Where My Heart Breaks

by Ivy Sinclair

  I got out and met Reed in front of the truck. We flicked on our flashlights. The dirt path was beaten down leading up to the front steps of the building. The grass was almost as tall as my waist on either side of the driveway.

  “I’m surprised that the town keeps this driveway open,” I said as we started to walk.

  “Nah, it’s the local kids who come out here to drink and get away from their parents that keep the path cleared,” Reed said. “I did plenty of that in my day.”

  “Fond memories?” I didn’t want to admit the nagging tendril of fear that grew in my chest the closer we got the building. I wasn’t a big fan of the dark, and the huge night sky above my head felt as if it were pressing down on me. It helped to keep talking.

  “Sometimes kids just need to blow off steam,” Reed said. “Cops come out here pretty regularly just to make sure things don’t get out of hand. There are only so many things that kids can do in Bleckerville on hot summer nights.”

  There was something in his voice that made me look at him. The tightness around his eyes was the only indication that something was upsetting him. I put my hand on his arm, and he stopped. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” he said, shaking his head. “You live in a town like this as long as I have, and ghosts of the past haunt you no matter where you go.”

  “And yet you stayed here.” It wasn’t a question but a confirmation.

  “C’mon inside. There’s something I want to show you,” Reed said, avoiding the rest of the conversation.

  It was frustrating. Every time that I thought he was going to open up, he shut right back down. It made him even more mysterious. “What do you want to show me?”

  Reed climbed the steps and then turned to offer me his hand. “Watch your step. These stairs are a little creaky.”

  I took his hand, and the instant my skin touched his I felt the spark in my stomach that told me no matter what I tried to tell myself, I didn’t want to be just friends with Reed Black. I looked up into his face as I stepped up beside him and even in the shadows I could see something unreadable there. He didn’t let go of my hand, but instead pulled me into the darkness beyond the threshold. His firm grasp kept any fear inside of me at bay. I was safe with him, and that was good enough for me.

  Reed’s flashlight swept the inside of the room, and I did the same with mine. There were overturned benches everywhere and trash and beer cans scattered across the floor. Several of the windows that lined the wall to my right were broken. From what I could see, it was nothing but a large room.

  “It’s over here.” His flashlight beam moved to the far side of the room, and I followed him as he walked toward the opposite wall.

  My flashlight beam caught the reflection of the metal before I reached the wall. I saw the shreds of wallpaper around it. It was a small, engraved plaque.

  Dedicated in Honor of Jackson Landry

  Devoted husband and friend

  Camilla Landry

  “Someone covered this over? Why would they do that?”

  “Likely during one of the many renovations on the place,” Reed said. “Once the town abandoned the place and people started using it for other purposes, the aesthetics weren’t as important. A few families even tried living here during the Depression.”

  “I still don’t understand why somebody would cover this up.” It didn’t make any sense to me.

  “There were some people back then who weren’t fans of the Landry family,” Reed said. “You dig into the town’s history at all, and you find that several families fortunes rose and fell during the dog days of Bleckerville’s past. When Camilla Landry donated this place to the town, I’m sure she never expected that it would be deserted and then the land eventually put up for sale by the county. She moved out of state after her husband’s death and never came back. She died a few years later. A lot of folks say it was from a broken heart.”

  “She must have loved him terribly. I’m surprised they didn’t just tear the building down.” It made me sad to see the lonely little plaque on the wall. It was the one remaining symbol of Camilla’s love for her husband.

  “I’m sure that was the plan, and then they never got around to it,” Reed said. “Good thing too. My theory is that Walter Moolen came here, explored this place, saw the plague, and that set in motion the idea for his book.”

  “You said that the real Jackson and Camilla were nothing like the book. It sounds like they had a happy life together. So the book doesn’t mirror their relationship at all?”

  “Nice try,” Reed said with a hint of a smile. “But I’m not going to ruin the ending for you. You’ll have to read it and find out.”

