‘Will you stop fretting and get yourselves inside? It might be warming up but that rain is still wet,’ Elsie insisted.
‘I’ve got a cloth with me to clean his feet,’ Maggie continued as she wiped her own feet on the coarse mat she had stepped onto.
Elsie touched her arm. ‘You and Harvey are guests. Let me worry about cleaning up muddy paw prints after you’ve gone. It’s a small price to pay for good company. Come in and make yourself at home.’
‘These are for you,’ Maggie said handing Elsie a posy of flowers.
‘Now you shouldn’t have – but thank you. They smell beautiful.’
Ted took Maggie’s coat and let his wife escort their guest into the living room.
‘Here, we saved the best seat in the house for you,’ Elsie said, ushering Maggie to what felt like a deeply padded but well-worn armchair.
Maggie sat down and took off Harvey’s harness before she allowed herself to relax. Above the smell of damp fur she detected the scent of more fresh flowers. Far more intense than the delicate sweetness of the freesias she had brought with her, these blooms were a sophisticated mix of lilies and roses. ‘I take it you like flowers then?’ she asked.
‘Oh, they’re amazing, aren’t they? They’re all the way from Australia.’
‘America,’ Ted corrected. He was hovering at the door as Elsie took a seat opposite Maggie. ‘And they’re from the florist on the High Street.’
‘But the thought came from Aust … America.’
‘Are they from your daughter?’ Maggie asked.
‘Yes, it was my birthday at the weekend and Nancy always spoils me.’
‘You have two daughters,’ grumbled Ted.
‘Yes, Yvonne fusses over me too. She was here not that long ago to help us settle in.’
‘She didn’t stop complaining, though. She thinks it was a mistake moving to Sedgefield,’ Ted explained Maggie.
‘So do you,’ Elsie said.
‘We would have been better off moving up to Scotland to be closer to Yvonne but you can’t argue with Elsie once she’s set her mind on something. Now, I’ll leave you ladies to have a chat while I make the tea.’
‘There’s a pot already brewing,’ Elsie told him, ‘and here, put Maggie’s flowers in a vase for me.’ Cellophane rustled as the flowers changed hands.
‘I’ll make a fresh one just in case,’ Ted muttered under his breath as he left.
‘And put that pie in the oven while you’re at it,’ Elsie barked before turning her attention back to her guest. ‘It’s meat and potato. You’re not one of those vegetarians, are you, Maggie?’
‘No, not me.’
‘Would your little chap like some water?’ Ted shouted from the kitchen. The bungalow was relatively small so he was still nearby. ‘Or perhaps something stronger?’
Elsie tutted. ‘Ignore him, Maggie; he’s as daft as a brush.’
Maggie insisted that water would be absolutely fine and Ted whistled as he set about his chores. Harvey kept his ears pricked as he listened to the noises coming from the kitchen but stayed at Maggie’s side.
‘I’m sorry I missed your birthday, Elsie. I should have realised when I took your details at the salon.’ In truth, she had been more interested in working out the exact year a twenty-two-year-old Elsa would have first visited Sedgefield. Presuming Elsie had reached an age where she would be proud of her years, she added, ‘By my calculation I’d say you’ve just turned eighty-three, am I right?’
‘Am I?’ she asked as if Maggie had imparted a secret. ‘I wondered how these hands had got so wrinkly. So I don’t work at the school canteen any more then?’
Maggie blushed as she faced the latest incarnation of Elsie’s illness. ‘You’re enjoying a well-earned retirement.’
‘Tea’s up,’ Ted announced with the rattle of teacups on a tray. Moments later he guided Maggie’s hand to a china teacup. ‘Sugar?’
‘No, thanks.’
‘She’s sweet enough,’ Elsie said. ‘Did you put the thing in the oven?’
‘Yes, of course I put the pie in the oven.’
‘I’m only checking. What about the water for the dog?’
Ted had only just sat down and there was a painful groan as he stood up again. ‘I’d forget my head if it wasn’t screwed on.’
‘Lunch should be ready in twenty minutes,’ Elsie told Maggie. ‘You’re not a vegetarian are you?’
