365 Days

by KE Payne

  Mum sent me a text just as me and Han were doing it for the second time this morning (the licking of the crumbs got out of hand), and made me jump like a rabbit. It said, ‘Arr’d ok. PaRis gr-8. Lv M.’ No, she still hasn’t got the hang of texting. Reluctantly got up around 3 p.m. and took Barbara out for a walk ’cos she was looking miserable and had all four legs crossed. We walked hand in hand up in the woods (me and Han, not me and Barbara) and didn’t care who saw us!

  Then Han cooked us some food tonight. She was standing frying up bits and pieces in just her bra and knickers (and an apron—lest the hot fat should spit). She has a figure to die for, and legs up to her armpits and as I watched her, I felt a million butterflies fluttering in my tummy (and not ’cos I was hungry). She turned and saw me leaning against the sideboard looking at her and said, ‘What?’ with a grin. I just said, ‘Nothing. You’re gorgeous, thassall. And I’m very lucky to have you,’ and she poked her tongue out at me and said, ‘Yeah, you are,’ then flicked a piece of hot mushroom at me.

  What a girl!

  Sunday 9 December

  Spent another lazy morning in bed wrapped round each other. Did the deed another three times. Feel a bit like some randy rabbit. Am slightly worried I’ll be walking like John Wayne soon.

  We got up around twelve and took a bath together. I spotted Mum’s floral shower cap on the side and felt horribly guilty again. I hate feeling bad about something I should be feeling so happy about. I mean, I AM happy when I’m with Han, but there’s always this feeling that I’m doing something wrong, and there shouldn’t be. I don’t like lying about stuff, and creeping round trying to cover my tracks. It feels so…I dunno…sordid, and it isn’t!

  Anyway, we spent our last afternoon of freedom just lost in each other—walking, talking, laughing, hugging, kissing…

  Peace was shattered when HRBH arrived home around 4 p.m. looking like she’d been dragged through a hedge backwards. I think she must have spent the weekend living the rock ’n roll life with Joe, ’cos she stank of stale cigarettes and beer and her voice was hoarse. She looked a bit like one of the Rolling Stones the morning after a particularly fruitful bender. She fell in through the door, looked cross-eyed at me and Han, flung her bags on the floor, and muttered something about taking a shower.

  When she came back down, me and Han were still sitting on the sofa. She sniffed, looked us both up and down in disdain, and said, ‘You two look like you just got up. I s’pose you’ve spent, like, the whole weekend in bed?’ After Han had finished choking on her tea, she added, ‘Y’lazy buggers,’ and Han’s face returned to its normal colour once more…

  Mum and Dad returned from their sojourn in Paris at around 7 p.m. looking (and acting) like a pair of loved-up teenagers. Yuk, yuk, yuk!

  Monday 10 December

  Had a real sweet text from Han thanking me for ‘the best weekend of her life’. Wow! What an amazing text for a girl to get first thing in the morning! My tummy kinda went to mush when I read it! I’m not sure that was from remembering everything we’d done over the last few days, or the fact that Han was actually thanking me for it! Anyway, it made me feel dead special.

  Tuesday 11 December

  Started thinking about what to buy Han for Christmas but I honestly have NO idea what to get her. I figure I’ll go take a wander in town one day next week and hope something jumps out at me! Luckily she’s not fussy, so anything suitably black, depressing, and Gothic will be appreciated!

  I made a list of what to get other people and came up with:

  Mum—something for the kitchen

  Dad—something for the garden

  Sister—something for that miserable face of hers (cream or face pack or paper bag or some such)

  Alice—something rabbity

  Ems—something Ryan can’t nick off her

  Caroline—something. Just something (I have NO idea yet)

  Matty—something with Zac Efron on it.

  I think I’ll get Han to go and buy that last one. I bought enough of that crap already this year for her birthday, and I don’t want that fit girl who works in the Hallmark shop to think I’m some sort of loser.

