by Joan Kilby
If Hayley couldn’t cure her own horse, how did she manage with people? But she did. Tom Dorian had been very convincing and all the counselors he’d spoken with had recommended Hayley very highly as an alternative to conventional therapy.
“Mom called while you were helping Hayley bring her stuff over,” Summer went on. “Grandma’s having her operation this afternoon. I hope she’s going to be okay.”
“I’m sure she will be. Did your mother say if she was at the hospital right now?”
“She said she’d be in and out for a while.” Summer rested her chin on her crossed arms atop the fence. “Dad, do you really think there’s something wrong with me?”
What could he say? She was perfect in his eyes despite whatever issues were making her act out. But that was such a “dad” way of reassuring her. She wanted absolutes and he didn’t know enough to give her that. “What’s big and gray and doesn’t matter?”
“This isn’t a joke.” Moisture filmed her eyes. Then her curiosity got the better of her. Grudgingly she said, “What?”
“It’s irrelephant.”
She didn’t even smile. “What do you mean?”
He touched her cheek. “I love you. No matter what.”
“But you don’t really know me.”
“I’ve known you since you were born.”
“You don’t know me now, the things I feel inside.”
“I might if you would talk to me.” Hadn’t they had this conversation already?
“Hayley’s coming.” Summer blinked and knuckled her eyes.
“Everything’s going to be all right, sweetheart. I promise.” He squeezed her shoulder. “Have fun.” Fun? Possibly not an appropriate term for what she was about to experience.
Hayley’s path crossed his in the middle of the yard. “Everything okay for you in there?” he asked.
“It’s amazing. Thank you for making me feel so at home. All the food, everything, I didn’t expect—” Her smile broke free. “Ice cream bars! How did you know?”
“Lucky guess.” The radiance of her smile practically melted his insides. “I’m glad you’re here. For Summer’s sake.” He paused a beat. “And mine.” Her gaze met his and a ripple of awareness passed between them. When he was with her it was hard to remember why he had to keep his distance.
“I mean, it’s nice to have another adult around. To talk to, that is. I’m suffering culture shock being away from my workplace and friends in the city. I usually go out a lot but here, not so much. I’ve become quite the hermit.”
Like a babbling brook his words kept flowing. Now the look in her eyes had turned to amusement. He forced himself to stop. “I’ll let you go. Summer’s waiting, and I need to make a phone call....”
“We’ll chat later,” Hayley suggested.
“One more thing,” Adam said quickly. “I’ve got to take all the brush I’ve cut down to the tip. By any chance would I be able to borrow your truck?”
“Sure, no worries. Hang on a tick.” She ran back inside the cottage and came out with her car keys.
“Thanks.” He watched as she strode off toward the paddock, his gaze dropping to the neat fit of her jeans shaping her hips. Then he shook his head and did an abrupt one-eighty, heading for the house. All he needed was for her to turn around and catch him watching her.
Once inside he grabbed the phone and punched in Diane’s number—she answered with a brisk greeting. “I can’t talk long. Mother’s being prepped for surgery. What’s this about Summer having horse therapy?”
“Your neighbor, Hayley Sorensen, treats trauma victims using horses.” He pushed aside the curtains to peer out the kitchen window. Hayley and Summer were sitting in the grass outside the lunge ring, talking. “It’s unconventional, but apparently it works.”
“Hayley from next door? How is she going to do Summer any good? She seems a bit...unsophisticated. What are her credentials?”
“She has credentials.” So what if she didn’t have a piece of paper with a degree? “And she’s got testimonials as long as your arm. But that’s not what I called about.” He paused, allowing himself a second to make the mental shift. “I found a gold watch in the guest cottage.”
“Oh?” Diane was suddenly wary.
“It was inscribed, For Leif, my sexy mountain man, from your red-hot mama. Do you know anything about that?”
There was a long pause. “Why would I know anything about it?”
“Come on, Diane. Just tell me the truth.”
