Elsa’s smile was enough to put the two boys’ minds at ease and they sauntered off towards the lake. Within seconds they were consumed in their own arguments over who was in charge of the remote control.
‘I don’t know how I ever thought he would go off to Germany and forget me,’ she continued. ‘I should have had more faith in him. He told me in his letter that he only agreed to the break-up because he thought someone would snap me up as soon as his back was turned and it would have broken his heart.’
‘Does he know you’re pregnant?’
‘Yes, and he wants to marry me! So I’m not going to spend the rest of my life grieving – I’m going to be happy. Freddie’s letter proves it,’ Elsa said, but the joy in her voice left her body in a sob. She looked in her bag for her handkerchief but it had disappeared along with the proof that her one true love really would come back for her. ‘I suppose I should be grateful I got it in the first place. He used Celia’s address rather than Mrs Jackson’s, because as good as Aunt Flo is, she’ll do whatever Anne says and that niece of hers wants me to forget all about Freddie. Anne says not to get my hopes up and now she’s stolen the letter just like she’s going to steal my baby.’
‘Anne’s going to adopt the baby?’
‘Not now, she isn’t. I explained everything to Freddie and he’s said no one else, not even a posh doctor and his wife, could be better parents than us. Of course Anne doesn’t agree and nothing I could say or do would convince her otherwise.’
Elsa’s voice cracked with emotion as she explained, ‘I was so foolish, so trusting. When I first met Anne and she offered to help, we didn’t even discuss how the baby would be adopted. All I knew was that she would be better off with a family who could give her the kind of things I couldn’t. When Aunt Flo just happened to mention how her beloved niece couldn’t have children of her own, I was the one who actually suggested that Anne and her doctor husband should take her. But I can’t help but wonder … Do you think they planned it from the start? Have they trapped me?’ When Maggie didn’t answer, Elsa became more desperate. ‘He will come back for me, won’t he?’ she asked, looking to her friend for reassurance but it was already too late and the ghosts of memories came back to haunt her.
Elsa’s restrained sobs transformed into a heart-rending wail and amidst the returning confusion she was left with one indisputable fact. Freddie wouldn’t be coming to save her.
When Elsa had arrived, Maggie had been acutely aware this time that she was in the company of a very confused old lady. She was still trying to work out how she could have got it so wrong before. Everything about the way Mrs Milton moved suggested old bones and aching joints but once she sat down on the bench, those subtle distinctions were lost. The old lady’s perfume was dated but as the breeze curled around them it was diluted with the natural scents of the park. And then there was the voice. Tight with emotion, tempered by forced youthfulness, and dulled by the acoustics of their little alcove, the aged rasp was all but obscured.
As she sat back and listened to Mrs Milton reliving her fears, Maggie’s spine followed the curve of the bench that had absorbed the lives of the park’s former visitors. The seat was as hard and unyielding as the past and yet Maggie found herself melding into the world Elsie was creating around them. It took the old lady’s tormented sobs to jolt her completely back to her senses and she wrapped her friend in her arms. Maggie’s slight frame was strong and taut in comparison to Elsa’s fragile soul captured inside the crumpled body of an old lady.
‘I want it to be over. I don’t want to feel like this any more!’
Mrs Milton had lifted her head and looked towards the lake as she cried out. Maggie’s stomach churned as snatches of her nightmare came back to haunt her again. She had to find a way of helping Elsie while taking care of the boys at the same time. They were ominously quiet.
‘Harvey, go find the boys,’ she urged.
The dog had become wedged between the two women but followed his mistress’s command and went to offer his comfort elsewhere. Maggie’s next challenge wasn’t going to be so easy. The past was too painful for Elsie to bear and she needed to be drawn back carefully into the safety of the present, but Maggie had two children in her charge and they were her first priority, so she waited as long as she could for the sobs to ease.
‘The last time I saw you, you visited me at the salon. Do you remember?’
The only response from the elderly woman, holding herself as if heavy with child, was to bury her head into Maggie’s shoulder.
