by Rebecca Pugh
‘Toast? Fry up? What’ll it be?’ he asked, directing his question at them all rather than just one person. His eyes caught on Maria for just a second or two, then moved on. If he recognised her, he didn’t show it. She wasn’t sure whether she was disappointed or relieved, although Millie was giving her a strange, wide-eyed look across the table that she couldn’t quite decipher. She ignored it and instead listened to what everyone fancied for brunch.
‘A fry up would be perfect, thanks son.’ Emma smiled at Brad and began delivering hot drinks to the table. ‘He’s a good lad, our Brad. Hard-working and makes a mean breakfast.’
‘I know, I remember them well,’ Harriet said, sipping her tea delicately. ‘Thank you, Brad. So Emma, we thought we’d bring little Susie here to take a look around the farm if that’s okay?’
‘Of course it’s okay! Go wild, Susie!’ Emma laughed.
‘Don’t say that,’ Millie said quickly, ‘she will go wild if you tell her to.’
Maria sat back, relaxed, and listened to the conversation as Harriet and Emma caught up with each other. Brad served breakfast and, just as he was about to leave the room, was directed by his mother to take Susie and show her around the farm while the women stayed in the kitchen and chatted.
‘Sure,’ he nodded. ‘If that’s okay with Susie’s mum?’
‘As long as she doesn’t stick her fingers in any of the animal’s mouths it’s perfectly fine,’ Millie smiled, stroking Susie’s head. ‘Be good,’ she instructed. ‘No running off, do you understand?’
‘Come on, little one.’ Susie tottered along beside Brad, excited to get outside and take a look around. Maria hoped that there weren’t goats on the premises. She was sure that there wouldn’t be, but that old fear still lingered, no matter how much time had passed by.
‘Maria, why don’t you go along too? You haven’t seen the farm before and I’d love to know what you think of it.’ Emma smiled, revealing a lovely set of teeth and, again, Maria didn’t want to seem rude so she agreed.
‘Sure. I’d love that,’ she replied, taking a last sip of her coffee and rising from the chair.
She joined Susie and Brad who waited in the doorway for her and followed them outside, the three of them blinking in the bright sunlight.
The first animals they visited were the noisy chickens, who were closed up in their coops but would be free to roam later on in the day. Susie peered at them curiously and then began to repeat the clucking noise which made both Maria and Brad laugh. As if to entertain them further, she positioned her arms like those of a chicken and clucked around in a small circle, moving her head back and forth. Susie seemed to love their laughter, but soon stopped so that she could focus on the chickens more closely. She studied their beaks and eyes, but took a step back when one got a little too close for comfort on the other side of the wire.
‘Harriet mentioned she gets her eggs for the café from here?’ Maria wasn’t sure of what else to say, but she at least wanted to have an easy conversation during their tour. It would be odd for them to walk around the farm in silence, especially when Susie was in such a high, excitable spirits. Thankfully, rather than leaving her hanging, which she’d feared he would do, he replied.
‘She does,’ Brad replied, nodding along as he spoke. ‘A lot of the local folk come here for their eggs. Our chickens are happy and healthy and we think that shows in the eggs they produce. People have even said that they can tell the difference when they taste them, so who knows? Unless they’re just being kind,’ he laughed with a small shrug. ‘We haven’t lost any customers yet, so we must be doing something right. Come on, let’s go and see the pigs,’ he said brightly to Susie, who skipped alongside him as they moved on.
It wasn’t hard to catch the whiff of manure coming in from the fields when they approached the pigs. Susie was fascinated by them and, Maria thought, would have joined them if she could have. She was dangerously close to climbing over the fence and rolling about in the mud with them. Maria laughed as she imagined Millie’s horror. They kept a close eye on Susie as she waved and called to the pigs, ensuring she didn’t get too close. After the pigs, Brad led them around the farm, including a visit to the cows where they bumped into his father Edward. He seemed nice, rather like his wife, and ruffled Susie’s head before they carried on with the tour, telling her to enjoy the rest of her visit. It was like a local tourist attraction. The three of them finally finished up by the stables which, to Susie’s dismay, were empty.
