Just Breathe Trilogy Box Set

by Martha Sweeney

  After about five minutes, I write back to Joe, letting him know that the appointment with Kim was fine and that I’m healthy. Scared to see him anytime soon and expose that I’m — not me — I inform him that Kim encouraged me to visit the spa. Joe thinks it’s a great idea and said he can’t wait to see me afterward.

  I rush to my bedroom to pack a bag. After double checking a few of the spas I like in Southern California, I choose one that is an overnight facility, hoping to give myself more time before I see Joe. The best part about the place where I’m going to relax is that it’s women only week - meaning no men allowed — unless they’re a masseuse or a health practitioner.

  Thirty minutes later, Taylor and Caesar are in the front seat with me in the back. We drop Sadie off with Anna and I text Joe to let him know that I’m staying over at the spa, really wanting to have some extra time. He offers to meet me there, but I mention that the place I chose is, unfortunately, having their women only week. Joe sounds disappointed at the idea of not being able to see me, but says he understands and can’t wait to see me tomorrow. Once I get off the phone, Taylor is not happy with the fact that I had forgotten to inform him of the overnight plans and that they would not be able to be on location with me. He tries to argue, but I won't hear it.

  Once I get checked into the spa, Taylor leaves Caesar in the lobby while he drives to meet up with Dylan to pick up their bags. They made arrangements to stay at a nearby hotel. I’m immediately escorted to my room.

  While planning my options, there is a disclosure about being pregnant for certain massages. I text Kim and she’s quick to respond to my questions. Apparently, there are myths about pregnant women receiving a massage, but she informs me that all massages are primarily safe and to only instruct the masseuse to not focus on my pelvic region since I’m most likely in my first trimester. The only other thing she shares is that I can’t use saunas — saunas are one of my favorite things.

  For the rest of the day, I leave my phone in my room and allow myself to be pampered. There are several times I forget about everything and then there are other times when I find myself very emotional. In the comfort of my own room, I look online to see what I can find about the tapping techniques Dr. Callahan showed me to see if they’ll help — the few of the sequences I do help a little, but I’ll need to check the instructions that I have back at home. I finally text Joe that I’m done with my elected daily activities and just waiting on dinner to be delivered to my room.

  My phone rings five seconds later. “Hey, beautiful,” Joe greets with a smile to his words.

  “Hey, you,” I return.

  “You okay?” he checks.

  “Yeah,” I sigh. “Much better.”

  “Good,” he replies. “God, I miss you.”

  My throat stings and my eyes become watery. “I miss you too, b . . . .” I was about to call him baby, but fall short when reality kicks in.

  “What’s wrong?” Joe searches.

  “Nothing,” I downplay it. “I thought I heard a knock at the door. How was the trip?”

  I’m not sure why I’m asking since we've talked every day and I know how his meetings have gone.

  “Good,” he replies. “The plane didn’t fly fast enough.”

  I chuckle thinking the exact opposite.

  “I think we need to explore the option of building a faster jet,” he admonishes. “I think David and Daniel would be up for designing their own line.”

  “That sounds great,” I praise.

  “You sure everything is okay, beautiful?” Joe checks.

  “Yeah,” I lie. “They just really relaxed me. I should be able to sleep tonight.”

  “Did you have trouble sleeping?”

  “Just the past few nights,” I admit.

  “I sleep better with you next to me too,” he comments sweetly. “What made you choose the spa you’re at tonight?”

  “I haven’t been for a while,” I say truthfully. “I didn’t think about it being a women only week before I booked it. I’m sorry.”

  Another lie to add to the list.

  “It would have been nice to join you, but I’m glad you went somewhere you really wanted to go,” he returns.

  “Me too,” I say with half truth.

  Part of me needs him, wants him here — the other part is completely terrified. He would know something is definitely up by looking at me. I need to get a handle on myself before I can face him. I’m so confused and scared right now, it’s not even funny. Part of me wishes I had the courage to call Maggie — she would understand — but, I can’t. Jared could calm me too, but I can’t talk to him about this — he wouldn’t understand. The person I need the most right now is Joe, but I feel like he’s also the one person I need to distance myself from the most.