‘I’m an aromatherapist,’ Maggie said, speaking slowly but firmly. ‘Do you remember coming to see me?’
There was an imperceptible nod of the head.
‘I gave you some cream.’
Elsie sniffed back her tears with a hiccup. ‘That smelly stuff? I don’t like it.’
‘What does Ted think? Does he like it?’
‘He thought it was OK,’ she said hesitantly.
‘Maybe we could try something else next time.’
‘Maybe.’
Maggie held her breath. She had detected a change of tone in her voice. The forced youthfulness had disappeared. Elsie lifted her head tentatively. ‘I’ve made a fool of myself again, haven’t I?’ she said. The only remnants of her sobs now were the persistent hiccups.
‘You were looking for a letter. The one from Freddie.’
‘Oh,’ Elsie said, pausing to hold back a hiccup as well as her emotions. She didn’t quite succeed with either and her next words trembled over quivering lips. ‘Why do I keep putting myself through this?’
‘I suspect there are some things you can’t forget, no matter how much you try. You went through such a lot here in Sedgefield, didn’t you?’ Maggie asked.
‘I sat here many times and wondered what would become of me,’ Elsie admitted. ‘Holding on to hope only to have it ripped from my arms.’ The confession was painful but there were no tears to accompany the suppressed sob. They had been spent, not only in the last few minutes, but perhaps over decades.
‘He never came back for you, did he?’ Maggie asked, and as she did she was acutely aware of the hard wooden surface of the bench keeping her connection with Elsa open.
‘No.’
Maggie was about to summon up the courage to ask about the baby but then she heard Elsie rummaging through her bag again. ‘What are you looking for?’
‘My handkerchief; I know I’m losing my marbles but I’d never leave the house without a clean handkerchief.’
‘You’re not losing your marbles,’ Maggie assured her.
‘Oh, but I am. I hate what this illness is doing to me and there’s nothing I can do to stop it,’ she said. ‘After everything I’ve been through in my life, you would think I could have some peace in my old age.’ Elsie had every right to be angry but there wasn’t a trace of it in her voice, only an overwhelming sense of resignation. The fight had gone out of her. ‘Maybe it’s what I deserve.’
‘I can’t believe anyone deserves to go through this, least of all you.’
‘I’m scared, Maggie,’ Elsie whispered.
That simple statement tore at Maggie’s heart and she groped around for a glimmer of hope. ‘Things are bound to be more confusing right now. You said yourself that you’ve had a lot on your mind with the move.’
‘Thank you for being so kind,’ Elsie said, ‘but there’s little point in ignoring the facts. I’ve lost my mind and my handkerchief.’
The sound of footsteps and the accompanying rattle of Harvey’s harness drew Maggie’s attention. Sam and Liam were running up the path and away from the lake. ‘Liam, I don’t want you and your brother going far,’ she shouted.
The two boys didn’t answer and a moment later Maggie could hear them talking to someone at the top of the slope. Before she had time to panic, she heard the boys returning and, judging by the number of footfalls, they weren’t alone.
Sam arrived first. ‘Here’s your tissue,’ he told Elsie in the barest whis
per as if he was afraid that the old lady would shatter if he spoke too loud.
‘And you dropped some other stuff too,’ Liam added. ‘But look who we found, Maggie.’
‘It’s Judith,’ Maggie’s mother-in-law said. She spoke slowly and clearly as if Maggie was hard of hearing and it was true to say that Maggie was finding it difficult to believe her ears.
‘Nana Judith says she’s come to the rescue,’ Sam piped up.
‘I thought you might need some help,’ Judith explained, the forced cheer a challenge to Maggie’s brusqueness. ‘And from what Liam’s told me, it sounds like you’ve had your hands full.’
Maggie clenched her teeth but she had no idea if the smile she painted on her face deceived Judith or not. ‘This is my friend Elsie. Elsie, this is my mother-in-law, Judith.’
‘It’s lovely to meet you,’ Judith said, surprisingly kindly.