  I was more curious than ever about the ending of the book. I wished that I had paid closer attention when my girlfriends who did read it were talking about it. I did distinctly remember many of them openly weeping when discussing it. I had a bad feeling that the ending for the book’s Jackson and Camilla wasn’t going to be a pleasant one.

  “Thanks for showing me this,” I said softly. “You’ve been a really big help. It’s nice having something to distract me from the monotony of the Willoughby.”

  “What are friends for?” Reed shrugged. “I wouldn’t want a pretty woman like yourself dying from boredom.”

  He called me pretty. Suddenly, I felt bold. It was a compliment that required action. I turned my hand in his and pulled, stepping forward at the same time. Only a few inches separated us, but he didn’t move.

  “Kate,” his voice held a jagged warning, but I heard something else in it. Something that teased that perhaps Reed felt the same rush of desire too. “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

  I bent my knees and dropped my flashlight gently to the floor before bringing my hands up to rest on his chest. It felt as rock hard as I imagined. I felt his heart beating rapidly through the soft cotton barrier of his shirt. I rested my ear between my hands and listened to the sound of his heartbeat. When his arms slipped around my waist, and I heard the thud of his flashlight hitting the floor, I knew that my instinct was correct. It wasn’t just me fighting the urge to turn this interlude into a more intimate one.

  We stood pressed against each other like that for a few more moments. Then I tilted my head so that I looked up into his eyes. The light at our feet gave off a soft glow that was decidedly romantic. “Do you really think I’m pretty?”

  “You don’t want to get mixed up with me,” he replied. His voice was tight as if he struggled to keep control. “I told you, I don’t date.”

  “Who said I was looking for a date?” A wave of emotions crashed through my body as I spread my hands across his pecs and brought them around to his shoulders. There was nothing but tight muscle beneath my fingertips.

  “You don’t know what you’re asking for,” Reed said. He brought his mouth down so that it was next to my ear. Hot tingles of desire shot down my back as his lips brushed the sensitive ridges of my ear. “You’ll regret it. I’ll regret it. This can only end badly.”

  He was probably right. There were a million reasons that I shouldn’t get involved with any guy, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Reed’s mouth all over my body. It had been too long since I felt wanted and desired, and I could see it in his eyes that he wanted me. His hands drifted down to follow the contours of my back, and as I heard his breath hitch, I didn’t want him to stop.

  I was the queen of bad ideas and bad decisions. What my parents didn’t fully understand was that I was capable of making them even without the influence of meds or alcohol. But yet, nothing in my whole life felt as right as that moment in Reed’s arms. I would probably have my heart and soul completely crushed by him, but for some reason, it felt entirely worth it. I needed something, or more appropriately someone, to rip the memories of Trevor and the last year and half completely from my mind.

  “The only thing I see right now is a happy ending for both of us tonight,” I said. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his lips to meet min
e. I heard the low growl in the back of his throat and then his hands plunged into my hair and his lips crushed against mine. I had broken through one of Reed’s walls, and I had no intention of stopping until I crushed them all.

  CHAPTER TEN

  My brain short-circuited for several moments as the heat from Reed’s body enveloped mine. I felt like I couldn’t get close enough to him and I didn’t even realize that he had maneuvered me backward until I felt the stabilizing solidity of the wall meeting my backside. All I knew was that Reed had full possession of my mouth, and I was in heaven. I figured that a man with his kind of reputation was a good kisser, and he ripped that idea to shreds. The way that his lips danced across mine, and his tongue caressed and deftly explored the inside of my mouth made me whimper.

  His fingers interlaced with mine against the sides of my body and then he brought them up over my head as he pressed fully against me. He was in complete control, and there was no way I could escape him even if I wanted to. He pushed one knee between my legs widening my stance and allowing him to get even closer. His hard, sinewy length seemed contoured to fit my body perfectly like a glove. Although there was a part of me that felt exposed and vulnerable, it was exhilarating at the same time. I knew that I had cracked the lid on a box that I never wanted to close again.