Brad walked onwards, heading towards a fenced field up ahead, still holding Susie’s hand. ‘Do you want to meet Shephard?’ he asked her softly, leaning down so that he was level with her.
Maria wasn’t sure why but the way he spoke so gently to Susie warmed her heart. He was great with her and she wondered if he had any children of his own, or even a partner for that matter. Had he moved on since the whole Sophie episode that Millie had told her about?
She joined them at the fence and looked out across the green, green grass, wondering what or who they were waiting to see. Brad whistled and called out the name Shephard, encouraging Susie to do the same, which she did with much enthusiasm. Maria laughed and waited to see if Shephard would answer the calling. Amazingly, seemingly out of nowhere, a stunning, sleek black horse appeared and was heading towards them, still munching on the blades of grass he’d been grazing on.
‘Wow. He’s impressive.’ The closer Shephard got to them, the larger he became, and by the time he’d reached the fence and Brad was stroking his muzzle, Maria was transfixed by the build and height of the horse. He was gigantic. ‘Is he yours?’ she asked Brad, who was still trailing his fingers up and down Shephard’s muzzle. There was something mesmerising about the movement, and about how gentle Brad was despite his rough, dirty exterior. It set off a strange clenching in her stomach as she watched his fingers moving up, down, up and then down.
‘He is,’ Brad nodded. He was looking at her, but still focusing on Shephard. There was such care and love in his eyes, she realised how much she’d always wanted to find someone who had looked at her in much the same way. She’d thought Mike had, but it must have been a trick of the light, because if he truly had loved her, and cared about her in such a way, then he would never have done what he did. That much was clear now.
‘He’s getting on a bit now,’ Brad said, his gaze landing on her. ‘Bit like me,’ he laughed, and Maria noticed the small crinkles at the corners of his eyes. He had a nice laugh, a rumbly one, and she realised that she liked the sound it. In fact, she enjoyed the sound of laughter full stop. People needed to laugh more, including herself.
‘Do you ride him?’ she asked Brad. She couldn’t quite contemplate riding a horse of Shephard’s size. How on earth would she even get up to that height, for starters? And staying firmly on top? Well, that was another matter entirely. She tried to imagine herself sat atop him, galloping off across the fields, but all she could see was her body wobbling and then, finally, being flung off. It wasn’t something she planned to do any time soon, not unless she fancied a trip to the hospital shortly after trying.
‘Yeah, now and again. I don’t like to tire him out too much but he loves a gallop across the field. There’s a brook right at the furthest end. I usually ride him out to there, stop so he can have a drink, and then we’ll come back.’ Brad looked at her. She hadn’t noticed the greenness of his eyes before. ‘Do you ride?’ he asked, tilting his head to the side slightly. His jaw looked even more angular than before, and she realised that his nose was slightly off-kilter too, although not in an unattractive way. It gave him an edge, made his face that little bit more interesting. Not that it wasn’t interesting enough already, of course. In fact, she found that she couldn’t stop her eyes from repeatedly sliding towards his features.
Thinking about Brad’s question, she couldn’t help but to laugh at the idea of herself riding a horse. ‘No. Are you kidding? I’d fall right off and break a leg or something. Plus, I’m not that brave.’ She looked b
ack at Shephard. ‘I’d be terrified on him. I probably wouldn’t even be able to climb up, for starters. He’s ridiculously tall, isn’t he? I can’t believe how much he towers above us.’
‘That’s what the stirrups are for,’ replied Brad, his eyes dancing with amusement. ‘I think without those, even I wouldn’t be able to get up there. Dad used to help me up when I was younger, before my legs grew long enough to get up myself.’
‘What do you think of Shephard, Susie?’ There was something about the way Brad was looking at her that she found unnerving, and so she brought Susie into the conversation too, to take his focus off her. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t exactly… comfortable either.
