365 Days

by KE Payne

  Friday 20 July

  Last day of term! Thank the Lord. We didn’t have to wear uniforms today, which was cool. I wore an oversized shirt with the cuffs all tattered and torn, jeans with the knees ripped, and my Airwalks, which I walk Barbara in. I’d also put gel in my hair to give it that just-got-out-of-bed look ’cos Mrs. Russell never, ever lets us have our hair anything other than ‘conventional’.

  Dad took one glance at me at the breakfast table and said, ‘You’re not going out of the house looking like THAT, are you??’ with a look on his face that looked like he’d just seen aliens land in the garden or something. Mum said, ‘Let her wear what she wants, Chris! She’s not doing anyone any harm,’ which I thought was a wicked thing for an old person to say.

  I met up with Alice half way to school and she gave me a wolf-whistle and said, ‘Good job it’s old Russell’s last day today! The old crone’ll be in a good mood—just as well ’cos there’s no way she’d let you get away with that otherwise!’

  Han was looking wicked as usual and had gone completely over the top with her makeup, with loads of black eyeliner smudged right round her eyes and her hair all matted up and messy, ’cos she’s trying to grow dreadlocks, but it still looked great! I could have taken her there and then, but a girl’s got to show a little restraint!

  Anyway, the day was a complete waste of time ’cos all we did was watch DVDs and hang around till around two o’clock when Russell graciously told us we could go home. What unparalleled joy! So that’s it…six weeks of holiday and I can’t wait!!

  Saturday 21 July

  Went round to Han’s this morning. We sat in her room listening to music and I kept trying not to look at her bed, ’cos every time I did, I got a bit panicky about next weekend. I’ve lost loads of weight from all the worrying. I’ve hardly eaten a thing since last Saturday. I even waved away the offer of a Chinese takeaway last night, much to Mum and Dad’s consternation, but just the thought of trying to force prawn balls down my throat made me queasy.

  Sunday 22 July

  Han has lent me loads of her CDs so I’ve been playing them all day today, despite it seemingly annoying Dad. I’m sure I heard him mutter something about ‘bloody day of rest’ on more than one occasion—but since he’s not religious, he’s got no right to want a day of rest!

  I’ve always liked rock music, but the stuff Han’s given me is wicked! I copied her Nirvana, Linkin Park, Slipknot, and My Chemical Romance and I’ve been playing them on my iPod on continuous reel so now my ears are buzzing and I can’t hear anything properly!!

  Monday 23 July

  Had a major panic attack about this weekend at around two o’clock this afternoon. I suddenly realised I’m actually going to have to get naked in front of Han and I’m crapping myself about it. No one’s ever seen me in the buff, except Mum—and that was about ten years ago. The second I hit puberty I started to wear sensible cardigans buttoned up to the neck, in case anyone should spot so much as one bump or curve.

  Now I’m going to have to show all my bits and pieces to another person and hope she doesn’t laugh. Made a mental note to have a bath before I go to Han’s on Saturday and make sure I shave, scrub, pumice, polish, and buff so that I’m shining like a sixpence on a sweep’s bum (as Great Aunt May says) by the time I’m stripped down to me undies!

  Tuesday 24 July

  Oh flip, what if Han’s into kinky underwear? I hadn’t thought of that! What if I get there and she’s wearing naughty knickers and the like? Or if she’s wearing lacy stuff? I’m not used to lace; my hands would shake so much I’d probably rip it, then she’d be pissed off with me!

  What if she’s into kinky shit too? What if I get there and she’s got contraptions rigged up in her room ’cos she knows her parents aren’t going to be around? She might be into bondage and all that, ’cos Goths—sorry, EMOs—are into pain and punishment and all that malarkey, aren’t they? She might decide to tie me to the bed and leave me there. Or worse, put me in a leather collar and walk me round the house on all fours, like judges and politicians do at weekends. Leather chafes so; I can’t wear leather shoes without Dad softening them up for me first—I can hardly ask him to soften up a studded leather sex collar and matching nipple clamps (or whatever it is they use), can I?

  Wednesday 25 July

  I’m panicking, aren’t I? I’ve been in Han’s bedroom loads of times and never seen any evidence of whips or thongs or anything remotely leathery. I’m being ridiculous. Calm down.

  10:30 p.m,

  Made a mental note to take a quick look under Han’s bed before I strip down to just my socks, though.

  Thursday 26 July

  Chucked all my underwear out onto my bed this morning. Took one look at my knickers with no elastic and my bandage-grey bra and realised, in a panic, that I have NO nice underwear to wear this weekend so dashed down to the lingerie shop in town to buy some new stuff. I bought a six-pack of bikini briefs and a new sports bra. Bought them, then had a crisis of confidence outside the store, so went back to see if there was anything else more flattering, and dare I say it, sexy? Found a nice bra and knicker set for £20 and stood there dithering about the price until one of the sales ladies with a T-shirt saying, ‘Can I Help You?’ stretched right across her ample bosom sidled up to me and said I could go and have a bra fitting with one of their experts. She pointed towards the changing rooms where one of her colleagues was leaning on a counter chewing gum and looking bored. I’m sure I saw her crack her knuckles, so I smiled at the sales lady and told her I was okay. I put the bra-and-knicker set in my basket and hurried over to the till where I reluctantly handed over my £20.

