Where My Heart Breaks

by Ivy Sinclair

  My ears burned. Why was Patrice telling Sam that? There was only one logical conclusion. She wanted to make sure that Sam would agree to help her put me on the right path despite my past. In Patrice’s eyes, I was a broken little bird who needed to be guided back to health. And when I was set free, I needed to be pointed at a guy like Sam.

  “I don’t doubt that there’s some kind of chemistry there, but I was with her all night last night. She didn’t even hesitate when I asked her out. She might have learned from her mistakes. It’s possible that she’s changed,” Sam replied.

  I wanted to kick Sam in the groin and hug him for defending me at the same time. The unfair thing though was that it wasn’t enough that I had Reed playing with my emotions, but now I had Sam deftly manipulating them as well.

  “Kate can’t be allowed to get any closer to Reed Black than she already has. As if I wasn’t going to hear that she was out with him last week. That man is a disgrace to his mother. I won’t let him drag Kate down and tarnish her reputation any further.”

  “To be fair, what happened back then with Isabelle wasn’t his fault,” Sam countered.

  Who the hell was Isabelle?

  “That’s where it all started, but he’s been nothing but a menace to the heart of every single woman under the age of thirty in this town ever since. Tragedy isn’t an excuse for that kind of behavior. Whatever woman that man sets his sights on is doomed. I don’t want that for Kate. She’s in a vulnerable state right now.”

  “We’re going out on Wednesday. I’ll be able to find out more then,” Sam said.

  I wasn’t going to listen to any more of Patrice and her little spy plotting against me. I took hold of the bathroom door, opened it, and then shut it loudly. Then I cleared my throat and walked down the hallway into the foyer.

  Patrice eyed me with a raised eyebrow. Sam at least had the courtesy to blush.

  “Are you ready to go through the accounts receivables?” Patrice asked.

  I wanted to confront her and ask her what she meant when she said Reed was a disgrace. I also wanted to tell Sam that he could shove his date up his ass. But then I realized that if I couldn’t get Reed to open up about his past, I was going to need to do some investigative work of my own. I needed Sam on my side.

  “You bet. You know how I love working with numbers,” I replied.

  Four hours. Then I’d be with Reed again. This time, I was going to get to the bottom of his issues if it killed me.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  My eyes burned from what seemed like an eternity of pouring over spreadsheets and invoices and tax paperwork. Despite my declaration that I loved numbers, I found that I wasn’t as fond of them as I thought. Good thing I didn’t go into accounting like Millie suggested our sophomore year. It was disconcerting because it seemed like everything that I thought I liked about myself and my life was going up in flames.

  I tried to play it off that it was simply the effect of finding out the end of Jackson and Camilla’s story. Patrice, sensing my dark mood, finally sent me up to my room after the third time I growled and rubbed my eyes in disgust at a simple mistake I made in addition. It wasn’t even the hard stuff.

  Pacing my room, I called Millie.

  “I’m ready to do something crazy,” I said.

  “Define crazy, please.” She sounded entirely too chipper.

  “The guy I’m interested in runs hot and cold like a goddamn faucet. Add in the fact that the other guy who is interested in me is a pawn in my aunt’s match making game and I don’t know what’s going on with my love life. I have no interest in ever looking at another number again, which spells disaster for this sham of a job I’m stuck with. And just to add insult to injury, this stupid book lured me in thinking it was a love story and then kicked me in the gut.”

  There was a long pause, and for a moment I thought I lost her.

  “Only you could manage to find so much drama in the sticks,” she finally replied.

  “Help me!” I stomped my foot on the floor. I was ready to pull out my suitcases and leave. I’d go to New York and move in with Millie and deal with my parents later. Like on the other side of forever later.

  “Hon, what do you want me to say?”

  I fell backwards on the bed. “Tell me what to do.”

  “Why? You know what you have to do.”

  My eyes popped open. I hated when Millie talked in grown-up riddles. My mother said that same kind of stuff to me all the time, usually accompanied by crossed arms and raised eyebrows. Even then I knew that I was supposed to be doing whatever she thought I was supposed to do. It was infuriating.