  “Emma?” Joe calls.

  “Yeah, sorry,” I answer.

  “It’s okay, beautiful,” Joe says. “Sadie’s missing you.”

  His statement gets me to smile.

  “Tell Anna thank you for me,” I request. “And, thank you for having her too.”

  “Of course, baby,” Joe affirms.

  I stop breathing for a moment at his use of calling me baby. He usually only calls me beautiful, but of late, he’s been mixing it up on occasion since he coerced me into using pet names for him.

  “So, tell me how your meetings went,” I request.

  “I already told you everything,” he laughs. “I don’t want to bore you with it a second time.”

  “I wouldn’t mind hearing about them all in a row,” I admit truthfully, wanting to keep my attention on a completely different topic. “Maybe hearing it again will spark an idea or suggestions.”

  “You sure?” Joe checks.

  “Yeah,” I confirm. “I miss you and just want to keep hearing your voice.” I choke back tears at the thought that we’re so close, but yet so far away.

  “Okay,” he confirms.

  I intently listen to each and every word he says. Only on a few occasions do I ask a question to make sure I understand or to find out more details. Other than that, I let him speak freely. There are two different times where I make suggestions. My heart settles as he speaks, getting more excited about certain aspects of the conversation. He’s so passionate and his confidence has grown considerably.

  We continue talking well past my food arrives and end up watching a movie together, streaming it at the same time on our computers.

  “Emma?” Joe asks.

  “Hmm,” my voice hums.

  “I’ll let you go, beautiful,” he suggests. “Get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Okay,” I reply with a yawn.

  “I love you,” he says.

  My heart breaks, wondering if he will still feel the same way when I eventually tell him about — our predicament.

  “I miss you,” he adds.

  “I miss you,” I say softly, not wanting to reveal that I’m getting emotional.

  “Goodnight, beautiful,” he bids.

  “Goodnight, babe,” I mumble.

  One Hundred Twenty Six

  The next morning, I text Joe when I wake, knowing that texts are much easier for me to hide behind. I inform him of the last treatment I have to finish up and that I’ll be stopping by Jared’s and Nathan’s before heading back to Pasadena.

  When I leave the spa just after an early lunch, I text Maggie to check in on her. She calls back and we chat for a bit. She’s surprised that I didn’t call her to tag along to the spa, but when I explained about being tired and Kim suggesting I get some quiet and relaxation time in, she understands. She’s happy to hear that I’m stopping by to visit Jared, Nathan and Pop-Pop and asks for a report on how the new designs are looking as well as give them some love.

  About an hour after getting to Santa Monica, I change into some workout clothes and put on Nathan’s sparring gloves, setting my sights on the punching bag on his balcony. I put my phone into my armband, stuff my earphones in and blare some aggressi
ve rock music — mostly Nico Vega, Muse, Marilyn Manson, Blonde, Queen and anything else with a bit of angst and rage.

  Time passes and my body becomes drenched in sweat. I suddenly feel a tap on my shoulder and my knee-jerk reaction is to swing. Thankfully, Jared is trained and prepared, ducking with plenty of time to miss my jab.

  “Sorry,” I shout over the music.

  “Everything okay, Kitten?” Jared asks once I get my headphones out. His eyes follow the earbuds, clearly hearing a fragment of the music streaming from them.

  “Yeah. Why?” I ask, taking a huge swig of water from the glass he brought me.

  “You’re grunting,” Jared mentions.

  I don’t respond.

  “You only grunt when you’re really getting into it which means that something’s bothering you,” he adds.

  “I’m fine,” I say, taking another gulp of water.

  “Did you and Joe have a fight?” he poses.

  “What? No,” I confirm. “Why?”

  “I know you haven’t seen him since he’s been back,” Jared presents, just laying it on the table.

  “I saw Kim the other day,” I comment.

  “Is everything okay?” Jared asks with worry.

  “Yeah,” I confirm. “She said that I just need to let myself relax, so I did.”

