by Sydney Snow
“Such a waste,” she muttered. “If only she’d waited a little while, none of this would have even be an issue.”
“She was scared. People do crazy things when they’re scared.”
Lifting her head, she looked me in the eye. “Like running away to another state?”
Smiling slightly, I brushed the back of my hand across her cheek. “It’s okay, Anna. You needed to figure things out.”
“I’m sorry about your baby, Caleb. I was so caught up in my own grief, I never really paused to realize you’d lost two people.” Fresh tears welled in her eyes.
“Three people,” I corrected, and her brow furrowed in confusion once more. “You,” I explained. “I lost you. And trust me when I say that you were the most excruciating loss of all. I went from planning my life with you to having nothing, in a matter of moments. There have been times that I envied Jessi. Death has to be easier than this. Maybe that’s why she chose it. Maybe it was the easy way out.”
“Don’t talk that way,” Anna said, her eyes full of sorrow. “Death is never easy. Especially for those of us left behind. I think what she did was incredibly selfish. She claims she did it out of love for us, but she was willing to destroy all our lives anyway. She acted with fear, not love.”
“We need to forgive her too. Like I said before, she was scared. She felt like she had no one to turn to.”
“What about you?” Anna asked.
“What about me?”
“Can you forgive yourself for your role in everything?”
I sighed. That was the million-dollar question. Guilt had been eating a hole clear through me. “I don’t know,” I replied honestly. “There’s no way for me to make restitution for any of it. What’s done is done. I can’t take any of it back. How do I forgive myself for that?”
“Well, I can think of one thing.” Her eyes never left mine.
“What’s that?”
“Quit drinking so damn much that you have no idea what you’re doing.” She was completely serious.
“I’ve already started working on that. You’re right. I spend way too much time at the bottom of a bottle.”
“It scares me. I’m afraid you’re going to drink yourself to death.”
“I think you’d be proud of me. Other than the occasional beer, I’ve stayed pretty dry since you left. Getting shot by Hank helped me to reconsider a lot of things.”
Eyes drifting upward, she lifted a hand and lightly ran her fingers over my head, obviously tracing the healing wound there. “Your hair is so short now, and so . . . brown.” She giggled. “I did a double take at the door. I didn’t quite recognize you at first.”
“There wasn’t much I could do about it. I figure it will grow back. Besides, I’m kinda digging the natural thing now that I’ve had a chance to get used to it.”
“It looks good,” she said, continuing to stroke it. “You always look good.”
“Not as good as you,” I whispered, my voice growing a bit hoarse. She shifted and her robe split slightly, affording me a view past her neckline. Disappointment flooded me, though, when she scooted away and stood up.
She held her hand out to me. “Will you stay the night with me, Caleb?”
Slipping my hand into hers, I stood and pulled her against me. “I thought you’d never ask.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Anna-
Squealing as Caleb scooped me off my feet, I clung to his neck, my heart racing at the smoldering look in his eyes.
“Which room is yours?” he asked, his voice husky as he strode across the living room.
“On the right,” I breathed out. “The door is open.”
Stepping inside, he kicked the door shut behind him.
“Lock it,” he ordered, turning me around and leaning me down so I could grab the handle.
“My roommate is gone for the weekend,” I reminded him, even though I did as he asked.
“I don’t care,” he replied, moving toward my bed. “I’m not taking any chances on getting interrupted this time. You are going to have my full and undivided attention.”
Gently, he deposited me on my bed, surprising me when he pulled his cell phone from his pocket.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Turning this off. Where’s yours?”
“It’s dead on the charger.” I couldn’t help my giggle. He looked so serious.
“Perfect.” Tossing his phone onto the nightstand, he turned back to me, his gaze skimming hungrily over me. “Last chance to back out.”
“I don’t want to,” I replied, licking my lips.
“Thank goodness.” Grabbing the bottom of his shirt, he yanked it off over his head, revealing his sculpted chest and torso. Sure, I’d seen him plenty of times, but it still always managed to take my breath away. Glancing over him, my eyes traced the tattoo down his side—a guitar with a ribbon wrapped around it that said “Rock the World.” Drifting to his arm, I glanced at the tribal tattoo around his bicep and down to Jessi’s bleeding heart on his forearm. Suddenly the meaning of that clicked into place.
“You need to forgive yourself,” I said, reaching to touch the spot. “I know you did this to punish yourself—so you would never forget. Stop taking the blame for everything. Her death wasn’t your fault.”
His gaze moved to where my fingers skimmed the surface of his skin. “Yes, it was. If—,”
I cut him off, kneeling on the edge of the bed in front of him and raising my fingers to his lips. “What happened between you and Jessi was unfortunate. You’re guilty of getting drunk and having sex with the wrong person. That’s it. Jessi was totally capable of stopping things. She chose not to. You didn’t know you were with her. You didn’t make her kill herself. All of that is on her. She wasn’t intoxicated. She knew you were both having unprotected sex. I know you miss her. I know you regret what happened; but Caleb, it wasn’t your fault.”
His jaw clenched and his fists curled as he stared at the tattoo.
“Why are you still so upset with yourself?”
