He patted her hand. ‘I think I could have told you that, love. But my Elsie wouldn’t be able to accept it, not then and not now.’
‘What if I told you that he wasn’t killed in a motorbike accident? That he had no intention of marrying Elsa? That he was only using her to blackmail Anne by proving how easily he could ruin her?’ As Maggie proceeded to tell Ted everything, the old man’s grip on her hand tightened. ‘Don’t you think we should at least try to tell her what kind of a man he really was?’ she asked.
He squeezed her hand one last time and then let go. ‘No. He’s still her hero.’
Anger bloomed. ‘No, Ted, you’re her hero! You’re the one who gave your life and your heart to that woman. You gave her hope for the future and then a life she could be proud of. You’re the one who fights for her and cares for her. You’re the hero who rescued her from the care home, for goodness’ sake!’ Maggie’s fury burned up the oxygen in her lungs. When she paused for breath, Ted was ready with his reply.
‘And I’m the one who will let her keep her dreams.’
The only response Maggie could offer was a stifled sob.
‘Now, don’t you go feeling sorry for me,’ he warned. ‘It’s not always Freddie she’s thinking about, even if she thinks she is.’
Maggie swallowed back her anger as best she could. ‘How do you mean?’
‘Elsie’s hero used to take her to the park,’ he explained. ‘Not this one, but Sefton Park in Liverpool. She was very withdrawn after returning from Sedgefield and wouldn’t speak to anyone. On the positive side, she couldn’t say no when her hero insisted on taking her out. He would sit beside her on the park bench and tell her that she wasn’t on her own. He would tell her all about the swans and how, once they found their mate, they never left each other’s side. He told her over and over again until one day she realised that she was his swan and when he asked her to marry him, she said yes.’
‘And that was you.’
Maggie couldn’t help herself; she gave Ted a hug. Perhaps it was just her imagination but he had somehow grown in stature since she had last held him.
By the time they were all ready to leave the park, the autumn wind had lost its breath and a peaceful lull descended. Harvey led the way with Maggie, followed closely by Ted who was still pushing the pram while Kathy and Elsie trailed behind. Kathy was giving her birth mother a guided tour of her life from early childhood to the latest news that she was soon to be a grandmother again. At first Elsie listened in awe, occasionally asking questions but then, slowly and inevitably, she fell into silence. As they stepped through the iron gates that separated the park from the High Street, Ted’s prediction was proven painfully true. Elsie said goodbye as if Kathy and Maggie were strangers but Kathy wasn’t deterred.
‘We’re going to meet again, you and I,’ she promised, ‘and I’m going to remind you why today is worth remembering.’
Epilogue
Aiden was sitting up in his pushchair, squealing with delight as he spied the ducks approaching from the other side of the lake. It was hard to imagine that he had once been so tiny and defenceless. Hard, but not impossible, because Maggie had been acutely aware of how precious those first memories were. She never allowed herself to become complacent, and yet life had insisted on moving at an alarming pace.
To quell her nerves, Maggie took a deep breath before launching a handful of bread into the air. Amidst the cacophony of quacks, she detected the occasional cheep. The first brood of ducklings had arrived.
Deep in her own thoughts, she jumped when her phone rang. It was James. Harvey took a step nearer the pram. He would keep a watchful eye on Aiden while Maggie was temporarily distracted.
‘Haven’t you got work to do?’ she asked.
‘It’s nearly lunchtime. I’m allowed a break once in a while.’
Maggie was only too aware of what time of day it was and James’s reminder only served to intensify her anxiety. ‘How’s it going?’ she asked, eager for a diversion.
‘It was going fine until Kathy turned up this morning. She’s changed her mind on a couple of things. Again.’
‘It won’t put the completion date back, will it?’
‘I won’t let it, not while everyone’s so impatient to move in.’
‘Everyone except possibly Anne.’
The last six months had been difficult for Kathy, her two mums and their respective families, and Maggie still felt guilty. She had created the mess, albeit with good intentions, but it was Kathy who had been left to pick up the pieces. How she proposed to do that had surprised even Maggie.