‘No, I’m not a vegetarian,’ Maggie answered patiently. ‘I’ll eat anything you put in front of me. Harvey would too, given the chance, but he’s already had his lunch.’
‘That’s a pity,’ Ted said as he re-entered the room. He walked with slow, deliberate steps so as not to spill the water. The dog stood up and wagged his tail with polite gratitude. ‘I was going to save you my crusts, boy.’
Harvey replied with a low whine as if he knew what he was missing out on.
‘I was telling Elsie that I’m sorry I missed her birthday. Although I have brought along some massage oil that I was going to leave with you,’ she said turning back to the birthday girl. ‘I could always give you a massage here after lunch if you like. Call it a belated birthday present.’
‘Oh, I don’t know if I’d feel comfortable having a massage.’
‘It could just be a head and shoulder massage if you like. The oil has a different mixture of essential oils this time,’ she added, trying to engineer some time alone with Elsie in the hope that she would reveal more of her past. And if Elsie weren’t willing, then perhaps Elsa would resurface to tell her tale. ‘It’s not lilac but I think you’ll like it. Will you give it a try?’
Maggie wouldn’t take no for an answer so as soon as lunch had settled, they left Ted and Harvey snoozing and retired to Elsie’s bedroom. Elsie sat awkwardly on a cushioned stool, her blouse unbuttoned to expose bare shoulders.
‘You do realise a massage is supposed to make you more relaxed, not terrify you?’ Maggie asked when she placed her hands on Elsie’s tensed shoulders. ‘And I’m afraid I might make a mess of your hair but it’s good for your scalp.’
‘It’s been a while since I was worried about my looks,’ Elsie replied, making a concerted effort to sound more at ease than she was.
Maggie warmed some oil in her hands and released exotic scents into the air. ‘Do you like this fragrance better?’
‘Yes, it’s quite nice. Is that rosemary I can smell?’
‘With a little basil in there too.’
‘Are you sure you’re not trying to baste me?’
They both laughed harder than necessary but it helped ease the tension. Maggie’s fingers would do the rest as she began kneading Elsie’s neck and shoulders. This was where Maggie encouraged her clients to relax into their own thoughts, but she held her tongue and willed Elsie to fill the silence. Their conversation over lunch had been animated but it hadn’t touched upon the problems of the distant past or the present. Nor had anyone mentioned that Elsie’s homemade pie had a distinctly sweet taste, almost as if someone had used sugar instead of salt …
‘I suppose you’re wondering how I got on yesterday?’
‘Yesterday?’
‘Don’t go acting daft, Maggie. I’m the one with the memory problems. I’m sure you remember I had a doctor’s appointment.’
Maggie paused, resting her hands on Elsie’s shoulders. Rather than massage, she gave her a comforting squeeze. ‘So how did it go?’
‘He didn’t tell me anything I couldn’t have worked out for myself. I’m getting worse. I have a new prescription and he’s sending me for more tests for all the good it’ll do. It’s Ted who worries me more than anything.’ Elsie put her hand over Maggie’s and it trembled.
Maggie’s pulse raced. Her first impression of Elsie’s husband hadn’t been great but she had wanted to believe that beneath the rough exterior was a heart of gold. Was Elsie about to confirm her worst fears? ‘Why, Elsie? What does he do?’
‘Everything,’ she said. ‘I know you’re wor
ried about me but if you really want to help then promise me you’ll look out for my Ted. He won’t ask for help for himself, but he’ll need it.’
Thankful that Elsie hadn’t been able to read her mind, Maggie’s heart swelled as she heard the confirmation she had hoped for; Mrs Milton was loved as much as her younger self deserved. She was also flattered that Elsie had so much faith in her. ‘I promise I’ll be there for both of you,’ she said with a smile that was pulled down by thoughts of the future.
‘You’re a good girl and if you don’t mind me saying so, you’re blooming very nicely.’
‘Thank you. I’ve spent the last week chasing after my two stepsons and rather than tire me out, I feel more energised than ever. They’ve stayed before but I felt more like a mum this time. The house felt so empty after they left and I can’t believe how much I’m missing them.’ After such an inauspicious start, the week had gone amazingly well. Letting Judith get her own way early on had worked out well and other than a brief phone call on Sunday to say goodbye, she had left them in peace.
