Happy Hour (Racing on the Edge)

by Shey Stahl

  Jameson gave a quick glance towards the cougar and chuckled softly, then leaned down towards my ear. “Start walking backwards towards the car, but keep up the arguing. It’s distracting him.”

  “Her! It’s a girl. Look at her, she’s eyeing you.”

  “Stop it,” he gave me a repulsed scowl. “talk about something else.”

  “Like what? Is there actual protocol for what to discuss when your life is threatened by a vicious animal?”

  “No, but I don’t want to talk about a cougar looking at me like it wants to mate with me. That’s disgusting.”

  “You know,” I stepped over a log with the help of Jameson. “Some men like cougars.”

  “Sway,” he glared over his shoulder. “Change. The. Fucking. Subject!”

  “No,”

  “Goddamn it, why are you always so stubborn?”

  “Because it’s funny to me that you’re freaked out that you attracted an animal with your bestial noises.”

  By then, we were almost at the car. I could see Aiden and Emma sitting in the back seat. “I wasn’t making bestial noises, was I?”

  “Yes, not that I’m complaining...I’m just saying that’s why the animal came out to play.”

  “All right, that’s enough.” He smacked my ass. “Get in the car, slowly.”

  The cougar followed but made no attempt to chase us. I think she was more curious than anything, and attracted to Jameson.

  Once we reached the door, we both jumped inside the car and locked the doors. Briefly, I thought, obviously a cougar can’t open the door. You never know though.

  “Is that a fucking cougar?” Emma screeched from the back seat, climbing in Aiden’s lap. “Oh my god!”

  “No, it’s a German shepherd.” Jameson scrunched his nose looked around. “What the fuck is that smell?”

  It was strong; Jameson and I both immediately started gagging.

  “Don’t be a dick!” Emma slapped his shoulder, the one she stabbed. “It’s Aiden and it’s not his fault.”

  Jameson spun around in the seat, his expression furious. “If you fucking hit me again—I will shave your head when you’re sleeping and burn all your clothes!” he looked towards Aiden. “Why do you smell like that?”

  Emma answered for him. “He was sprayed by Pepe.”

  “Get out, you stink.” Jameson motioned for him to get out.

  “There’s a fucking cougar standing outside.” Aiden yelled. “I’m not getting out.”

  Emma slapped the back of Jameson’s head. “Don’t talk to him like that.”

  Jameson started to climb in the backseat, as if he was actually going to attack his sister.

  I grabbed his arm before he made it over the center console. “Christ almighty, you two act like children.” Once he sat back down, I sat back drawing my legs up. I had a feeling we were going to be here a while. “Just stop it.”

  “She started it.” Jameson mumbled staring out the window at the cougar who was sitting outside his window.

  I wasn’t sure when he said, “She started it” if you was referring to the cougar or Emma. The cougar seemed have some sort of predilection towards him. And Emma, well there were no words for her.

  After a few minutes, I began to realize the smell was just unbearable.

  “Aiden,” I whined feeling as though I would die if I had to continue to smell him any longer. “At least take your pants off or something.”

  “What?” Jameson snapped coldly, glaring at me.

  “For the smell,” I explained quickly. “If it’s on his pants then maybe it won’t smell so bad if he puts them outside.”

  “She’s right.” Jameson nodded turning towards Aiden behind me. “Take those fucking things off and throw ‘em outside.”

  Aiden shrugged reaching for his belt. Jameson turned around and looked at me to see if I was looking.

  I just giggled again, amused that he would actually think I would want to see Aiden’s camshaft. He looked away and started the car so Aiden could roll down the window.

  “Leave the windows cracked.” I suggested fanning my nose. It really did smell that bad.

  Aiden threw his pants out the window and quickly rolled it back up but left it cracked for much needed ventilation.

  “We should just leave. It’s like four in the morning now and none of us have gotten any sleep.” Emma whined.

  “We can’t just leave all that out there, it’s littering.”

  I wanted to go home as well, but leaving out tents, numerous beer bottles, and food out in a national forest was not a good idea.