‘Actually, she was there this morning too. I wouldn’t go so far as to say Anne was excited, but she seemed willing to make it work. She had her own ideas and there was a bit of friction between the two of them but Kathy knows how to handle her.’
‘I’m just relieved they’re still moving in together.’ If Maggie regretted anything, it was the damage that had been done to Kathy’s relationship with Anne. Whatever the rights and wrongs of Kathy’s adoption and the secrecy surrounding it, there had never been any doubt that the bond between the two was worth fighting for. Thankfully, Kathy had never lost sight of that.
‘Rather Kathy than me, though,’ James said with a laugh. ‘To have one mother move in with you is bad enough, but two?’
James wasn’t the only one wondering how it would work. Kathy hadn’t been able to settle in the new house once she knew how much history she had left behind. The old Georgian villa in Sedgefield was, and always would be, her home and she wanted to move back. She still wanted her mum to move in with her and now she also wanted to help Elsie. Flo Jackson’s guesthouse was big enough for all of them, and with a few alterations and a fair amount of renovation, no one could think of a reason why they couldn’t all move in together, even Anne, who no longer had to fear returning to Sedgefield. It would give Kathy a chance to spend some time with her birth mother and everyone had to agree that it had a certain poetic justice.
‘I wish Flo Jackson could have known what would happen. She wanted the house to remain in the family so that it might reunite a mother with her daughter – but even she couldn’t have imagined they would all end up living there together, Anne included.’
‘At least Kathy isn’t going to be able to complain about rattling around in an empty house any more.’
Kathy’s plan hadn’t been that difficult to pull off in the end. Anne insisted on selling her house to pay for the redevelopment and James was commissioned to do the work. Ted was more than happy with the idea, not least because Yvonne had been making noises about her parents moving up to Scotland again. Joe wasn’t too keen on having to deal with two mothers-in-law but he had found an ally in Ted and wasn’t going to be completely outnumbered.
‘I’d better go. Mark’s waving frantically at me,’ James said.
Mark had picked up his long-forgotten joinery skills with surprising ease and James hadn’t needed much convincing to take him on, not with all the extra work Kathy was sending his way. Mark was now dividing his time between managing Kathy’s property business and working for James and the arrangements were working so well that there was even a suggestion that the three might set up a joint company. But that was for the future.
‘Oh, no, Kathy’s back again,’ James said. ‘She said she was bringing Ted and Elsie for a quick guided tour this afternoon.’
‘Then off you go,’ Maggie ordered. ‘You’re not the only one with work to do.’ Her stomach lurched without warning.
‘It’s going to be fine.’
‘I know.’ She didn’t sound convinced.
‘Have I told you lately that …’
‘That you love me? Yes, I believe you told me that very thing this morning.’ The smile creeping across her face eased her nerves.
‘Ah, but did I tell you …’
‘That I’m the best mother our son could possibly hope for? Yes, I think you mentioned that too.’
‘Did I tell you that you
’re the most remarkable woman I’ve ever met and that I’m going to enjoy spending the rest of my life with you?’
The smile on her face broke free. ‘Now that one I don’t think I’ve heard today.’
‘You’re going to be fine and, more importantly, so is our little man. Now I really do have to go because all of this sweet talk is putting the lads off their lunch.’
When Maggie ended the call, she turned her back on the ducks. The bench was less than ten feet away but she hadn’t been able to take her usual seat today and her plans for a picnic were in tatters. She was gripped by indecision. There was still an hour to kill and she briefly considered going back home. She could always carry on with the house-warming present she was making for Kathy. She had acquired another piece of wood from the house and James had carved it to match the one Maggie had already given her. Rather than ‘Home’ this one said ‘Heart’ and she was adding four names to it. Flo, Anne, Elsa and Tess.
When Harvey began nuzzling her hand in gentle encouragement, Maggie still didn’t move, and following Harvey’s example, Aiden began to grumble. They were both getting hungry but she couldn’t face the thought of returning home. Not yet.