  It better be worth all this hassle, I’m telling you!

  Friday 27 July

  Packed my rucksack for going to Han’s tomorrow. Figured I’d wear my new undies so just packed a spare pair of knickers and some jeans and a couple of tops. Packed my Winnie the Pooh pyjamas but thought Han might think me a baby for wearing Winnie the Pooh pyjamas so took them out again. Packed my toiletry bag and bath sponge. Packed Nurofen in case I get a headache. Packed my straighteners. Packed some plasters (thinking about the nipple clamps again).

  Went back downstairs and sat with Mum and Dad trying to act normal. Suddenly thought Han might think me a bit forward if she realises I don’t have pyjamas so went back upstairs and packed the Winnie the Pooh ones again.

  I never thought dating could be so bloody complicated!

  Saturday 28 July

  Going to Han’s now. Am hiding you away, dear diary, in case you get found. Will tell all tomorrow! Am crapping myself!

  Sunday 29 July

  What a weekend! Was so nervous, but really no need ’cos everything was sweet and lovely and Han is just the best person in the whole world and I’m soooooooo in love with her!

  Her parents had already left when I got there. Dan had gone off to some festival for the weekend already, and Joe was still there but he was soon picked up by his friend’s mum, so me and Han had the place to ourselves. She seemed as nervous as me, ’cos we both had the same thoughts in our head. Anyway, we sat on the sofa and watched TV for a bit, kinda snuggled up to each other, she was stroking my hair and I was trying not to nod off on the sofa. Then we had this, like, mega kissing session and I felt dead horny and wished we could go upstairs but felt nervous at the thought of going upstairs. She broke away and looked long and hard at me and said, ‘Shall we go to my room? Do you want to?’ and I just nodded.

  So we went upstairs and lay down on her bed and kissed a bit more. I tried to lean over the bed and look under it for anything dodgy but she kept pulling me back and then she started tugging at my T-shirt! She said, ‘Take it off,’ in a way that made me go all silly inside, so I took it off, but the static made my hair go fuzzy and stick up so I was trying desperately to flatten it down with one hand, while trying to kiss Han.

  We were just getting to the nitty gritty when I realised my bladder was full to bursting (the nerves) and I needed
to have a wee!!! I said to Han, ‘I’m really sorry about this but I need to go pee,’ and she laughed and said, ‘Really??’ which made me keep apologising so she laughed again and said, ‘Don’t be sorry, you silly sausage! I think it’s cute,’ which flummoxed me a bit.

  I tell you, it’s never like that on the TV!

  Anyway, it was great (the sex, not my wee). Han was as nervous as me, I think, but it was all so natural and wonderful that I wondered why I’d been worrying myself silly about how to do it and whether I’d make a tit of myself!

  We lay there afterwards in each other’s arms and I honestly thought I’d never felt so happy in all my life. We realised we were really hungry, so Han ordered us takeaway pizza which we ate in bed and I felt really grown-up for the first time in my life.

  We kinda did it (sex, not eat pizza) like, another five times after that until I was so tired I couldn’t muster up any more energy so we slept through till about eleven today (Sunday) when we realised we hadn’t actually been out of Han’s bedroom since about one o’clock the previous day, apart from to pee and collect pizzas at the door.

  What a weekend! Am back home now but can’t take the smile off my face!

  Monday 30 July

  Met up with the gang in town this morning. Felt like everyone knew what me and Han had been up to at the weekend and found I couldn’t look anyone in the eye. It was like me and Han had this secret knowledge between us and we kept looking at each other and getting the giggles. Ems said at one point, ‘You two look thick as thieves—what you been up to?’ and Han made a very good job of brushing the question off. She’d be great as a politician!

  Tuesday 31 July

  Han’s still trying to get her hair into dreadlocks so she hasn’t washed it for three weeks now. It looks dead greasy and it’s driving her nuts, but she said she read somewhere that hair only stays greasy for so long, then the hair’s natural oils make it all sleek again. She asked me if it looked awful so I just told her not to go swimming in the sea ’cos she’d kill all the sea birds with her own personal oil slick, which I don’t think amused her much!

  Wednesday 1 August

  HRBH told me she’s taken up Buddhism. I’d laugh my socks off at this if it weren’t for the fact she’s still raw over all the business with Ade. Apparently she’s still feeling anger towards him and it’s messing with her mojo, so she needs something to channel her anger through and thinks Buddhism is the answer. I thought mojos were sweets, but I don’t think they can be, ’cos I don’t see how anger could affect sweets, unless of course her anger makes her clench her fists and she squashes them.

  Instead I told her I thought Buddhism was a great idea, especially considering the fact she already has a belly like Buddha, but she didn’t find that in the least bit funny. She told me that she meditates every day and it’s helping her to rid herself of pent-up anger and negative thoughts against ‘that snivelling little fuckwit who ran off with the fat tart from the cheese counter’. I noticed how screwed up and red her face was when she was saying this, and wondered if maybe she needed to concentrate on that meditation just a bit more.

