by Jade Lee
The reasons didn’t truly matter. It had happened. She was a full tigress now. He sat back on his heels, watching over her tigress play. But in the darkness, he remembered his many rejections by other tigresses. Bit by bit, his heart hardened. It was time, he decided, to be done with all tigresses.
TRACY BLINKED HER EYES and wondered where she was. It was heavy here. And cold. She closed her eyes again. No, wait, they’d never really been open. She missed where she’d been. It was…It had been…Where was it?
She forced her eyes open, needing to orient herself. She saw Nathan. His gaze was trained on her, and for a moment he was suffused with such light that she blinked. Then it was gone. He was simply a man again. A beautiful man of smooth skin and serious dark eyes. He wore a wrinkled shirt that looked as if it had gotten soaked then dried on his body. She couldn’t see farther down because he was kneeling beside her—beside the bed—his gaze incredibly intent on her face.
“Don’t try to move yet,” he said. His voice grounded her. “You have been in the divine realm. Try to hold on to what details you can. They will fade quickly.”
“You looked…You were light and love and kindness.” She smiled. “Mom always said to find a kind man.” She blinked only to discover that her eyes were already closed. So she opened them again. “Now you just look sad.”
“Tell me what you remember.”
She felt his hand, large and strong, surrounding hers on the sheet. She wanted to twist her wrist to touch him back, but couldn’t force herself to do it. So she sighed happily and allowed his heat to sink into her.
“Tracy? Are you in pain? Are you hurt?”
She frowned, trying to put meaning to his words. “Pain” had no reference in her mind. Other things reigned in her thoughts. “Lights,” she murmured as her eyes drifted shut. “Lights in harmony. They tasted like music.” She tried to float back to that special place. “I was love, Nathan. Pure, divine love.” How she ached to go back there.
“Were the lights swinging?” he asked. His voice was low, the texture to it velvety rough. Not that velvet was rough, but compared to what she’d been listening to, his voice was different—like granite compared to glass. And yet, she found she liked his voice, liked the weight of his hand on hers, liked everything about his presence right beside her.
With Herculean effort, she turned her hand over so she could touch him palm to palm. “Talk to me some more,” she said. “Tell me about where I’ve been. Tell me how to go back.”
She felt his other hand on her cheek, stroking gently. She gasped at his touch, but then released the breath on a sigh. Another point of warmth. Another place on her body that remembered who and where she was. She let the weight of her head press her cheek into his caress.
“I don’t know where you’ve been,” he said. “I’ve never gone.”
“You were there.” She opened her eyes. It was easy now. “I saw you and wanted to be with you.”
He smiled, the expression so tender it nearly broke her heart. “And so you came back here. Where I am.”
“No…” she said. “Maybe.” Her eyes drifted shut again. “I don’t know.”
“I wasn’t there, but you were. What did you see?”
“It was so fast. Thirty seconds, maybe a minute.”
“You were there for nearly two hours.”
She opened her eyes again and focused on the ceiling. It was shadowed and dark, and she saw nothing. “A minute, maybe a little more.”
“Time in the divine realm flows differently. Or not at all. The texts are unclear.”
“It was so perfect.” Then she looked around. Her awareness of this place was returning. She was naked in his bed and wrapped in wet sheets. “I was in the shower. I was trying to seduce you.”
“It worked,” he said. “I couldn’t keep my hands off of you.”
She smiled. “It did work.”
“Then you ascended to the antechamber. Not quite heaven but close. We call it the Chamber of a Thousand Swinging Lanterns.”
Tracy lifted her head. “I remember the lights. The sound was love. How can sound be love?” It didn’t make sense, but she knew it was true. There was love. Here was cold and noise and loneliness. “I want to go back.”
“It is the gateway. No novice has ever been so blessed. Never before,” he emphasized. “I’ve been trying to think of why it happened—” He cut off his words, obviously stopping himself before saying something. Then she felt a swift chaste kiss on her lips. She would have deepened it, but Nathan gave her no chance. “You should rest more before moving around. Ascension takes a great deal out of a body. I will get you some of your excellent meat loaf if you think you can eat.”