  Wednesday 12 December

  I think Han’s predictive texting is up the crapper because she sent me a text today saying ‘Hi pewsou, hows trials?’

  I had NO idea what she meant so just sent her one back saying, ‘Eh?’ but she didn’t reply so maybe she was a bit embarrassed that she seems to have lost the art of texting!

  Thursday 13 December

  We had our school Christmas concert this afternoon. It was crap. The school orchestra played a piece that sounded like it had only been rehearsed for the first time yesterday (it probably had, knowing our school). Me and Han sat at the back of the school assembly hall making derogatory remarks about the size of the oboist’s chest, and stifling giggles at the sight of Miss Barker’s attempts to conduct (note to Miss Barker: flinging your arms around as if you’re being attacked by an angry wasp and pulling funny faces at the orchestra doesn’t constitute conducting). Some girls from Year 7 came up onto the stage and murdered a few Christmas carols; I definitely saw Mrs. Unwin wince as though she’d just eaten a lemon when the entire choir failed to hit the top A during their rendition of ‘O Come All Ye Faithful,’ but I thought she did well not to let her emotions show when Rosie Butler from 9CS sang flat throughout her solo of ‘Once in Royal David’s City’. It struck me as I was walking home that Mrs. Unwin would make a fine poker player.

  Friday 14 December

  I asked Han about her weird text to me the other day but she just said, ‘Oh, I sent that to you by mistake. Soz.’

  So I asked her what she meant to say and she was, like, really vague, just saying, ‘Blimey, I dunno, it was two days ago, Clemmykins! Do you expect me to remember?’ I was a bit pissed off, to be honest, ’cos she seemed a bit short with me, so I said, ‘So if you sent it to me by mistake, who did you really mean to send it to?’ and she nearly bit my bloody head off! She said, ‘Jeez, Clem! What’s with all the questions all of a sudden?’ which took me aback so I just laughed nervously and shut up. I’ve no idea why she was so sodding moody about it all. Maybe she’s got her period. That tends to turn her into Frankincense’s Monster at the drop of a hat.

  Saturday 15 December

  Han sent me a text late last night saying sorry for being a bit snappy yesterday but said she’d had a headache all day. That would explain it then (!)

  Sunday 16 December

  Went into town with HRBH this afternoon to buy some presents. I bought Mum a new casserole dish ’cos she smashed her other one, and Dad a new spade. Not very exciting, I know, but useful, so they should be grateful. Me and HRBH clubbed together, as we always do, and between us bought Dad a new MP3 player ’cos his was looking old and decrepit, and Mum a slow cooker. Felt a bit bad ’cos I’ve bought Mum two kitchen things, but as she spends half her life in the kitchen so at least she’ll get some use out of them, unlike, say, a gift voucher which she’ll probably just leave in a drawer somewhere and forget about.

  HRBH went off to buy my present, and one for Joe, so I slipped into the chemist to try and find something for her, and started looking at the makeup. I have NO idea when it comes to makeup. I think the dolly-bird behind the counter felt sorry for me ’cos she offered me a free makeup advice session with free samples. Bearing in mind she looked like she’d trowelled on her foundation from a wheelbarrow behind the counter, I thought she might offer me a free gardening session with it and a bag of compost. I politely declined.

  I decided to buy some shower gel and massage cream for HRBH, then went up to Sole Trader and bought Han some black Vans that she’d dropped major hints about wanting when we were last in town together. They cost a flipping fortune, and as I shakily handed over my money, I kept thinking about how they’d probably be £10 cheaper come the sales. I also got her some more leather wristbands ’cos I know she likes to have a choice to wear, and some obscure CD which I found i
n the bargain bucket at the Virgin Megastore for 3 quid.

  So that’s it! Christmas shopping done and dusted by December 17. Sometimes I’m so perfect it scares me!!

  Monday 17 December

  I’ve just noticed (how did I not see this before?!?!?) that Han has 88 friends on Facebook!!!!! Why would one person need so many friends?? I’ve now got 12, and that’s only ’cos Ryan added me after Matty told him I didn’t have many friends, and he felt sorry for me.