  “What?”

  “Since when have you ever taken no for an answer? I’ve known you for three years. You argue about everything. Even when you know you’re wrong. For some reason, this guy gives you all these mixed signals, and you’re just rolling over and taking it? That’s not like you.”

  She was right. It wasn’t like me. “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

  Millie sighed. “You can’t factor this past year into the equation. Chalk it up to temporary insanity. You’ve got your head on straight now. That’s all that matters.”

  “I can’t just forget the last year. God, everything that is happening to me now is the result of the last year. You told me that I was supposed to swear off the boys for the summer. You were right. I should have listened to you.”

  “Just because you acted like an ass last fall doesn’t mean you are an ass. I’m sure Dr. Kreger will eventually find some black secret in your past that explains Trevor and all the bad stuff that came with him, and that will certainly require years of therapy down the road to overcome. My money’s on your mother.”

  “You are so helpful,” I snapped.

  “You’re welcome.” Millie sounded smug, which was infuriating.

  “I have a date with Sam on Wednesday night.”

  “Wait, you’re going out with the other guy? I didn’t think you liked him that way? When did that happen? Why did that happen?”

  I rubbed the bridge of my nose. Those were too many questions. At this rate, the skin on my nose would be raw before the end of the hour. “He invited me to the bar last night. I met his friends. There was dancing and drinks. Then Reed kissed me and said that we could only be friends.”

  “Wait, did you say drinking?”

  Crap. I forgot that was something that I meant to leave out of my story. “I was fine. I didn’t do anything bad other than inadvertently saying yes to this date. And kissing Reed again. But after that I went home.”

  “We’re going to come back to that in a minute,” Millie said. “Are you trying to make the hot guy jealous, or start a love triangle?”

  “I don’t like Sam that way,” I said.

  “I’m not judging. You wouldn’t be the first woman in history to keep her options open.”

  If memory served, it was a tactic that Millie often employed. It’s just that in her situations, she never liked either guy well enough to make a decision on one, so it was hardly a triangle. I think Millie even had a rectangle once.

  “I’ve been here for five minutes. Sam has lived in this town his whole life. It would be useful to know someone who knows Bleckerville.”

  “So you’re going to use the poor sap for intel on the hot guy. Nice, Kate.”

  “You weren’t there. You don’t understand. I didn’t have the heart to tell him no at that particular moment in time. Look, I have to go. I have another non-date book date with Reed.”

  “We need to talk about this drinking thing,” Millie said.

  I sighed. “Not now, okay? I swear, I was fine. I have to go.”

  “I’m worried about you,” Millie said. “Trust your instincts, kiddo. If you’re as put together as you are saying, you’ll know what to do.”

  We said our good-byes and I felt miserable. I knew what I wanted. I needed Reed to fess up and admit that he wanted me as badly as I wanted him. I sat up and stared out the window at the lake.
I could see a few small canoes out near the middle. Everything seemed peaceful in the late afternoon sun. There was nothing peaceful about the swirl of thoughts and emotions bouncing around inside of my body.

  Reed Black. He was an enigma. Maybe if I understood him better and what made him tick, I could get this strong need to be with him out of my system. I could get on with my life and find a nice guy, a guy like Sam, to settle down with and live out the rest of my years. That thought was so depressing that it made me want to weep.

  I glanced at the clock and realized that I didn’t have long to get ready. I made my way into my closet. My eyes came to rest on a simple strapless blue cotton sundress. I knew that it cinched in, accentuating my waist, and since the skirt was short it made my legs look miles long. Bonus, I didn’t have to wear a bra. I quickly changed and pulled my hair out of its confining bun. With a pair of canvas shoes and jean jacket over top, the mirror reflected a fresh faced young woman who looked like she was barely out of high school.