“Why?” he replied angrily, his eyes dropping back to mine. “Why?” he repeated, softer, as he sat beside me on the mattress. “Because I hurt you. Yeah, I’m upset with Jessi and I feel sad about the baby, but it’s because you got hurt that I’m angry. You were the innocent bystander in all this and it’s like the two of us ran you over with a truck. You did nothing to deserve any of this and the two of us . . .we destroyed you. That’s why I’m so angry! That’s what I can’t forgive!”
Shaking because he was so upset, I wanted to chase his demons away. “Do you love me, Caleb?” I asked, sliding my arms around his neck.
“More than my own life,” he said with a sorrowful, defeated look.
“Then that’s all I need. Having your love is the only thing that matters to me.” Pressing my body against his, I leaned forward until my lips were barely brushing his. “Kiss me, Caleb, and don’t stop until I’m yours completely.”
Crushing his mouth to mine, I didn’t miss the growl that escaped him, a primal sound that was both possessive and full of need. His hand traveled upward, tangling in my hair, as the other snaked around my waist.
Kissing me deeply, his tongue tangled with mine, sending the sparks of desire, which were already shooting through my body, bursting into full-out flames. I’d never wanted something as badly as I wanted him. All the agony of the past several weeks melted away as he sunk into me, laying me back onto the comforter.
The weight of his body against mine felt divine; and I wondered why I’d ever thought to leave him in the first place. There was nowhere on earth that made me feel as happy as being in Caleb’s arms.
A small tugging sensation appeared at my waist and suddenly my robe fell open, exposing me to his full view; but I didn’t feel embarrassed as he slipped from my mouth to make his way down my neck. Trailing his tongue even lower still, I gasped when he reached my chest, sucking and teasing with gentle bites.
“I missed this,”
I said softly, running my hands over his back and down his muscled arms, loving the coiled, tense, feel of him. He was wound just as tight as I was.
“Me, too.” Briefly, he paused to stare at me. “You’re so beautiful, Annalisa,” he whispered, before returning to my mouth again, leaving his hand to work some magic where his mouth had just been. Pinching and squeezing me softly, his lips trailed back to my neck and he sucked there as I arched into him.
“You like that?” He spoke against my skin.
“Yes,” I replied breathlessly, wondering if he could feel how fast my heart was racing.
“Me, too,” he chuckled, his hand sliding down my body and I couldn’t help stiffening in surprise when he touched me intimately. “Relax, baby. I’ll be gentle,” he said, kissing my mouth, again. That, combined with the action of his fingers, threatened to consume me. I moaned with pleasure. “That’s the way, sweetheart,” he encouraged, his hand picking up speed. “Just like that.”
Relaxing was all but impossible, as he continued his sweet torture of my body; all the while, his lips continuing their path lower and lower until they met the location of his fingers. Bucking as his tongue flicked out and licked me, I almost slid off the bed.
“Easy girl,” Caleb said, his hands anchoring under my legs to hold my hips as he continued his blissful torture of me. I fisted my hands into the blanket, feeling like I needed to hold onto something as the sensations swirled inside me, building stronger and stronger until I felt like I needed to scream.
“Caleb!” I called loudly, my breaths coming short and fast. He didn’t stop and I thrashed my head from side to side, releasing a long guttural growl as wave after wave of pleasure suddenly broke through me. My whole body was trembling when he finally pulled away from me.
I heard his shoes hit the floor and the rest of his clothing followed. Eyes traveling over his gorgeous body, I couldn’t help pausing on a certain spot that jutted out proudly from the rest of him. While I was certainly no expert of male anatomy, I was pretty certain Caleb would be one described as “well endowed”.
He dug into his wallet, producing a foil packet and I couldn’t stop myself from laughing.
“Did you think you were going to get lucky tonight?” I asked.
Grinning widely, he glanced over my naked form, splayed before him. “I hoped I might. Figured better safe than sorry.”
“Well, I’m glad you planned ahead,” I replied, watching avidly as he rolled the thin sheath on. I was surprised at how turned on the act made me feel. He was so sexy. I couldn’t believe we were actually doing this.
Crawling back onto the bed, Caleb knelt between my legs, surprising me when he leaned forward to kiss my neck again before trailing to my chest. Before long, I was writhing beneath him, begging for something more.
“I’ll go slow; but this is probably going to hurt a little,” he whispered in my ear as he centered himself.
Nodding, I bit my bottom lip, stiffening in anticipation.
“Relax, Anna. Try to enjoy it.” He continued to place kisses against my neck.
Letting my breath out, I tried to concentrate on where he was kissing me and not the building pressure that was beginning to fill me as my body tried to expand to fit him.
“Do it fast, Caleb,” I whispered, unable to stand the slow agony. I just wanted it over with.
“Are you sure?” he asked, pulling back to stare at me, and I nodded.
Not waiting, he surged forward with a groan and I cried out, digging my fingers into his back. Oh my gosh, it hurt so bad! My body trembled as I held onto him desperately.
Caleb didn’t move, but he was shaking with restraint as he kissed my forehead. “I’m so sorry, baby. Are you okay?” he asked.
Unable to speak until the pain faded away, I finally answered. “I think I am now.”
