by Joan Kilby
“Okay.” Summer continued to breathe. “A bit calmer, I guess.”
“Good.” Hayley smiled reassuringly. “You’re doing great. Keep breathing, slow and deep, while I explain some things. Horses have a racial memory about creatures with eyes facing forward, like humans. They see us as predators, so their natural instinct is to be afraid of us.”
“Bailey wasn’t afraid of me.”
“Because he knew you. Major doesn’t know you. He has fears, too. He ran into the woods when I opened the gate during the fires. Some people caught him a couple of days later. They meant well but they scared him by throwing a lasso around his neck. Now he associates strangers with fear and pain.”
Summer turned to Hayley, her eyes huge. “That’s so sad. But how can Major help me if he’s traumatized?”
“You help each other. Do you want to try that?” Hayley glanced over at the brush pile. Adam was still hauling branches but she had a feeling he was very attuned to what they were doing. “Does it bother you that your father’s around?”
Summer bit her bottom lip. “He’s so pissed at me.”
“He’s concerned about you. I don’t think he’s angry.”
“I’ve let him down. He’s had to take a long break from work in the middle of a big project. He doesn’t say anything, but I know he’s disappointed in me.” She blinked rapidly and glanced away. “I don’t want him watching me in case I don’t do it right.”
“He won’t know if you’re doing it right since he doesn’t know what it is you’re supposed to be doing. He’s on your side, Summer—that much I do know. But don’t worry about what he’s thinking right now. You just worry about yourself and Major, okay?”
“Okay,” Summer said. “What do I do?”
“Go into the ring.”
“By myself?” Summer looked anxiously at the horse who was chewing on the top railing of the fence, a nervous habit he’d taken up since the bushfires.
“I’ll be with you the first time. Here, put these on.” She handed Summer a padded safety vest and a riding hard hat. “Before we go in, tell me again how you’re feeling. Rate your anxiety level on a scale of one to ten.”
“Eleven?” Summer said, buckling up the vest.
Hayley smiled reassuringly. “I’m betting you a horse ride that you’ll cut that in half by the end of the session.” She picked up the long leather buggy reins looped over a fence post. “The aim is to make the horse feel safe around us. We do this by mimicking the role of leader. Did you know that horses communicate with each other? In every herd there’s a leader who tells the others where they should graze.”
“How can I be a leader to a horse? I can’t speak their language.”
“It’s all about body language.” Hayley led the way inside the ring, then shut the gate behind Summer. “Stand in middle of the yard in a strong, open body stance. Project strength, not anger.” She demonstrated by standing very tall, with her shoulders squared. She started slapping the leather reins on her thigh as she walked toward Major. “First, you get the horse to run. You want them to respond to your energy. See how his head is high and his ears are flicking? He’s afraid but he senses I’m trying to communicate.”
Hayley kept walking forward, slapping the strips of leather. Major trotted away from her, along the fence line. “By getting him to run away from you you’re proving you’re in control of him. In a minute he’ll see you don’t mean to hurt him and he’ll stop being afraid. Here, you try.” Hayley handed the reins to Summer. “I’ll be right behind you, holding the back of your safety vest. If anything goes wrong—not that it will—I’ll pull you out of the way.”
Summer gathered the coiled loops of leather and awkwardly slapped the loose ends of the reins against her leg.
“Go toward Major,” Hayley urged, lightly gripping the back of Summer’s vest. “Make him move away from you. Dominate him the way a leader horse would.”
Major turned the other way, his ears flattened back as he kicked out to the side. “He’s mad,” Summer said. “Is he going to bite me?”
“He’s scared. Look at his inside ear, see it flicker? He’s listening to us, trying to figure out what’s going on.”
Major kicked out again.
“I can’t do this. He’s scaring me.” Abruptly, Summer threw down the reins and ran back to the gate. She didn’t stop to open it, just scrambled over and tore across the yard, into the house. The door slammed shut behind her.
CHAPTER SIX
HAYLEY PICKED UP the spilled loops of leather and brushed off flecks of chip bark. Major dropped his head and slowly walked over. She stroked the animal behind his ears. “You’re a good boy to put up with this time after time. Be patient. Summer needs us.”
Adam cut across the yard to the ring. “Is there a problem?”
Hayley continued to stroke Major, drawing calm from the horse. “The first session can take time. Summer was agitated when she went in there.”
“Because of what you two were talking about?”
“I’m not telling you what we talked about so there’s no point in fishing.” She gave a small smile to soften her refusal. “You can ask her to come back out. We’re not finished.”
Adam dragged a hand through his hair. “Don’t you think since she’s upset, she needs a break?”
“Following through with her therapy is part of learning self-discipline. She’s not going to make progress if she’s allowed to run away when she doesn’t like how she feels.” Adam still looked dubious, so Hayley added, “I know it might seem harsh, especially to a parent. But I want her to take responsibility for her anger and modify her behavior.”
Adam absorbed that, leaning an elbow on the fence and pulling at a splinter in the wood. “I get that we want her to control her anger, but can you explain how behavior modification will fix what’s wrong with her?”