  For some reason, I thought that Reed would be pleased. He didn’t seem like the type of guy who wanted a high maintenance girl. Although looks may get his attention, I knew that he was deeper than that even if he didn’t want to admit it. His rough, bad boy looks masked quick wit and intelligence. Under all of that, I sensed a vulnerability that called out to mine. Both of us were misjudged and maligned by the people around us. Like seeks out like. What other things did Reed and I share? I wanted to know. I wanted to find out.

  I grabbed my purse and left my room. I came to a halt at the top of the stairs. It didn’t occur to me until that moment that there was a good chance that Sam and Patrice were about to see me leave with Reed. I should have told him that I’d meet him in town. As I made my way down the stairs, Reed’s voice wafted up to me.

  “Nice to see you again, Patrice.”

  Ugh. Too late.

  I didn’t hear Patrice’s reply. I hurried down the stairs. I needed to get Reed outside before Patrice said or did anything obnoxious.

  I arrived at the bottom of the stairs and found Reed leaning casually against the registration desk. Patrice’s look was sour as she glared at the back of his head. Reed looked utterly delectable, and I felt those damn butterflies in my stomach again. This whole thing would be so much easier to deal with if he wasn’t gorgeous.

  I pulled Lula’s book out of my purse and waved it at Patrice. “I finished it. We’re going to go out to Grossler’s Point to take a look around. I won’t be late.” I hated feeling like I had to explain anything to her.

  “Umm,” she said.

  “So, let’s go,” I said to Reed. “I’ll see you later, Patrice.”

  I walked toward the door hoping that Reed would catch the hint and follow me. I felt his presence a few moments later, his long legs easily bringing him to my side. I didn’t say anything until we were around the corner headed for the parking lot.

  “Your aunt seems to like me even less than usual today,” Reed said.

  “That’s Patrice for you,” I said. I wanted to tell him the real reason for Patrice’s behavior, but it wasn’t relevant. I had other things on my mind. I had to get him alone and somewhere he couldn’t dismiss me so easily. That night at the town hall, I ran away because I was confused and hurt. Last night, he had an exit route. It was time to get everything out on the table in a place where neither of us could easily escape.

  I saw Reed’s truck in the driveway, and I was halfway to it when I heard my name. I winced, and Reed paused. I turned and saw Sam standing outside the kitchen door. The look on his face made me regret my decision to not break our date yet. I knew what it looked like, and I couldn’t deny what I wanted it to be. I’m sure Sam saw it on my face.

  Reed stepped closer to me. “Let’s go. We don’t want to waste any more daylight.”

  I waved halfhearted at Sam. Then I turned back around so that I didn’t have to watch the expression that crossed his face when he realized that I was going to leave with Reed. Reed opened the truck door for me, and I got in. We rode in silence for several long minutes.

  “So are you going to go out with that guy?” Reed broke the silence with the question that I didn’t want to answer.

  “Wednesday,” I said.

  “I see.”

  I let the silence go on for another few minutes. Then I felt the anger bubbling up inside. Why did he care? There was only one reason that made sense. “I wouldn’t be going out with him if someone else had asked me out.”

  “Sam’s a good guy,” Reed said. It came out like a low growl.

  Letting out a long sigh, I looked out the window. It wasn’t quite time to push him yet. I had to bide my time and wait. I needed a safer topic.

  “What made you decide to focus on Walter Moolen’s book for your thesis? It seems like an unusual topic.”

  I hadn’t thought it was possible for Reed to look unhappier, but I was wrong.

  “I had a friend in high school who was obsessed with that book since we were kids. She drove everybody crazy reciting passages constantly. I think she went through five or six copies because she reread it all the time. She probably knew more about that story than Walter Moolen.”

  “So she inspired you to use the book as your thesis?” I wondered about a girl who would have that much power over Reed. He didn’t seem easily influenced.

  Reed continued as if he hadn’t even heard my question. “Once, senior year, she twisted my arm to get me to drive her to Charlotte for one of Moolen’s book signings. This was right before he died and the book became really well-known. When we got to the front of the line, she couldn’t even speak. I knew she had a laundry list of questions she wanted to ask him, but standing there in front of him, she froze. So I asked him the questions for her. I got three in before a store employee asked us to move out of the way.”