‘And you too. Your grandsons have been real gentlemen, putting up with a silly old lady like me,’ she said. ‘And Maggie here is a godsend. You’re lucky to have such a lovely family.’
‘Thank you,’ replied Judith, less convinced than Elsie.
‘I’m new to the area and managed to get myself lost,’ Elsie said by way of an explanation. ‘Have you lived in Sedgefield long, Judith?’
‘Oh, I don’t live here,’ Judith said. ‘My son moved here a couple of years ago and a friend of mine has been here for over thirty years so I should know Sedgefield fairly well – but I’d probably get lost too given half the chance.’
‘Judith’s friend is Kathy. You met her the other day at the salon, do you remember?’ Maggie said then regretted putting Elsie’s failing memory to the test. She waited for Mrs Milton’s response, which was only the vaguest acknowledgement before turning back to Judith. ‘You really didn’t have to come over.’
‘It’s no bother.’ Her tone suggested there wasn’t a choice. ‘What did you have planned for the rest of the day?’
Maggie was about to reply that they were going to have a picnic but Liam interrupted. ‘I want to go back to your house, Nan.’
‘No, Liam,’ Maggie said quickly. ‘I think your dad wanted you to stay with us.’
‘But he’s not here, is he?’
There was a harshness to Liam’s voice that unsettled Maggie. ‘But Liam …’
‘Nana Judith said there’s a bird’s nest in her garden. I want to see the baby chicks,’ Sam added.
‘Oh, why not let them? Ken can bring them back later and I know he’s desperate to see them too.’
‘Yes!’ shouted the boys in unison as if it had already been decided.
Elsie blew her nose and returned her belongings to her bag as she too prepared to leave. Maggie didn’t want to let her wander off on her own. She could hear the gentle lapping of water, a reminder of how close to the lake they were. She tried to weigh up her options, which were narrowing by the second. She should stand firm and say no to Judith, but instead she sat where she was, paralysed by indecision.
‘I’ll leave you to it. Ted will be looking for me,’ Elsie said, hoisting herself to her feet and shocking Maggie into action.
‘Harvey, come,’ she said and stood up too. The decision she was being forced to make broke her heart but she made sure she salvaged at least some self-respect. ‘OK boys, you can go as long as you promise to behave yourselves or you’ll have me to answer to.’
‘We will,’ they chorused.
‘That’s decided then,’ Judith said, barely able to disguise her sense of victory.
Even as she made the arrangements for returning her grandsons later, Judith was gathering them up and all too soon Liam and Sam’s goodbyes were receding into the distance. Harvey whined after them but remained steadfastly by Maggie’s side. Rather than pick up his harness immediately, she reached for Elsie’s arm. ‘We’ll help you home.’
‘I don’t suppose there’s any point in arguing,’ Elsie said but no sooner had they prepared to leave than another problem presented itself. ‘Doesn’t that toy boat belong to you?’
Maggie sighed. ‘I pride myself on doing most things but steering a remote control boat to shore isn’t one of them.’
Elsie took a step towards the lake but Maggie pulled her back instinctively. ‘It doesn’t matter. Leave it.’
The old lady patted Maggie’s hand, which was tightly gripping her arm. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t lead you straight into the water,’ she said but the laughter caught in her throat as she realised that Maggie knew her of old. ‘I was inconsolable back then. Would it be so bad if I had the courage of my convictions sixty years on? Wouldn’t that bring an end to all of this suffering?’ She sighed in resignation. ‘Oh, don’t look at me like that and don’t worry! The lake isn’t that deep anyway.’
Maggie was about to ask how she knew but Elsie was determined to move forwards, not return to the past. ‘Come on, let’s have a go at getting this boat back.’
The toy boat was a pleasant distraction and the two women were soon laughing as they struggled to retrieve it. Maggie did her best to show Elsie how to use the remote control but she had to confess that she was a complete novice too. The boat seemed to head further away the more they tried to turn it around.
‘Would you like me to help?’