  I panted as his mouth freed my lips and then my thoughts spun out of control as his mouth moved across my jawline and down the side of my neck leaving a trail of white hot kisses the whole way. When he nipped the sensitive skin at the crook of my neck and my shoulder I couldn’t keep the moan of pleasure from erupting from my lips out into the still air.

  When he released my hands, my fingers moved to his shoulders and then dug into his silky hair as I tried alternately to move him closer and urge him on. His hands swept up to my hips and then the tips of his fingers pushed underneath the hem of my shirt, and I thought I was going to die from the skin on skin contact. If he could get me this hot from barely touching me, what was it going to feel like to have him inside of me? That thought caught hold in my mind, and then I wiggled against him and pulled his lips back up to mine.

  I tried to tell him through my urgent, hungry kisses that I wanted more. I wanted everything he could give me and then some. I wasn’t afraid anymore. I didn’t want him to hold back. I was ready. I wasn’t sure if he understood, or if his own need suddenly matched my own, but as he tugged my shirt up I yanked on the back of his. Without the barrier of cloth between us now, my hands explored every inch of his muscular back while his swept across my stomach and up my torso to cup and gently knead my breasts. My hardened nipples were evident through the lace of my bra, and I almost screamed as I felt his fingertips lightly squeeze them.

  My body felt as if it was on fire. Reed’s head moved down, and his mouth explored my collarbone. He pushed the strap of my bra down in advance of his lips finding where my sensitive nub was hiding. I felt Reed’s own arousal, hard and thick against my inner thigh, and I rubbed against him practically mewling at his touch.

  He stopped then, and although he didn’t pull away, his lips stopped just short of mine. “We should stop, babe.”

  “I don’t want to,” I gasped. What in the world was he saying? It was so obvious that I wanted what was happening as much as he did that his words didn’t make any sense.

  “I don’t want to either.” His voice was thick with lust and his hands tightened around my waist. It was as if he were afraid to let go. “But I can’t do this.”

  My mind, clouded with desire, short-circuited on his words. “I don’t understand.”

  His head fell to my shoulder, and his words sounded muffled next to my skin. “It’s not you, Kate. You are smart, beautiful, and sexy as hell. I want you. This is about me. I can’t do this with you.”

  He was rejecting me. I didn’t care that he was trying to make me feel better by saying it wasn’t me. If it weren’t me, then he wouldn’t have stopped. Instantly anger took over which hid the shame that threatened to strangle me. I pushed at his shoulders. “Get off of me.”

  “Kate.”

  “Where’s my shirt?” I spied it next to the flashlights at our feet. I was thankful for the dimly lit room. It hid the embarrassment that I thought would surely overwhelm me if I looked at Reed for one more second. I made a huge mistake. He must think I was a silly girl throwing herself at him the way I just had. I would have let him take me right against the wall of this rickety old building. There was something seriously wrong with me.

  “Kate,” Reed tried to get my attention again, but I ignored him as I pulled the shirt over my head.

  Once again fully clothed, I needed to find a way to get out of this situation as quickly as possible with as much dignity as I could muster considering I had none left. “I’d like you to take me back to my car now,” I said stiffly. I didn’t let him answer before dashing out of the building as fast as my feet would carry me.

  Even though I could feel the tears burning in the corners of my eyes, I wasn’t going to cry. Not in front of Reed. I felt as if I caught a glimpse of something evocative and fiery, and then the door abruptly slammed shut. Reed was mysterious and smolderingly sexy. There was a fierceness that brewed just below the surface, and I ached to claw at it because I understood it. But why he would turn away from it and me when I could feel how badly he wanted it was beyond me. His rejection of me was on a primal level, and it hurt.

