by Jade Lee
Then she slammed her hands against his shoulders. “I’ve been dreaming about you since you rented the apartment. I’ve been wet from the first moment you smiled.” She shoved at him again and he tilted back a half inch. “I don’t understand your tigress crap. I don’t care that you have issues. Right now, I hate you and want you at the very same moment. So choose, buster, are we in a relationship or not? And if so, then you better get naked now.”
“Tracy,” he began, his voice strangled. “I can’t think of anything but you. I can’t breathe without wanting you—”
She kissed him. She took his mouth with hers and plundered him while fumbling blindly at the clasp of his jeans. She found it. She opened it. She shoved it down just far enough for his penis to pop free. Then she was holding it, squeezing and pulling and—
He stepped backward, but only to grab her hips and push her down. She landed on the stairs, which, as far as she was concerned, was the perfect place. But when she looked into his eyes, she saw torment there and a desperate fight against himself. His nostrils were flared, his eyes narrowed and focused, and yet there was something else that held him apart.
“Nathan, just let go.” She still held him in her hands so she could feel how he trembled. He was poised between her thighs, his cock so large, so alive, and yet so far away from where she wanted. She arched, trying to draw him closer.
He tightened his grip on her hips, holding her still. “I cannot—I will not lose myself in you. I won’t!”
She smiled and touched his lips. “And yet you are still here.”
He sobered, his expression turning haunted. “And yet I am still here.” He leaned down and touched his forehead to hers. “I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t breathe without thinking of you.”
“For God’s sake, quit being so damn noble!” With a surge of anger, Tracy gripped him with her hands to position him. She tensed, broadening her stance just enough so that—
He was ready for her. As she adjusted, he gripped her torso. As she moved, he switched her momentum such that she fell sideways, off the stairs to the hard entryway floor. “This way,” he said.
She wanted to protest. She didn’t want sixty-nine on the floor. But it was all he was willing to give, so she took it. His erection swelled right before her eyes. She saw the dark red color, the smooth velvety skin, and the pearl of moisture on the tip. She leaned forward and tasted the salty drop, then heard him groan in hunger.
“Tracy…” he moaned against her thigh. Her name was filled with a reluctant desperation.
She smiled knowing that his need was stronger than his resistance. She slipped her hand down his shaft to explore his balls. He responded by burrowing his face between her knees. His tongue extended to the inside of her thigh, licking and nipping.
She rolled her tongue around his tip again. The taste was as before, but his gasp—that was better. He delved between her folds. She hadn’t even felt him move his head, but his tongue was there, thrusting into her. Her body arched in reaction. She was so sensitive. But she would not do this alone.
She engulfed him. Like sucking on a large, thick lollipop, and yet so much more. Life was pulsing in her mouth. It was his energy just like before. Large, primal and very, very male.
He nipped higher on her thigh, but not where she most wanted it. She felt him pause, his lips curving into a smile. “Shall we drink each other, tigress? I will give my power to you. Will you give me yours?”
“I’ll give you whatever you want, Nathan, whatever you need.” Her tongue toyed with his shaft. She could not resist the energy tingling against her lips. She squeezed his balls, and the energy seemed to tighten. She rolled her tongue around his tip, and the energy swirled along with her motion. And when she began to suck—to stroke with one hand and suck with her mouth, it was as though she concentrated his energy into a laser of pure male light. His power purified for her drinking.
She would have said something. She would have told him how incredible he was. But then he began to stroke her. She felt his tongue thrusting, toying, drinking. Within moments, her orgasm began. She stared to undulate, the internal pump compressing, tightening her energy into wave upon wave of pleasure. But then he put his mouth to her clit and began to suck. Just like with him, her power seemed to follow the pull of his lips. Her orgasm seemed to flow through and down to her clit. He was drawing her energy into him. And she…
She increased her suction. His hips jerked. She could feel his tension, taste the build up of power just behind his organ. He was supposed to stop now. The books said he should stop to conserve his energy, but she would not let him go and he didn’t stop himself. She heard him groan, the pull on her clit interrupted as he gasped. His organ seemed to shudder and then he thrust powerfully inside her mouth. Again and again until the beautiful energy that was Nathan began to pour forth. It came in a gushing waterfall. It flew into her mouth, into her body. The white light that was him flowed into her. Nathan: purified and beautiful.
She drank and drank while below, she poured into him. An eternal circle, wondrous and ever flowing.
Divine?
For a moment, yes, she thought she would go to heaven. She felt the circle grow, rising higher and taking them both upward. Flight! But only for a moment.
Then it was gone. She and Nathan lay on the front hallway floor gasping, exhausted, while the echoes of pleasure rippled through her body. Fabulous, and yet not quite divine. Suppressing the disappointment, she smiled and focused on the shimmering aftereffects.
“Now this is the way to spend a Sunday morning,” she murmured. Then she closed her eyes. Tracy felt the rise and fall of his chest, and listened to the thundering beat of her own heart as it slowly steadied. She rolled away from him, only far enough to look into his dazed eyes. He kept a hand on her thigh; and she idly stroked his knee. In another five minutes, she roused herself to speak.