  “Sway’s right,” Aiden said. “they could arrest you for something like that.”

  I looked over at Jameson, who’d remained quiet during this. He was gazing at his pet cougar, who was staring at him with oddity.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” he mumbled, refusing to look at me. “I want to go home.”

  “Then get out, clean up the mess we made and we can leave.” Emma suggested kicking the back of his seat jolting him forward.

  “You get out and clean it up.” Jameson said quietly. “You don’t have a cougar giving you ogle eyes.”

  We all started laughing, except Jameson.

  Hours passed and it became more entertaining to me that this was actually happening.

  Here it was five in the morning—we’d been in that damn car most of the night with a cougar right outside Jameson’s window and Aiden, who smelled like god knows what.

  Another two hours later, there we remained.

  “It’s like it has some kind of obsession with Jameson.” Aiden said at one point. “It just stares at him. It’s weird.”

  The cougar hadn’t moved. She just sat there, perched outside Jameson’s window, eyeing him.

  Jameson, well he was beyond annoyed with the whole situation. Not only was there a cougar sitting outside his door but he had to pee, badly.

  Emma being his annoying sister she was; took every opportunity she could to make this worse for him by talking about water, waterfalls, running water...anything with the notion of water, or the trickling of water.

  I could tell he was moments away from whipping it out and pissing on her.

  Emma sighed contently propping her bare feet on the back of Jameson’s seat, bouncing her legs, and shaking his seat. “Hah, I got the last beer.” She announced cracking it open. “Sucks for you guys,”

  I wasn’t sure if she was she trying to bounce the pee out of him or just annoy him to the point of insanity.

  “Emma,” I shook my head giving her a sidelong gaze of you’re-not-really-that-stupid-are-you?

  “What?” She honestly tried to act as if she was doing nothing wrong, continuing to bounce her legs.

  Jameson snapped.

  He ripped the beer bottle from her hands, unzipped his pants and peed in the bottle. When he finished, he offered the beer to her with a grin. “Drink up.”

  “That’s disgusting.” Emma chided. “I didn’t need to hear you pee.”

  “I don’t fucking care. You’re lucky I didn’t piss on you.” Jameson laughed. “You would have fainted at the size of my d—”

  Slapping my hand over his mouth, I said. “Jameson, just stop,”

  Another hour later, nothing changed.

  The cougar had licked the window at one point, taunting Jameson creating quite the uproar within, aside from Jameson.

  Jameson quickly put an end to our amusement when he held up the beer/pee bottle and threatened to pour it on us if we didn’t shut up.

  I had a feeling between the race, the stabbing, the red dragon, and now the cougar...Jameson just wanted to go home, as in Mooresville, far away from Washington all together.

  None of us were really paying any mind to one another. Jameson was playing with his iPod, I was picking off old nail polish, and I had no idea what Emma and Aiden were doing.

  “Hey,” Jameson looked around with a sudden zest to his voice. “Where’d the cougar go?”
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  We all glanced around the clearing only to find she was gone.

  “Finally,” Jameson groaned opening his door but quickly closed it when we realized what replaced the cougar. “Oh Jesus.”

  A black bear. Yes, a fucking black bear.

  “OH MY GOD!” Emma shrieked in horror crawling on Aiden’s lap. “Drive away Jameson, drive!”

  “We can’t leave, Emma.” He told her calmly. “Just be quiet. If we’re quiet, it’ll go away.”

  “Not likely,” Aiden chuckled. “He found your Twinkies dude.”

  We both looked towards our tent to find it rummaging through our food and more importantly, Jameson’s Twinkie stash.

  “Oh damn it,” he groaned in disappointment resting his head against the steering wheel. “I’ve been craving those for like a year.”

  The next two hours were spent with the bear eating all our food, Emma screaming any time it got close to the car, the bear sitting on the hood of the car, and then leaving when it smelled Aiden’s pants outside the car.

  Good times.