  I asked Han why she had so many friends and she shrugged and said, ‘People keep adding me. So I’m popular, what can I do?’ and winked at me, which made me go a bit silly, like it always does. I asked her who her friends were ’cos I’d looked at them and only recognised some people from school. She laughed drily and said, ‘Checking up on me, Clem?’ but linked her fingers with mine when she said it, so I knew she wasn’t pissed off or anything.

  I said, ‘No, just curious,’ and made sure I kept my voice light so she wouldn’t get pissed off with me. She just said breezily, ‘Oh well, you know, there’s friends from where I was before, people I knew, people I used to hang out with.’

  I wanted to know if there were any ex-girlfriends on there, but I was too scared to ask. I kept thinking about it for the rest of the day, though, right through school, right through tea, and for the rest of the evening. I kept thinking about the text she sent me as well, but which she reckoned was for someone else, and then of course my mind started going into overdrive, so just before I went to bed I sent her a text and asked her if any of her exes were on there but she hasn’t replied yet.

  Am I being paranoid? Am I being stupid? Or am I just being like those clingy, whingy women you see in soaps?

  God, maybe I’m being all three??

  Tuesday 18 December

  Spent most of the night thinking about bloody Facebook and why Han’s got so many people on there, and why she’s never thought to tell me about it. I mean, it’s like, we tell each other EVERYTHING, so why wouldn’t she tell me she’s, like, Miss Popular in the world of Facial Networking?

  Then at school today I wanted to ask Han about it all again, because it was all doing my head in thinking about it, but I didn’t ’cos I was too scared to ask her, although I’m not sure exactly what it is I’m scared about. We didn’t see each other much today anyway.

  So I sent her a text asking her about it instead, but she hasn’t replied yet.

  Feeling a bit down.

  Wednesday 19 December

  The school canteen was offering Christmas dinners at £3.50 a go today, so me, Han, Alice, Ems, and Matty all met up and dined in style at lunchtime. Caroline decided not to join us ’cos she’s vegetarian and the only vegetarian thing on the menu was nut loaf, which Caroline said looked like a piece of house brick. Our lunch was okay, surprisingly enough.

  Han didn’t really say much to me over lunch, so I wondered if she really was pissed off with me for asking about Facebook the other day. I dunno. I kept looking at her and smiling, but I got the feeling that I wasn’t getting much back from her.

  Came home tonight and discovered Mum had made us roast chicken for tea. She said, ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were having a roast at lunchtime?’ and I said, ‘I had a wee at 3 p.m. this afternoon. Should I have told you about that as well?’ then got shouted at for being cheeky!

  I can’t stop thinking about stupid Facebook. It’s eating me up. I dunno whether it’s just curiosity or paranoia, but I just kinda want to know who some of Han’s friends on there are. Maybe part of me needs to know who Han was before I knew her, ’cos she doesn’t really talk about it much. Or maybe I’m just being nosy? Nosy and paranoid at the same time. Jeez. I mean, she’s a good-looking girl; anyone with two eyes in their head can see that, and she could, like, have anyone she wants. If she knows that many people, someone’s bound to come along and catch her eye, aren’t they? Then where would that leave me??

  Thursday 20 December

  We got our Christmas tree tonight. Dad insisted on standing it in a bucket of water for an hour like he always does, to help stop the needles dropping off it by Christmas Eve, then we dragged it into the house and plonked it by the front window. After Mum had hoovered up the trail of pine needles from the back door to the lounge, we placed the lights round it and switched on. Nothing. An hour later, after Dad had gone through every bulb and checked the fuse, and Mum had hoovered up some more needles, the lights were switched on and bathed us all in a Christmassy glow of red, green, and white.

