by Rebecca Pugh
‘Don’t worry about it. It’s good to spend some time with our thoughts now and again, as long as they’re positive. It’s no good dwelling on the negative.’
‘And what category would an ex-husband fall into?’
‘The “forget about him” category,’ Harriet chuckled.
‘I know,’ sighed Maria. She was trying her best but it seemed that everything she did was connected to him somehow.
Customers were beginning to trickle into the café so Maria shook off her thoughts and slapped on a smile. She delivered cake and coffee to a group of mothers and was surprised when she found Brad settling down at the popular table beside the window. Determined to act like the grown woman that she was, Maria walked confidently towards him, banishing the so-called ‘connection’ she’d thought that they’d shared to the back of her mind.
‘Hello, Brad. What can I get for you?’ She smiled confidently, hoping it would hide the ridiculous nerves that she felt from just being near him. The fact that he was so aloof, yet could happily chat away if she gave him the opportunity, bemused her.
He glanced up. ‘Hello, Maria. You’re the new waitress here? I didn’t know that.’ He seemed pleased by it, although she wasn’t sure why.
‘I am,’ she nodded, taken aback by his question. Why was he so surprised? ‘Only temporarily, for the summer. So, what will it be?’ She avoided eye contact and stared intently at the blank page of her notebook instead. Whatever had passed between them the day before would not be happening again, she’d make sure of it.
‘Full English and a coffee please, milk and two sugars.’ He reeled off his order without even needing to think about it. ‘That’s my usual, by the way, so if you see me in here again, you know what I like on my plate.’
‘Sure,’ Maria said with a little nod as she scribbled down the order. ‘I’ll be back in a moment with your drink.’ She slipped the order through to the kitchen and busied herself with preparing Brad’s coffee. As she did so, she thought back to what Millie had said, about Brad breaking the pub owners’ daughter’s heart. Well, it wouldn’t surprise her if he had. He looked like a heartbreaker. Floppy-haired, steely-eyed, broad-shouldered and brooding. It was hard not to be drawn to the man. He had an aura of masculinity about him that was affecting her hormones in a way that she had no control over. Perhaps it was because she hadn’t sex for a while? Possibly. Who knew? She certainly didn’t. Her body seemed to have a mind of its own. Even standing beside him while she’d taken his order had somehow managed to have an effect on her, and she hadn’t even been looking at him, for goodness sake! Get a grip, Maria told herself inwardly. This was not the time, nor the place, for her silly emotions.
With the coffee prepared, she delivered it to Brad’s table. ‘There you are. Milk and two sugars.’
‘Thanks.’ Brad looked up at her with interest as he sipped slowly. ‘So how are you finding it here? Settling in well? You look like you are.’
So he’d been watching her? Or was that an off-hand comment? She really needed to stop jumping to conclusions like she was. ‘Yes, really well thanks. Right, well I…’
‘It’s a great place,’ he carried on. ‘Harriet’s a good friend of my mother’s so we see quite a lot of her. I remember her being around a lot when I was a lad. Felt like more of an aunty to me than just one of my mother’s many friends. Great person to be working alongside, I think.’
Maria smiled. ‘Yes, they seemed quite friendly when we came to Meadow Farm. Harriet said nothing but lovely things about your mother. I also really enjoyed meeting her and your father. They’re both so kind.’
‘I was thinking, do you fancy a ride?’
Maria wasn’t sure that she’d heard him correctly and she frowned, trying to make sense of what he’d just said. Surely he hadn’t said what she thought he’d said… had he? ‘Excuse me?’ she blustered, glancing around herself to see if any of the other customers had heard. Thankfully, they hadn’t. They were all lost to their own conversations taking place around the tables. She looked back at him, willing him to hurry up and correct himself.
Brad’s eyes widened as he realised how his question had sounded. ‘I meant a ride on Shephard. On the horse. Sorry, I didn’t mean…’ He shifted on the chair awkwardly, looking as if he didn’t quite know where to put himself.
‘Oh, no, it’s fine, honestly. It just sounded a bit…’ she trailed off, her hand flapping about in the air uselessly. Of course that’s what he had meant. She needed to drag her mind back in from the gutter.
