Where My Heart Breaks

by Ivy Sinclair

  Knowing about Reed’s past made so many other things clearer. I understood now why he kept everyone at arm’s length. What I didn’t know though was if or why he would change for me. We had known each other for just over a week. We had chemistry between us in spades, but that could fizzle and fade. He might have been on the verge of telling me that he wasn’t interested in dating me either.

  Shivering, feeling as if I was being broken in two, I grabbed my cell phone off the bedside table and dialed Millie’s number. I needed to talk to someone before I really did go crazy and do something stupid.

  “Somebody better be dead.” Millie’s sleepy voice instantly calmed me. If anyone would know what to do, it would be Millie.

  “Sorry to call so late,” I said. I couldn’t keep the quiver out of my voice. Tears threatened to squeeze from the corners of my eyes again.

  “What’s wrong? What happened?” Millie was wide awake now. “Did that jerk do something to you?”

  “He’s not a jerk,” I said. “We had an amazing night together. Then things just fell apart. He told me stuff that I don’t know how to process, and then Patrice tattled on me to my mother. She gave me an ultimatum. Everything has turned into a big mess.” I couldn’t put into words the depth of turmoil I felt, and I hoped that what I could say would help Millie understand.

  “One thing at a time,” Millie said. “How amazing?”

  A soft smile played across my lips as I touched them gently. They were still bruised from Reed’s silken torture. I had never been as thoroughly tasted and explored as I had been that evening. “As in there is no comparison I have with any other guy I’ve ever been with.”

  That was true and it didn’t end there. What had happened between us felt like so much more than just sex to me. The connection between us was intense and wild. He had worshipped my body and used every tool at his disposable, his lips, his tongue, his fingers and other parts of his body to satisfy me in ways that still made me quiver just thinking about it. He had made love to me three times during our time together at Grossler’s Point, but far from satisfying my craving for him, it only intensified it.

  “Are you in love with him?”

  I got out of bed and started to pace the room. I need to do some fast backpedaling. Millie’s words hit too close to the truth, which scared the hell out of me. “Of course not. I’ve known him a week. He has a pretty bad reputation with women, which from what I’ve gathered he justifiably earned. He lives in Bleckerville. Not to mention, my mother just told me in no uncertain terms that I am never to see him socially again. Falling in love with a guy like that would be the stupidest thing I could do.” My voice wavered and as the horrible words left my mouth I wanted to cry, because I didn’t believe any of it. That was the image Reed wanted people to see, not the man he really was.

  Millie sighed. “Oh boy. You are so in trouble.”

  My attempt to hide my feelings for Reed from her failing miserably, I sank to the floor. I put my hand over my face to wipe away the tears. “I am so in trouble.”

  “I think you should try to get some sleep. Let me think about it, and then we can talk more in the morning.”

  “There’s nothing much to talk about, Millie,” I replied. “My options are forget last night and everything that happened, or piss off my mother and lose any shot at school next year for a guy who probably was just looking to get in my pants anyway.”

  It hurt to say that about Reed, but if I assumed that all he wanted was a one-night stand, it felt easier to justify what I had to do. There really were no options. I would cut him out of my life. That’s all I could do.

  “Sleep first. Then coffee. Then strategy. Hang in there. I’ll get you through this,” Millie said.

  We said our goodbyes and then I stood. I looked out the window at the lake. With the moon high in the sky, it looked so peaceful on the surface. I wondered if there would ever be a time in my life again where it was that peaceful. I had enough drama to last a lifetime.

  A path to Reed was a place lined with drama that would turn my carefully constructed world upside down. Everything that I had worked so hard to build back up after the disaster with Trevor would come tumbling back down. I had allowed a guy to upend my life once already. Even though I knew in my heart that Reed was nothing like Trevor, the consequences of pursuing a relationship with him were the same, especially if he was still hung up on a girl who had been gone for almost a decade.