“Sure,” Hayley said. “There are basically two responses to trauma. Flight, or hyper, mode which manifests as anger.”
He nodded. “Summer, to a tee.”
“Or shut-down mode, which is all about anxiety. A person can’t or won’t talk about what’s bothering them because their brain is protecting them from fear.”
“That sounds like Summer, too,” Adam said. “Although she pretends she just wants to be left alone to listen to her music.”
He looked baffled and worried. Hayley could only imagine how hard this must be for Adam, coming into the scenario late and finding his daughter troubled in a way he couldn’t fix.
“Her general levels of anxiety are probably quite high,” Hayley said. “In any given day she might have fifteen occasions when she could act out but she only gives in to it once. The other fourteen times she’s able to tame her anxiety to an extent. The horse therapy builds on that, teaching her to manage her emotions from a position of strength, not weakness. Working with the horse helps her focus on calming herself.”
“I still don’t get how the horse figures in,” Adam said. As if on cue Major wandered back and nudged Hayley’s hip with his nose.
She found a stub of carrot in her pocket and fed it to him. “You can’t fool a horse. They can read a person’s emotions better than a body language expert.”
“He seems very calm,” Adam observed. “Is that because you’re calm?”
“Exactly. If Summer’s angry or anxious, the horse will sense it and react accordingly.” Hayley scratched the animal’s neck as he crunched the juicy treat. “But if she can control her strong emotions, then the horse will be in a calm state also. It’s about gaining the horse’s trust and respect—projecting strength without aggression. And getting control over herself will boost her self-esteem in all areas of her life.”
Adam shook his head as if still not quite believing. “If you and the horse can do all that, it’ll be nothing short of a miracle.”
“We’ve done it before, and there’s no reason to think Summer won’t respond to the therapy.” She tipped her head apologetically. “But it might be better if you weren’t out in the yard. Do you mind?”
“No, I can see how she would need to focus.” He pushed away from the fence. “I’ll go get her and then I’ll take a load down to the tip. Thanks for explaining.”
“No worries.” She fiddled with the ends of the buggy reins. “I’m sorry if I was curt with you before. I usually offer an explanation to parents of clients before I begin therapy. I’m sorry—I should’ve done the same with you.”
“It’s okay. You’ve got a lot on your mind right now.” Smiling, he squeezed her arm lightly, his hand lingering for a second. “I’ll see you later.” He turned and headed for the house.
Hayley laid her palm over where Adam’s fingers had left a warm imprint on her arm. His touch was brief, but it sealed the connection they’d gained from their conversation and forged a common goal—helping Summer heal. It also sent a buzz of excitement through Hayley.
Adam was a strong, virile man with dark good looks and a hard male body. His touch sparked feelings she hadn’t had for a long time. A connection over Summer was one thing, but she would have to watch herself.
Adam reemerged from the house, waved to Hayley, then drove off in her truck. The screen door slammed again and Summer came out and slowly walked over, shoulders drooping. She was clearly feeling bad about herself. Instead of castigating her, Hayley draped an arm around her and squeezed. Maybe it wasn’t orthodox behavior for a therapist, but in her book comfort and compassion never went astray. “I’m proud of you, coming out so soon, ready to try again.”
Summer responded warily. “You’re not mad at me for running away?”
“No, I’m not. Your anxiety is created by sensitivity, which is good, not bad. But you need to manage it so it doesn’t manage you.”
The girl’s skeptical expression reminded Hayley of Adam. “Trauma actually changes brain function. You’re frustrated by your inability to behave and react as you used to. Do your teachers or your parents ever tell you to just ‘act normal’?”
Recognition sparked in Summer’s eyes. “Yeah, like, all the time.”
“The changes in your brain mean you aren’t able to, which frustrates you, and the frustration manifests as anger.”
Summer nodded. “I’m angry a lot. At nothing. At everything. I don’t know why and I can’t stop it.”
“Sometimes anger is justifiable, like when you see someone mistreating an animal. But when you’re angry for no apparent reason, or your anger is over the top, it suggests an inability to manage strong feelings like unhappiness, sadness, frustration...”
“But I can’t control the anger. Or the frustration.”
“That’s what we’re going to work on.” The quickest way to get Summer feeling better was for her to accomplish something. “Major might look scary at times, but he won’t hurt you. If on the off chance he tries, I’ll move between you and him so fast you’d think I was Superwoman flying across the chip bark.”
Summer giggled. “I’d be running so fast you’d think I was Supergirl.”
“I already think you’re super.” Hayley smiled warmly. “Now, breathe deep and slow, and let’s try again. Tell me, Summer, what makes you feel calm and relaxed?”
Summer didn’t even have to think about it. “Listening to music.”
“Close your eyes, put yourself in that space. Lower your shoulders and breathe out. Mentally hum a few bars of your favorite song.” She waited while Summer closed her eyes and did as she asked.
About thirty seconds passed. Summer opened her eyes again. “Okay, I’m ready. I think.”