‘The ducks are behind you.’
Maggie couldn’t be sure if Lorna was joking or not and she was in no mood to care. ‘What colour have they painted it?’ she asked.
‘The bench? It’s a sort of burgundy.’ There was a question in her answer: Lorna was clearly confused by Maggie’s interest in colours.
Maggie could smell wet paint but her imagination bloomed with scents of bergamot and cranberries.
‘Can I have some bread? I want some bread!’ Josh was already pulling at the plastic bag in Maggie’s hand.
‘Say please,’ Lorna told her son.
‘Please,’ Josh recited.
‘Of course you can.’
The child grabbed the bag and the first handful of bread sent the ducks into a frenzy. Harvey began to whine.
‘Don’t go too near the water’s edge, Josh,’ Maggie warned. ‘Remember what happened last time.’
‘Oh he’s fallen in loads of times since then. I swear that child has no sense of danger.’ Lorna took a few steps away from the lake to avoid the splashes and, grabbing Maggie’s arm, pulled her away too.
Maggie almost stumbled. ‘It’s fine, Lorna, I can find my own way.’ She deliberately stepped back and wrapped her hands around the handles of the pushchair. She could hear the water spray hitting the pram and while Aiden was more than happy to get soaked to the skin, she moved him away from the splash zone.
‘I’ve been telling my husband how you pull that pram along the road. I’ve never seen anything like it. Are you sure it’s safe?’
Maggie didn’t trust herself to respond but simply nodded her head. She was starting to think that going home wasn’t such a bad idea.
‘So today’s the big day then?’ continued Lorna, unabashed.
‘Yes, I’m looking forward to it,’ Maggie said, hearing the lie even if Lorna didn’t.
The truth was that she wasn’t looking forward to returning to work at all. Jenny kept telling her that it wouldn’t feel so bad once she was in a routine, but her response had been to remind her friend about the time she had walked out of the salon bawling. Maggie was allowed a wobble too, although she would be damned if she would let Lorna know that.
‘At least you’ve got your mother-in-law to help.’
Suddenly Maggie’s false bravado felt a little less forced. ‘Yes, I’m so lucky. I can’t believe Judith offered – so much for easing herself into retirement.’
‘And you’ll be able to find out all the gossip once you’re back in the salon,’ Lorna said, her voice lowered, although unfortunately Maggie could still hear it above Josh’s shouts and Aiden’s squeals. ‘Is it really true that Kathy was adopted?’
‘I believe that’s what she told you,’ Maggie answered carefully. Kathy had decided that she wanted everyone to know the basic facts of her adoption, if not the detail. She had Anne’s permission and although Elsie was now rarely in a state of mind to form a view of her own, Ted had given his blessing.
‘It’s so sad that she should find her mum now,’ Lorna said. ‘She has Alzheimer’s, by all accounts.’
‘Yes, but at least they found each other.’
‘And Kathy has two new sisters to boot. I bet they weren’t happy hearing about all the secrets their mum had been keeping from them.’
‘Actually they’re absolutely delighted,’ countered Maggie. Kathy had seen Yvonne at Christmas and they were getting on like a house on fire. She had even been in touch with the elusive Nancy and there were plans to all meet up once Kathy was back in the old house. Not that Maggie was prepared to share any of this information with Lorna, so she deliberately changed the subject. ‘Will you be calling in at the salon soon?’
‘Oh yes, I’m well overdue a massage.’
Maggie’s ears pricked as she detected the sound of feet splashing in the water. Harvey whined. ‘I think Josh is about to go in the lake again,’ she warned and then the strangest thing happened. To accompany a fluttering shadow, she could feel the air in front of her face being wafted one way and then the other. There was a faint smell of soap. ‘Did you just wave your hand in front of my face?’ Her question was followed by a shocked laugh.
‘Sorry, Maggie! It’s just that I can’t believe you’re really blind sometimes.’ Lorna shuffled her feet in embarrassment.