Meat? She grimaced. Too heavy.
“Tea, then,” he said. “It will settle your energies without weighing too much.”
So he left her side to wait upon her. She watched him go, trying to remember what it was she was doing, what she wanted, and why she was here. Not here in his apartment, but here in the world. She had no answers and wasn’t even sure of the questions. In truth, she felt like formless potential without direction or purpose. Until he returned with her tea.
He helped her sit up, and once he touched her, all became easier. With his assistance, she unwrapped the wet sheet, opening up to the air as she settled against the headboard. Her breasts bobbed as she moved, and the room felt very cool on her bare skin, but those thoughts scattered when he pressed a steaming mug into her hands.
Tracy inhaled deeply, trying to draw the steam into her body. But what she felt most were Nathan’s hands around hers, his breath as it touched her forehead, and the sight of his large toes. She was looking down at the mug when she saw his lower half. First the long basketball shorts in Illini-orange, lean shins with well-formed calves, and then his solid feet and manly toes. Yes, manly toes. The toes were broad; the nails were blunt, and there was absolutely no hair anywhere that she could see.
She blinked, startled at what she was noticing, what she had never seen until now. She lifted her gaze to his. “Can I go back there again?”
He stiffened. She might not have noticed but she was watching him closely. “Drink.”
She did, but she never broke eye contact. In the next apartment, Nathan’s neighbor switched on his television. Tracy winced and her mind kicked into gear. She began thinking about the cost and time it would take to soundproof the wall. “It’s noisy here,” she murmured. “It was so quiet there.” She huffed in disgust. “The details are fading.”
He sat back on his heels, watching her with guarded eyes. She sipped her tea and struggled with her memory.
“Tracy, are you a virgin?”
She gaped at him, unable to understand his words. “What?”
“Have you ever had a man penetrate you? It’s the only explanation why it happened so fast, so early in your training. A virgin’s energies are stronger, more pure.”
Any residual heavenly glow faded. She became well and truly grounded here. Instead of answering, she shifted her legs off the bed. “I’m going to get dressed now.”
“You need to rest. Many tigresses remain in bed for days after ascending.”
She didn’t even dignify that with an answer. Instead, she pushed to her feet, pleased when she made it with only a tiny case of the dizzies.
He held her by the elbow to steady her, and she didn’t throw him off. She was too busy smelling the sweet warm scent of him. God, she liked his smell.
“Please, Tracy, answer the question. It’s important.”
She opened her eyes and grimaced at him. “My hymen is not intact. Happy?”
He shook his head. “A man, Tracy. Has a man ever penetrated you?”
She stared at him. It was ridiculous to feel embarrassed about this, but she was. Unfortunately, there was no compromise in his tone or expression. “I’ve been Joey’s mom since I was eighteen. It’s not so odd.”
His free hand touched her face, and she was startled to realize that he trembl
ed. “You are the rarest of the rare. Your tigress is awake, Tracy, and you are still untouched by a man. No wonder you can travel to the immortal realm.”
“You’ve touched me.” She jerked her arm out of his grip.
“Yes, and I probably should not have. I probably weakened—”
It was abruptly too much for her. This place was too confusing, too hard, and she hated it. “Stop it! Just stop it!” she screeched. “I don’t get you, Nathan. You push me away, you bring me close. You touch me and I go amazing places, and then you say we shouldn’t have.” She pressed her hands to her head. “I don’t understand any of this!”
“Calm down,” he said, his voice low enough to be soothing. “The texts say that a return from heaven is unsettling to even the most experienced tigress. She wants to return to heaven, and yet she is stuck on Earth. It tends to create anger and fury.”