Needing no more encouragement, he began moving inside me and I was surprised how quickly my pain turned to pleasure. Suddenly, I understood why sex was such a big deal to everyone. It felt so good. Again, I dug my nails into him, but, this time, for an entirely different reason.
“Faster,” I said, urging him on, a moan escaping him as he complied. Loving the thick feel of him stretching me to capacity, I naturally wrapped my legs around his waist and began rocking my hips up to meet his thrusts.
“Anna,” he said, groaning. “You’re driving me crazy.”
“Likewise,” I whispered, turning my head to the side to kiss his arm. Running my hands to his biceps, I could feel the tightness in his bunched, tense muscles as they held his weight, and glee shot through me. Caleb McCord was making love to me. He was mine. How did I ever get so lucky to win him?
With this realization, the intensity inside me changed, building like it did before, only this time stronger. Hanging onto him, I felt like I was going to explode.
“Caleb!” I called again and he increased his tempo. “Caleb, I . . . ,”
“Ride it out, baby,” he responded, his face a mask of concentration. “Let it go.”
“Ahhhhhh!” I screamed as fireworks exploded throughout my body, over and over with each thrust, I felt like I was coming apart at the seams.
“That’s it,” he encouraged, with a partial smile as he stared into my eyes. “I’m right behind you.” His thrusts came faster and it seemed he grew even harder as his loud moans joined mine, filling the air. Suddenly, I felt him pulsating inside me. “Annalisa!” he shouted, continuing on, riding me until he eventually slowed, collapsing on top of me.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kissed the side of his face. “That was amazing!” I said breathlessly, enjoying his weight on me.
He chuckled and placed a kiss against my hair. “It was better than amazing. I love you, Anna. Thank you for this.”
“I love you too. Will it always be like this?” I asked.
He chuckled again. “Believe it or not, it improves over time as you get to know your partner better. The first time is usually the clumsiest.”
“Um, I don’t know if I’m going to survive sex after this then. I can’t imagine anything better.”
“I hope you’ll try to survive, because there are a lot of things I’m looking forward to showing you.” He leaned back and stroked my hair as he stared at me with a loving expression in his eyes.
“So you’re saying we will be spending a lot of time in bed together?” I asked with a giggle.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. If I had my way, we’d never get out of bed.”
“You’d get sick of me after awhile.”
He shook his head. “That will never happen. I could be eighty years old and I’d still want to be where I am right now.”
I laughed out right. “I hope you’re still hot when you’re eighty and not all wrinkly.”
“You won’t love me if I’m wrinkled?” He faked an appalled look, mouth gaping open.
“Of course I will. You could be short, bald and fat, and I would still love you.”
He grimaced. “Well, unless I’m in some sort of awful dismembering accident, I doubt I’ll lose height, so you’ll still have that, at least. I promise to keep in shape for you too, but I can’t guarantee anything on the bald front.”
Laughing harder, I ran my hand over his short-cropped hair. “You’re closer to bald now than you’ve ever been,, and I still think you’re smokin’ hot.”
“Really?” he asked genuinely. “It was hard for me to get my hair shaved off.”
“I know how particular you are about your hair, but I do like it. It makes your gorgeous features stand out even more and your blue eyes, with those dark lashes, just pop. It’s sexy.” Lifting my hand, I traced over his lips and he kissed my fingers.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, staring down at me.
“Pretty good. You?”
“I’m feeling like maybe you should come take a shower with me.” He winked at me and a wicked gleam entered his eyes.
“Why do I get the feeling you have ulterior motives in mind?�
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“Because I do. Sex in the shower is always lots of fun.”
I felt something literally stirring to life inside me. “You’re ready to go again?” I asked incredulously.
He laughed and shrugged. “What can I say? You do it for me.”
“You weren’t kidding when you said we were going to spend a lot of time in bed, were you?”
“Not even a little,” he replied, bending to kiss my neck. “I plan on spending more time in it than out of it. Does that bother you?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m just wondering how long I’ll be able to survive your exquisite torture.”
“What about the torture you’re serving me?”
“I guess we’ll both die together then.”
Laughing against my skin, his tongue darted out to lick me. “Death by sex. I can’t think of a better way to go.”
My laughter joined his. “You are so bad.”
“Yes, I am,” he agreed. “And you’re going to love every minute of it.” Rolling off me, he stood, holding his hand out. “Come on. Let’s go shower.”
I slipped mine in his, wincing as he pulled me to my feet.
“Still tender?” he asked, concerned; and I blushed, but nodded.
“Then we can wait.” He swept me into his arms and headed for the door.
“I don’t want to wait,” I said boldly, and he grinned widely.
“Then we won’t.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Anna-
Exhausted, I’d lost track of how many times Caleb and I had made love through the night. All I knew was now that we’d crossed this line, we couldn’t seem to get enough of each other. Once again, I had no first-hand knowledge, but I was pretty sure Caleb was some type of god when it came to sex. He played my body just like he did his guitar, masterfully. Of course, there were several times I had him singing my praises too, as I explored his body with my mouth—much the same as he had mine. This new, intimate connection between us was exhilarating and I was as insatiable as he was.