‘They looked like a bit of a handful.’
Maggie was relieved that Elsie could recall at least part of their encounter in the park. ‘Not as much as their grandmother.’
‘I met her too, didn’t I?’
‘Yes. I’ve known Judith for two years but she doesn’t have a fraction of the trust you have in me,’ Maggie said as she continued with the massage. She was surprised how, rather than engineer Mrs Milton’s confessions, the old lady was extracting one from her without even trying. ‘She’s still not convinced I can look after myself and, unlike you, wouldn’t dream of entrusting me to watch over someone else. That’s why she turned up at the park; to rescue her grandchildren.’
‘So she hasn’t known you very long?’
‘Two years,’ Maggie said, aware she was repeating herself. ‘James and I moved into the house eighteen months ago but I think you could count on one hand the number of times she’s visited.’
Maggie could feel Elsie finally relaxing into the massage. Her breathing had slowed and her response was punctuated with soft groans. ‘Maybe if she got to know you better she might start seeing things differently.’
‘That’s what James keeps saying. We were all meant to have spent the day together last week but James got called into work. That’s why I ended up taking the boys to the park – where all I succeeded in doing was proving to Judith how hopeless I am.’
‘You’re not hopeless and what’s more, you know you’re not. Try again.’
Maggie imagined being back in the park with her mum, nursing a grazed knee after falling off the bike. The memory wasn’t quite sharp enough this time to weaken her stubborn streak. ‘I’m not sure I want to. I know she’s James’s mum but I can’t help thinking we’d be better off if she stayed away completely.’
It was almost imperceptible, but Maggie felt Elsie’s body tense up a fraction. ‘It’s wrong to separate a mother from her child, even a grown-up one.’
‘I lost my mum a year ago so I know how important this is to James,’ Maggie answered by way of a defence.
‘But?’
‘But becoming a mum isn’t going to be easy for me. There’s so much I have to learn, and without my mum it’s going to be harder still. I know I’m my own worst enemy. I’m determined to go back to work once I’ve had the baby. Running my own business has helped me retain some kind of independence over the years and I don’t want to give that up. But that means I’m going to face some tough challenges and the last thing I need is someone like Judith waiting for me to fail.’
‘You’re young and you’re allowed to make mistakes. But isn’t that when you’ll need your family most of all? I’m sure someone like you can make Judith see the error of her ways and, who knows, maybe she’ll be the guiding hand you’ve been missing?’
‘You’re the one who’s sounding more like my mum.’
‘That’s probably the biggest compliment anyone could ever pay me but I’m not exactly a good example to follow.’ Her harsh assessment of herself was tinged with regret and it didn’t go unnoticed.
They both fell silent as Maggie began to massage Elsie’s scalp. The sensation of coarse grey hair was at odds with the image of the young woman who was never far from Maggie’s thoughts, or Elsie’s for that matter.
‘I had all my hair chopped off after I got married and had my girls but once upon a time it was so long I could sit on it.’
‘Back when you called yourself Elsa?’
‘Hmm,’ Elsie said with a soft sigh. ‘It was the colour of golden sand, probably only a shade or two lighter than Harvey’s. Oh, I’m sorry, I keep forgetting. I don’t suppose colour means a lot to you.’
Maggie smiled as she tried to picture Elsa with her long vanilla hair. ‘More than you would imagine.’
‘My hair was my crowning glory, my mum said, and I loved wearing it down. I can remember that feeling of the wind blowing through my hair as if it was yesterday.’ Elsie allowed herself a short chuckle. ‘Better than yesterday, I should say.’
Elsie went quiet for a moment and as Maggie kneaded her scalp, decades-old connections were remade.
‘If I tell you how my hair got in such a mess, you won’t tell anyone will you, Celia?’
Elsa’s sister didn’t answer immediately. She was standing behind her trying to undo the tats in her hair. ‘How did it happen?’ she asked hesitantly.