  I climbed back into bed and pulled the pillow over my face to muffle my sobs. At some point, I fell into an uneasy sleep.

  “Rise and shine, sleepyhead!”

  I struggled to figure out where I was because that voice didn’t belong in my room at the Willoughby. When I cracked open my eyes, I blinked. Then I blinked again. When the grinning face staring down at me didn’t disappear, I shot up in bed.

  “Millie? What are you doing here?” Millie bounced onto my bed, and I wrapped her up in a tight hug in shocked delight. “Is this a dream?”

  Millie laughed and pulled away from me. She looked me over from head to toe with a slight frown of disapproval on her face. Considering she looked as if she had just stepped from the cover of the latest edition of Vogue, I could only imagine what she was thinking.

  “I am here because my best friend in the entire world is having a major life crisis. I wasn’t going to lounge on the beach with my guilty pleasure novels any more. So voila. I am here to rescue you from yourself.” She stood up and dipped into a small curtsey.

  I was suspicious, not because I didn’t believe her, but I had a feeling that my quagmire of a life wasn’t the only thing that brought Millie to my doorstep.

  “I thought your dad insisted on quality family time this summer,” I said.

  “Good old dad is only interested in making sure that I have plenty of quality Rick time this summer,” Millie said with an eye roll. “He didn’t even make it up to the beach house this past weekend. He said he had too many things to do at work.”

  “So you’re avoiding Rick,” I said with a small smile. I didn’t care if Millie had an ulterior motive for her visit to the Willoughby. Just having her there was good enough for me. I needed her.

  Millie batted her eyes. “If, by way of keeping my best friend from losing her marbles, I miss out on a series of strategically planned interludes that were guaranteed to end with Rick on bended knee with a ring in hand, then that isn’t my fault.”

  “Happy to take one for the team, are you?”

  Falling backwards onto my bed with a heavy sigh, Millie said, “A best friend’s work can be quite a burden.”

  I laughed and fell onto the bed beside her. “How did you get here so fast? I just talked to you,” I glanced at my watch, “five hours ago.”

  Millie propped herself up on her elbow and faced me. She had a guilty look on her face. She might have thought of lying, but she sucked at lying, and she knew that I knew it. “I was already on my way. I was at a hotel in Raleigh. Good thing too based on what sounds like went down with you and Mr. Sexy Bedroom Eyes last night. After you called, I packed everything up and drove the rest of the way as fast as I could.”

  “I’m really glad you are here,” I said truthfully. “It’s like everything blew up and I’m trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces.”

  “We’ll do it together,” Millie said. She pushed herself back up so that she was sitting on her knees.

  “How long are you staying? Patrice has been keeping me busy. I’m not sure how much time we’ll be able to spend together.” I thought about the fact that Patrice expected me to work twelve to fourteen hours a day.

  “I’ll stay as long as you don’t mind me sleeping with you,” Millie said with a lewd wink. “Yes, your aunt seemed less than thrilled when I introduced myself and asked her where I could find you. She also made it very clear that there are no available rooms for friends of the employees.”

  I groaned. That sounded just like Patrice. “Of course, you can stay with me as long as yo
u like.”

  I wondered if Patrice had already reported Millie’s arrival to my mother. I hoped that didn’t prompt another phone call. My mother was cautiously accepting of Millie in my life. I think it helped that Millie and I were friends long before the trouble of last fall. What my mother didn’t like was that Millie’s family had money. My parents were comfortable, but the St. John’s were loaded, and that didn’t sit well with my mother.

  “You don’t need to worry about entertaining me. I can relax here just as well as I can at the beach,” Millie said.

  I didn’t doubt it. Millie could find a way to have a good time inside an empty cardboard box.

  I looked at my watch again and sighed. “I have to get ready for work. I’m already late. Do you want any help bringing your stuff in?”