Hayley led the way back into the lunge ring. “He’s going to be agitated at first,” she reminded Summer. “But he’ll settle down if you stay strong and in control. Be calm for him. Make him feel safe. When he stops trying to run away and lowers his head, that means he respects and trusts you.” She gently pushed Summer forward. “Off you go.”
Slapping the reins back and forth on her legs, Summer took a hesitant step toward Major. The horse snorted and sidestepped away, head high in the air.
“Stand tall. Shoulders back and down,” Hayley said. “Keep breathing, slowly, deeply, from your abdomen.”
Summer straightened her back and kept going, following Major when he trotted away. Soon the horse was running in a circle around the perimeter of the ring, as if he had a whip flicking him along. His neck was damp with sweat and his nostrils flared.
“That’s excellent,” Hayley said. “Now, slow down and stop slapping the reins. Stand still. Maintain your calm focus on Major. Let him know you won’t hurt him.”
“Can I talk to him?”
“Sure. Low tones. Soothing but strong.”
“It’s okay, boy,” Summer said. “You’re okay. You’re safe now. I’m gonna take care of you. Nothing’s going to h-hurt you.” Her voice broke.
Hayley’s heart tugged. Was Summer remembering that she hadn’t been able to keep Bailey safe?
“Take a breath,” Hayley advised in a low voice, herself caught up in the palpable emotion of the moment. “Stay calm, keep your body energy low. You’re doing great.”
Summer continued to murmur to the horse. Gradually Major slowed to a walk and then stopped altogether. He swung his head left, then right, scenting the air, watching the girl.
“What do I do now?” Summer whispered, standing very still.
“Turn around slowly, away from the horse. Drop your shoulders and head. Then just wait.”
Summer turned and lowered her head, chin to chest. Major stopped moving and watched the girl. Then, with measured steps, he walked over and stood behind Summer, his head lowered, too.
“Major is right behind you,” Hayley said quietly. This part never failed to thrill her. “Turn around.”
Summer turned, saw Major standing there, calmly and obediently. Her mouth fell open and her face lit as if she couldn’t believe what she saw. She glanced at Hayley for guidance. “Now what?”
“Pat him gently. Tell him he’s a good boy. Use smooth soft movements.”
Summer raised her hand to let Major sniff her. The horse dropped his head lower still and gave her a gentle head bump.
“That means he respects you,” Hayley said softly.
“He’s beautiful,” Summer said delightedly. The horse rubbed his nose along her hip. She patted his neck. “Good boy, Major.”
“Now turn around and walk away,” Hayley said.
“Oh, no. Really? Do I have to? He’s accepting me.”
“Just do it.”
Summer gave Major one last pat then turned around. Hayley held her breath. This was the moment of truth. The small miracle never failed to occur but each time she felt the tension. Summer took a step, then another, and looked over her shoulder. Major flicked her ears from front to back.
“Keep going,” Hayley said. “You have to trust, too.”
Summer faced forward again and started walking. Major hesitated, and then began to follow, head down. When she reached the far side of the ring Summer stopped. She looked over her shoulder and saw Major right behind her. Her eyes filled with tears even as a smile spread across her face. She glanced at Hayley in wonder.
Hayley’s chest filled with an ache that was familiar but ever new with each person she treated. This feeling was why she persisted in spite of all the difficulties and setbacks. Knowing that she and her horses made a difference to someone’s life was amazing.
Summer walked over to Hayley, her face streaming with tears that collected in the creases of her ear-to-ear grin. Major followed. When she stopped, Major stopped. He nibbled delicately on her shoulder.
“That means he trusts you.” Hayley’s own smil
e spread.
“This is so awesome.”
“How’s your anxiety level now? On a scale of one to ten.”
Summer put her arms around Major’s neck and hugged, rubbing her cheek against the glossy golden-brown coat. “Three, maybe.”
“And your inner smile?”
Summer laughed out loud. “Eleven!”
* * *
ADAM PULLED BACK into the yard just in time to hear Summer’s whoop of joy. He climbed out of the truck and headed over to the lunge ring. To hell with staying out of the way, he wanted to see what had caused his anxious, angry daughter to sound like she was going down the big hill on a roller coaster.
He rounded the corner of the barn to see Hayley and Summer locked in a tight hug. Summer’s eyes were scrunched shut and her cheeks wet with tears but her smile lit the cloudy day like a beacon. Major—or was it Sergeant?—was resting his chin on Summer’s shoulder. The long buggy reins used in therapy were folded and hung over the fence. The session appeared to be over.
“How’s it going?” he asked.
“Dad, Major followed me! I turned around and walked away and he just walked right after me.”
“Fantastic.” He tweaked the end of her hair, an old endearment she hadn’t welcomed of late. She smiled wider and broke free of Hayley to put her arms around his waist.
Adam squeezed her tightly, his chest filling with wordless gratitude and relief. Was the nightmare over already, and so easily? He glanced at Hayley. “So...?”
She seemed to know what he meant. “Progress, good progress. Everyone gets the horse to follow them at the first session. It’s exciting and very emotional. But it’s not the end, by any means.”
“But it’s a good beginning.”