The smile on Elsa’s face broadened. ‘Freddie took me for a ride on his bike. I was holding on to him for dear life, my head buried in the back of his neck, and he just laughed when I started screaming. But then I was laughing too. He makes me so happy.’
There was no need to turn around to see the look of disdain on her sister’s face. Celia had never approved of Elsa’s boyfriends; there had been quite a few, but none like Freddie. ‘He calls me his little firecracker,’ Elsa said with a giggle, knowing she was about to shock her sister. ‘And he certainly knows how to set me off.’
‘He really loved you, didn’t he?’
‘Loved?’ The use of the past tense was like a slap across the face. Elsa’s eyes darted across the room as panic bloomed in her chest. It wasn’t her bedroom. Something was wrong. She could almost feel the gaping hole in her heart as it beat a little faster. Something awful had happened. Her hand reached up to her hair.
‘It’s all right,’ Maggie soothed as Mrs Milton let out a low mewl.
Elsa’s appearance had been fleeting. She had called out for Freddie as she pulled at her hair but then the youthful tone in her voice had washed away with tears.
Maggie gave up on the massage and came around to sit on the edge of the bed in front of her. She took hold of Elsie’s hands to still them.
‘Freddie’s gone,’ Elsie sobbed.
‘You think about him a lot, don’t you?’
‘You never forget your first love, no matter how much it hurts to remember.’
‘Do you think you could tell me about him?’ Maggie asked. ‘Please.’
The story that Elsie revealed was carefully edited. Unlike the scenes that had already been played out in front of Maggie, this version made no reference to an unplanned pregnancy but it did include one vital fact that the young woman who called herself Elsa had been unable or unwilling to share with Maggie.
‘I can barely bring myself to think about that awful, awful day when Celia turned up at Mrs Jackson’s shop but I’ll never forget that look on her face. At first, I thought something had happened to Mum or Dad but then I saw the airmail letter in her hand. It was sent from Freddie’s commanding officer and Celia, being Celia, had already read it.’
Maggie had often wondered what would have kept Freddie from fulfilling his promises to Elsa. She had wanted him to be the hero to the end but for that to happen there would have to be a very good reason for him to stay away. She dreaded what Elsie might say next but asked, ‘Why didn’t Freddie come back to you?’
Elsie had barely regained her c
omposure and her next words caught in her throat. ‘Celia put her arms around me so that I wouldn’t drop to the ground when she told me.’
‘Told you what, Elsie?’
‘Freddie was dead.’
The shock Maggie felt was as real sixty years on as it would have been if she had been there with Elsa in 1953. ‘How?’ she managed to ask.
Elsie shrugged as if she had insulated herself from the past, and perhaps she had. It was only her dementia that found her weak spots. ‘A motorbike accident.’
Maggie couldn’t stop herself from imagining a lonely and pregnant young woman sitting on a park bench waiting in vain for her hero to appear. ‘I’m so, so sorry.’
Elsie sniffed back unshed tears. ‘It broke my heart, but I suppose I should be thankful I found out at all. I would have gone on waiting for him forever otherwise. Still, it was my Ted who came along eventually. Our marriage may not have had the same fiery passion – but it was built to last.’
‘Why come back here, back to Sedgefield, after all of this time, Elsie?’ Maggie asked, stepping a little closer to the question that still remained unanswered.
‘We came here when the girls were little to visit Aunt Flo and I do like the place.’
The response wasn’t as sincere as Elsie would have had Maggie believe. ‘But it’s the more painful memories you’re revisiting now.’
‘Maybe it’s my way of punishing myself.’
Elsie had so far chosen not to talk about the baby but Maggie sensed she was getting nearer the truth. ‘Or you want to retrace your steps? It would be perfectly natural to want to come back to trace—’
‘Trace my fingers across an empty bench,’ Elsie said before Maggie could finish. ‘I can’t change the past. What’s done is done. Now,’ she said, patting Maggie’s hand, ‘if memory serves me right you’re supposed to be giving me a massage.’
Reluctantly, Maggie did as she was bidden. She couldn’t bring herself to push Elsie further. Losing Freddie would have been painful enough but she imagined there had been worse to come.
Where I Found You Page 12