  We dug out the tinsel and baubles and threw out an old mince pie that had somehow found its way into the box, and set about decorating the tree with such enthusiasm that it was twinkling like Paris Hilton jacked up on Red Bull by the time we’d finished with it! HRBH put the fairy on top of the tree and got covered in needles, then Chairman Meow brushed past it on his way onto the window sill and got covered in needles, so that he looked a bit like a green hedgehog!! Dad started grumbling about the mess and said we’d be having an artificial tree next year, but then he says that every year so we all ignored him.

  Sent Han a text just before I went to sleep and told her we’d put our tree up. She just sent me one back saying, ‘Nice’. Sending nondescript messages like that does nothing to make me feel better about stuff!

  Friday 21 December

  Last day at school, and I wish I could say it was a happy one. We were allowed to go home early, so Han asked me over to hers. As we were walking to her house, I stupidly tried asking her about the text she’d sent to me by mistake again, and then I asked her if any of her ex-girlfriends were on Facebook (I know, I know!) and she got dead snappy with me! I said I was just intrigued at how many people she knew on there and she said, ‘For God’s sake, Clem! Enough, already! Facebook, Facebook, Facebook! It’s all you bloody talk about at the moment.’

  I kinda just mumbled ‘Sorry’ to her, although I wasn’t really sorry, and she said, ‘How many times do I have to tell you that it’s just friends from the past, friends of friends, friends off music forums I chat on. You know all about those, don’t you?’

  I nodded meekly and, ’cos I felt a bit stupid, I tried to take her hand as we were walking along the road, but she let it drop again, which kinda upset me.

  She said, ‘Do you think I’m cheating on you, or something? ’cos that’s what it feels like,’ and I just said, ‘Of course not!’ but I don’t know how convincing I sounded.

  She kinda looked hurt and said, ‘Good, ’cos I’d never do the dirty on you, not in a million years, so can you just change the record over it?’

  We walked to her house in silence after that. There were so many things I wanted to say, and I kept saying them in my head, but something stopped me actually saying them to her. Anyway, in the end I spent, like, only an hour at her house because the atmosphere between us was so strained I made an excuse to leave and come home again.

  The sad thing is, she didn’t try to stop me.

  Saturday 22 December

  Alice sent me a text at 7 o’clock this morning to wish me a Happy Christmas (!!) She was at the airport ’cos she’s going to Germany with her parents to eat schnitzel and frankfurters, or whatever it is they eat in Germany at Christmas. She’s so lucky! All we do is the same thing every year: have turkey and sprouts and then Great Aunt May on Boxing Day (to visit—not to eat).

  I suddenly felt really sad. Mainly, I suppose, because I didn’t know Alice was going away for Christmas ’cos she never told me. We used to tell each other everything, and that’s all over now. I s’pose that’s what happens when your best friend makes declarations of love to you, like, totally out of the blue. How can you ever go back to being as you once were when that happens? You can’t. And I think that’s what’s happened to me and Alice.

  Anyway, I didn’t want to just text her a Happy Christmas wish, so I rang her. She sounded a bit awkward, like she always seems to these days when I speak to her but we at least managed to have a bit of a chat about nothing in particular. She
asked me if I was okay, ’cos she said I didn’t sound my normal self, and I felt tears welling in my eyes. I wanted to tell her about Han, but I didn’t really feel like I could.

  She said, ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ and I said, ‘Kinda,’ and she said, ‘’Cos if you want to talk that’s cool. My flight’s delayed and my parents have conveniently buggered off into the Duty Free lounge and left me with all the bags, so I’m bored rigid.’

  I giggled a bit and she said, ‘That’s better,’ and I felt like my heart was shattering, I dunno why.

  I said to her, ‘Things are just a bit strained with me and Han, is all,’ and she just said, ‘Oh,’ which was cool ’cos I didn’t really expect her to say much more than that.

  Anyway, I kinda told her about Han and Facebook and me wanting to know who her friends were on there, and that she wasn’t telling me anything and it was making me think horrible thoughts, and even as I was saying it, I realised how ridiculous and clingy it all sounded.