  “Nope, I’ll take care of it,” Millie said. “You go take a long shower and take your time getting ready. I’ll distract your aunt in the meantime. Since you haven’t seen me in a few weeks, you’ve apparently forgotten how utterly charming I am.”

  I rolled my eyes again. Since our freshman year, Millie scored the leading roles in all of the school’s theatrical productions. Besides being drop dead gorgeous, she actually was a really good actress. If anyone could distract Patrice, it was Millie.

  As I made my way into the bathroom, I looked over my shoulder as I was closing the door. “If you aren’t careful, she’ll coerce you into working for her. She’s even sneakier than you are.”

  Millie tossed her long blond hair over her shoulder. I envied the natural wave and bounciness of her curls. “Impossible.”

  I shut the door before she could see my grin. If I had learned anything about Patrice over the last week, it was that she didn’t appreciate idle hands around the Willoughby. If Millie were going to be staying any length of time, Patrice would definitely find something useful for her to do. Although that idea should have bothered me, it didn’t. The longer that Millie was there to be my buffer, the more tolerable the rest of my summer would be. Maybe she could even help me forget about Reed.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  I climbed into the shower, and I tried not to think about Reed, but it was damn near impossible. During my shower, as I ran the soap across my skin, images of Reed’s fingers doing the same rose unbidden in my mind. I remembered the feel of the hard rocks beneath my bottom as he rocked between my legs on the shore of the lake during our second “tutoring” encounter of the evening. My wild cries of pleasure joined with his and neither one of us cared if anyone heard us.

  My cheeks felt warm, and it wasn’t from the steam of the hot water any longer. My hand slipped between my legs, and I imagined it was Reed’s hand instead. I closed my eyes and let my fingers take me back to those stolen moments of pure bliss when Reed and I were as intimately connected as two people could be. I could still feel the intensity of his stare as his eyes held mine. He insisted that second time, just like the first, that I kept my eyes open so he could watch me as he brought me to that pinnacle of pleasure.

  I brought my foot up on the edge of the tub and leaned against the wall as my fingers teased that sensitive bundle of nerves. My breath came in short gasps. I pictured him there with me, pressing the length of his hard body against me and taking control just like he did on the lakeshore. Reed left no doubt that he was a man who liked to be the one in charge. I didn’t argue. I was too wrapped up in what he was doing to me to care.

  When the release came, I slipped down the wall with a low whimper. I hoped that Millie was long gone.

  I realized then that I was totally screwed. No matter how hesitant I was about Reed’s past and his ability to care about me the same way I did him, he had hooked me as surely as a drug. My treacherous body betrayed how badly I wanted to have his hands on me again to boot.

  I leaned over and turned the knob to cold. It seemed inevitable that I had many cold showers to look forward to in my future.

  By the time I emerged from the bathroom a half an hour later, feeling more positive than I had since speaking with my mother, I found my room empty. I saw three large suitcases parked beside the door and couldn’t help but chuckle. Millie wasn’t known to be a light packer, so even if she only thought she was staying overnight, she would have packed for several weeks just to ensure she had the perfect outfit for whatever activity came her way.

  I also thought it was a good thing that she and I were used to living in cramped, closed quarters together. Without that practice, we’d be at each other throats in no time flat. As it was, I went into my closet and tried to create as much room as possible for Millie to hang her wardrobe. I also moved the clothes from two of the dresser drawers into the nightstand. Satisfied I had given my friend as much room as I could squeeze out of the confined storage spaces, I quickly got dressed. I didn’t want to leave Millie alone with Patrice any longer than I had to.

  Pulling my hair back into my favored bun at the base of my neck, I swept some powder across my cheeks and added lip gloss. Since starting work at the Willoughby, I went for comfort in my clothes and appearance rather than high-maintenance, which seemed wise since I never knew what Patrice was going to have me doing. Going up in the attic to drag decorations out seemed to be one of her favorite tasks for me. The bags under my eyes were obvious even with the bit of concealer I put on to hide them. My sleep the night before had been anything but restful, and it showed.