“You’re going to have to get over this virginity thing. If I want to have sex with you…” She pressed a kiss onto his thigh. “Real sex, then that’s my choice. There’s no reason for me to keep my virginity.”
He sighed, and she saw regret settle on his features. “I am not protecting you. I am—”
“Keeping yourself from being involved with me?” She pushed up to look pointedly at him. “How’s that going for you? If you recall, you broke up with me two days ago and yet here we are.”
He looked at her, and she could see him gather his thoughts. Then he pushed up, coming to sit on his knees before her. The motion was fluid and powerful. It was as if he had gone from exhaustion to controlled essence, all in one movement.
She shifted more slowly, pushing upright so that they faced eye to eye.
“The last woman I loved was a white woman like you.”
Tracy flinched as a surge of jealousy hit her hard. Her hands were tensed into claws. “I don’t really want to know this.”
Nathan ignored her, continuing as if she hadn’t spoken. “She is white and beautiful, but that is her only similarity to you. She was soft, giving, ultrafeminine whereas you…”
“Are you saying I’m too butch?”
He frowned. “I don’t know what that means. I think you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met. Smart, determined, and with a great capacity to love. You have built a home for you and your brother. I admire that.”
She threw up her hands to cover the embarrassment she felt. She was proud of her accomplishments, but to hear him say it like that…Well, it thrilled her down to her toes. “So I’m awesome. Let’s forget this tigress stuff and keep going—”
“You’re killing me, Tracy.”
She blinked, unsure how to react to that. He appeared serious, but…“You mean that figuratively, right?”
He shrugged. “I was kicked out of the temple because I loved her to the exclusion of all else.”
She swallowed, not wanting to think about this other student, but unable to stop herself. “Did you do…” She gestured to the floor. “Did
you do that with her, too?”
His shoulders tightened. “Yes. Whenever she allowed me.”
“Well, then,” she said, disappointment curling in her stomach. “So I’m not special.”
He shrugged, his hands lifted in a gesture of helplessness. “You are special. She was special. And I love you completely.”
Somehow the words didn’t quite thrill her as she’d once thought they would. “You loved them all, didn’t you? All your students.” She was beginning to understand why he held himself apart from her. “You’re trying not to repeat past mistakes. And, to you, I’m just like all of them.”
Chapter 15
NATHAN WATCHED THE COLOR drain from Tracy’s face. He knew he had just hurt her badly. Just as he knew that he was lying through his teeth. Tracy not special? That was like saying a tsunami was just another storm. Sure there were similarities, but what he had felt for all those other women, all those other tigresses, was nothing compared to what he felt for her now.
Which was why he had to lie to her. She was the same as them in one key respect: she was a tigress. Whether she understood it or not, she was one of the best. She could be a goddess among men. Perhaps he could convince her not to pursue a life at the temple. She was, after all, fully American, fully embedded in U.S. culture. She didn’t want to live in a foreign country away from everything she loved.
But she had gone to heaven; she had touched the divine. He had felt her disappointment a moment ago. He’d recognized the sigh that had come just after, the frustration that this orgasm hadn’t led to more. Though she had tried to hide it, he had watched for it. He knew she longed for heaven. Her body craved it, and that he would not be able to give it to her. He was not a dragon practitioner anymore. He had given up that life, but he could not deny it to her.
“Perhaps I should make some tea,” he said. “Then we can talk.”
“You and your tea,” she groused, but then relented. “Fine. I’ll go get dressed.”
“Or perhaps you would prefer a bath?” She did not really seem in the mood to hear what he had to say. “I could bring the tea to you there.”
“Or perhaps an omelet?” she asked drily. “And some pancakes while you’re at it. How ’bout a whole freaking ten-course meal?” She glared at him but he saw the shimmer of tears in her eyes. “You are the most confusing man I’ve ever met!” Then she grabbed her clothing and stomped up the stairs.
He watched her go, his eyes lingering on the curve of her bottom, the power in her legs, even the sway of her hips. Yes, bringing out her tigress had strengthened the natural sensuousness of her movements, but he had noticed her even before that evening in his apartment. He had seen the clarity in her eyes, and the simple honesty in her every movement. He never had to guess what she was thinking or what she wanted. Tracy was a woman who decided on her course and did not hesitate. Those traits would serve her well at the temple.
Nathan sighed and pulled on his pants. The power he had drawn from her energized his movements. He had given as much as he had received, and yet the combination somehow left him stronger, better, more balanced. That was how it should be between a man and a woman. As each poured power into the other, they should grow stronger—together.
That was what he thought, but the idea was anathema at the temple. Attachments between people only increased the ties to earthly life. And ties to earth did not help one attain the divine. So his mother said, and so all at the temple believed.
He crossed into the kitchen and began a search for the basics. Tracy joined him a few minutes later. He felt her watching him as he stood at the stove. He was so attuned to her energies that he would know where she was all over the world. Such was the power of this tigress over him.
“You know, for a man who wants to dump me, you’re doing everything wrong.”
He smiled as he scooped out the omelet and set it on a plate. “I served as cook to the temple for a short time. Then one day, my sister said my dumplings tasted like pig shit. She’s been cook ever since.”