“Leif is dead,” she said flatly. “There’s no sense raking stuff up.”
“You had an affair with him, in the guest cottage, didn’t you?” There was no disguising his bitterness and anger. “He’s the one you were seeing while we were still married.”
“What difference does it make?”
“It makes all the difference. I could’ve put up with your overspending and your flirting and your frivolous ways. I could have even stuck out a lukewarm marriage till Summer was through school. But infidelity was the one thing I refused to tolerate. But forget about me. How could you have fooled around in front of Summer?”
“He never came while she was home,” Diane said quickly. “I always made sure she was at school, or out with her friends.”
“Very thoughtful of you,” he said drily. “From things she’s said, I think she suspected. Oh, and did you spare a thought for Hayley and about what you and Leif were doing to her?”
“She was clueless. Anyway, Leif and I didn’t plan it. It just happened.”
“Right, like a thunderbolt from heaven. You couldn’t help yourselves.”
“Exactly. He was a real man’s man, you know?” Diane sounded almost dreamy. “He had calluses on his calluses. And that Marlboro Man squint from beneath his cowboy hat.”
Oh, but that was cruel. It was almost as if she was trying to hurt him. Had he somehow brought that out in her? He glanced at his own strong but clean hands, which generally wielded a pencil and ruler. They were blistered from all the yard work he’d been doing, and that only emphasized how smooth they normally were. Was that why his marriage had failed—because he had clean fingernails?
“Yeah, a man who cheats on his wife is a real prize.”
“He was there for me, Adam,” she said sharply. “Every time you weren’t. And in every way.”
Ouch. That barb was valid and it stung.
“Do not tell Hayley about this,” Diane added. “There’s absolutely nothing to be gained.”
“I’ll have to think about that. It’s a big secret to keep from her.”
“She won’t thank you,” Diane warned.
“I’ve got things to do,” Adam said abruptly. “I’ll talk to you later.” He started to hang up when he remembered to add, “Give your mother my best. Let me know how the operation goes.”
He went back outside and began to move the pile of brush from behind the toolshed to Hayley’s truck. Hayley and Summer were still sitting in the grass, talking. What about? He hadn’t had that long a conversation with Summer since she’d believed in fairies.
Despite the blisters, he didn’t mind getting his hands dirty. Making a tangible difference to his surroundings gave him a totally different type of satisfaction than designing buildings. Both were good, but the physical activity was more immediate. And it got him outside his head.
But he couldn’t avoid thinking about Hayley and the watch. Was Diane right? Was there no point in burdening Hayley? Was it better that she mourned Leif with his memory untarnished?
Even if she’d known about the affair, if Adam gave her the watch then she’d know that he knew. No one liked to be humiliated in front of others. The knowledge that Diane had slept with another man while they were married stung. The difference was that he’d already fallen out of love with her. Hayley
was still devoted to her late husband.
It was a no-win situation.
He hated to admit it, but Diane was probably right. He shouldn’t tell Hayley.
And yet, keeping the affair a secret seemed wrong. How could he be a friend to Hayley if he didn’t tell her? But how could he stay her friend if he did? It was human nature to shoot the messenger.
Adam heaved a bundle of saplings onto the truck.
For now, he would keep quiet and leave the watch where he’d put it in the sideboard with the silver. He didn’t want it in his room, and it was too valuable to leave lying around. Hopefully over the next few weeks he’d figure out the right thing to do.
He retraced his steps to the brush pile, hoping to see Hayley and Summer working with a horse by now. He had no idea what the therapy involved and he was curious. Surely no one would object if he watched from a distance.
They were still sitting cross-legged outside the fence. One of the golden-brown horses was inside, nibbling at the grass growing around a fence post. Was it Sergeant or Major who had four white socks?
Hayley seemed to be doing most of the talking. Summer had her head down as she tore a blade of grass into long strips. Adam took a drink from a water bottle. He’d give anything to know what she was saying.
