated to release his treasured connection, Vin had to let Caeli continue her day. With great effort, Vin forced himself to prompt her to go inside.
"Ah Caeli, if only I could hold you. But, Honey, it's a long story, and it's complicated. There's a lot
I need to tell you, but it will have to wait. Right now, you need to go inside. We'll talk again, I promise."
"Wait, please, Vin. Vin? Don't go." With another hint of a breeze, the presence was gone. Vin was gone. Most likely, her tenuous grasp on reality was also gone, at least temporarily.
Caeli had heard tales of people talking to loved ones who died suddenly, but never really gave any credence to the possibility that those poor, sad people participated in literal conversations with the deceased. Although, this was, admittedly, not the first time she'd heard the voice of a deceased loved one. Her grandmother, Jaddah, spoke to her once after she died and in much the same manner as Vin just did. However, if Caeli thought about it like that, then she would also have to admit that Vin was really gone. She was still having a lot of trouble accepting that fact.
Caeli took another moment to regain her composure. She pushed all of the craziness to the back of her befuddled mind then got out of the car and walked leadenly into the church where Salma met her at the door.
"I’m sorry for your sadness Eyvindr, but you should not linger here. Her awareness of your presence may cause her a great deal of distress. Not to mention, you are expending a lot of energy to maintain your connection."
Raphael appeared suddenly beside Vin as he stood at the back of the church. Vin moved to seemingly lean against the wall in a casual, less than spirit-like manner, unnoticed by the people moving around him.
"Maybe. Then again, maybe not." Vin seemed lost in deeper contemplation as he longingly followed his wife’s movements near the front of the church. Apparently reaching some sort of decision within himself, Vin soon pulled away from the wall and let out an emotion-filled sigh of regret. He glanced at Raphael long enough for the angel to see purpose and determination brewing within, but not so long that he could tell what Vin was about to do. Suddenly, they were standing on the open hillside where Vin had been practicing before his most recent success.
The Book of Elements Page 8