‘Yeah, I know it did. But that’s honestly not what I…’
‘Okay,’ she said quickly. ‘I think we’ve ascertained what you meant,’ she laughed uneasily, ‘but I think I’ll give the ride a miss, if you don’t mind. As I said, I don’t have any experience in riding and I’d probably fall off and break something, so it’s probably better if I don’t, for everyone’s sake.’ She went to turn away but Brad’s voice made her stop and look back. She wavered on the spot, not entirely sure of why she hadn’t just carried on with her waitressing duties. Something, although she wasn’t sure what, had made her turn back around and listen to what he had to say. Perhaps, on a subconscious level, she wanted him to try and persuade her some more.
‘Come on, it’d be great. You’ve never ridden a horse before, I’ve been riding most of my life. It’s something you can tick off your bucket list.’
Maria frowned as she thought it over. Was riding a horse even on her bucket list? She didn’t think so, but wasn’t she in the throes of rebuilding herself? Of taking chances and growing as a person? Of having a little bit of fun and learning new things? Brad seemed nice enough, despite what Millie had said about him and his ex. So what if he did turn out to be a heartbreaker? It’s not like she was interested in him romantically. She was going to ride a horse. There was nothing romantic about that, unless it was in slow-motion towards a beautiful sunset which she highly doubted it would be.
‘Okay, yeah. Sounds fun,’ she nodded, although she already felt trembly from the mere thought of it.
Brad laughed. ‘Really?’
Laughing, Maria asked, ‘Why are you so surprised?’
‘I suppose I didn’t expect you to say yes.’
‘So why did you ask?’
‘I guess I hoped that you would,’ he replied with a shrug.
She smiled nervously. They agreed on her popping by Meadow Farm the next afternoon, and after that, she left the table to get on with the café’s customers. I guess I hoped that you would. She replayed the sentence a few times in her mind and tried to decipher what Brad had meant, but in the end, she gave up and focused on her work instead. Nothing. He had meant absolutely nothing.
*
As arranged, Maria set off for Meadow Farm the next afternoon, nervous about the impending activity. What on earth had she been thinking of? Clambering onto a horse of Shephard’s build and height and galloping across the grass? Good grief. She should have said no. She should have politely declined and continued serving customers their coffee and cake. At least that was safe and comforting and there was no chance of her bones being broken, or of her making a complete fool of herself.
It had been a while since she’d partaken in any activity for the first time. Her life had become, without her realising it, a pattern – a repetitive circuit of doing the same things, day in and day out. She’d grown so used to it that the thought of trying anything new or remotely exciting was now, frankly, terrifying. She couldn’t deny that there was a small part of her that was looking forward to the afternoon ahead though. She was growing to love being in the countryside so much. All of the wide, open space, and the smells and sights did things to her senses. Brought them alive and heightened them. This was what everyone needed to do once in a while. Head someplace new and drop off the radar for a little while. It changed how you looked at everything, and made you appreciate certain things more too. She was still scared though.
But, she’d agreed now so she may as well get
on with it. Once it was done, it was done, and she could happily say that she’d ridden a horse, not that she was sure anyone would be impressed with such a piece of information but it was there anyway, just in case. Rob would probably be impressed. He was impressed by most things Maria did, which wasn’t a lot when she thought about it. Still, she looked forward to telling him and watching his face light up in astonishment. He, like most of her family, would definitely be surprised that she’d done such a thing. It would be good to see an expression other than sympathy on their faces.
‘Hey. Glad you could make it,’ the familiar voice called.
She found Brad near the stables, getting everything ready for their ride. Shephard was inside, still shut away thankfully, although his head popped out over the top of the stable door. Maria eyed him nervously, his height shocking her although she’d seen it before. What on earth had possessed her to think that this would be a good idea? It wasn’t. It was the worst idea she’d ever heard and now she was regretting it.