As he watched, Summer glanced up at Hayley. Her face, initially impassive, grew cloudy, then stormy. She said something sharp. Adam heard the tone if not the words. Then she rose and started to stalk off.
Should he interfere, tell Summer to get back out there and cooperate? Before he could make a move, Hayley jumped to her feet and went after Summer. She put a hand on the girl’s shoulder. Summer spun around, her eyes flashing and her mouth drawn into a deep scowl. His daughter’s next move was usually to shout something about being picked on and take off again. He wouldn’t blame Hayley if she quit on the spot.
To his surprise Hayley pulled Summer into a hug. Summer stiffened, her arms rigid at her side. Hayley released her but kept a hand on her shoulder, speaking steadily and calmly. Her body language was authoritative but open and compassionate. Miracle of miracles, Summer wasn’t running away. She was still frowning, but she was listening.
* * *
“WHY DID YOU get upset when I asked if anyone you knew died in the bushfires?” Hayley held Summer on the spot with her steady gaze and a calming hand on the shoulder. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Adam watching them from the toolshed. She mentally shut him out so his presence didn’t distract her. She knew he was concerned, but he needed to understand this was private between her and Summer.
Summer had been chatting to her about the music she liked, which had led her to mention a concert she’d been to in Melbourne last year. Hayley had then asked her about the friends she’d gone with. They’d talked about them for a while and how her girlfriend’s aunt had died in the bushfires. Casually, Hayley had asked if Summer had known anyone else, perhaps a close friend, who’d died.
The girl had gone ballistic, shouting that of course she knew people who’d died. One of her teachers, her friend’s aunt, the guy who’d delivered the gas bottles for the house, and three classmates. Oddly, Summer hadn’t mentioned Leif, whom she must’ve met either at the divorce party or when her mother had gone on trail rides.
Were any of these people close friends? Hayley gently probed, trying to discover the trigger for Summer’s anger.
That was when Summer had jumped to her feet. Fight-or-flight was the reaction to stress. She’d started out fighting, and now she was in flight mode. Hayley went after her, giving her what she needed even if Summer didn’t realize it herself—a hug. Comfort, connection, sympathy and an acknowledgment that whatever the girl was reacting to was real and scary.
Summer was too tightly wound to relax and tell all, but at least she’d stopped running and was listening. Hayley told her about Leif and what his loss meant to her. It was painful to talk about, but sharing her story of loss and grief was the quickest, surest way to establish a bond between her and Summer.
“He and three other men were trapped in their fire truck,” she told Summer. “The fire was all around them. There was no escape.”
“So they burned,” Summer whispered. Her eyes fell shut and her throat worked as she seemed to struggle to control her emotions. She opened her eyes again. “W-were their bodies found?”
Hayley swallowed. Sometimes therapy was harder on her than on her clients. “Bones. Teeth. The dentist identified Leif’s molars.”
“That’s so awful.” Summer looked as if she was going to be sick. “I’m sorry.”
Hayley put her arm around Summer’s shoulder. “Did you have a close friend who was lost?”
“Not killed but burned badly.” Tears filled Summer’s eyes. “But...we’re not friends anymore.”
Hayley took a stab in the dark. “A boy?” Summer nodded. “What’s his name?”
“Steve. He has scars on his arms and some on his face. He keeps calling me. I don’t want to talk to him, but not because of the scars....” She broke off, crying.
Hayley handed her a tissue from the packet she kept in her pocket during therapy. “Why don’t you want to talk to him?”
Summer shook her head, her nose buried in tissue. “It’s personal.”
Red alert. This boy, whoever he was, was of significance. Hayley didn’t often stumble onto the source of a client’s anxiety so quickly, and she had to tread carefully so Summer didn’t shut down again. “Did you tell your mom and dad about Steve?”
The girl lifted her head, wiped her eyes then sighed. “Mom doesn’t like him because his family is poor and his father’s out of work. Dad wouldn’t like him, either, not because of that, but because—” She broke off, sniffing.
“Is there some reason you don’t want your father to know about Steve? Was he your boyfriend?”