  “And, beating the shit out of this bag is relaxing?” Jared questions with speculation in his voice.

  “Actually, yes,” I affirm.

  “Okay, Kitten,” Jared replies. “Dinner will be ready in an hour.”

  “Okay,” I answer.

  “I’ll let you be and give you a fifteen-minute warning,” Jared says. “Do you need anything?”

  “Maybe some fruit or something,” I mention.

  Jared kisses the side of my head and goes back into the condo. I resume my mission to beat all of the tension out of my body, hoping that I can cope with what lies ahead.

  Sometime later, a wet object on my calf snaps me from my pursuit. Looking down, I find Sadie. As I rip off the boxing gloves and pet her, I peer through the sliding glass doors to see how she got here. Two seconds later, Joe is a few feet away from the door and headed right for me. I turn off the music and grab the hand towel I have to wipe off some of my sweat.

  “Hey, beautiful,” Joe greets with a slightly concerned look on his face.

  I do my best to be nothing but happy to see him. “Hi, ba - honey. What are you doing here?”

  Joe plants his lips on mine. “I’ve missed you and couldn’t wait to see you any longer.”

  I return the kiss tentatively.

  “I thought you were supposed to relax,” he comments looking at the punching bag and then back to me.

  “It is relaxing,” I admit.

  “Are you done?” Joe asks.

  My stomach grumbles. “Yeah,” I sigh. I should stop.”

  We move inside and I notice that Pop-Pop and Joanna are present as well. I say hello and then excuse myself to rinse off. As I start to wade in the water of the shower, finally feeling fatigued, good fatigued, I feel two arms wrap around me.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, turning to look at Joe.

  Joe doesn’t say anything. He pulls me to him, holding my hip and the back of my neck and leans to kiss me. I return the kiss, happy to feel him — I’ve been missing this, missing him. He shifts us, positioning me between him and the tile wall.

  “Joe,” I say, pulling away from him. “They’re out there.”

  “Relax,” he coaxes, kissing me again. “We’re not having sex. I just missed you and need to hold you.”

  I suck in some air, bracing myself for the onslaught of tears that are forcing their way past my eyes. My head turns, wanting to hide my emotions.

  “What’s wrong, beautiful?”

  “Nothing,” I lie. My eyes shut to stop the water from leaking. “I just . . . missed you, that’s all.”

  At least that wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either.

  Joe leans his forehead against mine as his fingers brush my cheeks. “I missed you too, beautiful.”

  My heart aches, wanting to tell him, but I can’t. Fear of the truth being known — fear of him wanting nothing to do with me or the baby. I just can’t take that chance right now.

  As if he knows how desperately I need his affections, Joe guides me back under the water. He washes my entire body from head to toe, not letting me do a thing. Joe kisses me sweetly on my cheeks, shoulder or lips as his hands continue with their task until I’m spotless.

  When we join our friends, my mood changes as the fatigue sets in. Joe keeps me close, holding me, rocking me, soothing me. We eat and about an hour after dinner, Joe, Sadie and I go back to Pasadena. We elect to stay at his home and sleep over takes me before we arrive.

  One Hundred Twenty Seven

  As Joe and I finish up breakfast in his kitchen, Anna reminds Joe that she’ll be gone for a few hours to run some errands.

  “Do you mind if I tag along for a little?” I ask.

  Joe and Anna look at me oddly.

  “I need to get somethings, so we might as well both go,” I say.

  “That’s fine, Ms. Emma,” Anna confirms with a smile. “It’d be nice to have company.”

  “Great, thanks,” I return.

  Joe looks at me funny.

  “What?” I ask.

  “Since when do you want to go shopping with Anna,” Joe questions.

  “None of your business,” I reply. “Besides, I’m always up for shopping.”

  This is an opportunity for me to get Joe to think one thing and for me to avoid telling him anything without appearing too obvious. I know I’m avoiding, but I’m afraid to tell him. I know that Kim told me that I’m pregnant, and it’s not that I don’t believe her. It’s just that I need to see it for myself.

  “Emma?” Joe calls.