The little girl was transfixed by the horse. She hadn’t taken her eyes off Shephard yet and by the looks of things, her fingers waving about as she reached forward, she really wanted to give him a stroke too.
‘Do you want to stroke him?’ Brad asked her.
Susie nodded eagerly, her eyes alight with keenness.
Brad gently took one of her tiny hands within his own larger, rough one, and led it towards Shephard’s muzzle. Susie grinned when her little fingertips made contact, as if she couldn’t believe she was stroking a real horse. Maria noticed the smile Brad was wearing too. As Susie continued to gently stroke Shephard, Brad’s eyes moved to Maria. She didn’t notice at first, but eventually she caught him and wasn’t sure what to do. They continued to look at each other, as if sizing one another up, until Millie’s voice broke the moment and they both glanced over their shoulders to see the woman herself striding towards them.
‘Be careful, Susie!’ She hurried over and smiled at Maria. ‘How was the tour?’ she asked once she was beside her.
‘Great,’ Maria said, still trying to make sense of the moment that Millie had crashed through. It had been odd but comfortable all at the same time. It was bizarre. She didn’t even know the man, but his eyes! Oh, those eyes! It was as if they’d been looking right into her, had been unwrapping each of her secrets and fears one by one. A shiver travelled up her spine and she swallowed, turning back to Susie.
‘We better get going soon,’ Millie announced. ‘We’re off for lunch at Grandma’s, aren’t we, Susie?’
‘No!’ Susie declared, focusing firmly on Shephard. Her little body tensed up as if she was planting herself firmly in place, refusing to leave this wonderful place full of animals and adventure.
Millie rolled her eyes. ‘Here we go,’ she whispered to Maria who could only laugh lightly, but she was still lost in trying to figure out the connection she was certain she and Brad had held just a few moments before.
*
Once Maria was back at the cottage that afternoon, she returned to the kitchen and got straight back to work with the painting. There was no point in hanging around when she had the time to do it, and with the sunshine flooding the kitchen, it didn’t seem like hard work at all. She flicked the stereo back on and continued, wriggling her hips in time to the music.
It was amazing how much of a difference a lick of paint could make. The new colour made the kitchen feel much more open and airy. It looked bigger too. She spun slowly in the centre of the room and nodded to herself, knowing she’d done all that she could manage that day. Once again, she felt knackered, but was happy to see it coming together.
Instead of heading off to bed, Maria ran a hot bath and took a glass of wine in with her. She lay back and felt her body relax amid the warm bubbles. Rather than thinking about the rest of the painting that lay ahead, she retreated into her imagination and allowed herself some ‘me-time’.
She thought of the day they’d had at Meadow Farm, and then of Brad, in his dirty boots with that five o’clock shadow of his. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t deny that he was an incredibly attractive man, and even pleasant to be around when she managed to hold a conversation with him. She hadn’t seen that coming. She’d imagined, from the look he’d given her when she and Millie had been sat outside of the pub, that he wouldn’t have wanted to even consider a conversation, but he had, and it was a pleasant surprise.
Her imagination tried to tug her by the hand down another path of wondering, but she refused to go there. Yes, she was without a man for the first time in however many years, but that didn’t mean she was desperate, for goodness sake! Still, thinking never hurt anybody, did it? As long as she kept her thoughts to herself. After all, she was sure plenty of women who had come across Brad had often fantasised about him. He was straight from the pages of a country magazine; his rough edges only made him all the more appealing. The deep, gravelly voice, quiet self-assuredness and intense gaze were enough to send any woman’s desire into overdrive, including hers, no matter how off-limits men were right then and for the foreseeable future.
After what her father had done to Ellen, and after what Mike had done to her, she didn’t feel like she’d be able to put her trust in another man ever again. She’d given her heart fully to Mike. In fact, she hadn’t had to think twice about doing so, and look where that had got her. It had been crushed and trampled on and, in all seriousness, she wasn’t sure whether it would return to its original state again. It was a sad thought really, but the cold, hard truth. That was life, she guessed.