  Although remaining in the car, fearing any more animals, we eventually got out.

  Emma and I packed up what remained once the animal kingdom left, without the help of Jameson and Aiden because they were doing “Man Things” so they said. This consisted of shooting beer bottles with the shotgun they brought, and lighting the rest of the fireworks, while it rained on us.

  Too bad that shotgun was in the tent last night. It would have come in handy for the cougar, or the bear, or Emma if Jameson had his way.

  Finally, we were all piled back inside the stench infested Subaru and were ready to get the hell out of this cougar-bear-skunk forest.

  “Let’s get out of here.” I was wet, my ass had splinters, and I was cold. I wasn’t fond of any of those things and particularly not together. “I’m done with these animals and this rain.”

  Jameson let out a sarcastic laugh and attempted to start the car. The engine just clicked. “Uh, the battery’s dead.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me!” I panicked. “What do you mean; it’s dead?”

  “What do I mean?” he laughed. “I mean the battery’s dead as in the battery’s dead!”

  “My god,” Emma whined from the back seat. “Why is it dead?”

  We’ve all had enough, that’s for sure. At this point, I don’t know if I will ever go camping again.

  “How can I explain this differently?” Jameson let out a frustrated sigh leaning his head against the steering wheel. “The battery is dead and a car needs a battery to start.”

  I sighed frustrated. “How did this happen?”

  Visions of being stranded up here flooded my brain. I imagined being one of those tree-hugging-hippies and never shaving my legs or arm pits again. Though never shaving again was alluring, living in the woods was not after last night.

  “Clearly, something was left on and drained the battery.” His gaze shifted towards Emma.

  “I didn’t think having one light on would drain the battery.”

  Jameson and Aiden messed with the battery for a good hour but no luck. It wasn’t starting without jumper cables and something to “jump” it with. Two things we did not have with us.

  We ended up calling a tow truck but had to walk down to the main road to help them back here, we were in the middle of fucking deliverance.

  “Jesus Christ, Aiden you stink!” Jameson grumbled downwind from him.

  He had to put the skunk jeans back on because the bear ripped apart our other clothes as though he was a gerbil or something. Emma was very—very upset about that...something about destroying a two hundred pair of jeans.

  Insanity if you ask me—Emma and the jeans.

  “Don’t you think I know I stink, asshole,” Aiden walked a good thirty feet in front of us down the gravel road. “It’s on my skin. I can’t get it off.”

  “I’ll get it off when we get back to Sway’s.” Emma assured him. “Tomato soup should work. I’ll wash you clean.”

  At that point, I knew she was just trying to provoke Jameson and Emma knew damn well how to do it with twenty-one years of practice.

  “Shut up!” Jameson kicked rocks towards them. “I don’t need to hear that shit.”

  It was at that point when I’d met my max with those two. They never stopped arguing all night and frankly, I was sick of it.

  “Both of you shut up.” I gave my own childish kick of the rocks. “I’m not going to deal with any of your bullshit today, understand? We are going to behave like normal human beings!”

  They didn’t behave like normal human beings though. There was no way we could. We were in fact four people, who’d been forced to sleep in a car, inches from one another because of a cougar, a bear, and Aiden’s skunk. Normal was not an option.

  Emma started in again and I was about to pummel her tiny ass when Jameson’s phone rang. I didn’t know you could even get reception up here. That knowledge would have been good to have last night.

  Jameson looked down at the screen, his eyebrows furrowed together. “That’s strange.” The phone twisted with his fingertips, he seemed to contemplate answering it.

  “What?” we all asked eagerly, praying it was the towing company.

  “It’s Tate.” Jameson told. “Hello...yeah...” There was a long pause and then Jameson started shaking his head with a smirk. “No...I’m sorry but I can’t say I didn’t warn you this would happen...yeah, my senior year...I walked in on her and my brother’s best friend.”

  What?

  Looking towards Emma for answers, she just shrugged and jumped on Aiden’s back.