  Since Joe takes the bait with my playful side, this makes it much easier for me to lie while making him think that I’m planning something for him.

  “What?” I feign, waving my hand in the air. I look to Anna who smirks in response — she knows she’ll find out when I go with her.

  “Beautiful?” Joe searches.

  “It’s nothing,” I challenge. “Maybe I want to plan something.”

  “Plan something?” Joe chuckles.

  “We are going away in a few days,” I remind.

  “With all of our friends and my brother,” Joe states.

  “What about me?” Jimmy asks, walking into the kitchen with Allen.

  “Don’t know,” Joe answers. “Emma’s up to something.”

  “So, let her,” Jimmy suggests. “And, don’t ask questions.”

  “Yeah,” Allen supports. “Maybe she’s planning something romantic for you.”

  “Or, kinky,” Jimmy adds.

  Anna laughs under her breath.

  Joe grins, takes my hand and kisses the back of it. “Plan away, beautiful.”

  “Thanks,” I say, trying to be bashful and hide my trepidation.

  Twenty minutes later, Anna and I are in the car with Taylor, Dylan and Sadie. I find out where she needs to go and tag along, waiting until I get the gumption to do what I need to do.

  Two hours into our excursion, Anna inquires as we get back into the car, “What’s the plan, Ms. Emma?”

  “Huh?” I reply, caught off guard by her question.

  “The thing you were planning for Mr. Joseph. I figured you needed my help, but I can’t help unless you tell me,” she informs.

  “Where to, Emma?” Dylan poses, getting behind the driver seat.

  I take a deep breath. “Dylan? Caesar?”

  “Yes, Emma?” they reply in unison.

  “Can you give us a minute?” I inquire.

  “I’m sorry?” Dylan returns.

  “Can you give us a minute? Just step out from the car and let me talk to Anna, please,” I instruct.

  “Sure,” Dylan graciously confirms. He and Caesar exit the ca
r, taking a few steps away to give us privacy.

  It takes me a moment or two to figure out what I want to say to Anna. I know that I can trust her — she’s kept the secret of Joe and me from everyone until we were willing to come forward about our relationship.

  “I need your help with something,” I begin. “And, I’m not sure how to ask. Especially . . . .” I sigh. “Especially, since . . . I need you not to tell anyone anything.”

  “Of course, Ms. Emma,” she answers earnestly.

  “You can’t say anything to Joe either,” I add.

  “Of course,” she replies smiling.

  “I know you’ll keep a secret,” I praise. “You did about Joe and me and I’m grateful for that. You have my utmost trust and respect because of it.”

  “What do you need, Ms. Emma?” she encourages.

  My eyes lower, not sure if I can look at her while I ask. “I need . . . .” I breathe in deeply, releasing it on a forced sigh. “I need you to . . .” my voice falters as tears threaten.

  Anna places her hand on top of mine. “It’s okay, Ms. Emma.”

  “I . . . need you to get me a test,” I begin.

  “A test?” Anna repeats, looking confused.

  “Yes,” I confirm. “A very special kind of test.” I wait to see if she understands, but she doesn’t. “One that I can’t go in and get because if someone sees me getting it . . .” I pause for a moment. “. . . a test that can . . . could change things.”

  Anna’s eyes light up. “Do you think you’re . . . .”

  “Shhhhh,” I say, cutting her off. I look over my shoulder and notice that my bodyguards didn’t hear us.

  “That would be wonderful news,” Anna says, beaming. “Mr. Joseph would be so happy.”

  A few of the tears I fought to control slowly make their way down my cheeks.

  “Ms. Emma, don’t cry,” Anna soothes.

  “Kim said that I am when I saw her while Joe was gone,” I reveal. “But, I have to see it for myself.”

  “I understand,” Anna confirms. “I’ll get it.”

  “Thank you, Anna,” I reply, hugging her. “Thank you.”

  Once I get myself under control, we call Dylan and Caesar back to the car. At our next destination, Anna instructs my bodyguards to stay with me and that she’s just running in for a few things. Twenty minutes later, Anna comes out of the store with several bags causing me to panic.