  I stopped short of the truck and waited, staring out into the darkness toward the highway. I watched a set of headlights in the distance appear from the direction of Bleckerville and then curve off past the driveway where I stood. I tried to still my pounding heart as I heard the telltale noise of footsteps approaching me.

  Reed’s hands touched my shoulders, and I twisted out of his grasp. He didn’t want me. Or better yet, his body wanted me but his mind didn’t. Fine. I wasn’t going to set myself up for that awkward conversation. I never wanted to discuss what just happened. Ever.

  “I need to get back,” I said. Then I pulled away from him and got into the truck. If I didn’t know it was more than a mile back into town, I would have walked instead. When Reed joined me in the truck, the tension was palatable.

  He started the truck, and I felt his eyes on me. “We should talk about what happened. I want to explain.”

  “There’s nothing to explain,” I said as I averted my eyes out my window. “You told me you just wanted to be friends. You told me that you didn’t want to be involved that way. I crossed a line I shouldn’t have. It’s fine.”

  I wasn’t sure if he was going to say anything else, or not, and I was grateful when he didn’t. It gave me the time I needed to compose myself. The short drive back to town seemed to stretch into hours. I couldn’t wait to get into my car, flee back to the Willoughby, lock myself in my room, and cry myself to sleep. I was an idiot. When a guy says he doesn’t want you like that, you should listen. I was stupid for thinking that the mixed signals that Reed sent me were anything more than what they were: a guy who might be attracted to me, but didn’t want to be involved with me. A guy who had declared rather emphatically that he didn’t want to be involved with anyone.

  I should have felt better that he was a gentleman enough to stop things before they went too far. He could have slept with me and then told me. It’s what I would have expected with his reputation.

  He barely had the truck in park back at Java Joe’s before I threw the door open and climbed out. I fumbled to get my keys out of my purse when I heard his door open too.

  “Shit,” I cursed as my shaking fingers refused to grasp the key ring. Reed’s shadow fell across me just as I finally found purchase on the ring and yanked it out of the bag.

  Reed put his hand on my car door. If I wanted to pry it open, I was going to have to fight with his brute strength. There was a part of me that wanted to try, but that would surely be a sign of how much the stalled encounter in the town hall affected me. I wasn’t going to give him that satisfaction.


  “I can’t let you leave like this,” he said softly. “You’re upset.”

  “I’m not upset,” I lied. I looked down at my feet. “I need to go. Please move.”

  He moved toward me and started to put his arms around me but I fought at him, slapping his hands away. But he was bigger than me, and my pathetic attempts to outmaneuver him lasted less than thirty seconds.

  “I’m your friend,” he whispered against my ear. “As your friend, I’m telling you that you deserve somebody better than me. You don’t know anything about me. You won’t understand.”

  Dragging a deep breath from my lungs, I finally looked up into his eyes. The tears that I could barely hold back threatened to fall at any minute. I saw Reed’s pain and hurt mirrored my own.

  “You’re not even giving me a chance to understand,” I whispered.

  “I told you what I wanted here,” Reed said. “I’d like to be your friend because based on some of the things you told me earlier, I think you need one too. At the end of the summer, you are going to go back home and will forget this place and everyone in it. And I don’t do relationships. Sex and everything that comes with it just complicates things. This way is better. We can spend time together, have some laughs, and nobody is going to get hurt.”

  My swollen lips said differently. I wondered who he was protecting, me or himself. Probably both. I grudgingly had to agree that at least part of what he said made sense. Although I might have acted nonchalant in talking about having a summer fling to Millie, there was no way that I’d be able to have a one night stand with Reed and not want to do it again. And again. And again. His aura sucked me in and struck a chord with a part of me that I forgot existed.

  “I’m not sure I can do that,” I said honestly. The idea of being around Reed and not being able to touch him ripped at me. Cradled there in his arms, I didn’t want to be anywhere else. “How can you expect me to forget what just happened?”