  Another few minutes later, Jameson started talking again. “I appreciate the warning but I can handle myself...okay, see you on Wednesday.” He hung up the phone and looked over to me, nodding with that smirk again.

  “That was Tate.” He held up his phone. “He walked in on Darrin and Chelsea. Looks like the whores back to her ways.”

  We all began walking towards the road again when Jameson continued talking. “He tried to warn me that he overheard Darrin talking to Frank that he’s looking for revenge.” He shook his head.

  “Jameson,” Reaching out to his shoulder, I stopped walking. “I think you should listen to them. Darrin is out of his mind.”

  “Sway, I can handle it.” He assured me with that defiant stare I knew so well. “It’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before. I’ve been racing since I was four...I’ve been threatened before.”

  “I know...I just think there’s something more to it this time.”

  His arm slung around my shoulder. “It’s adorable when you’re protective.” He bit down on his lower lip and I knew where it was heading again.

  “No,” I held up my hand walking away. “I’m not doing it in the woods again.”

  “There you go with the rules again.” He kicked at the rocks again. “So many rules,”

  “I still have splinters in my ass!” I reminded him. “So yes, I have a fucking rule now. No trees. And did you forget what happened with the cougar?”

  That shut him right up.

  “Is that why you and Chelsea broke up?” I asked after a few moments of silence when my curiosity got the better of me.

  He was quiet for a minute as though he was deciding what he wanted to say or maybe how to say it. “That...among...other things.” His eyes focused in the distant. “We just weren’t right for each other.” I knew by the way he insinuated each other, he meant me.

  “I for one...am glad you guys broke up.”

  “Me too,” He agreed kissing my head.

  It took a long time but eventually the tow truck came, towed away the skunk Subaru and took us back home.

  Jameson and I sat on the tailgate of the red dragon, letting the car ventilate and avoiding the Lucifer twins.

  “We are definitely not buying that one.” He pointed towards the car. There were scratches all over it, the hood was dented and it smelled. “That car is awful if not for t
he smell but the luck last night.”

  “No doubt,” I agreed. I loved the way he said we, it made me feel like we were a real couple. Not that we weren’t a real couple now but sometimes, I just liked that little bit of reassurance that he was referring to us as we.

  After all, we were going steady and I was his Joanie.

  16. Restrictor Plate – Sway

  Restrictor Plate – This is a thin metal plate with four holes that restrict airflow from the carburetor into the engine. It’s used to reduce horsepower and keep speeds down at larger tracks. The restrictor plates are currently used at Daytona International Speedway and Talladega Superspeedway.

  Jameson and I were heading into a busy month of Racing. Sitting there on the tailgate of the smooshed red dragon, we discussed the next few weeks and how often we’d get to see each other.

  He was scheduled to leave tomorrow afternoon for Juliet. Then after the race Saturday night, he had to fly to New Richmond for the World of Outlaw race, then to Lima Ohio for an appearance, and then he had to be back here next Thursday for the start of the Northern Sprint Tour.

  It would be a busy two weeks, that’s for sure.

  “Let’s go to dinner.” Jameson said abruptly, jumping down from the tailgate. “I’m hungry.”

  That sounded like a good time. Aiden and Emma were already heading home to Mooresville, which meant we would be alone, even better.

  “Where do you want to go?” We didn’t have much to choose from here in Elma Washington. We had the Rusty Tractor and that was about it.

  “Ranch House,” Jameson answered nodding his head. There was one thing Jameson loved almost as much as racing, barbeque. “I haven’t been there in years.”

  “Nice choice.”

  It didn’t take long to get there, maybe fifteen minutes and with Jameson in tow, we got a seat right away. It paid to have a superstar for a boyfriend—you never had to wait in line for anything. Even though I held a certain amount of reserve for this ability of being served right away because of your social status, I’ll admit, it had its perks.

  “What are you going to order?” I asked sitting across from him at a table in the corner.

  The Ranch House was a small barbeque restaurant on the side of Highway 8 in Olympia. They had the best barbeque around, no lie. And I would kill over their potato salad any day.