  Thursday 2 August

  Went over to Han’s this afternoon. Her dad had taken Joe to football, then her mum said she was going to the garden centre and invited us along. We declined, and managed to have a quick fumble in Han’s room while she was out. Felt guilty about being so naughty.

  Friday 3 August

  It was Chairman Meow’s birthday so Mum gave him a tin of tuna as a treat. We also sang Happy Birthday to him but he just gave us that withering look that cats have and stalked out of the room with his tail up like a lightning conductor. I also saw him sicking up his tuna in Dad’s dahlias this afternoon. Decided not to tell Dad about it. I figure he’ll find it soon enough next time he’s weeding out there!

  Saturday 4 August

  Han’s mum is working tonight so she was there all day, hence, no shagging. Instead, we sat up in Han’s room and re-did my tattoo design. I decided against the hands clasped round the burning cross, bearing in mind Han’s jibes about it, and I’ve plumped for my initials, CMA, in Chinese letters. I figured it would be less hassle than the burning cross, and not so much inking either! I made absolutely sure that what I’d copied from the Internet were actually my initials, and not some code for takeaway crispy noodles and wonton soup. We’re going to go later this week and get it done.

  Sunday 5 August

  Han’s mum and dad at work so went round for the day. Han was babysitting Joe so we couldn’t be naughty. We were both wracked with horns so took Joe to the park to take our minds off it. Was still horny when I got there, but the sight of all the sunburnt, dowdy mothers trying to squeeze their fat arses into the kiddies’ swings soon put paid to that.

  Monday 6 August

  Oh God, I’m turning into a sex maniac! It’s, like, ALL I think about! I think about when I can do it, how I can do it, why I should do it!! I’m sure there are some pills I could take.

  Tuesday 7 August

  Looked up ‘sex maniac’ on Google but it directed me to a load of dodgy porn sites with offers of all manner of unsuitable things from characters with names such as Busty Brenda and Lusty Lucy.

  I remembered something we’d done in History about how during the war (first or second, I can’t remember) they used to put something called Bromide in the tea of soldiers who were horny. Went down to the health food shop in town and asked the spotty youth (you’d think she’d have marvellous skin working in a health store) behind the counter if they sold it. She looked perplexed and asked me what Bromide was for. I leant closer and said, ‘Erm, for brewer’s droop,’ and nodded knowingly at her. She smiled and pointed to the yeast in aisle two.

  I give up! Maybe I can buy some in France? They’re weird like that over there.

  Wednesday 8 August

  Han’s hair is driving her potty! I have to say, I wonder if it’s worth it, but she insists it’ll look great when it’s all knotted and matted! She wears it all up a lot so doesn’t look too bad, but when it’s down it looks awful. I daren’t say anything to her, though, ’cos she’s already gone and bought some beads and leather strips to thread through the dreadlocks…

  Thursday 9 August

  Han’s mum and dad took Joe into town to buy him some new trainers or something, so Han and me made the most of it and went up to her room. Felt guilty as hell for doing it while her parents were out in town doing good, normal things like buying trainers.

  Han’s mum rang her on her mobile to tell her they were having lunch in town so wouldn’t be back till around two p.m. Managed to do it two more times before they got back—result!

  Friday 10 August

  Han and I went into town today to get my tattoo done. We found this place just off the High Street called ‘Holey Smoke’ which did tattoos and body piercings and stuff like that. I had my design with me and was feeling pretty confident until I clocked one look at the girl at the counter inside who was built like a brick shithouse and didn’t look like she had a qualification in Metal Welding, let alone whatever it is they need in Body Art. I hissed to Han, ‘I’m not going in THERE—have you seen the size of her? I’ll look like a pin cushion by the time she’s done with me.’ Han looked suitably worried but said, ‘She’ll be the assistant, thassall. The person who’ll do you’ll be out the back probably.’ I noticed a distinct wobble in her voice when she said it, though…

  I thought about this for a while but then decided that she looked like she’d be more at home on the meat counter down the market and told Han I’d changed my mind. Han said I might as well have it done considering we were here anyway, and if I gritted my teeth I’d be okay, so I said to her, ‘Why don’t you get one done as well, then?’ which made her visibly pale. I said, ‘You’re an EMO! You’re supposed to enjoy pain. In fact, you’re supposed to positively encourage anything that causes you pain and torture,’ to which she replied ‘So I’m an EMO! That DOESN’T mean I like pain and torture. It’s no
t written in the rules, y’know.’

  She got one of her looks on her face then, so I thought it best not to bother replying to that. Instead I decided there and then that I didn’t want the girl in the tattoo shop anywhere near my fresh, young, unblemished teenage skin after all. Maybe when I’m older, say 21, I can get some tattoos done then? It won’t matter ’cos I’ll have loads of wrinkles by then anyway.

  Saturday 11 August

  Went into town to buy my euros for France today. I’m still really pissed off that our holidays don’t coincide, but Han keeps telling me that we’ll only be apart for a few weeks and we’ll still have some time left at the end of the summer holidays together.