Maggie opened her mouth to respond but Lorna was already on the move to rescue her son. Screeches of excitement had transformed to those of horror as Josh found himself floundering once more. There was a hurried goodbye as Lorna dragged a howling child away and in the calm that followed, Maggie turned her attention to her own family. She took hold of the pram but didn’t immediately take hold of Harvey’s harness. She knew her way to the bench.
The smell of wet paint was overpowering as she reached over and let her hand hover inches above the freshly painted wood. There would always be doubters in her life but as her mum had taught her, a person’s true strength was hidden beneath the surface. With a glint in her eye, Maggie pressed a finger down into the sticky paint and smiled. The bench had been leaving impressions on people’s lives for decades. She was simply returning the favour.
As Elsa stepped over the threshold, she kept her eyes cast down. The black-and-white tiled floor was covered in muddy footprints and there were drifts of sawdust gathering in the corners of the vestibule. She was afraid to lift her head only to have her suspicions confirmed. The house felt empty and if she looked up and didn’t see Aunt Flo there to welcome her with open arms she knew she would cry. She missed the old lady who knew better than anyone how Elsa had lost everything including herself.
‘It might look a bit of a mess now, but it’s going to be amazing when it’s finished.’
When Elsa did find the courage to look up, she tried to return the smile of the woman who had spoken. There was something familiar about her face but what that might be she couldn’t quite recall. Panic bubbled. She knew she must fight to remember but still the memories slipped from her grasp like squirming eels. Panic was replaced by fear and she turned in a bid to escape but there was a man blocking her way. She wouldn’t look at him as she wrestled from his grip.
‘Elsie, it’s going to be all right. I’m here, love.’
Lifting her eyes, Elsie was captured by the gaze of the man who had saved her all of those years ago. One singular thought sliced through the fog of her dementia like a swan gliding across the water. Aware how quickly that thought would slip away she held on to it as if her life depended on it. She didn’t quite understand why, but for the first time in sixty years she felt whole again.
Acknowledgements
I am lucky to have some very good and immensely supportive friends who have helped me through the tough times and, more recently, tempted me away from my computer screen every once in a while. One such friend is Donna Hall, whose
son Dylan is visually impaired and was very much on my mind as I wrote this book. I don’t know how Donna manages to be such an amazing friend to so many people but she does it with ease … if not the occasional glass of wine.
It was through Donna and her connections with Henshaws Society for Blind People that I was able to meet Dawn Hartgen and I would like to thank her for helping me gain a better understanding of being a visually impaired parent. Writing this book from a blind person’s perspective was quite a challenge but also a voyage of discovery as I set about describing the world which my main character Maggie inhabited without any visual context. I have such respect and admiration for mums like Dawn and I hope my novel does justice to them.
As always I would like to thank my family and especially my daughter, Jessica, who is my world, and my son, Nathan, who is my guiding star. I should also mention Ted and Betty McCulloch who were the best nan and granddad I could have wished for and it’s no coincidence that one of my characters is called Ted.
For their help, guidance, encouragement and perseverance, I would like to thank Kim Young and Martha Ashby at HarperCollins who played no small part in squeezing every ounce of emotion out of this book and often out of me too. I would also like to thank my agent, Luigi Bonomi, who took me under his wing and whose advice and guidance is invaluable.
Last, but by no means least, I would like to thank Karen Sutton, Kath Woolley, Pauline Hewitt, Sue Jones, Pat Gibson, Nee Parker and Julie Parry for their friendship and support over more years than any of us would care to admit.
About the Author
Amanda Brooke is a single mum in her forties who lives in Liverpool with her teenage daughter Jessica. It was only when her young son was diagnosed with cancer that Amanda began to develop her writing, recording her family’s journey in a journal and through poetry. When Nathan died in 2006 at just three years old, Amanda was determined that his legacy would be one of inspiration not devastation. Her debut novel Yesterday’s Sun was inspired by her experiences of motherhood and her understanding of how much a mother would be willing to sacrifice for the life of her child. It was chosen for the Richard and Judy Book Club in Spring 2012.
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