The voice was deep and although it wasn’t familiar to Maggie, the distinctive Liverpool accent meant an introduction wasn’t exactly necessary.
‘This is my husband … Teddie,’ Elsie said.
‘Ted,’ he corrected and then set about piloting the boat to shore. When he handed it to Maggie he was unable to hide his disbelief. ‘Is it yours?’
Maggie realised how it must look and the same thought crossed Elsie’s mind too. They collapsed into a fit of girlish giggles again. ‘It belongs to my stepsons but they’ve rushed off and left it behind,’ Maggie explained once she could draw breath.
Ted hadn’t shared the joke. ‘Kids are far too spoilt these days,’ he said flatly.
‘I was about to walk Elsie home but now you’re here, would you like to share a picnic with me? It’ll go to waste otherwise.’
‘Elsie spends too much time here as it is. Thank you, but we have our own lunch waiting at home which is where we’d be now if she hadn’t done another disappearing act.’
Maggie found herself wondering how this man measured up to the hero Elsa had been waiting for. ‘That’s a shame, maybe another time,’ she said.
‘Not in the park,’ he said quickly. ‘If it was up to me, I’d have the gates chained up. We were out shopping on the High Street. I turned my back for two seconds and she was gone. You shouldn’t come in here, Elsie,’ Ted said, turning to his wife.
Maggie knew he was right. Elsie’s illness had resurrected painful times and the old lady had already let slip how she would lay Elsa’s ghost to rest but Maggie now believed there was another way. She had a growing conviction that if they could spend enough time sitting together on the bench and unravelling the secrets of 1953 then Elsie might be able to let go of the past before her illness took everything else. ‘Your wife has an affinity to this spot by the lake,’ she said.
‘We came to Sedgefield because I thought she would settle,’ Ted answered. ‘She hasn’t. Now come on, Elsie, the sooner I get you back home the better.’
Elsie ignored him. ‘Why don’t you come over to ours for lunch one day, Maggie? It’s the least I can do to thank you for all your help. Maybe by that time my husband will remember his manners and stop being such an old grouch.’
Maggie smiled. There had been genuine affection in Elsie’s voice despite her harsh words to her husband. ‘Only if Harvey can come too,’ she said.
‘Oh, he would be our honoured guest. Wouldn’t he, Ted? What about Monday?’ she suggested.
‘You have an appointment on Monday,’ Ted reminded her.
‘Ah, so I do,’ Elsie said. ‘Typical. I make an appointment to see the doctor about my memory and then I go and forget it. Can we make it Tuesday?’
; ‘I’m at the salon in the morning so I could call around straight afterwards, say about one o’clock?’
Maggie used her phone to store the Miltons’ address and phone number, its automated voice repeating the buttons as she pressed them.
‘I could do with one of those for myself,’ Ted marvelled. ‘I can’t see past my nose some days.’
With the arrangements made, and in the knowledge that Elsie was in safe hands, Maggie began to relax as she set off for home with Harvey but her sense of achievement didn’t last. She had helped Elsie but at what cost? She had no idea how the events at the park had affected the boys or how she was going to justify to James why she had handed them over to Judith. The only thing she was sure of was that the day was going to end as badly as it had begun.
9
Maggie was standing in the hallway facing the front door as she listened to the sound of James’s car pulling into the drive. Her restless fingers explored the smooth contours of the wooden balustrade at the foot of the stairs as she waited. She hadn’t phoned to forewarn James. News that his mum had taken the boys with Maggie’s apparent blessing would have been a distraction, she had told herself. He needed to be left in peace to finish what he was doing if they were to stand any chance of salvaging the rest of the week.
It was only when James was stepping over the threshold that Maggie blurted out her confession. ‘Your mum turned up today and she’s taken the boys back home with her.’
‘What? You just let her take them?’
The accusation stung but it was deserved. ‘We were in the park. I’d taken them to play with the boat and then … and then …’ Maggie’s words caught in her throat.
‘Hey, it’s OK,’ James added quickly. ‘I’m surprised, that’s all.’
Where I Found You Page 10