  “That was really cool of you to do.” Even in high school, it sounded as if Reed was different from the average guy.

  “Moolen looked at me and then looked at Izzy, and told me that, in his head, he pictured Jackson and Camilla looking just like us.”

  I froze. “Izzy?”

  “Isabelle Blake. In school, from the time we were in kindergarten, I always sat next to her when the teachers assigned seats alphabetically. I called her Izzy.”

  Isabelle. That was the girl that Patrice and Sam mentioned when I eavesdropped on their conversation.

  Reed continued on, unaware that I was trying to fit the puzzle pieces together in my mind.

  “You could say that meeting Walter Moolen that night and hearing him talk about the summer he spent in Bleckerville had an effect on me.”

  I had to ask, even though it seemed obvious that Reed’s story didn’t have a happy ending. “So where’s Isabelle now?”

  “She’s dead.”

  The words hung in the air between us. I saw the pain on Reed’s face, and I didn’t hesitate. I slid across the seat and put my arms around his shoulders. I felt him tense, and then his muscles relaxed. He put his arm around my waist and I moved in closer, squeezing him tightly. Then I put my cheek against his chest.

  “I’m sorry.”

  His arm pulled me closer to him. We didn’t move for a long time.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  The highway climbed upwards, and I could feel the slight change in altitude affecting my ears. I remembered from the map that Reed and I reviewed the night at the café showed Grossler’s Point nestled in the foothills of the mountains. Despite its name, it wasn’t the top of a bluff, which is what I expected. Grossler’s Point was actually a rocky outcropping that overlooked a lake. In Walter Moolen’s book, the lake was a secret to outsiders and only known to the people who lived in the area.

  Reed told me that there were only two lakes in the county, and the locals called them the twins. I saw why once Reed turned the truck off the highway onto the gravel road that led to the lake. As the trees opened up, exposing the lake’s shoreline, I immediately thought that it looked identical to the lake at
the Willoughby.

  The road ended in a small dirt parking lot, and Reed cut the engine. I was still pressed against his side, unwilling to move away from his warm body despite the heat outside.

  “You ready for this?”

  It was the same question he had asked me at the town hall, but now it seemed to carry a different meaning. Was he talking about seeing Grossler’s Point and standing on the same spot where Jackson lost Camilla forever? Or was it an insinuation that he was finally going to admit that there was something going on between us?

  “I’m ready for anything.”

  Something shifted between us on the ride to Grossler’s Point. I couldn’t be the only one who felt it. I refused to believe that, but I would let Reed get comfortable with the idea. I wasn’t going to push him. Not yet.

  He popped open his door and then turned. It made sense for me to get out his side considering I was already halfway there. I leaned over and then Reed surprised me when he reached up and put his hands on my waist. I grasped the tops of his arms and let him pull me out of the cab. He set me gently on the ground. When I got there, he didn’t let me go. Instead, he stared down at me with an intensity that made me flush with warmth and desire. He looked as if he wanted to devour me, but I could see by the set of his jaw that the thoughts rolling through his mind were troubling him.

  “Do I have something in my teeth?” I thought the moment could use a little humor, but my voice came out rushed and breathless.

  Reed shook his head slowly. His fingertips brushed across my cheek, and his thumb settled on my lips. The pad slid across my upper lip, and I couldn’t stop myself from parting my lips and letting the tip of his thumb into my mouth. I ran my tongue across the pad, and Reed’s eyes fluttered and he groaned. I felt an immediate rush of power.

  I sucked the digit further into my mouth and slowly lapped it. He moved it so that it danced with my tongue, and I felt my hips gyrate in the same circular motion as my tongue. Then Reed’s eyes flew open, and he stared at my mouth watching me suck and nibble with an eagerness that hopefully told him there were other parts of him that I wanted to taste as well.