She dropped her hands and glared at him. “I am angry at you. It has nothing to do with…with…that other place.” Except maybe he was right. Everything there had made sense. Everything was love. Here was confusion and separation. “I am so alone,” she whispered.
He closed the distance between them in a heartbeat. His arms came around her, and she was once again enfolded in his warmth. She hated herself for closing her eyes, for leaning into his strength, but she needed it deep in her core.
“You should rest,” he murmured against her hair. She stiffened and shook her head.
“I don’t need to sleep.” She needed the world to make sense. She needed him to make sense, but that was too far a stretch. “I think I should go home.” At least there she could think. Maybe even remember.
Nathan sighed. “I will drive you. I will even remember to drive on the right side of the road.”
She nodded. She wasn’t in any condition to drive herself. With his help, she managed to dress with some semblance of her dignity. He was unfailingly kind, reverent even, and though his tender care of her was certainly nice, she wondered what had happened to her ardent lover.
“I don’t like it when you treat me with awe,” she said as they made it to her truck. “I’m just a person.”
He didn’t respond. Apparently he needed all his concentration to stay on the right side of the road. By the time he’d escorted her inside her house and up the stairs, she’d given up all hope for an answer. But then he stopped just inside her bedroom door.
“I tried, Tracy,” he said. “I truly wanted to believe.”
“Nathan—” she began, but he cut her off.
“We cannot see each other again. You are a tigress.”
“I’m not—”
“You went to the immortal realm. You want to go back. Soon you will give everything you have, everything you are to return there.” He shrugged. “I cannot compete with that.”
“Of course you can,” she answered. She took a step toward him, but he shied backward. “I don’t want to be a tigress. I want you.” She said the words, even believed them. But in her heart, she wondered if she was lying. Heaven had been…heavenly.
Nathan must have seen the doubt in her eyes because he shook his head, his eyes going flat. “You do not understand,” he said, his words sounding very final. “I do not want you.”
“That is such a lie,” she whispered. Except, looking into his eyes, she saw only honesty.
“I lust for you, Tracy, but that is different. I can’t live like this. I won’t.” He backed farther down the hallway. “I won’t see you again.” Then he was gone.
Chapter 14
SUNDAY MORNING DAWNED beautiful, but Tracy didn’t see much of it. Only enough to bury her head beneath her covers with a very large groan.
The last day and a half hadn’t gone well. She’d spent most of Saturday reliving every moment she’d spent with Nathan, from those first flirty conversations through to his last words to her. “I do not want you…I won’t see you again.” Hard to argue with that.
Her evening had been spent sobbing over a romantic movie that hadn’t made her feel one iota better. Worse, her dreams that night had been sexual replays that had turned her into a knot of frustration. By morning, she knew she couldn’t face the world, so she buried her head and tried—again—to make it all go away. The doorbell chime made that plan a little harder, but she tried nonetheless. Who visited at…she peered at the clock…10:21 a.m. on a Sunday?
Nathan, that was who, knocking with regular and very insistent thunks on her door. At least that was who she hoped it was. She clambered out of bed to peek out her window. Yes, it was him. The sunlight seemed to soak into his black hair, giving him a special dark gleam. She couldn’t suppress a tiny thrill of delight at the sight.
She went to grab her robe, but then changed her mind at the last moment. Let him see her in her jammies. He deserved to see her in a thin spaghetti-strap top and her flannel Men are Pigs pants.
By the time she made it downstairs, the knocking had stopped. Was he leaving? Then she heard the ring of her cell phone. He was calling her. She grinned, feeling as if for once she might have the upper hand with the man. She waited a couple moments more, then pulled open the door.
“Good morning, Nathan. Something I can help you with?” Wow, he looked good rumpled. His hair was wind tossed, falling across his forehead at a rakish angle. His jeans looked faded and threatened to slip down at the slightest provocation. But the very best part right then was the way he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Not a word.
Instead, his eyes widened at her clothing, and his gaze dropped down to the outline of her tightened breasts. Yes, the outside air was cold, and Tracy really liked the sight of one gorgeous man struck dumb by the result. But not enough to forgive him for being an ass.