Tracy looked at the simple food and smiled, her face lighting under the cover of another of her baseball caps. “I’ll try to remember that if you ever make me dumplings. As for this…It smells great.” She carried it to the table while he began making his own. But then the teakettle whistled. He started to reach for it, but she was there before him, pouring the hot water into mugs. He said nothing as she worked—there was no reason to—and yet his heart clenched nonetheless. She thought nothing of helping him, of pouring her own tea, of waiting to eat until he could join her. He knew of none at the temple who would do such a thing.
“Bon appétit,” she quipped when he finally joined her at the table. He smiled, but didn’t eat. Instead, he watched her face as she closed her eyes and chewed with appreciation. “Mmm. Definitely better than pig shit,” she said. Then she blushed. “Sorry. That was probably inappropriate.”
“It was wonderful,” he said, unable to express how her lack of artifice entranced him. Then he took a closer look at her scrubbed face, completely free of makeup. He saw her sexless sweatshirt and baggy pants. “It won’t work, you know.” She glanced up, startled as he gestured to her hideous clothing. “Dressing so badly. You are a tigress inside. Your sexuality will attract men even if you wear garbage bags. And you will feel the song of desire no matter how tightly you restrain your actions.”
She looked at him with a solemn expression. “Then it’s a good thing I dress to suit myself.” She waved at her clothing. “It’s comfortable.”
“Then it’s a good choice,” he answered.
He took a bite of his food, tasting nothing. What would he give up to cook breakfast for her every morning just like this? To hear what she really thought, to feel her appreciation in every bite? How glorious to simply live with her as a man lived with a woman—no games, no ulterior motives, just life without the eternal quest for something beyond?
“Nathan—”
He would give everything he had. But it wasn’t his future at stake. It was hers.
“Nathan, you’re staring.”
“Your brother plays American football, right?”
She blinked. “Um. Yeah, but Nathan—”
“Just answer my questions for a moment, please.” He glanced at the team photo on the refrigerator door. “Is he is good at it?”
She smiled. “Yes, he is.”
Not surprising. Joey had the build of a football player. “What if you knew he was the best of his age? Possibly—with training—to be the greatest NFL player of all time.”
She snorted. “Joey? He’s good, but not that good. With luck, he’ll get a scholarship to a division-two school. But—”
“Imagine he was that good, and you knew it, but he didn’t. Imagine that you saw a great pro career in front of him, that he could be revered for all time as the best player ever, but he didn’t want to do it.”
She snorted again and cut a big bite out of her omelet. “Not a chance. Joey loves football. If he were that good, he’d be picking his pro team and what multimillion-dollar car he wanted to buy.”
“But what if he didn’t understand?” Nathan pressed. “What if he didn’t know what being a great football player meant, and he didn’t even want to explore it? Maybe he was happy doing whatever he’d been doing before he started to play.”
“You mean like being a handyman? He used to love tooling around with Dad doing household repairs and stuff. Male bonding and all that, but boy, did he love it.”
Nathan smiled. “Exactly!”
She shrugged. “Where are you going with this?”
“Wouldn’t you encourage him to explore football? To see what the possibility was before he decided?”
“Of course, I would.” Her eyes softened as she gazed at the photo of her brother. “It’s not that I like watching my brother get flattened by a dozen other guys, but he should know his options before he decides on his future. That’s why I want him to go to college….” She frowned as she turned back
to Nathan. “Where are you going with this?”
He bit his lip, forcing himself to explain though everything inside him urged to keep silent. He was happy teaching her about her energies. But that would be like keeping her in high school when she could be so much, much more.
“You have that capability, Tracy, as a tigress. You could be revered by millions, heaven at your feet. You can—”
“In a cult that no one’s ever heard of? Yippee.”
He abruptly leaned forward, gripping her hand. Didn’t she understand? “You have to go to the temple, Tracy,” he said. “You have to know what you’re giving up.”
She set down her fork, her expression tightening as she spoke. “Is that why you keep pressuring me to go to Hong Kong? To meet with this guy Stephen?” She shook her head. “No way.”
His hand tightened painfully then abruptly released. “I want nothing of the kind, Tracy. But that’s not my place, is it?”
She frowned. “Of course, it is. I mean, if you want to, you know, date me.”
His gaze snapped to hers. Didn’t she understand how hard this was for him? “So as your boyfriend, I can tell you what to do and where to go? I can keep you from your potential, all because I want you to myself?”
She caught his gaze and held it, her expression intense. “Is that what you want?”
He abruptly possessed her mouth. He took her as if he were staking a claim. He pushed himself into her; he arched her back and would have had her on the table in a moment, if he had his way. She had to understand that. So he kissed her without compromise, without give and take, only possession. And then he let her go.
“Is that what you want? I will own you if you like.” Then he looked at her. “But first tell me that you do not long for heaven. That you do not wish to return there again.”
“You took me there before—”
Nathan shook his head, forced to admit the truth. “Luck. A fluke. But to learn to go there on purpose, you must go to the temple. And Stephen. I can’t lead where I’ve never been.”