‘Hello,’ she waved as she approached. She felt unsure of what to do with herself once she was beside Brad. She wished she was in the café instead, working another shift, doing what she knew, rather than standing there like an idiot. She had a vision in her mind of an ambulance racing her towards hospital before the afternoon was out. Was that a bit far-fetched? Possibly, but anything could happen while she was sat atop Shephard. Being that far up from the ground didn’t sit easily with her and Maria’s stomach began somersaulting. She let out a slow, long-drawn breath and shook herself free of the negativity. It would be fine. Everything would be fine. Brad knew exactly what he was doing so all she needed to do was listen to him and follow his instructions.
‘Looking forward to it?’ Brad asked. He held a helmet out towards her and nodded for her to take it. His eyes swept over her face, perhaps looking for clues as to how she was feeling. He appeared genuinely concerned about her, which lifted her heart a little bit. There was something lovely about having someone worry about your welfare, even if that person believed there was nothing to be worried about. ‘You look nervous,’ he commented. ‘Don’t be.’
She took the helmet and frowned. ‘What’s this for?’
‘What do you think?’ he chuckled. ‘It’s to protect your head, so if Shephard does throw you off, you don’t do yourself any serious damage. There’ve been some pretty serious accidents from falling off a horse so it’s best to be protected.’
Maria swallowed. What on earth had he gone and said that for? He was supposed to be making her feel better, not bringing up the realities of injuries and damages. ‘Oh. Oh right.’ She nodded quickly, trying to cover up her increasing panic. Turning the helmet over in her hands, she tried not to let the fear show on her face. What sort of serious accidents was he talking here? Gah, she knew this had been a bad idea. She was so tempted to chuck the helmet back at him, turn and run. ‘Do you know what? Maybe I will give this a miss after all, I mean I…’ She held the helmet back towards him, expecting Brad to take it right back.
‘Oh, come on. I’m kidding.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Trust me, Shephard isn’t going to throw you off or hurt you in any way. The helmet is for safety, just a precaution really. I’ve ridden him loads of times without one but it’s better to be safe than sorry, isn’t it?’
Maria looked back at him and took comfort from the sincerity in his expression. ‘Okay,’ she acquiesced, and pulled the proffered helmet back towards herself. Despite his words, she was beginning to feel a bit sick. Maybe it was the heat? Once again, it was stiflingly hot outside and she could feel herself beginning to sweat beneath her top.
‘Don’t look so worried. It’ll be fun, promise.’ Brad gave her a smile that sent shockwaves straight to her groin. She cleared her throat a little, before popping the helmet onto her head and adjusted the strap so that it was secure.
Once Shephard had been saddled up and was ready to go, Brad led him into the field. Maria followed them nervously, highly aware of the moment approaching of when she’d have to clamber up and sit on a real-life horse. She listened to how softly and slowly Brad spoke to the horse, as if Shephard was going to reply. He constantly stroked and soothed, not caring if he looked a bit odd. Maria decided that she liked that about him.
‘Right. I’m going to climb up first to take the reins. Once I’m up, I’ll give you a hand but you’re going to need to hoist yourself up using the stirrups. Do you think you can handle that?’ He cocked a single eyebrow.
‘I think so,’ Maria nodded, although she wasn’t entirely sure. The temptation to run off was still gnawing away at her. ‘I’ll give it a good go anyway.’
‘Great. Me first then.’ Maria watched as Brad placed one foot in the stirrup and heaved himself up, swinging one leg over Shephard so that he was sat atop perfectly. Hating to admit it to herself, she couldn’t deny that she’d caught a good glimpse of his backside on the way up, and had liked what she saw. Maria almost laughed at how easy he made it look. The moment of making a fool of herself had almost arrived. ‘See?’ He looked down at her. ‘Easy peasy.’
Easy for you to say, Maria thought to herself wryly. ‘Easy peasy.’ she agreed, legs beginning to tremble, and voice joining in.
‘Copy what I did, but once your foot is in the stirrup, give me your hand and I’ll pull you up.’ He said it all so matter-of-factly, Maria was tempted to wonder what she was making such a fuss about. But then she realised that if you were Brad, who happened to have been riding since he was a young boy, this was ridiculously easy. He didn’t get that for someone like Maria, it was a massive triumph if she merely managed to get up onto the saddle. She wanted to explain it all to him, but didn’t want to bore him to death, so plucked up her courage instead.