“I’m too young to have a boyfriend, according to Dad. Anyway, it’s over now, so it doesn’t matter.”
“If the thought of him still bothers you, maybe he does matter,” she said gently.
Summer blotted her red-rimmed eyes with the soggy tissue. “You’re friends with my dad. If I say anything, you’ll tell him. He’s good at making people talk about stuff.”
“I won’t tell him anything you don’t want me to.” Was she friends with Adam or were they just helping each other out? There was also something more, an awareness so tangible she knew he must feel it, too. She’d seen it in his eyes and heard it in the flurry of unnecessary words earlier. He didn’t strike her as a man who usually lost his cool.
Yes, she’d admit to a slight attraction, but it wasn’t going anywhere—in a few months he’d be leaving Hope Mountain for good. Anyway, this wasn’t about her. She had to concentrate on Summer and gaining the girl’s confidence. “Please trust me, Summer. Anything you say to me during these sessions is completely confidential.”
“Like a doctor-and-patient thing?”
“I’m not a doctor but, yeah, like that. I won’t make you talk about anything you don’t want to, although sometimes I might push a little if I think it will help you. I know it’s painful, but you’re only going to get well if you open up.”
“I’m not sick. And I’m not crazy!” Summer flipped on a dime, back to anger. “Why should I open up? I don’t even see why I have to do this. The only reason I agreed to therapy was so I could be around your horses.”
Hayley knew her snappishness was defensive and it was time to back off. “Let’s go see Major, then. But I’d like you to calm down first. Horses sense when you’re upset and angry. They don’t like it. It makes them anxious.”
Summer glowered mutinously but reluctantly followed Hayley to the lunge ring. “Why would how I’m feeling make Major anxious?”
“Horses are a bit like dogs in that they are herd or pack animals. They want to follow a stro
ng leader, and they see humans as their leaders. If they sense a person is weak, then they become afraid something will happen to them. Like humans, sometimes their reaction to being fearful is to become angry instead.” She paused, throwing Summer a sideways glance to see if the point sank in. “Does that ever happen to you?”
“You mean, do I get afraid and cover it up with anger?” She thought about it. “I don’t know about afraid, but I get pissed off a lot.”
“What about?”
Summer shrugged. “Stuff. My dad’s always on my case. Having my iPod up too loud, not doing my homework, cleaning my room...”
Adam’s concerns might be valid but Summer’s problems didn’t stem from trivialities like homework and a messy bedroom. “Maybe you’re afraid of another bushfire.”
“I don’t think so. We were safe here. It was in other places, in the bush and the town, that people got killed.”
Hayley forced herself not to react to the girl’s naïveté. Or was it denial? She would have liked to dig deeper, but she didn’t want to make Summer angry again. Instead, she focused on the horses.
“If you come to a horse upset or angry, the horse will react badly. You need to control your emotions for their sake. Eventually you’ll be able to control your emotions at other times. To do that, you need to learn to identify what triggers those out-of-control feelings.” She paused. “Feelings like the anger you felt just now when I asked that question.”
Summer leaned on the railing and watched Major with her chin resting on her hands. “How do I do that?”
“First, rate your anxiety level right this minute on a scale of one to ten.”
“Why?”
“Just do it. I’ll tell you why afterward.”
Summer ducked her head and mumbled, “Nine.”
“And what would you rate your inner smile?”
“Inner smile?” Summer’s brow crinkled in confusion. “I don’t have one.”
“Maybe a two?”
“Sure, whatever.”
“Okay, let’s remember that. Now, before we go into the lunge ring, we’ll do breathing exercises. Turn around.” Hayley took Summer’s hand and placed it on the girl’s stomach. “Breathe in from your gut. Do you feel your hand rise? Good. Now let it go, slowly. In through your nose. Out through your mouth. Drop your shoulders. Right down.” Summer lowered her shoulders under pressure from Hayley’s hands and took a couple of long, deep breaths. “How do you feel?”