She smiled. “You look like you slept in those clothes.”
He shook his head. “Didn’t sleep. Thinking.”
“Must have been some thoughts.”
His gaze traveled back to her face as he appeared to shake himself out of his daze. “Um, yes. May I come in?”
“Of course.” she stepped back, but not very far. Just enough to force him to pass within a hair’s breadth of her as he entered.
She saw his jaw clench at her ploy. It was an obvious one, but still effective. Like a man facing a tribunal, he squared his shoulders and marched right in. Except when he would have passed her, she leaned in, brushing her breasts across the full bulk of his bicep.
It was meant to be a tease, a playful game of revenge, but long before the fireflies did more than an initial flutter, Nathan spun around. He slammed the door shut with one hand while his body pinned her against the wall. She gasped in surprise, but all too soon other sensations pounded into her blood.
There was no fat on his body. She felt the tense grip of his chest and the powerful trap of his arms as he braced himself on either side of her head. Below, his jeans were amazingly soft, allowing her to feel the hard ram of his erection against her groin. His thighs were spread wide enough for his legs to pin her, and when she tried to shift, she found no give at all. He could have been made of stone.
“Nathan…” she gasped. The scent of him was beginning to make her dizzy.
“Don’t play with me today, tigress. I have been awake all night thinking of you—”
“That makes two of us,” she murmured, unable to stop herself from lifting her face to his, from teasing her lips across his. “For a man who doesn’t want me, you seem to be standing awfully close.”
“I never said I didn’t want you,” he growled. Yes, a real honest to goodness growl that settled in her belly and quivered there.
“So take me,” she answered as she nipped at his bottom lip.
He needed no more invitation. He possessed her mouth like a warrior staking his claim. He thrust into her; he opened her wide, and he then he plundered her mouth as never before. He was normally so self-contained, she was unprepared for the primal power in his kiss.
Tracy raised her arms. She couldn’t reach his face—his arms blo
cked the way—but she could burrow beneath his shirt and feel every lean, rippling inch of his chest. “Oh, God,” she gasped when they broke for air. “Nathan, I…Oh!”
He shoved her top down to her waist in one powerful jerk. Then he once again planted his hands on either side of her shoulders. She remained trapped, though he did widen his arms as he slid lower on her body. His mouth claimed her nipple. He suckled; he toyed; he nipped until she arched beneath him.
“Nathan…” she breathed.
“Where’s your brother?” he rasped against her skin.
“What?”
“Joey!” he demanded as he took her other nipple in his mouth.
“Gone. School lock-in.”
His answer was a satisfied grunt. Then he dropped his arms to rip her pants down to her ankles. A second later he gripped her hips and hoisted her high, leaving her pajama bottoms on the floor.
She didn’t have the presence to do more than gasp and slap a hand against the wall for balance. He maneuvered her quickly, shifting her so that her thighs landed on his shoulders. She cried out in shock, but then there was no more time as he began devouring her.
The possession was as fierce there as it had been in her mouth. Her back was braced against the wall, her bottom held tight by his hands. That left his lips and tongue to do whatever he willed with her. In her. Swirling and thrusting and sucking while her body undulated against the wall.
“Nathan!” He wasn’t listening so she reached down and lifted his head by his ears, pulling him away from her so she could breathe. “Nathan!” she said, her hands burrowing into his hair. “Take me.” He blinked, obviously not understanding. She so tightened her grip on his hair and spoke as clearly as she knew how. “I don’t want your mouth. I want your penis in me now!”
“Tigresses don’t—”
She jerked his head to emphasize her point. “Now, Nathan, or I swear I’ll kill you.” She shifted her legs with a hard jerk so that she tumbled backward. Thank God for the wall or she would have had a painful drop to the floor. As it was, she only managed to get one foot to the floor, her other still hooked on his elbow.