‘All right.’ She did as she was told, and felt her muscles ache as she stretched her leg to place her foot in the stirrup. It was then that she realised how unfit she was, and felt her body protesting against the strange new exertions it was being pushed to. She knew she should have taken up the yoga with Rosanna. If she had, she would have been much more flexible than she was at that moment. It was embarrassing, and she couldn’t help small groans from escaping with every move she made. Once she was sure her foot wouldn’t slip out of the stirrup, she peered up at Brad who was watching her every move carefully.
‘Okay?’ he asked, brows raised.
‘Okay,’ she nodded.
‘Give me your hand,’ Brad ordered, his voice commanding. He held his own out towards her, wriggling his fingers invitingly. ‘Come on, just place it in mine and I’ll haul you up.’
‘Haul me up?’ she blurted. ‘I’m not a sack of potatoes!’ Despite her protests, Maria reached up and at the same time, used all of the strength she could muster to heave herself up onto Shephard. As promised, Brad’s own strength tugged her upwards as his hand firmly gripped hers. She was sure he was the one who did most of the work. She ignored the way his hand clutching her own made her feel and focused on what she was doing. When she landed on the saddle with a bump, she closed her eyes, unable to believe that she was sat atop a horse. It was such an odd feeling. Gaining courage, she opened one eye and peered down. The ground seemed so far away. It wasn’t of course, but from her position, it seemed that way. She was pushed right up behind Brad, her chest crushed against his back.
‘You did it,’ Brad said from in front of her. He sounded as impressed as Maria felt. ‘How’re you feeling?’
‘Scared,’ she admitted with a laugh. Her legs felt wobbly, dangling in the air either side of Shephard, with nothing beneath them. ‘I want to get off already.’ She wasn’t lying. She really did. She didn’t feel safe or secure or remotely confident in what she was doing. The saddle was hard beneath her bum, and for the first time ever, she was thankful for the extra padding she had in that area. It was finally serving its purpose, she cheered in her mind.
‘Seriously?’ Concerned, Brad turned in the saddle so that he could see her.
Maria licked her lips
that had gone dry. ‘I don’t know. I’m not sure. I’m so nervous.’ She could feel her heart beating frantically in her chest, the strap of helmet tight beneath her chin and agitating her skin. She was hot and sweaty and hoped Brad couldn’t tell. She inhaled the air deeply, desperate to calm herself down and not act like a fool in front of him.
‘If you want to get down, you can. I’ll help you. I won’t force you into this if you really are frightened.’
The offer hung in the air, answered by silence. Maria closed her eyes momentarily. What would be the point in backing out now? She was already sat on Shephard, ready to go. She’d got this far. No, she couldn’t climb off. She wanted to gallop across these fields, she realised. She wanted to feel the breeze rushing past as Shephard picked up speed and stretched his legs. She wanted to experience something new. It was just the lead-up to that part that scared her. No, she wouldn’t be afraid. She refused to be. Life was about taking chances and living for the moment and she hadn’t done enough of either of those things.
‘Let’s go, before I change my mind,’ she said quickly to Brad. She didn’t want any more time to think about it. If she did, she knew that she’d talk herself out of it if given the chance.
Brad turned back around in the saddle. He picked up the reins and shifted in front of her. ‘You’re going to need to hold onto me. Wrap your arms around my middle and hold on tight. And when I say tight, I mean tight.’
She knew it was necessary to hold on tight, otherwise she would fly off Shephard and land in a heap on the grass the moment he took off, so she did as Brad said, despite how it made her feel. Being in such close proximity to him was making her nerves even worse. She caught a whiff of his aftershave as she closed the tiny gap that remained between them. She was closer than close now. She could see the hair that curled up at the back of his neck and had the insane urge to touch it. Was it odd that she found this position intimate? The man had such a strange effect on her and she couldn’t make sense of it at all. ‘Is that too tight?’ She loosened her hold, then tightened it again, not sure of which way to go. She was a bumbling, hot and sweaty mess.