  A pair of canvas tennis shoes completed my simple ensemble. I slipped out into the hallway and mentally prepared myself for the day ahead. As I reached the top of the stairs, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I paused to pull it out, and felt a new rush of conflicting emotions when I saw that it was a text from Reed.

  We have unfinished business.

  Boy did we ever. I stopped my fingers from typing a response. My mother was exceedingly clear when it came to Reed. No social contact whatsoever. I could try to sneak behind Patrice’s back, but if I got caught, she’d tell on me without hesitation and then I’d lose everything. Millie might be able to help me concoct some excuse that would give me the breathing room I’d need to meet him, but then what? I’d be right back at square one, and if there was even the remotest possibility that he’d tell me that I was more than a fling to him, I think I’d shatter and break apart. I wouldn’t be able to stay away from him. My heart wouldn’t let me.

  I stood at a crossroads. If I responded, if I saw him again and we were alone, there was a good chance I’d come undone. I’d throw everything I’d worked for all away for him in a heartbeat if he touched me the way he had the night before. I’d become the epitome of a lost cause in my mother’s eyes, and then when I woke up in three months and realized I had the cold hard gaze of my non-existent future staring me in the face, I could regret my decision.

  Tears burned in my eyes as I stared at the phone display. With a lump in my throat, I deleted the message. Then I shoved the phone back into my pocket and started slowly to descend the stairs. For all I knew, Reed might be relieved at my sudden disappearance from his life. He had seemed confused and uncomfortable with the idea of what I represented to him, and this gave him an easy out. He could go back to being the guy that he pretended to be. I would be nothing more than another notch in his bedpost, but hopefully one that he’d look back on with fondness.

  If I so wholeheartedly believed that though, why did it feel as if my insides were being ripped apart?

  I arrived at the bottom of the steps and saw that there was no one behind the registration desk, which surprised me. I looked at my watch. It was almost nine o’clock. I heard the murmur of voices coming from the back of the house. The guests would be at breakfast, but I wondered where Patrice and Millie had gone. It wasn’t like Patrice to leave the front desk unmanned.

  Then I caught a glimpse of blond hair outside and I moved to the door leading out to the backyard. I was surprised to see Patrice and Millie standing in the middle of the lush green grass staring back up at the house. Millie gestured wildly, her arms taking in all of
the expansive lawn around them and then pointing at the lake. Patrice had her arms crossed, listening with narrowed eyes. I stepped out onto the patio, and Millie caught sight of me. She smiled and waved for me to join them.

  I approached cautiously, choosing to focus on Millie instead of the woman beside her. Since I agreed with Reed’s assessment that we hadn’t done anything wrong, I was angry that Patrice took it upon herself to tattle on me to my mother. Everything was a mess again, and in my mind, it was Patrice’s fault. To add insult to injury, I was stuck under her thumb for the rest of the summer.

  As I drew up to them, Millie’s voice got louder. “Kate! I was just talking to Patrice about opening up the Willoughby as a wedding venue to help drive more business. Everybody loves a wedding, don’t you agree?”

  I wondered what Millie was up to. “Sure. More business is a good thing.” It seemed like a safe enough response. I didn’t have an opinion on that at all actually.

  Unlike many women in the world, I wasn’t pining for that special day when I’d put my hand in the hand of the guy I decided to stick with for the rest of my life. I never played pretend wedding when I was a kid, and I ignored every conversation my friends had that involved the word.

  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to get married someday. I wasn’t opposed to the idea. The whole production required for planning a wedding made my head explode. I didn’t understand spending a year of your life planning and tens of thousands of dollars on one day. I had decided long ago that if I ever tied the knot, I was going to elope. My mother would probably keel over from such an idea, which, in a way, made it all the more attractive.

  “Your friend has some interesting ideas,” Patrice said. “We never offered wedding packages although we had considered it at one time. We do get several inquiries a week about them.”