Knowing that a few fantasies in her mind wouldn’t get her into trouble, Maria relaxed even further into the hot, bubbly water and smiled to herself. She was allowed this after everything she’d been through, surely? And no one ever needed to know. Not Harriet, not Millie and certainly not the man himself.
Chapter Five
During Maria’s shift at the café the next day, she spent the quiet time before lunch trying to nail down in her mind why exactly she was enjoying her new job so much. Trying to wriggle its way in beside that thought was the moment she’d shared with Brad at Meadow Farm, which was ridiculous in itself. She was a divorced, thirty-two-year-old woman and spending so much time thinking about someone she barely knew didn’t make sense, but there’d been something about watching him as he watched her, something intriguing that she hadn’t been able to forget quite so easily. Anyway, back to her original thought.
She supposed it was the independence the waitressing job gave her that she loved so much. For such a long time she’d relied on Mike. His income had been enough to provide for both of them and he’d insisted upon her staying at home instead of going out to find a job for herself. She’d tried, numerous times, to give herself a little independence but he’d refused to let ‘any wife of his’ work when she could stay at home and indulge in her favourite pastimes instead, those of which she’d quickly forgotten whenever Mike went off to work and she was left alone to stare at the same four walls day after day. Most of the time she’d taken herself off to her brother’s house, if Rosanna was home, and spent time with her family instead. She’d never wanted for anything with Mike by her side and although at the time it had made her feel loved and cared for, it had, after a while, lost its appeal.
Looking back, she wished she’d been more assertive and in control of things but even if she’d tried to be, she knew Mike wouldn’t have allowed it. He’d always been very traditional in that sense, believing it was his job as her husband to provide and take care of her. In doing so, he hadn’t cared that she’d felt small and incapable, hadn’t cared about the way he’d made her feel. Had he ever even bothered to ask her about her feelings? Maria didn’t think so. Being here at the café, alongside Harriet, gave her a new sense of being. Hell, she’d even go so far as saying that it made her feel important. Much more important that she’d ever felt at Mike’s side anyway, and that said a lot when she really thought about it.
They’d married young, both fresh into their twenties, and they’d been going steady since school. She’d always wondered how she’d managed to even land Mike. He was handsome, popular and funny. Sweet sixteen and she’d fallen head over heels in love with him. People had scoffed at the time, laughing about how someone so young couldn’t possibly know what love was and that th
e marriage wouldn’t last. Ellen had never commented on it though, she’d been happy to see Maria happy. Looking back now, perhaps she should have listened to those who had talked though. Everything that had seemed so attractive about Mike and the lifestyle he’d provided for her back then, now seemed stifling and claustrophobic. Why hadn’t she realised it sooner? She knew why. She’d been wearing rose-tinted glasses, believing that it was what she’d wanted, and perhaps it had been, once upon a time, but now that she was away from the situation and was looking at their marriage from a different perspective, she could see it all with perfect vision. He’d taken her for a fool, and she really felt foolish now. The thought that Mike had had more than one affair during their marriage had crossed her mind, but she’d never want to pursue it to find out. She’d only end up feeling even more stupid than she already did.
And so, the waitressing job in Harriet’s Place signified much more than just a temporary job for Maria throughout the summer. It was going to be the chance she needed to prove that she could take care of herself and stand on her own two feet, that she was capable of something. It was the chance to prove she was more than ready and able to take her life into her own hands and make decisions based on what was best for her and no one else. The thought of being able to do so was highly liberating, so much so it sent excitement racing around her body and gave her a new burst of energy.
‘Are you okay, Maria? You look like you’re miles away. I’m sure you’ve cleaned that table to within an inch of its life.’
Maria glanced down and realised that Harriet was right. She’d been staring out of the window while repeatedly circling the cloth around the table. If anything, it now looked incredibly shiny. ‘Oops, sorry Harriet.’ She stepped back and shook her head at herself. ‘You’re right. I am miles away.’